Teaching About Strangers

I think it's good to talk about the differences between strangers and people we know - but the thing is, they've done all these studies with kids and if the person looks ok, the kid will trust them every time (or if they have a puppy, or a kitten, etc). Half the time kids are kidnapped by people they know, too. So I'm not sure I trust my kids to really and truly know the difference. What I tell my youngest one (she's 2.5) is that if she strays out of my sight for one second, we are putting the leash on her. We have one of those baby leashes/harnesses, and she hates it, but it's better to have her hate it than to have her kidnapped. All I have to tell her is, "Do I need to take the leash out?" and she will straighten right up and stay by my side.

With my older daughter, whenever we go to a crowded place, we go over what to do if she looks up and can't see us. I learned this from a friend of mine and it made such good sense to me - instead of looking for a policeman or a mommy with a stroller or whatever, we tell her to SIT DOWN the second she realizes she can't see us. If anybody asks her where mommy and daddy are, she says, "They will be right back for me." This serves 2 purposes - one, she won't go off with any random strangers, and two, I have to be constantly alert so I WILL be right back to get her if she is lost!

My son is very friendly, and I don't want that to change. To protect him, we have a rule that, when out in public, he MUST stay where I (or the supervising parent/relative) can SEE him, and he them. That means staying very close in a crowd, or lots of room to run in open play areas, but always line of sight.

We also have discussed how to behave if anyone tries to persuade him to go anywhere out of my (or other relative's) sight: he is to yell "You're NOT my mommy! (or daddy, depending on sex of the person), and then RUN to me (or other relative). Not out of fear, just to follow the rules. We have rehearsed this scenario and I feel comfortable that he would react appropriately, whether offered candy, ice cream, or other enticement. He is also not allowed to accept food or gifts from anyone when out in public unless I or the supervising relative FIRST say it's OK.

We have had these rules in place since he was old enough to speak. Gradually, as examples have appeared in the news, we have explained possible consequences of not following the rules. He seems to understand, without being traumatized by it.

Aikido is a non-violent self-defense method which works even when the attacker is much larger and more powerful than the defender. As soon as my son is old enough to be accepted into the class, I plan to enroll him. Aikido moves harm neither the aggressor nor the defender; they only neutralize the aggression while protecting both parties from harm. I highly recommend it for everyone who is old enough to take the classes (age 6 and up).

I think he's too young to talk to about strangers, he won't understand the concept and it will just scare him. Unfortunately at this age you just have to watch them 100% of the time and never let them out of your sight. It shouldn't be up to him to "stick" to you. You have to keep him with you at all times.
The guy (I can't remember his name) who is the host of America's Most Wanted had his 6 year old son kidnapped and killed while he was in a different aisle of a store from his mother.

3 is an ok age to start talking about strangers (they discuss it in my son's preschool with 3-4 year olds) but you need to do it in an age appropriate way. We started by explaining to my son the difference between a stranger and a friend/family member. Once he was comfortable with that, we explained that he should only talk to a stranger when mommy or daddy say it is ok. We also discuss the importance of staying close etc. We have explained about good touch and bad touch etc and also what to do if someone makes him uncomfortable. We also explained who to go to for help if we ever get separated. We try to keep it real basic, but put the information out there so he is exposed to it. It hasn't made him fearful at all. We also ended up putting those flip hinges on the front and back doors, because he assumes we know anyone that comes to the door and was unlocking it before I could get to it in some cases. This also has the advantage of keeping him in the house so he isn't sneaking out on me. (Which he has done before). The important thing is not to freak them out about it, but provide the info and get them talking. They understand a lot more than you think they do. Also, it may be worth it for you to take a trip to Safeteyville USA, they discuss a lot of things, including crossing streets, fire safety, 911 etc all in a very positive way. We took a field trip there with preschool, and my son got so much out of the experience. As for being out in public, since he isn't listening to you to stay close, before you turn a corner you need to remind him he needs to be with you, or do what I do with my son, he has to hold the cart at all times, or he has to ride in it if he can't listen. Then there is also a consequence for not listening, like losing a prized possession for the day. With my son, it only took one day with no bike for him to get it. He actually prefers to ride most of the time anyway, which allows me to get in and out very quickly, which is nice.