Eating Utensils or Fingers

Sounds like he's got the concept of how to manipulate the fork down. It may be he just doesn't like the feel of the utensil in his mouth. My son was the same.

Many parents didn't believe me when I said my son would use the fork to spear the food and then remove it with his fingers to place in his mouth. They would say, "you mean he picks up the food, spears it onto the fork and then places the fork in his mouth". That's more common, that kids CAN'T use the utensil properly.

Just a funny story to share. We were so proud of my son's utensil ability and took him out to eat around the same age. He grabbed his fork with one hand, his spoon with the other and proceeded to eat his food straight off the plate like a dog! People from all tables around were staring, many laughing. He didn't make too much of a mess thank goodness.

My goodness, he's 21 months old... totally normal. Just model the behavior and don't make him eat with it, or else he'll just turn it into a power struggle.

Sounds normal to me. A toddler's hands aren't all that coordinated yet. It might be more efficient for him to feed with his fingers, so he doesn't have the patience to deal with a fork. Our son tends to eat a bit with a fork and a bit with his hands. As long as he is neat and doesn't throw stuff around, we don't have a problem with it. I don't think that sends inconsistent signals and you can continue working on table manners by modeling to your son.

We didn't even realize how much we eat with our hands until we watched each other one day. Breaking bread and dipping it with hands, ate fruit with our hands, etc. We don't use forks and utensils all the time either! :o)

Don't fuss... he will have learned how to use a fork by the time he goes to college!

He's normal. My 21-month-old is a girl, and she doesn't use utensils consistently, either. We've shown her how to use them, and we give her a spoon or fork with her meal, but don't make a big deal of it. We all have dinner together, so we are modeling proper utensil usage. Eventually, she will decide that it is more efficient to eat oatmeal with a spoon than with her fingers--I am happy if food stays on plate or in bowl, as appropriate right now. Utensil usage will come, but it'll be slower if you make it a power struggle. Partly, it's a hand-eye coordination issue, and when the necessary coordination level has been achieved, your son will find out that the fork and spoon are sometimes better than finger.
One pointer: make sure that the utensils you have for your son are worth a darn. I have one set for my daughter where the manufacturer was so interested in making it "safe" that the tines of the fork are too rounded to allow it to be used as a fork. I found some older sets that are just proper, scaled-down adult silverware, and they work much better.

sounds like every other almost 2 year old. Continue to be patient, he will eventually only use utensils.

He's not even 2 yet, relax! Sounds like you're making perfectly normal progress where he's actually handling and (sometimes)using the utensils.

Ditto! You pick and choose your battles and this in one that you will win in the end. It is more important that he is eating and eating a variety of foods and has a healthy eating experience. The fork etc. will come later. If necessary, go to Ikea and let him pick out those plastic colored forks and knifes and spoons and plastic plates and bowls (they are really inexpensive) but they are great for kids and it makes them excited about eating especially if it seems as if they picked it out. Good luck!!

Definitely let him eat with his hands, but keep on giving him a fork and spoon. He is still in more of a tactile stage and eating with his hands is not only easier, but he may like the feel of the food in his hands. He'll get it when it's time for him to, and I find that to be around the age of three or perhaps even a little later. You have some time yet. One thing I wanted to mention, because this comes up with all our kids in daycare... even the five year old... if he should begin to just play with the utensils, such as banging them on the plate or the table, or one of the favorites of our kids - try to stick the bowl of the spoon between the tines of the fork - simply tell him once that he needs to stop that, then if he doesn't gently take the utensils from him, put them out of reach and tell him that when he's ready to use them for eating his food he can have them back. That usually get our kids using them to eat with faster than anything else. And, in case you're wondering, yes - we do let the five year old eat with her hands if she's lost her utensils due to playing with them. This no longer happens often, because we've been consistent.

Hi S.,
I have to agree with all the other mamas and say Joshua sounds like a pretty normal 21 month old. I remember all my girls doing the same thing. I also remember them being very proud to even get the food on the fork in the first place, before taking it off and eating it with their fingers. We always applauded them madly for getting it on their fork. After that, it really didn't matter what happened to it. It was just the fact that they were able to master getting food to stick on the fork long enough to pull it off and use it as finger food from that point! There's no hurry. It will all come soon enough. Just slow down and enjoy the milestones as they come...and then go. Two things to remember....I've yet to see a young man go off to college unable to use a fork and spoon, and 2nd, it all goes so fast that you will regret worrying about hurrying up to get past this point in his developmental process. Savor each moment. It's unbelievable how fast it goes. You will never again have a first born. Never again will you be at this very stage with your precious Joshua, and never again will you get each day back. Let him take the time he needs to develop the skill of eating with utensils. If the meal begins to get too frustrating and is sending him into the food throwing stage, just take the fork away and let him eat however he wants to. And if that doesn't work and it continues to progress downward, then the meal is over. 7 years ago, I would have had different advice for you. But after seeing the time go flashing by and crying every time I realized another milestone had come and gone with each of my 4 baby girls, and realizing I would never get that moment back, I chilled out a LOT. Pick your battles wisely. Use your energy wisely. And most importantly, enjoy every minute. In just a few short months, this will seem like a silly thing to have been worried about. He's right on track, so let him find his way. And then give him lots of praise for even just the effort. God bless.

i think a calm,happy family atmosphere is more important than table manners.

I agree with the person who said calm, happy meals are more important than table manners. If you and your husband are eating correctly then your son will imitate and follow your behavior and at an appropriate age (4-5 years old) he'll be eating like a champion with both fork and knife. You don't say why he gets frustrated and throws a fit: because you are bugging him about eating properly, or because he's frustated to not be able to do it 100% right? I would be more worried about this than his being able to use a fork properly. Food throwing is an absolute "no, no" and he should be warned then punished for misbehaving at the table. We asked our son to clean up whatever he threw on the floor by giving him a sponge after the meal, making him responsible for his mess. However, he was also strictly told that we don't agree with this type of behavior. All kids do it, your son is not exceptional, he just needs to be told you do not agree with or allow it. Do be patient, you're about 2-years or so ahead of yourself in terms of your table manners expectations. Our 4 1/2 year old is just now consistently eating with his fork and still uses his fingers on occassion. As long as he does this daintily I have no issue with it. Everything has its time!

I agree with the others. He's right on track. No worries, he isn't supposed to use his utensils exclusively for another 2 years!

Hello S.;
Call me crazy but our fingers have been used long before utensils were created. I have lived in countries where the hands are used for all basic foods. In some countries children are not made to sit at the table but are fed as they stand next to you or while they play near the adults. I have found that for my children, I gave them their vegetables as lumpia,egg rolls, etc. you don't have to fry everything either fresh spring rolls are very desirable and fun to eat. So don't worry just think when your children are teens they will be eatting pizza with their hands and enjoying every minuet.
Best Wishes in your adventure in parenthood, Nanaglenda

My girls are just about to be 3 and they still eat with their hands a lot of the time, despite knowing how to use a fork and spoon. I think it's quicker to them to just use their hands.

This is perfectly normal. Some babies don't like the feel or taste of the metal utensils. Also the points on the fork can be intimidating. Have you tried a spoon? The most important thing is that he eats and as long as he accepts the utensils he'll get the hang of it. He will want to do what you do and eventually will if you praise him when he does it correctly and don't make a big deal when he doesn’t. Have fun.