Considering Going Back to Work Full Time

I was a working mom who just quit her job last week (a career that I went to school for many years to be able to do). I have NO regrets. Even though it has only been a few days, I LOVE being at home and I really struggled while I was working, maybe especially so because she was my first child and she had to go into daycare at 3 months? I hated missing out on her day, her smiles, her newly learned milestones. I hated coming home tired from work to only have an hour or two with my daughter before she went to bed and then I had to turn around and get ready for the next day at work. I didn't like the fact that she at times would rather be held by her daycare provider than me. That hurt. I didn't like taking her to daycare knowing that really she needed more sleep that morning or that she may not have been feeling well and just needed more snuggles from mom. I felt like I had two jobs and wasn't doing either of them well. My job as a mom needed to come first ALL THE TIME. Now, this is MY experience and how I felt, not to reflect on anyone else. Just food for thought...

Anyway, I agree with the other mom who suggested that maybe you try it out. You can always quit the job. Could you start part-time and then work up to full time? It will be an adjustment and a tough one, I think, no matter what. But you both will adjust if you decide that is what you want to do.

hi S.,

my kids are young adults now. we've talked numerous times about how they felt to be the kids at school who had one of the few working moms. i wouldn't ask a 4 year old if he/she would like it if mom worked away from home- they don't have a basis to form an answer. my kids were babysat by my next door neighbor who had a total of six kids. two were hers and 4 were the kids she babysat. to this day my kids think of her and those other kids as family. my kids would be the first to tell you that they were more independent, self-reliant and confident that their classmates.

but, i tell you what it was really hard on me to head to work each morning, knowing that their friends could still sleep in their warm beds while my kids were headed out the door to debbie's house. in the summers, we hired a teenaged girl to come to our house and watch the kids. this was tremendous. over the summers, we had 3 girls and to this day, these 3 summer babysitters are very close to my now adult kids.

my kids tell me that had i stayed at home, this extended family (debbie and her kids, and then the 3 summer babysitters) would not have come into their lives. i don't know if you can find people like this in your situation, but they were huge blessing in our lives.

we each need to do what works best for us because we are all different. a mom who stays home because she feels she must can also turn into a mom who isn't really there for her kids if what it takes to fulfill her is a career away from home. likewise, the reverse is true. as you discover your true nature, make your choices based on that, without apology. your kids will know that you are dedicated to them whether you are with them 24/7 or not.

best to you,

S.

You have a ton of opinions, so I am going to throw in mine!

I think that not everyone was made to stay at home with young kids. It's not a reflection on the mom - or a bad thing. If you feel you need to take this position, go for it. You don't want to regret not taking it and resenting your kids and family for it. That's the only way you'll know what's right for you.

I think you can make small amounts of time special with your family - hire a cleaning lady to clean and do laundry. Prepare or prep meals for the week during weekend naps so you can save time you normally would be working at home to have quality time with your family.

One sister-in-law has a 2 1/2 year old and 4 month old twins. She gets up at 4:30 to be at work at 7:00. Hubby takes kids to daycare. She gets home at 4:30 and does dinner, little play time, baths, bed. She goes to bed at 9:30. By Thursday, she is exhausted.

Another has 3 kids, ages 13, 7 and 6. They alternated between her mom and a nanny at their home for several years until the youngest was in full day kindergarten. The nanny came before she left for work and left when my brother got home. She started dinner and my brother finished it. They had problems when the nanny needed a sick day or vacation, but otherwise they felt a wonderful choice for them.

Good luck and congratulations on your dream position!

I have done both and loved both, but I personally with the last two have stayed home full time and would not change that for anything. When the youngest is in school full time then I will consider going back to work again. The first five years of our little ones life are so important in shaping them into happy healthy beings and I think that we as their parents are the best equipped at doing just that. But you also need to do what you feel is best for you and yours. Sounds like you have a wonderful opportunity to do something that you really enjoy. Good luck to you in your decision.

