Teen Son Receiving Pictures on My Phone.

take his phone away! Contact that girls parents, they need to know what she's up to.... he's not an adult yet...

Unfortuanately, our culture condones this, and I know it wouldn't make me happy either. I am a Christian and would tell him why it wouldn't make me happy, the consequences of what those actions may bring about if he does become sexually active. It's not about my happiness either, but his and you want the best for him, so tell him why it wouldn't make him happy too.

We are made in the image of God and He wants what's best for us with a marriage partner. Sex is wonderful and enjoyable, but in the right context, and that is how I've talked with my daughter who is 12 years old. I've been teaching her since she was a toddler about her being a Princess in God's kingdom. I don't know what you believe but hopes this helps.

L.

You are defitely right to be concerned. A huge portion of the American population is addicted to pornography & other sexual addictions, and this type of thing can certainly lead into that. It also promotes the view of women as sex objects, which can seriously hinder his future relationships. This kind of thing and Playboy Magazine are nothing to laugh at.
Get a copy of the book Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle. I don't know exactly what your views and values are, so I'm not sure if this book would be right for you, but it certainly won't hurt you to look it over. (you can even get it from a library).
Regardless of what his dad says, it is a big deal. Use this opportunity to talk more to him and to emphasize what a meaningful relationship is about. I wish you the best! Let us know how it goes.

May I say..I think you handled it well!

Sorry, you're the mother here and have to be firm with this matter. Teens do goofy things and probably don't think pictures of boobs are anything. I bet if the girl knew it was on your phone, she would hopefully be embarrassed and stop. If you can reply to her, don't show your son and send her a note with a simple "this is ...'s mother, do you need to talk?" If I ever saw this friend and she mentioned it, I would not make a big deal about it as long as it stopped. He would never be shown any pics that came in on my camera - but I would reply to each sender asking why they were sending me pictures and I would not let him use my phone for sending messages.

Hm. This one is slightly complicated because if you react poorly he will just do stuff behind your back and not tell you. He is a teenager after all. Even you have a conversation but are just trying to get your point across he will still feel as if he can't tell you now because you'll just say no. I agree with the mother who said tell him it is understandable that he will experiment with girls and pornography. He's 15. It's a no brainer. But that it is your phone, there are legal boundaries, as well as moral ones. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and I would even go so far as to offer him other outlets. If you can show him that it is ok to be him and have the urges, you just expect him to control himself and release those urges in a manner that is more acceptable to your comfort zone, then he will feel like he can tell you when he has questions about sex or considering sex. Good luck!

I would not wait for dad to talk with him. It is your phone, I would let him know that you do not want to receive any more pictures like that. Also, then, just a reminder that concerning sexual activity, let him know that you hope he will wait until he is married, but if he does not, to please use condoms. Of course there is the danger of becoming a father before he is ready, but it is also a life and death possibility now due to aids. I raised two sons.

First, are you absolutely certain it was intended for him and not maybe a "spam" text? If you are sure it was intended for him, I think you could go one of two ways. You could approach it with a sense of humor and say something like, You will NEVER believe what I got on my phone today and tell him and see what he has to say. Or you could freak out, but I personally think you might get a little further using the humor approach. He may play dumb in either situation but surely his friends know they are texting and pic mailing a different # than what they call him on so it's not his phone.

wow - you are so lucky to have a great son like him. This teacher and Christian says God will bless him his fabulous smart decisions like this

I was also a single mother, raising a son alone from the age of 9..I always talked to him..no mater the subject..so I say definite talk to him and let him know how you feel and how inappropriate this behavior is especially on YOUR phone..

i really hope you've told him more about sex than to wait until marriage. please please educate him on safe sex and what it will and won't prevent. and i think the photo is totaly inappropriate too. maybe yu should find out who i is and arrange a meeting over coffee with the girl's mother. i'm sure she'd thank you.

Dear S.,

I was a high school teacher for 6 years prior to having my son. I can't say the your son is the first, however you have a great jump on many parents by being willing to talk to him about sex and his relationships. I have had many pregnant girls or their boyfriends tell me they just do not know what to do, or they wished they would have known more before they got involved. Now, my son is young so I am speaking only from an educators experience. I would speak to him about the following, but do not be suprised with his responses. It is important to not only talk to, but really open up and listen. Childern at this age need an adult that is willing to listen and give sound advise, not just tell them what to do. Sounds like you have a great start,

1. Talk to him about respecting himself and girls. Explain that by waiting, he is having the utmost respect for himself.

2. Talk to him about the real risks of STD's and the reality of pregnancy, and how hard it is to be a single parent, much less a teenage single parent.

3. Explain to him that pictures like that via phone is pornaraphic, and when of young girls can be illeale. Let him know that as a mother you dod not care to have or see these images on your phone, and if you phone were monitored for any reason, you would be the one in trouble - not him. I would also imply that a young girl sending pictures like that is very disrespectful to herself and to you son, and to you, because he uses your phone.

