Taking a Poll About My Noisy Kids

Impossible to tell. She may have been just offering you a menu, or she may have been trying to get you to move along.
Really, either one of you could be right so just let it go!

The truth lies somewhere in between :) I hope you aren't spending too much time thinking about this though...

It's really impossible to judge without being there. I need to see body language and the layout of the situation.

But, it's kind of funny! I could see it on the "Middle" TV show!

well, without being there to see her body language and hear her tone, i see no reason to assume she was doing anything but being a professional and attempting to grow their business. it's a pretty smart strategy.
but in her position i'd be a little annoyed at the noisy kids, especially if you told your disruptive children 'a few times' to knock it off. people dining in outdoor venues DO have to expect some noise, but i also expected my kids to mind me when i told them to hush.
khairete
S.

I think she was trying to get your noisy kids away from the diners.
And she was GREAT at it. Didn't offend you, was polite, and you didn't even know!
Bravo to her.
L.
I should add - I worked as a hostess/waitress and I learned a few of those tricks. For instance, "Would you like a table or a booth?" Is usually asked to people that may be a bit heavier.....you don't want to squish them in a booth, but they may not want a table. A polite way to address a touchy situation.

Who cares what she was thinking? You will never know and it makes no difference in your life at all what she thought.

I think when we "overthink" something like this it can mean we need to address an aspect of our lives. It seems from your post that you were concerned your kids were being too loud. Your title is "my noisy kids". If you think it's necessary, make changes in your parenting style to minimize feeling like your kids are being disruptive. One comment from a hostess shouldn't make a difference, sounds like you are the one bothered by it.

I think you are making way too much of what is probably an innocent comment. Of course a restaurant is going to promote themselves as best they can and the hostess was doing a great job at deciphering the situation, which was that you weren't likely to be coming in to eat.

Why?

Because you were eating ice cream. Who buys ice cream for their kids BEFORE dinner?

That's a huge clue that your family had likely eaten already and this way, she didn't put you in the position of saying "Oh, we've already had dinner"... she ensured you felt free to take the menu away without having to say "no" to an offer of coming in.

Life is long and hard if we read Other People's Judgment into mundane social interactions. Even if I felt it was directed at me, I'd just tuck the thought in my pocket and forget about it. If you feel your kids are noisy and disruptive, that's on you-- don't make it about her.

Regardless of what the hostess' intentions were, it seems like YOU think that your kids, perhaps, behave a tad inappropriately in public sometimes. All kids do, but that fact that you took what was probably an innocent gesture (like your husband thinks) and read THAT much into it shows how sensitive you are about your noisy kids.

So now you're thinking "are my kids so noisy and disruptive that people don't want us around?" and "what are we doing wrong?" and "do we suck as parents because we can't control our kids in public?" and all sorts of other things.

Chances are your husband is right and the hostess simply wanted to take advantage of a marketing opportunity. Chances are your kids are just being kids and aren't necessarily any quieter or noisier than most kids that age. But if YOU, in your heart, believe your kids are excessively noisy and don't obey you about being more quiet, well, then, start changing your parenting tactics to address that issue. That's up to you.

Probably both. They're there for both reasons. People who sit outside know it's not going to be as quiet as it is inside.

BUT they don't want little kids all around running amok. Did you take your kids by the hands after telling them to quiet down? Did you send hubby off with them and say "Hey, take the kids on down to XXXX area and I'll be right behind you". What did you actually DO? Telling them to be quiet didn't work, so what did you do?

Making a change often will help the kids to naturally act differently.Taking them by the hand and keeping them by your side, drawing them into your activity by saying something like "Can you read the menu? Do they have kids meals?" or something like that would have made the kids act differently. That's all I'm saying, just telling them to quiet down while they're playing and eating ice cream didn't work. Next time you can be more pro-active.

If this is an outdoor shopping plaza then it would stand to reason that there is going to be noise near any outdoor seating. When people sit outside that comes with the territory. IMO I think the hostess was just being polite, after all you did have ice cream with you. They have a better chance of getting your business if you are carrying around that menu for when you are ready for dinner.

It might depend upon how nice the establishment was. Was it the kind of place that not many people bring their small children? If so, it might have been a subtle suggestion to return later without the kids in tow. Or, it might not have been. Might have been standard protocol to offer you a menu (were they paper?).

Unless you are planning on going back with unruly children, then I don't really see what it matters, whether she was politely getting you to move along, or just being nice, or whatever.

I imagine it's standard procedure on the part of this restaurant. Having a menu in your hand makes it more likely, even than looking at a posted menu, for you to see an item and say, "That sounds good! George, take a look at that they have! Let's eat here!"

If it were merely a barb at your family, it would have been much more pointed.

Kids are kids. Restaurants are used to noisy kids. (They're used to noisy grownups, too.)

I think your husband is right and the hostess may have seen your interest. She may have been sympathetic and extending the offer for you to return since you were having to quiet your children.

I wouldn't read anything into it unless the hostess was glaring and speaking in a snotty tone.

i'm with your husband on this. Unless your children were really over the top loud and annoying, then I'm with you.

I think the hostess asks everybody for a to-go menu. Let it go, let it go.

If I were the hostess I would have done the same thing if I saw you reading the menu...because I would have assumed you didn't want to come in.

Why do you care? I agree with your husband, but you saw misbehavior and worked on fixing it. So? What do you care what she thought?

It could be either one, but I lean toward your husband's thinking. Skilled servers and other customer service folks communicate nonverbally just as much as verbally, and they are trained to capture business. That includes making sure that each potential customer has human contact. If this woman could see that you likely would not come in on that night, then it was good business to send you away with a to-go menu.

Even if it WAS because of the loud kids, that's good business, too. She was able to satisfy her existing customers and possibly capture a future customer. Since it could go either way, just choose to see it more positively.

My dad used to say if you went to a bar and asked for a xxbeer and they gave you a can/bottle in a bag, it meant you had to leave. Hint taken.

I have often been asked if I would like a menu as opposed to looking at the sign suspended in the air. It is nice because you don't kink your neck while you look. However, she asked you if you wanted the menu to take with you while you were still reading...she was trying to get you to move on.

I used to ask to be seated outside so that my daughter would have a little more freedom.
I think hubby was sugar coating things so you won't be offended. My husband does that for me from time to time.

Well, I'm not sure. If you were there long enough, for everyone to notice your kids, and how loud they were, and the information had enough time to get to the hostess, then I agree with you. But if you were there for just a few minutes, and all you had to do was shush your kids, then I agree with your husband.

I would think the same as you did.

You're right, and your husband is either naive (sorry, but that's kind of cute!) or he doesn't want to believe that his perfect kids don't bother other people (not so cute).

By the way, for your husband's sake, most restaurants don't actually have "to go" menus. They put a big menu outside for people to actually know they want to eat there before walking in, sitting down, and then walking out. Also to keep from people asking to see a menu before being seated.

Who knows? I think either one of you could be right, but lean more towards you being right since she said, "take a menu TO GO." Offering a menu isn't really a "hope they come back some time" thing. It is usually more like, "here's our menu--would you like to come in and dine here?"

Offering it "to go" sounds to me like, "here's our menu, please take your noisy urchins out of here." :-) That's how I would interpret it, too. (Mother of 4 noisy kids, and we frequently dine out.)