That would be a hard choice. I worked full time for the first 2 years of our daughter's life. No, she isn't scarred forever because she was in daycare. As far as the woman that says her kid says she would hate daycare, the kid doesn't know anything but staying home, so she can't say she would hate it. Kids adjust. Our daughter loved daycare, but it is something that you would have to put a lot of time into investigating the one that would be right for your children. And yes, the first couple days or week will be hard while they adjust to the new situation, but they will adjust. I am now staying home because I lost my job a year ago and it was made sure that I wouldn't be able to work in the field I was in. Yeah, great place I used to work, huh? Anyway. It caused us some great financial difficulties but now that we are through all that, I am staying home until I can afford to go to school to be able to re-enter the workforce in a different career field. I am lucky enough for my husband to make enough money for me to not HAVE to work - not everyone is in that situation, and being a former working mom, I really resent people that act like those of us that work (for whatever our reasons are)are the devil. It is a personal choice, whether to work or not, and NO ONE should make you feel bad for EITHER choice you make. That being said, I have had a few opportunities arise in the last couple months that I have chosen not to pursue. Why? Because at this point I don't have to work full time and I am making the choice to stay home until I can go to school and do something I really want to do, instead of just having a job. I am thinking of going back to work part time though, just a couple evenings and maybe a weekend day just to give us some extra money for vacations as all of our family lives across the country from where we are at the moment. The choice you have to make is how important your career is to you at this point in your life. Is it worth it to stay home a few more years and possibly this management opportunity will arise again at a later date? Or is this position THAT important to you that you just can't pass it up no matter what? Working full time is hard when you have kids. You will give up a lot - my daughter learned how to walk at daycare. Mornings are hectic and a real pain trying to get kids ready and out the door in time to get yourself to work on time. I always had issues with where I worked when it came time for doctor appts and sick days and that would really get on my nerves because I WORKED when I was at work, unlike most of the others I worked WITH. There are also a lot of additional costs involved with working full time. Outside of the cost of the actual daycare, you will also have to provide formula and/or food at some daycares for your children, diapers, wipes, clothing, etc, above and beyond what you normally would have purchased so it can be used at the daycare. It was a bigger pain to have to pack a bag every day when we were already trying to get out the door, besides never knowing exactly how many diapers, etc, she would need that day, so we would have to buy a case of diapers/wipes for the daycare AND at home. I was breastfeeding, but supplementing with formula, so same went there - a second canister of formula for the daycare! Also, making sure someone's schedule will coincide with the schedule of the daycare - most that I had looked into before our daughter was born were closed at 6 pm - if you weren't there by then it was a dollar a minute past 6 pm. And weekend daycare, if you would need that, can be difficult to find as well as expensive! I had a lot of times where I felt like I was missing out on everything because I had to be at work - but at that point in our lives we didn't have any choice but for me to work, we needed my paycheck to pay our bills. It doesn't sound like you are in that kind of position, and since you have kept yourself in the workforce, albet part time, I wouldn't think you would have the problems going back to full time work after your kids are in school like some of us will. (which is why I think I will have to get schooling in before I go back to work) It kind of sounds like you already answered your own questions though, just from the tone of your post. If the thought of taking a full time position is stressing you out that much, then maybe now is not the time to take something like that. I would think that if you really wanted the job you would have already applied for it, no matter what the consequences. Best of luck in your decision.

What I have learned being a single mom is that kids are very resilient and if you are happy they will be. If this is something you want to do, I say do it. Kids in daycares do great as well as kids being at home with mom. It gives them a step up in the social skill area and they tend to get skills earlier being exposed to their peers.
I am going back next year, the ONLY reason I have stayed home past the divorce was due to the cost of daycare, which superceded what I would make in a full time job.
Once you find a groove you will do great and the kids will adjust. It is a blessing and a gift to be watch your kids grow up but now with the economy it isn't as easy either.
I say if this is a life time opportunity go for it.
Stay at home moms get punished by the work world when they do want to re enter, for every year you are off it is a strike against you!!! So keep that in mind as I am finding that out now. I love being home, in a year it won't financially be something I can consider doing and will have to go back. But I am already finding that after being home seven years I am having one heck of a time getting anyone to understand that I am capable of working out in the real world!!!!
Being home is a blessing, but at the same time you have a career and your kids will not suffer for that. It is hard and an adjustment but kids do it all the time. If you can wait financially until they are older, great, however if this opportunity just came out of the blue and may not happen again you do have to think of yourself. Don't let guilt or some odd sense of duty hit you and make you make your decisions.
You have to be happy too!!!!!!
All you can do is give it a try, if it doesn't work see if you can cut back hours. I had issues with finding someone that was understanding about sick kids too, so I have decided to do work from my home.
Someone else "raising" your kids isn't still what occurs, they are still totally influenced by the family at home. I think I was given a gift to watch my babies grow up and they will be so fine with me being at work while they are in school and only having to go to daycare after school, but our lives will be different and maybe money worries won't be looming over our heads any longer either. Maybe they will get to see me in a new light too! It is sacrifice no matter what you do.

My kids will be five and eight when I go back and I gave them the best of me and I got to be the one hands on with them but I am anxious for them to see me as not just being "a mom and babysitter". I think kids that see moms work set their goals higher for themselves as they see all the pride you have in your work.
They will be fine, I totally get how hard it will be but if you are happy they will be!!!!!!

