I am about 6 months pregnant with my second child. I hadn't completely planned out what I was going to do work-wise once my baby was born, but staying at home for a year was one option. I currently work full-time and have grown tired of my job. There's little room for advancement, they put a hold on raises; however, I am able to work from home 3 days a week. This past week though, my boss offered me a promotion. I would be moving into a managerial role and would lose one work from home day and would be paid about $8000 more. I'm really torn because if I take this job, I will most likely have to put my 3 month old baby in daycare since we wouldn't be able to afford a full time nanny. I'd be okay putting my older child (3 yo) in daycare, but can't think of it for the 3 month old. I know people do it all the time though. Please send any suggestions/advice. I really don't know what to do.
Thank you all so much for your suggestions! This is such a tough decision and I wasn't planning on deciding anything until after the baby was born, so it's thrown me a bit. If I took the promotion, I would be able to work from home two days, but I would be dealing with client calls a lot, so I don't think I'd be able to be alone with either of the kids. So I would need childcare 5 days a week whether it would be a nanny or daycare. I agree that in this economy it is probably not wise to turn down a promotion and/or make myself less attractive to a company by leaving the workforce for a year; however, the idea of being at home with my girls for a year without being tied to a computer or constantly checking a blackberry is so enticing. I've discussed it with my husband who, of course, would prefer that I take the job. Financially it will be difficult but we've been putting money away every month for my "Year Hiatus" as I've called it. I have to make my decision by the end of this week, so I'm stressing out a bit. Thanks again for all your help. It is nice to be reminded that I'm not alone and guilt will be a part of either decision.
Are you prepared to be out of work for more than 1 year? It is very possible that you won't be able to find a job right away when you start looking.
You might want to think about getting a nanny. A nanny might cost about as much as 2 kids in daycare (or maybe a little bit more), but you might still win on the financial front. And, you'd be able to keep them at home while still gaining valuable job experience.
I'd take the promotion. If you don't like the job later, you can always quit.
If you DON'T take the promotion, your boss will know you plan to quit. And he or she may actually let you go before the baby is born and you'd lose your benefits.
Take the job.
Dawn
I agree with take the promotion as it will make your skills more valuable without schooling. Take off the year later and it should be easier for you to jump back in the work force with managerial skills under your belt.
Congrads!!!!!!!
This is a very personal decision that only you can make. Weigh your options, could you afford a nanny if you had both kids at home (you weren't paying for daycare at the current location). Are you the type that can work from home, meaning, can you cancel out all the distractions, dirty house that needs cleaned, dishes done, laundry. You will want to make sure you can do this so you an actually work while you are there. I work at home and the kids are with me full time. This works for our family. It may not for other families. I personally like being at home with the kids but I have friends who think I am nuts for keeping the kids at home & working. While my job doesn't require my home to be quiet at all times, the kids know that if I am on a call they need to be quiet. Very personal choice, do what is right for you
One thing that made my decision to stay home when we had #2 an easy one was knowing that there was NO CHANCE of a promotion at my job. But, I think if I were in your position, I would take the promotion and work at it for 1-2 years, and then revisit the issue of staying home.
I say this because I think it is much easier to re-enter the workforce at the higher position if you've held a higher position in the past. If you stay home now, if you ever re-enter the workforce, it is not likely that you will get a position much higher than your current one (at least not right away.)
You might be able to find someone to come to your home for 3 days a week, perhaps a retired lady, who might be cheaper than a nanny. My next door neighbor has had an older lady caring for her son since he was born.
So personal. No one can tell you what's best for you here.
Questions to ask yourself:
Do you really like staying home long term? Do you have a good daytime support network (some women find staying home to be isolating)?
You say you'd like to stay home for a year. In this economy, it could be hard to come back to the workforce. Will you be ok with it if 1 year turns into more than 1 year? How stable are your family finances?
Are you really sure you can't get a nanny if that's what you want? Daycare for 2 children is almost equal to the cost of a nanny in my area. Look into all your options, as quickly as possible. Maybe you don't like the idea of a center daycare, but would be comfortable with a small home-based daycare for a newborn.
