Teen Period Advice

Honestly, the thought of my mom counting the number of pads I'd used and then looking at them would have been beyond mortifying when I was 13--I take that back--it would still be absolutely mortifying. I think you should give her some space.

Yes, in my opinion, you are being too critical. Pads feel horrible when they are dirty. If anyone ever criticized me for how often I was changing my pads and actually looked at them I'd feel horribly violated. It's a very personal thing to make the decision about when to change a pad and one that I think she should be able to make all by herself. I know pads cost money, but seriously, it's one area I'd spend whatever it took to make her feel comfortable. Who knows what issues she has with her period, too, if her mom has endometriosis. I had that at 13 and it was a horrible burden.

I would say let her change them all she wants. If it is that small of an amount let her use panty liners instead of the regular pads. It is good she is taking the responsibility to care for herself and if thats what makes her feel good and fresh then thats what she needs. It is better then having to remind her to take care of herself. I have a 13 year old daughter also and she has had her period since fall of 06. I think whats most important is too not question too much and boost confidence in being a woman. Good luck.
~H

My daughter does the same thing..has since she started her period when she was 10. She is now 12 and is getting better about not changing as often...sometimes she will leak. We all have to learn for ourselves how often we actually need to change our pads and even though it can get expensive I just go with it. My daughter, like all of us, is learning how often. I would say just let it go and let her find the balance. She will soon be buying them herself and maybe then she can appreciate how expensive it gets. Do you have a Costco membership? Lol

I see at least four possibilities: She either does't know how often to change pads, or she is still fascinated with the grown-upness of it all, or she is excessively worried about leakage or smell. Or there's a chance she's been misinformed by, or is competing or comparing with, other girlfriends. Or her biomom?

If I were in this situation, I might also get her a box of less-absorbent (less expensive and less wasteful) pads, and sit down with her to calmly and without accusation explain the proper uses – when she can get by with less protection and when she needs more. This is part of your job-description as "mom," so be gently factual and don't beat around the bush.

I would want to tell her I'm delighted her body is functioning in this normal and womanly way, and explain the responsibilities that accompany that great step toward adulthood. I'd ask her if she has any questions or worries. Is she concerned that she's bleeding too much? Does she need to visit a doctor about how heavy her flow is? (That could be a real attention-getter!)

Then I'd mention that she's going through pads awfully fast. I'd explain that pads are not only expensive, but that there is an environmental cost in manufacturing and shipping these products and in eventual landfill waste. If she doesn't buy her own, you might suggest that if she want to change them that often, she will need to pitch in on the purchase.

Good luck. I'd love to hear later how you resolve this.

I don't know if you want any more advice. I read all of them so far and you really got mixed responses. But I thought I'd put mine two cents in as well.

I am not there yet with my 2 girls but I can tell you from my experience I would have had some really mixed feelings at 13 about my mother watching and snooping around while I was on my period. I would have been mad/embaressed/etc. I'm guessing she's still pretty emotional at 13 (I sure was).

I would absolutely talk to her but not mention anything about you knowing how many pads she uses. I would first ask her about it and if she's doing okay, if she has any questions, etc. Then maybe explain what your experience was when you first started. I know for me I only used a pads for the first month. I was so embaressed by them, I felt like everyone could see them through my clothes. So maybe ask her if she likes using pads or if she'd like to try tampons. And since it's so important to talk about changing tampons you could then talk about the differences of changing pads vs. tampons.

Hopes this helps. Good luck.

Megan

I would let her kinda figure it out. Being 13, having your period, it can be embarrasing. If you think about it, if she has just started her peroid in November last year, that is only 7 periods. It's still new. She is probably worried that she will bleed through her clothes, and that is embarrassing. When she tells you she needs another package of pads, pull her aside (like in a bedroom) and then talk to her about when to change them. Maybe it would help if you took her to the store (just the 2 of you) and show her the difference between regular and super and let her know she doesn't have to change it everytime she goes to the bathroom.
This is a very sensitive subject at a sensitive time in her life. If she finds out that you have been counting them in the garbage, she will be mortified.

My 13-yr-old also has her period and she seems to change her pad a lot. I think it all has to do with comfort level. PLUS, it was REALLY hot this weekend, so the "ripeness" of the pad may have been too much for your step-daughter. I know I felt pretty rank just in general this past weekend. Perhaps she does not change so often when the weather is cooler.
If you feel comfortable, discuss it with her, but keep in mind that she just may have a lower tolerance for the mess and smell.

I think that with 13 year girls it is a good idea to be gentle. They are trying to learn how to manage a whole new body. It sounds to me like she wants to be sure she is clean. This is good. If the concern is how much they cost, and it can definitely add up, perhaps she could choose between using a smaller pad and changing often or using the maxi and changing it less often. Also, you may want to ask yourself how imporant it is to you that she change as this could likely be an uncomfortable conversation for you both. It is possible this could resolve itself in a couple months on its own. take care

My daughter started her period about a year ago, at 11 (that was way too early for me!!!). The rule of thumb I gave her, was breakfast, lunch, and dinner... and of course, before bed and after a shower. I explained that it doesn't mean she has to run to the bathroom every time I say "dinner is ready", but to use those times as a reminder. I also used myself as a "door" to the conversation... mentioning that I hate having to change pads, etc. which also let her know that it was ok to talk about.