4. Do not be suprised if he says it was just a joke, because that is often kids response- even though they know that you are serious. In this case if he knows the girl, I would ask your son to talk with her about her action and tell her that it was your phone and she should not send messages like that because you get them first. He might say no, but he will most likely take action the next day at school.

5. As for his father, if you are not in agreement in how to handle the matter, I would just be the parent who shows you really care. After teaching many pregnant girls, and boys who had children, I know you can't keep the "no big deal" attitiude. One thing will lead to another.

You might try a "legalistic" route with him by telling him that it is a felony to distribute pornography over the phone lines. With you working in a law office, perhaps you could even pull some legitimate info. Or, try to play on his conscience by suggesting that, if she is sending this type of photo to him, who else might she be "soliciting" to? Does he really want a girlfriend who would publicly distribute naked photos of herself?

I had a similar situation come up in my high school classroom when I took up a student's phone containing quite a few pornographic photos of the boy, his girlfriend, and their collective body parts not usually seen by the naked eye (no pun intended!). Rather than being ashamed or embarrassed, the young lady threatened me with a law suit for "invasion of privacy" for searching his phone. That's when I pulled out the FCC information, and the fact that her boyfriend had more than likely forwarded the pictures of her breasts and genitalia to numerous friends. I asked how she thought her parents would feel about that. She stopped and thought about that for a moment.

It's a tough situation. I'm concerned that your ex says "it's no big deal," because it makes me question his judgment as a father. You're RIGHT to be concerned and to open the dialogue about it with your son. God bless and good luck.

It’s late and I am very tired so hope this makes some sense.

In my opinion, this is serious stuff. And, after reading your ex’s response to the matter, no wonder he is your ex! (Perhaps that remark was uncalled for, but his reaction says a lot to me.)

But yes you do need to try to stay calm.
If it were I in your shoes though, the first thing I would do is find out where the message came from. If it was from a child whether it is from the “girl” in the picture or another child, then I would go to the parents and let them know what has taken place. If it is a spam message then I would take it to the police. Let them deal with it. If the picture is of a child then it is definitely illegal. Also, as you know it is illegal to send any pornography to a child. Therefore, if it was intended for him, then you can file charges against the offending party. And yeah, you bet I would!

Rereading your post, I am wondering if there is a lawyer-preferably female, in the firm you work for who would be willing to advice you on the legalities of this incident?

This may not even be someone he knows. I hear there is something going through the phones of some girls in compromising positions. It's also, from what I understand, highly illegal, like trafficking of pornography type stuff. I would research that aspect of it & let your ex know & your son know the dangers here of this. Also, if you do happen to know this girl, her parents need to know about it. And yes DAD it is a big deal!! Would he want his daughters breasts broadcast all over the airwaves like that? I'd hope not.

S. J I think you should talk to your son. It may be embarrassing to you both but in talking with him he will at least know it bothers you. Keeping feelings in I believe can cause resentment and that inturn is another wall that stands in the way of the communication you two should share. Concerned....C.

Hi, my name is Matt. I am 15 years old and i have my own cell phone and well, the thing is girls are worse at younger ages now a days. I've gotten pictures and things like that before and well just let it happen.. its not going to hurt anything.. first step is get him text messaging and picture messaging on his phone so atleast you dont have to see or hear about it. Just cause hes getting these pictures doesnt mean hes having sex. also, if he is, buy him some condoms just in case. dont be afraid to imbarass him. if hes old enough to get pictures of breasts then hes old enough to have a talking to about it. dont be afraid to aproach him.

If you make this taboo for him to talk with you about this, just think about what he can not talk about with you. Society has made sex horrible. It is a very natural feeling and your son is going to be interested at 15. You need to talk with him instead of blaming conversation or trouble. Let him know it makes you feel uncomfortable. That he can talk with you but that it is inappropriate for telephones.

Stay calm, keep the dialog open for sure. However tell him that under no uncertain terms is this appropriate, tell him that allowing him to use your phone for texting is a privilege and if this is the type of stuff that he and his friends are texting then his privilege of using your phone will cease. Do not be afraid to tell him how you feel or felt when you discovered the message. Just go with your gut instinct when talking to him and you will be fine.
Good luck
M.

S., I have a 15 year old step-son, and we preach sexual abstiance to him, but most kids by this age will experiment with girls even if they dont go all the way.

Personally we have never kept the female body from him. If a male friend brings a playboy book to school, he isn't afraid to tell us, he doesn't get in trouble... we laugh about it with him. We've taken him to hooters, etc. At 15 I'd rather he be looking at pictures and using his hand rather than doing the actual thing.