Are there other ways you could save $ if you stay home?
Which decision do you think you would regret forever?
It's all so personal. For me, I'd take the raise, because I know that if I stayed home for a year, my skills would be considered outdated and I'd never get back into the workforce at the level I'm at now. But your job might not be that way, and maybe you could step out for a year and get back in. I don't know. Good luck!
First congrats on the promotion. Timing is everything right? As others stated, the answer resides deep within you and whatever you decide don't feel guilty either way. You know what's best for you and your family. If you can take the promotion and still work at home two days a week, that sounds win-win for me. Would daycare only be one day a week?
Stay home. Stay home. Stay home. YOU NEVER GET THIS TIME BACK.
Thank you.
stay at home. no explanation needed.
I guess I would say that you will only get this one opportunity to stay home for a year, and you will likely get more work opportunities in the future. So if it was me I think I would stay home and enjoy the first year with the baby and some extra tme with the older child before he/she is off to kindergarten.
Man, that is such a personal thing, you know?
It depends on so much it's hard to really say.
I know if it were me, I would stay home. I had a really, really tough time putting my daughter in daycare when she was a tiny baby, and I couldn't do it again with my son. Money was on the tight side, but I think my mental health was more valuable! I figured the opportunity to make money will always be there, and if it really came down to it, I could find some sort of way to make money, which I did.
For our family, it meant less stress, less arguments (I was very irritable while working and putting my daughter in daycare. I was going off on everyone) less sickness...less everything. My kids get along really well, and I think it's because they spend a lot of time together.
So that's my personal experience. Just do what works for your family.
It's so hard... I'm struggling with the work vs stay home thing so much lately and I have to say it's gotten HARDER as my kids have gotten older. Granted, we had a nanny so I wasn't dropping a baby at daycare but otherwise, I swear it seems more impt I'm home now (6 and 7) then when they were younger. They want me JUST as much and what they want me for seems more important. So I'd warn you that 1 year at home isn't really a cureall. Even if you do it, you'll still be very torn and feel guilty most likely if eventually you have to go back to work anyway. And I'd save that year for later... So long as you find a very good daycare, I'd take the promotion. Or maybe you could find a nanny share... If you try to go back after a year, you won't be in a higher position so pay will be less than this new job AND you'll be paying for daycare. Tough call. So many of us struggle with this...
It really depends on your priorities and neither one is wrong or bad. Just what do you want most? for me a loss of income and cutting back big time is my choice because these early years with my kids are more important to me than any job. That is not true for everyone tho and I am not right, and neither are they, it is just what is right for us and our families. For me I choose to stay home, and I love it. I know soon enough my kids will be grown and I can work again. I do not a strong desire to advance my career, and I understand and accept I may not get a job doing exactly what I want. But what is most important to me is staying home with my kids. Someone else who really loves their career and does not want to lose ground would be better taking the job. So it comes down to what do you want? When you stay home there is no cost of childcare. So you cut down a bit, but that budget is gone completely. So you have to decide what is more important to you. Not to anyone else. What do you want most? If you want more than anything to be able to continue in your field at the level you are at, then it would be wise to take the job. Especially if you want to continue advancing at a good rate. If you don't really care about your job or don't mind putting it on hold, or time with your kids is more important to you, you should stay home. Neither decision is wrong. Both decisions are right. Either way you make a right choice. I just want to reiterate that. So many people make life choices out of guilt or fear. We only get to live this life once, so make your choices from a place of desire. What do you want most? Hope that helps some!
If you have the opportunity to stay home and take care of the children-you should-no one, with the exception of maybe your own mother, will do as fine a job as you will.
Have you talked about this with your spouse or partner? What would this look like for the whole family?
Another option would be to consider a nanny for the three days a week you would be out of the house. I did this with a few of my families and it worked out very well. (This was especially true when I had a family which needed less days of care, but that I really wanted to stay with; some nannies are happy to work with two or three families during the week.) Also, sometimes, a nanny only wants to do a few days a week; sometimes she already has two other days that she's with another family. It's worth looking into.