Have you ever thought about working from home part time?

Please check out my website: wwww.freedomwithmyfamily.com

S.,

I have twin girls that are 3.5 and I stayed home for 14 months with them. Then I had a great opportunity to go back to work full time. I took the position and I am still happy that I did. There are days that I miss them and that I feel guilty, but not too many. They are now in preschool and are so well adjusted that the preschool teachers asked how we did that. I believe that they have thrived with other people around and that they are very happy.
I don't believe that I am missing their lives. We have so much fun on the weekends and at night. My husband and I make sure that our travel schedules do not overlap and we are very available to them.
Just decide what is right for you. If you show your children love when you are with them they will know that you are there for them.
Good luck.
A.

You could always try the job and daycare thing, and if your kids don't do well (or if you don't do well) then you can always go back to how things are now. I am a SAHM, and I love staying home. But that isn't for everybody! I don't think you need to stay home just because you are a mom; if you want to work outside the home, that is your choice. I know lots of working moms, and though I know there might be days that they wish they could be SAHMs, I think that in general, they enjoy their career choices, and they make the most of their days off and evenings with their families. Good luck deciding!

Hi - it's a tough decision and I can't really answer to both sides as I have worked full time since my son was a couple months old. There are days that I hate leaving him and that I feel like I don't get enough time with him, but my job is very satisfying for me and it makes me a happier mom. I agree that kids are very resilient and that if you are happy they wll be too. I also agree that being a Mommy is a full time job that your heart is committed to. It's very true that you can be replaced at your job in an instant but that being a mother is always there - and that's still true if you decided to work full time. Your family will always be there, you will always be Mommy to your kids. You will still be the one raising them. My son loves daycare and it has been very good for him. He is friendly and social. Best of luck making your decision. I think either one will be great when you decide what's best for you.

I realize you didn't ask for opinions from a SAHM, but I think it is important to remember one thing because you have 2 very young kids. You can be replaced at a job in a microsecond (even a once in a lifetime job) but you can never be replaced as "Mommy." I stopped working the day my first baby was born, and plan to go back to something very part time when my little one gets into 1st grade so that I am home after school when my kids get home. It sounds like you have been doing very well by your family to be there or make sure Daddy is there when you are not, but I think 40+ hours a week is too much time away from your kids and your guy. They would all miss you. I just asked my 4 yr old girl if she would like it if mommy went to work everyday all day and she went to daycare instead of being at home. Her response was, "I hate that." Were I in your shoes, that one little comment from my 4 yr old would be my answer. Of course she doesn't have personal experience with daycare, but I asked her to get a child's perspective. She is not stupid. She knows she wants to be home. She has friends who attend daycare and knows she doesn't want to do that. She is however excited to go to Kindergarten next year. There is a difference. Your children will not care what position you held at a job when they were young, they will however remember the time spent and the memories created because you were home with them. I have heard people say it's really the quality time spent not the quantity. I just don't believe that. From some of the responses I've read, how much quality time can you jam into a couple of hours after work each day when there is dinner to make, baths to be taken and before you know it, it's bedtime. Sometimes you just have to pass up what could be a dream job so that you can do the right thing by your children and your husband. For instance, I would love to go to the Police Academy and become an officer. I didn't realize that until after I was married and had my first baby. Now I can't do that because if anything were to happen to me on the job, my husband and kids cannot replace me. I am way too important in their lives. So, maybe a few years down the line I can look into doing something within law enforcement that isn't quite so dangerous. It's all in compromise. I know that the job you are considering is different from being a police officer, but the outcome is the same, you wouldn't be there. From what you wrote, it sounds to me like you know where you should be. A job is just a job to satisfy you, but being mommy and wife is a commitment that your heart is in. So, this job may or may not be put in front of you again, but I think it's worth passing up this time because of what you already have. Of course, this is all just my opinion, and not everybody agrees with me.

I can tell you from the side of doing child care how much time parents spend with their children. I watch 3 children. Twins and a 3 1/2 year old. Both children's parents are teachers. I get them at 7 am and the parents come and get them at around 4:30-5 pm. The twins go down to bed at 7:30 and the 3 1/2 year old goes down at 8. So it leaves roughly around 2 1/2 hours to 3 hours a day. As for child care. They pay me between the two of them around 700 dollars a month. I charge a lot less that most people. But I do only have the twins part time.

I would ask yourself a few questions before you decided. With the cost of child care with the cost of gas. How much money would you bring home? Is it worth the money and time away from your family? If so then you should go for it. If
no then I would think twice.

Hope this helps. I know you will make the right decision for your family whichever one that is.

Blessings