I started my period on the first day of Jr. High, and pads scared me! I was so afraid that they would leak I had to change mine constantly. Once I switched to tampons I was much more comfortable. I wouldn't let her know you have been monitoring her pad use, but I would talk to her about how she is doing, and if she is filling comfortable with her level of protection.

Kristine-

I remember when I was around that age, my periods were very heavy, so I had to replace my pads every 3 hours. And I remember being embarassed by the odor. I don't know if anyone really noticed, I just was afraid that they would.

Another thing I can recall is that I hated the feeling of a wet pad. I still do, really. I was always paranoid that I was going to leak and ruin my clothes.

You may just want to ask her if she has any concerns about odors and wetness during her periods. Tell her you've noticed that she goes through more pads than you thought she should, and you are concerned about the cost (financial or environmental). Teen girls can be very sensitive to anything that sounds remotely like criticism, so tread carefully.

Best of luck to you!
-B.-

My question to you would be, "Why in the world are you taking your step daughter's used maxi pads out of the trash to inspect them??" ... A woman, or girl in this case, changes her pad when she feels compelled to do so.. there is no "saturation amount" that needs to occur before a pad can be legitimately qualified to be changed.. As a nurse in reproductive health, I can tell you that menstrual flow is different for every woman and can change with age, activity level, after pregnancy and with contraceptive use, ect.. What would be abnormal is if she were completely saturating a full sized maxi pad in an hour or less and at that point, she would likely tell someone that she had heavy bleeding. Encouraging her to talk about and be comfortable with her body is the best way to get her to establish a normal pattern for herself.. digging through the trash to check her flow yourself is invasive and hyper managerial..

As mom to 5 girls- here goes. All of mine did the same thing. I asked them about it and found that young girls thing it is gross to have the used pad touching them, they think others can smell them, and in their words it is just plain nasty. My oldest is now 23, then 15, then 14 and my youngest 2 are not there yet. My 23 and 15 yr old have grown out of it- my 14 yr old is still iffy- I have to watch her usage. There was many a time I found a pad with a small spot or nothing at all on it. And, wait til she gets to tampons- mine changed them about every hour.

ok this might be TMI, but I went throught one pad an hour as a teen and still do for the first day or two. Especially since it sounds like bio-mom has female problems, she might too. I would talk with her privately and see if she has any questions. Some people periods last only a couple of days, and some a week.(mine 3 days) Her level of exercise matters too. A talk with her doctor might help too. Best wishes.

Hello Kristine,

I change my pad at least every 2 hours, even when during the heavier times when I pair that up with a tampon.

I have 2 differnet pads that I use. Panty liners for the light days and when paired up with the tampon and thin maxis for heavier days and evenings. I change the evening ones twice at night.

I never gave it much thought, but to me it seems that her routine is very normal and clean, but she may benefit from more then one type of pad.

It isn't always about how much fluid a pad can hold. Some women are prone to yeast infections and need to stay as dry as possible.

Also, when I was younger, I always feared accidents and odor, so I took extra percautions. It took me a few years to really get to know my cycle and flow.

I agree with Michelle as well. If cost is the concern just buy less expensive pads (unless she specifically asked for these ones). I think they find their own rhythm eventually but I think it'd be safe to ask her (while you putting a new supply in the cupboard maybe) if she has any questions about how often to change them or use them...something non threatening.

Or ask her opinion on how those ones are working for her and if she'd prefer something designed for more frequent changes.

i remember being told by my health teacher in school that pads should be changed every time you use the restroom. And sometimes there is a slight smell that can be embarassing to girls if someone has ever mentioned it. ask your or her doc for a pamplet on starting your period . read it then leave it in her room.

Are you concerned that she is using too much or too little? If you are concerned that she is using too much? I've always thought it was a comfort thing. She could just be changing them every time she uses the rest room. I use tampons b/c I can't stand the thought of pads. I imagine she may be grossed out by them and just get a fresh one.

Teenage girls are so sensitive and your's has just started her period! You'll have to be very careful how you approach this and many other subjects.

I certainly wouldn't let her know that you were checking up on her by going thru the trash. Although I understand the motive, it will turn her off. Look for situations where you can ask a question here and there without it looking like you are giving a lecture. Perhaps the next time she asks for another box of pads, when a women's period commercial comes on TV, in the store when you pass the woman's product aisle, all would be a great time to ask how things are, the pads doing OK, how's her flow, bring up some tidbits about when you first started: never seemed to feel clean enough, afraid of leakage. Talk about the different styles of pads. For some reason all girls forget that Mom was a girl too.

