Take Him Out of Preschool?

It sounds like it might be time for an evaluation from a psychologist or a developmental pediatrician - or maybe both. It sound like he is having some challenges around social engagement that are not going away. I think that getting some insight from an expert may be helpful to you all.

Hey S.,
Have you tried calling Regional Center? They will arrange testing for you and you do not need a school's or doctor's referral. My son was tested by them for speech delays and they also just had him complete a formal evaluation for behavioral therapy, which he qualified for. They work with a multitude of speech, behavioral, occupational and physical therapy centers in Southern California. I have quite a few friends that have worked with them that have nothing but great things to say about it.

It is my belief that young children need to be with their parents in these formative years. If you can bring him home, by all means, do. That doesn't mean you cannot pursue other avenues of help for him. But, I do think he needs his mother to be his primary teacher. He needs one-on-one discipline, teaching, loving, nurturing, etc. Children thrive best in a home environment, not an institutionalized one. I understand that some mothers don't have much of a choice in the matter, but if you do, bring him home.

Your son may suffer from food allergies or other health issues that are affecting his behavior. I agree, have him tested for allergies and you may need to eliminate sugars, certain preservatives or other foods. You won't know until you get him tested.

It will be up to YOU to get him tested for that. Your doctor may or may not suggest it. I knew a child who was diagnosed with ADHD and was put on meds. The meds did help him be calmer. However, just 3 years later (when he was in 4th grade) it was discovered he was allergic to gluten. When the gluten was removed from his diet all of his ADHD symptoms disappeared and he was a new child. He was put on meds unnecessarily for 3 years!

So, while your son may or may not be diagnosed with an ADHD or be on the autism spectrum, it's up to you to check into allergies or sensitivities. It could also be toxins or even fluoride. Not all doctors will have you check for it, and many doctors are quick to medicate.

If you think taking him out of school so he has free time is the right idea then it may be right for you. What worked for me was making sure our boy stayed in class. Staying home was not an option for use, I think that would be a mistake for him. He would lose all the conformity to structure that he has and he would be starting over completely when he started next Fall in Kindergarten.

Your son does sound like he needs assistance. Check with your local health department and see if they have any pre-screening programs. We did PCIT, Parent Child Interaction Therapy, for a while and my hubby really like it. I didn't really I prefer Love and Logic much more. We have had some help from the local community mental health organization. They have a program called Circle of Care that really is helping. I think finding a licensed clinical psychologist is a must too so you have someone who is qualified to evaluate and state their is a disability that needs a specific treatment.

While I disagree with taking him out of school, I think the rest of your ideas are solid. Here are a few more thoughts...

1. Is your son getting enough sleep, as in 8-10 hours?
2. Is your son eating healthy, fresh foods. You might consider taking sugar, sodas, junk food out of his diet for a while and see what happens. Maybe consider some allergy tests?
3. Review his routine. Does he have a rock solid routine that he can count on?

This next suggestion is one I stumbled on when my "marches to his own drum" son hit a particularly bad year at school (2nd grade). We called it "popcorn" time. At the end of each day, my son and I would cuddle up and play "popcorn." He would say "popcorn" and I would gently tickle him, get him laughing. I'd stop when he said "stop popcorn." When we were content with our laughter, I would hold him close and tell him all the wonderful things he did that day, all the wonderful character traits I saw in him. It was silly and horribly misnamed, but ending the day with cuddles, giggles and compliments really took the sting out of spending the day out of sync with the rest of his world.

Additionally, you may want to consider that "marching to a different drummer" is a life-long thing, not something that is fixed within a year. Think marathon, not a sprint. For me, I had to learn to work to my son's strengths and help him find coping skills for his weaknesses. For example, my son performs best at school when he's NOT in a group. He doesn't suffer fools well and often exploded in class when kids were just being goofy, immature kids. In fact, he's the kid who could work quietly by himself in the hall and still get a fine education. We had to teach him to recognize his "danger signals" (as in, "I'm feeling myself get angry" or "I'm about to explode") and then ask the teacher for a time out to cool off. If it was recess, we taught him to just walk away and take some time to himself to regroup (the deep breathing techniques we taught him also worked). It took a lot of years and a lot of hard work, but now, in the 8th grade, he does a great job advocating for himself. If I'm dealing with teachers, it's about grades, not behavior.