Now to address the issue, I would very nicely tell him that it is very disrespectful that the girl sent that picture to your phone and you expect it never happen again. Let him know that at 15 you know that he will be looking or experimenting with girls, but you do not expect him to have sex. Period. I would also find out how old this girl is, perhaps her parents may need to know too.

Best of Luck, this is an extremely hard age.
if you need more email me at ____@____.com

J.

The reason that his dad won't talk to him is because you are divorced and he doesn't want to be the bad guy. Just sits back and lets you do it..... now I see why you are divorced.

What I would do is this... and I don't know that this is right or not.
I would say it in a calm but really firm, I mean business king of tone. I would tell him that you found the picture of the girls boobs and you didn't appreciate it. He is probably doing it on your phone becuase his is not a camera phone and probably can't receive pics. I would say that from now on under no circumstances is he to use your phone. That the girl is on your bad lists because that makes her look slutty and if you ever hear of him doing things like that, there will be a high price to pay. If he can't send or recieve pics then that will be solved. Then I would just drop it. In a few minutes I would strike up a good conversation with him and let him know that you are still talking to him. You have to set your boundaries and let him know what they are. He will definitely get the pic and that way he will know that you know it.
Like I said, that may not be right but that is what I would do if it were mine. Then if it happened again and I found out about it, I would get the girls name and call her parents, even take them the picture and show them what she sent to your son. He will be steaming mad but you can tell him that you warned him and you are not going to put up with that.
Good luck.... I hope you figure it out and it all works out.
Just don't let him run over you at 15 or it will be worse next year and the next and the next until you have no control. Let him know you are the parent and you have boundaries.

Hi S. J.
Well I hate to say this.. but your son is growing up! I know that this is NOT the answer that you are looking for, but its the best that I can do. But would you rather him be having sex or just looking at breast photos of girls??? Pick your battles! If your sons phone doesnt have text and pic messages on it put it on there so you dont have to see the messages or anything else on there. Also, if you keep on at him about all of this he WILL go out and have sex ( if he hasnt already) just to rebel against you and your rules on it. Im with you on waiting to get married for sex. But sometimes that just does not happen. Just have ONE last talk with him about it. Tell him what could happen 1) Pregnancy, if he isnt prepared and that he would not like to have that responsibility at such a young age 2) STDs 3) AIDS that he could die from .. or find someplace that you could get him pamplets on sex if you do not feel comfortable talking to him about it and give it to him and have him read all of those. But on talking I would use love and of course caution above all else. Teens can be very tricky.. LOL.. I have a 13yr. old.. I have already had this talk with my son. I have told him that I would prefer that he wait till he was married, but if HE decided to have sex before then to either come to me or his Dad and we would go and get him condoms to protect himself and the girl he was with. I also know that sounds like we are in a way promoting sex, but its not. I just do not want my son to have a child at such a young age.Nor do I want him to catch any of the nasty diseases out there wanting for the young and unwary. You cant stop them from doing things if they are going to do it. No matter what. Unless you lock them up somewhere.. And I refuse to do that.. LOL.. But I do wish you the best of luck!!!! Just remember there will be bigger battles out there with him in the future! Pick wisely! GOOD LUCK!!!
Jen

Teenage pornography (which the picture of the woman with bare breasts really is) can predispose your son to becoming a sexual addict. Sex, like drugs and alcohol cause endorphine release in the brain, and can be extremely addicting. I lead a woman's group for wives of sexual addicts in my city, and am a registered nurse at a drug, alcohol, treatment center, which also has a program for sexual addicts. If it were my son, I would take him to our church pastor, or to a local counselor that is certified to address sexual problems. My own husband's sexual addiction began when he was 12 years old. If his mother had been as astute as you are, he may not have suffered the problems he encountered in his life due to this addiction. The picture is not as innocent as your husband thinks. You are right to be concerned and take action before it becomes more serious. Your son may be filling his life with pornography, due to missing a close relationship with God, and or his father. It may well be filling an empty void in the wrong way.

I would respond to the message and let them know that they've sent their trash to "your" phone not his, and not to do it again or you'll show it to their parents!!! Even if they send it to his as well. Continue to pray and speak with your son regarding how disappointed you are in that type of behavior, and don't give up hope on him. I have a daughter 18, and at the moment, she is still a virgin, all I can do is continue to pray she stays that way and keeps a close walk with God as she's doing now. God bless you, Denise from Little Rock, AR

Hello

I would talk to him if you have had the sex talk then this talk will be a breeze. An if the pics bother you, your his mom. I would take and get the number that comes w/ the pic. and call it at night and talk to this girls mom and cuz she might not know what going on. I would want someone to call and let me know if my little girl was sending those kind of pics. Let her mom know though that these pic are on your phone. The other mom might be able to see if your son is sending her any kind of pics that you might need to know about.