The more you talk here and there, the more comfortable she'll be in asking questions.

Thank your lucky stars that she wants to be clean! ^J^
Hang in there, in a few years you'll laugh about this. E.

She may not have the exact placement on her underwear down or feel like she is smelly. I know for myself when i am using pads I feel like it is more obvious that I am on my period than when I use tampons. I also feel like I have more odor when I use the pad than a tampon. So she might think that by changing the pad more often she is cutting down on odor. You can create a wash for her with some lavender and tea tree oil put it in a little spray bottle that she can fit in a pocket along with her pads. Then when she is on her period she can spray it on some toilet paper and wipe. I use this and find it quite refreshing and then I don't feel like I smell all that bad.

Good Luck

S.

Personally, I would think she might be having difficulty dealing with the soggy, uncomfortable feeling of wearing a pad. And may also be concerned about odor if they get too saturated. I wore pads for one day, then walked myself to the store and bought my own tampons. My mother hated tampons and didn't offer them to me as an option but, I had to do something. I just couldn't stand that soggy, wet diaper feeling. And, I always worried that a pad might leak and someone (heaven forbid, a boy!!!) might notice spots on my clothing at school!!!

Maybe your daughter is experiencing something similar. Offer her the option of using tampons, and a pantiliner.

Her flow could just be very heavy. I also had a friend growing up who was going through a Super Plus Tampon and a pad together in 2 hours!!! If your daughter is similar, maybe a hormone birth-control pill could be prescribed to shorten the duration and the heaviness of her periods.

Good luck!!!

I agree with everything Peg said.

Every person is different in how long they are comfortable wearing a pad, I think 2-3 per day is the minimum, but many people change every time they use the tiolet. I would not try to correct her or force her to wear one longer. Changing more often is better hygeine, and is healthier. She may be worried about smell keeping it on longer. I'd offer her small tampons as an option, or buy thinner less absorbant pads. Also, if you give her dry weave, she won't feel as gross.

I would suggest leaving her alone. Pads are what...$4.
Maybe next time you go to buy some gently mention that she went through the last pack pretty quick and ask her if she needs something with more absorbancy...
Otherwise, drop it. Why make her feel more self concious?

She is probably changing the pad each time she goes to the bathroom because its gross to look at. Teach her it's not a problem and she will get use to it. Im sure she already knows it's a totally normal part of growing up. Let her know she only needs to change the pad every few hours or if the blood is getting almost to the wings. You can even go as far as doing a little demo with colored water (red food coloring) Use a little measuring cup to show how much fluid it really is. Flushable wipes are good for cleaning between pad changes. And be sure she understands she needs to be wiping from the front to back to avoid infections. Good Luck!

I. "herbaliva"

Hello,
Interesting problem, having only boys this isn't a problem I would have thought someone would have to deal with but, being a girl myself I totally understand. I would think that she is way over using them. Like you, I only change mine about 2-3 times a day when it's heavy. Otherwise, I will only change it once a day if it's lite as long as it seems to be somewhat clean and not smelly. I too use the Always ultra thin pads. They are great! I would just explain to her that they can hold more than she realizes and that they cost money to go through that many. Also that she should change them when they are feeling uncomfortable, wet, smelly or too full and of course a fresh one in the morning or after a shower.
Good luck!

I agree with Peg M and Michelle S.

Have a heart to heart girl talk and be direct but gentle.

Good luck and hope everything goes postively for both of you two.

I started my period when I was 10, so I know what its like to have had it a long time. When I was a teen, my period would only last for 72 hours so 3 or 4 days depending. The first day, I had to change the Stayfree Overnight pads, the thick ones, like 6 or 7 times a day. Since you buy her petites, I wonder if she is at a place where she needs a more absorbent or longer pad? The dryweave ones are great because they keep all the mess in, but I have noticed that they tend to stick to you and they have a fragrance which can be really offsetting to the wearer. If it was me, I would go and buy several different styles, sizes, and brands, and leave them in the bathroom. If you want tell her that you wanted to experiment with different kinds and that she is welcome to also. I know this will be a little spendy, but I think it will be worth it. I know we all spend a long time in the aisle to find the right ones, and it would be VERY embarassing for a 13 year old to do. It also might be too scary for her to try and find the right one. I would not recommend a tampon at this age, personally, I couldn't use one comfortably until I was sexually active. I hope this helps. Good luck!

She's probably grossed out by the entire thing, but maybe just explain to her that the pads can hold more than she's letting them. You might try buying her one package and explaining how long they could last and then she needs to buy the next ones - take turns and maybe she'll understand a little better. Talking more is way better than less - and I would definitely give her the benefit of the doubt - she's learning what works for her. My girls are 5 and 3 and I am not hurrying them to puberty! Good luck!!

Maybe she has to use the restroom more often. I normally change a pad whenever I use the bathroom and when I go more often, even if my pad isn't very "used" I still don't want to pull it back on against my skin. Also teenagers are MUCH more worried about leaking and embarrassing situations.