Another strategy I used are "goody tickets." My MIL used these with her brood of 5 kids, three of whom were special needs kids. When a child is "caught" doing something well or correctly, he earns "goody tickets" which are then "cashed in" for a treat, such as play dates, tv time, or whatever your son enjoys doing. If punishment (the "stick") doesn't work, this technique offers an incentive & reward (the "carrot"). I had his teachers involved in goody tickets from preschool forward to about jr. high school. All but two of his teachers loved it and it was those two where he struggled the most. Goody tickets combined with significant training on doing something because it's "the right thing to do" is best. My son now does many things he hates because he's learned "it's the right thing to do." Again, it takes time.

Whatever stratgey/strategies who choose will take consistency. But, I know you know that! <wink>

Sorry, this is much longer than I expected. Good luck.

Hi
I didnt read all your feed back but I think you should keep him in preschool because now he will have to get ready to transition to kinder. I had similar issues with my son. I put him in preschool at age 3 & had to remove him at 4 1/2 because we moved but he missed it so much. Even though he would get in trouble it helped him prepare for kinder & I dont have any problems now. Maybe your son was too young at first but taking him out now would not really benefit either one of you. Maybe you can work with his teacher & get a routine going where he has to listen obey & follow rules. Punishing him isnt going to solve the issue. You can still give him the parent time with you after he goes to preschool .Hope this helps a little. Preschool helped my son be ready for kinder & it teaches them so much. Good luck. Hang in there.

Huh.

Well, "He has attention only for his interests" is CLASSIC adhd... and the rest sounds like some of the better & lesser well known aspects

- Cause & Effect issues = "impulse control" (may well know cause and effect, but doesn't think of them before doing x) AND the ADHD quirk of 'negative consequences' working maybe 10 % of the time, but postive consequences working 90% of the time ((which is reversed from neurotypical kids. WIth ADHD kids you want to grind in the RIGHT thing to do, instead of the wrong thing to avoid... you want the knee jerk response to be the right thing, because they/we won't stop to think about not doing the wrong thing)).

- Invading space = not reading social cues (which is hallmark of ADHD)

- Tantrums (do yours last 30+ minutes EASILY?)... that's a couple different aspects; sensory issues + emotional roller coaster + hyperfocus (also why negative consequences RARELY work: the kid focuses on how much they hate the consequence INSTEAD of what got them to that consequence... ADHD kids don't learn to avoid pain, they learn to seek feeling good... again, opposite of neurotypical kids)

I could go on and on and ON with what your wrote.

If you also said your son was gifted (adhd-i and adhd-c kids are pretty much always gifted, adhd-h kids tend to be *physically* gifted) OR gets really, really intensely focused on something and doesn't transition well (hyperfocus), I'd lay $100 on the table right now that if you had an ADHD eval done, you'd get your answer. Even without those two things... I'd STILL lay down money.

Check out these two sources and see if you SEE your son in these

www.additudemag.com

&

http://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy/dp/07432... ((yes, the bottom one is technically for "adults" but I recommend it to parents all the time, because it's a lot easier to SEE the entire disorder. Positives and Negatives...while ones written for parents tend to be nowhere near as well done

R.; ADHD-c mum to and ADHD-c kiddo (and auntie to ADHD-h & ADHD-i kiddlets.... <grin> I have a FUN house when all 3 of them are iving here :):):) )

I second S. H and Cheerful M's answers. Consider a different preschool. Maybe Montessori. As a note, years from now, marching to the beat of his own drum, may mean he's the next inventor of the Facebook or Google of his time....Great thinkers are not necessarily round pegs who "conform". I'm not saying it's good that he's having behavioral issues. Just saying there are other answers.
But don't remove preschool. Maybe just find another one that more suits your son.

I had one of those kids!

If he is acting up at school, they need to fix that. By the time you get him home, it's too late. That said, you can work with the school so that the rules and consequences are the same regardless of the situation.

