Tantrums of a 3 Year Old

I think you have a ways to go before ODD. She just has that temperament.

What you are discribing is typical 3 yr old stuff. To effect a change, you have to pick a disapline style and stick with it. Maybe Love and Logic, maybe another one. Read up on 3 yr olds and learn what makes a difference. Even a few pages a day can help. Try, How to talk so kids will Listen, How to listen so kids will talk. Try finding them at the library but if buying is your only way, it's a good investment.

If you need to, seek family counseling. It can give you tools to get your life back. Don't resent her. Raise her. She's only 3. The next two yrs will be tough but 5 is usually a sweet age, if you get these two right.
Good luck!

You are the biggest factor in how she reacts with her world. Calm, matter of fact disapline. No screaming, violence or anger. And I mean you, lol!
You will loose it somedays. 3 yr olds are nothing, if not persistent! But most of your responses should just expect her to push back, use your technique and don't expect different results from her for a long while. Don't change, be consistent. Be very calm for as long as she can scream. You are the adult, you can do this. Find time to relate and invest time in her, everyday. Build your relationship, not just yell at her.

Please pick up a book on development. This is all normal 3.5 year old stuff.

First thing first, put her in her room when she tantrums. Do not respond to it, do not give it any attention. Only talk to her when she uses a normal voice. Plan on holding the door closed while she kicks and screams the first time, but if she receives no attention for the tantrum, she'll learn they don't work.

Then you teach: give attention to what you want to see more of. Get her to see how if she remains calm she can get what she wants.

But, do expect tantrums. I posted something yesterday about three years olds. I think the writer deleted the title, but please go read that. Three doesn't have to be a hard age. But three is hard for them, they meltdown when the world doesn't cooperate with them, and sometimes all you can do is teach them how to accept disappointment.

3 1/2 yr olds do have tantrums once in awhile but 3 or 4 every single day sounds really excessive to me.

Talk to your pediatrician, show him some videos of her tantrums.
Document when, how often, and over what the tantrums are about.
I think now is a good time to seek professional help.
See a pediatric behavioral psychologist and have her evaluated.
You could use some help so you can learn how to better cope with a difficult high maintenance child.

sounds normal. but a bad phase of normal.

have you read or taken a class in love and logic...great class.. great ideas.

she needs consequences for her behavior.

also.. if you think she is overtired and that is causeing these problems.. either start naps or quiet time again.. or move bedtime earlier .. at 3 she should be sleeping about 12 hours a day..

maybe on the days she goes to preschool she takes a nap to recharge her batteries.

See may not be ready for preschool. It is a major change and she misses you. Maybe you can start slow with a one day a week preschool.

Your daughter sounds very similar to my son at that age. For almost two years we tried time outs and finally came to the conclusion that they just don't work for my son. He is very emotional and gets very distracted by the emotion of being in the timeout - he often forgets why he is even there. He doesn't like to be alone so putting in his room to cry until he calmed down (sometimes over an hour) just made him more scared and angrier. It didn't matter if it was a 3 or 30 minute time out or calm down period - he would just cry and cry. We tried ignoring him, taking things away - none of that work for him. We finally chucked timeouts out the window (I will say we still use them if what he is doing can cause harm to someone else). We landed up taking a class on Positive Parenting and found it to be really helpful (there is an online version here http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/ I think there is also a book). The gist is positive reinforcement for good behavior and redirecting bad behavior. As another mom mentioned - it also focuses on spending time with your child and building trust. It is a time intensive program (at least our class was) but it was worth it.

I think an important thing to also think about is what causes your daughters fits. When we really paid attention our son had the biggest fits when he was hungry, tired or had unexpected change (pretty much everything in life :)) My son is very thin and I don't think he would realize when he was hungry or his hunger came on really fast so we started feeding him at regular intervals whether he asked for food or not. We also discovered around 4 that my son had a sleep problem. He was sleeping 12 hours a day but his sleep quality was very poor. Once we adjusted those two things - he tantrums dropped by over 50%. As far as the unexpected change goes - we tried to give him lots of warning when things were changing, what to expect and make him aware of what happens next. (a lot of this is covered in that positive parenting solution).

I understand what you mean about house being miserable - I felt that way for about two years. My son recently turned 6 and our family life is much better but my son will always be an emotional kid prone to outbursts and we know that now. There is no "cure" or one method that works. As he matures and changes we often have to adjust our parenting to help him through the next phase of life (we are currently relying on the book My Explosive Child to help him verbalize and solve his frustrations. Your daughter is too young for this book but it is a great read in understanding your child's behavior).

Good luck to you!! Just remember that there is never one answer. What worked for me might not be the solution for you but there is a wealth of information out there. Try something and if it doesn't work - move to the next thing. As someone else mentioned - talk to your pediatrician about it. They might know of additional resources in your area.

Putting her in her room until she calms down is okay with me. Ignoring her tantrums gives her time to get it all out of her system.

Truthfully though, she is too young to give up naps. I'd put her in her room after lunch and try to get her to fall asleep even if it's a power nap. That's probably why she's having more melt downs.

Don't they do naps in her preschool class after lunch? If she's only going half day then I get that.

It truly does sound like she's too tired. But naps are something I insisted on. They still take naps in pre-K and during the first half of the year in kindergarten. So she'll have to lay down on a cot and be quiet for an hour or more every day once she starts pre-K. That alone is good enough reason to enforce the rest time/nap time every day for now.