Talking About Strangers and Privacy

Hi L.,
I too have a 3 1/2 year old and an almost 11 month old. We started talking about strangers just really lightly. Mostly because my son would talk to anyone - asking people what their name is, what they are doing, where they are going. I just started to tell him that it was rude to ask people questions who you don't know. Now, that might get us into trouble later, but for now it works. We told him that he can say hi, but we really shouldn't talk to people at the store, in the street, etc who we didn't know.

We also used this one night while the news was on. There was a story about the little girl Madeline McAnn who was kinapped while on vacation with her parents. We told him the story (any time he sees kids on tv, he is interested) of what happened (not the WHOLE story), just that they were on vacation and she didn't stay with her mommy and daddy and some mean person took her. I wasn't sure if THAT was the right thing to do, but it worked. Whenever we were out in public, he stays with us and doesn't run off.

All this to say is that I would just keep it really light. I wouldn't sit down and say ok, now we are going to talk about strangers . . ."

Its a tough thing to do because we don't want our kids to be fearful, but also not too eager to be friendly to the wrong person.

B.

Check out the video by John Walsh and Julie Aigner Clark called Stranger Saftey. My daughter loves it and it really explains saftey around strangers extremely, extremely well in a way that little children understand, but without scaring them.

Jenifer (the cop) gave wonderful advice! Just my lil input. Good luck with reading books! Ha! Like moms have time to read??! Don't worry about scaring her. They learn from you. When a stranger talks to my kids in public which I loath!!! I just smile and walk away; I never talk to them. You really can't trust anyone these days. It's sad but true. Even when I potty train my children I teach them right away that no one is to touch them here but mommy and daddy. Just do what is comfortable to you and start early. Stuff like that. She is shy so you are lucky she doesn't go up to anyone and talk to them! She'll be fine! Hope some of my babble helped! ;-)
Mommy to four great kids!

Hi L.,
I started with a book called The Berenstain Bears Learn about Strangers. I have a son who turned 3 in May and he did pretty well. The book is not scary but does a good job of explaining that while most strangers are nice, we need to be careful. The book at least introduces the concept that you can then reinforce when you are out and about with your daughter. My son tends to be shy too. When we are in public together I try to help him understand the difference between saying "Hi" to someone when I am with him (like the cashier at the store) and talking to someone who might approach him at another time. Good Luck!

http://www.safeside.org/

I highly recommend this dvd to Everyone!! My kids already have the dvd memorized by heart and they love it! Besides, they are really learning some very safe guidelines in a very non frightening way.

Personally, I think that three is too young to get into any kind of detail. And statistically, the chances of stranger abduction for my kids, who were with parents or trusted caretakers 24/7, was so slim that I didn't see any reason to scare them at a time when their idea of the world is already very fantastical. Everyone is a "stranger" when you're three. Statistically, if someone abuses a child, it's nearly always going to be someone they know, not a stranger.

I think when kids are going out into the world on their own, about Kindergarten age, when you drop them off for classes and school and so on, is the time when it makes more sense to get more specific. And they can actually understand the instructions on what to do, and visualize actions in a way that the information makes them feel empowered, and not just scared, as they would earlier (at least, speaking for my kids.)

We do talk pretty early about bodily privacy, but that's something that's important for kids to understand even just around family. About the time they start using the potty, we begin (not all at once, but in different conversations) to talk about how everyone's privacy should be respected, what the private parts of your body are, and how no one (even your siblings or friends) is allowed to touch you if you don't want to be touched. We don't talk about it in terms of sex or genitals, but in general - if someone doesn't feel like a hug right now, you need to listen to their words. If you don't feel like sitting on a lap right now, it's ok to speak up and use your words to explain that.