My 5 year old son is awful about using his fork. He is capable of using it, just prefers to eat with his hands. He uses a spoon perfectly fine and never tries to scoop yogurt or applesauce into his mouth with his hand (YET, at least! :) ) His fork use is not as coordinated as spoon, but I believe to a great extent this is because he doesn't practice enough. Plus using a spoon is a bit easier.
We prompt him, remind him, joke with him about it ("hm, how mysterious, what is that silver thing on your plate?"), all the typical things you'd try without turning precious family dinner into a power struggle.
My MIL, who is a teacher, says that she thinks its perfectly normal for 5 yr olds, especially boys, to do this.
I'm kind of of the mentality that this isn't a battle I'm super devoted to fighting right now; he is such a challenging kid in so many ways, this is not something I'd add to our daily list of things we are consistent about with him.
But it bothers my husband a lot. And the only thing I would say is that I'd hate for his little brother (age 2, using a fork really well for now, but may be the novelty of it since its somewhat new to him still) to start imitating big brother if he'd otherwise continue using a fork.
So anyway I just thought I'd throw it out there - does/did your 5 year old (especially boys) use a fork consistently and effortlessly?
Here's wishing this were the worst parenting dilemma any of us would ever have, right? Ha!
None of my kids (3 boys, 1 girl) had a problem with this, but I am very firm about table manners, so I doubt it would have gotten very far.
I would not allow my son to eat with his hands at 5 years old. I have 3 boys and a girl and they were all using a fork consistently by 2 years old, at the latest.
At 5, i would say its typical. It would not be the hill I lived and died on.
My four year old has used a for for years. No issues.
Why does this bother your husband so badly? That's so petty...
My 5 year old daughter prefers her hands. We have to remind her constantly to use her fork.
Funny thing is that her 3 year old brother almost always uses his fork! of course I always just gave him a spoon or fork to play with when he was a baby, so he got lots of practice. He also is my rule follower.
I think it's typical - kids master different skills in different orders sometimes. What about trying a spork - combination spoon and fork? He'll have the familiar shape of a spoon but with the tines available. They sell them in camping/outdoor sections of stores sometimes. I agree it's not a battle I'd fight big time - I'd let him use any utensil he can manage but stop short of him using his hands. That just gets out of control sometimes, and you find 10 year olds at restaurants using hands!
Yep, my 6 year old is the same way. And it bothers my husband when he sees him eating salad with his hands, lol. I just remind him to use his fork but don't make it too much of an issue.
I work at my kids school, I see how kids eat in the cafeteria.
Little boys, are this way.
Even 5th grade boys.
It is so, funny.
Boys, are so hand-sy when they eat.
And they are just like little cavemen.
At 5, my son was like that.
My son is 6 now. He knows how to use a fork and knife and spoon and napkin. But it is so fun, to use one's hands. For boys.
It really is not a battle. For me.
I mean, my son eats like a perfect Gentleman at school and at other people's homes. He can even eat like a perfect Gentleman at a fancy restaurant and puts his napkin on his lap, and is so mannered.
At home well, the little dude lets his hair down.
If it bugs your Husband, then tell him "use your fork."
For me, it really is not a big deal.
Typical. My son is 6. If it's fork food specifically, he uses a fork fine, but if it is potentially finger food, fingers are preferred.
Actually, we started my grandson off WITH a fork... a stabbing motion seemed to be easier than a scooping motion.
He is 5 1/2 now, and has no problems with either utensil.
If he is using the plastic ones, I can see that they would be frustrating..... the tines are too thick to properly stab anything.
My son was exactly like this. Thankfully he would use his fork in restaurants. Otherwise, we would have had to start getting a babysitter whenever we went out to eat.
Yes. Eating with hands is unacceptable at 5 years old.
You might want to research "child etiquette classes" near you. There are some great ones near me.
They make that type of "learning" fun. They'll turn your 5-year-old into quite a gracious little gentleman.
Before you know it, he'll be shaking hands, pulling out your chair for you to sit down, *and* using a fork. (I'm being serious!)
Hi. I like your attitude :) My son is almost 5. He can eat with a fork, but prefers his fingers. What I find is that when he is at a playdate and his friend asks for a fork, he does too...so...if you would like to gently encourage forks more...perhaps see what happens if you offer it when he is on a playdate???
anyhow, I like your wish as well.
Is the fork heavy?
How about giving him a lighter plastic kid's spoon?
Or even a plastic fork like they give you in "to go" meals.
My almost 5 yr old uses his utensils well but sometimes likes to use his
fingers much to my chagrin. (ugh)
I encourage the use of the utensils. It's exhausting. Boys seem to find
fun & pleasure in all things dirty & different. Hang in there. It will come.
Tell your husb to relax (but use a different word). Tell him it will come &
you just remind him nicely. Don't make it a battle by making it a big
deal.
Keep working on it, please. If he's using a fat plastic fork, give him a real one if that helps him stab the food better. If he's using a real one and has trouble, find a plastic one that works for him. Whatever it takes. Praise him a lot when he uses a fork correctly. Keep using humor, which is great.
It's not acceptable in my book for a child of five to use his hands for food other than things that are clearly finger foods (the same things an adult would eat with his hands). I am with your husband: It bothers me. It's about manners but also about hygiene -- yes, a kid can wash hands and then dig in with fingers, but it's just cleaner to use the fork.
And it does matter as he gets older. A friend's child was always allowed to eat as she pleased. She is now 13 and still digs into pancakes by picking them up, ripping them apart and popping huge chunks into her mouth with her hands. She mostly uses a fork but always uses her fingers to wipe up gravy or sauce off her plate and sticks her dripping fingers into her mouth. IN PUBLIC. She is very smart and worldly and well-traveled but eats like a toddler at times just because her parents have always refused to correct her, and still refuse. You can imagine what a joy she is to eat with, right? (If my child did these things she would be removed from the table, period.) So for those who were posting that kids will get past this phase...it's not necessarily so. Kids need reinforcement.
My son is in 5th grade, 10, and he still does this. We remind him all the time to use his fork and sometimes he does. I don't know if he just doesn't think about it or just likes using his fingers or if it's a "boy" thing or what. But I don't really care to fight him about it. I'm *pretty* sure he isn't going to be in his 20's and eating with his hands. lol
All of mine can use their silverware perfectly fine by age 2, but at some point along the way they prefer their hands again. The youngest of my boys is 6 and I still have to remind him to use a fork, at home, most of the time in public he use's his fork. If I catch him using his hands I just remind him to use his fork.
There are some things my soon to be 5 yr old DD doesn't use a fork for, like salad. It's something we are working on, but I acknowledge that it's hard. I would ask him to use his fork whenever appropriate. You might get him kid-sized forks and make sure they are pointy enough for his meals (my DD likes colored plastic forks so we got some at IKEA). I chalk this up to general table manners. Sitting down. Closing your mouth. Eating with utensils. I wouldn't make it a big fight, though. If he won't use the fork, suggest he use his spoon.
My 6yr old is still struggles with this. His OT said it is typical of a kid with out extra needs to take time with this skill. Keep offering the fork, stop pressuring him to use the fork and talk to dad about the current battles you are fighting and decide what battles you wish to fight.
Not at 5 because his motor skills were severely delayed. He uses one now but struggles with the grip. Sometimes, he does use his fingers for non-finger type food and I will defend him if I have to. My husband would be bothered to but sometimes he has to be put back into reality. Your son will get it, just keep practicing and joking about it. I like your methods.
If that was the worst parenting dilemma, I would be thrilled.