Mine was in speech therapy, too... It comes down to this: They missed some part of their development because they couldn't hear correctly due to ear infections or something else. Should you freak out? No. You can fix this.
My solution:
You need to be very structured at home -- rules are rules. If the rules get broken, he pays the consequence. We posted the rules. We reviewed the rules. We restated the rule as we put him in time out...
Praise the good behavior when you see it.
Put him in Karate. They will teach him all about self control, self discipline, and they'll run the excess energy off. My son got a black belt... no easy feat. :-)
My kid - the one who got kicked out of Sunday School and told to never come back - that one -- he is on an Army ROTC scholarship at college.

It will be a lot of work on your part to be absolutely structured, but you can do it. You must never bend the rules. You must never give in.
LBC

He may has Aspergers.

I would recommend keeping him in preK, since he is at least receiving some structure as well as speech therapy. Talk to your pediatrician to see if he can be referred to a Behavior/Developmental Specialist. Call your insurance (or look in your manual) nowadays you don't need a pediatrician's referral to be seen by a psychologist, there should be a list of available ones in your area that take your insurance, and go see them. Demand a new IEP from the school. The school district has their own psychologists and since he already has an IEP, they can have him evaluated, especially since the new teachers are making comments/complaining of his behavior. As a last option, call or go to the closest Regional Center. They do all asessments for free and deal mostly with kids until they turn 3, but they have an intake for children over 3. If he was transitioned to the school system by them, which sounds to be the case, they already have his case file, and should be able to get reassessed. Don't delay, get him worked up to get a diagnosis and all the help he can get the earlier, the better, so that things are better once he starts kinder next fall. Good luck!

I strongly encourage you to look into a token reward system. My son has severe behavioral issues. He gets enough punishments and negative energy all on his own without making a list of what else is going to happen.

Here's what we used:
Huge pile of poker chips. Ours were red, white and blue, and each color represented a different value.
Long list of rewards. This included things like a hug or being told "good job!," an extra book at storytime, trips to the park, having friends over, going out to eat where he wanted. We also had some big ones that were important to him (roller blades and a silver helmet come to mind). Oh, and he had some that were specifically to be redeemed at school, like telling a joke at the end of the day.
It doesn't have to be things that cost money, but it *has* to put the emphasis on positive attention. And it requires immediate follow-through when he does something well. I will be honest, it's a lot easier to notice and deal with the problems right away... at first. But if the adults around him can retrain themselves, he will also catch on.

Best wishes!

Did you talk to your pediatrician about his behavior?

Also, how long is he at school during the day? I know of a child that has similar issues. For his situation, he is dropped off at school at 7am and picked up at 6pm. :-( In my opinion, I think this length of time away from home/parents can be detrimental for the child.

You seem to be doing everything you can to assist him and find answers. Definitely asking him to follow rules is a good thing but is always a constant effort as well as the parents have to be the dilligent party to endure that they are followed and consequences are given...ugh..sad part of being a parent.

Once he is of Kindergarten age (if not now) your local school district should be able to support testing for him. I had to send in a written request and they had to get me a date within 30 days.

My son was in PreK for 2 years to allow for his behavior to improve but I am honestly unsure that helped at all considering for him it was not his "choice", he was/ is ADHD. The sooner we learned to help him out and get him on a better track was when his academics and patience improved..but it was not always easy for his teachers and us.

Best of Luck to your family :)

Hi, First off, being proactive is the way to go! Your sous lucky to have you. This sounds a lot like what we went through with my son who is now 10. I don't actually have time to write down everything we have done and tried for the last 6 years... But let me tell you... It's a lot. My son is doing great! Here is what I suggest before you do anything... Go see a specialist. We see a neurodevelopmental pediatrician. There are other types of docs too that you can see. We pay out of pocket for our specialist and the initial tests were a lot, but it was worth it. They give us forms to submit to our insurance so we get some money back. You will no doubt have a bumpy road but you will figure it out. My son is different but his differences also include high intelligence, sense of adventure, sensitivity, etc. Good luck! T.

Sound like my son. You can try to call your school district to see if he can get an evaluation from psychologistic. My school district has this service and my son was not really any health problem but, behavioural issue. They refered him to a school specializing the helping the kids with some disabiltiy and get them ready to kindergarten as their goals. So, my son has been attending and now for a year. GREAT help! you can't believe it.... Typical preschool can't do this. At least we tried 3 preschools before this one.