5 Year Old, Ignores People, Often Seems to Live in a Dream World

Sounds a bit like my daughter who has ADD. Have her hearing evaluated for a processing problem, not just for the actual funtioning of the ears themselves. Sometimes the communication between the right and left lobes of the brain isn't functioning like it should be, and while all the information goes in, it doesn't get processed like it should. A good nose, ear and throat doc. can do tests with her to see if that is going on.

Please don't make the mistake of assuming she is "choosing" to ignore people. If she does have processing or attention issues, she's not making any choices in the matter. Her brain is doing it for her. Good luck!

Does she look at you or other people in the eyes when you speak to her?

Has she had her hearing tested?

Has she always had this sort of behavior?
I agree with the other moms, she needs to be evaluated.. It is easy to have her hearing tested, but ask the school if they can provide an evaluation.

She reminds me of one of my nephews that has a high functioning Asbergers and sensory issues.

Yup... you just described a TEXTBOOK ADHD-i kid (or how an adhd-c kid is part of the time)

There's 3 kinds of adhd. ADHD-i stands for "inattentive".

They've changed the wording recently to reflect that there is hyperactivity in ALL aspects of ADHD. With ADHD-i the hyperactivity is MENTAL.

((ADHD-h, the hyperactivity is physical, and ADHD-c the hyperactivity is both mental AND physical; it trades off. In fact I often describe being adhd-c as "When my mind is moving, my body is still; and when my body is moving, my mind is still."))

There's a whole lot that goes into adhd of any flavor ((certain things are almost always a part of; giftedness -ESP with adhd-i kids-, sensory issues, emotional swings or intensity or 'blankness', HYPERFOCUS, hypofocus being able to hold more than 1 thought in your mind at the same time -most hold between 3-5 at the same time... squishing down to just ONE is as difficult for us as trying to think of 2 things at the same time is for neurotypical people. EXAMPLE: How many conversations can you hold simultaenously? Can you have 2 people speaking to you at the same time? YES talking over each other. Now add 3 more people, and that's our normal if we're hyperactive mental. NOW with those 5 people talking to you, also try to concentrate on something someone ELSE -like a teacher or parent- is saying to you))

Anyhow... like I said, a LOT goes into ADHD of any flavor. It actually has far more UPsides, than downsides... but the standard K12 schooling system couldn't be worse designed for ADHD kids. Sigh. Really. It's like sending a dyslexic kid to a reading-only school (no verbal instruction). Could NOT be better designed to bring out the worst in us. College is great (and most of us thrive there), but k12 is a nightmare.

BIG hint: If she's ADHD-i (or c) : Get her into a gifted program or gifted school and you will find a LOT fewer "behavior problems" because she'll

- a) daydream less, because the material is more interesting
- b) be less of a "bother", because off the wall questions are ENCOURAGED
- c) also be encouraged to chase down rabbit holes, or fly over 'boring' material/ aka work at her own pace instead of drift off into la-la-land while the teacher is explaining something she already knows to other students, or doesn't have time to answer her question (physically impossible for a teacher to answer every kid's question

ALSO: Read up. :)

www.additudemag.com is a great online source. There are also a number of great books out there. The one I hands down recommend is "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!?" by Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo. It's nominally for adult ADHD, but I recommend it to parents because it has a "whole life" perspective. As in you can really see how the disorder can benefit a person or NOT depending on their environment.

((A lot of ADHD is figuring out "work arounds", and ways to make the "negatives" positive. A HUGE number of olympic athletes are ADHD-h, for example. Why? Because they hyperfocus on physical things and CAN practice for 10 hours a day with almost no break. A huge number of ADHD-i folk are writers(fiction, journalism, etc.) because they want to chase down the stories in their minds, or Artists (again, to bring their imagination into real life), and scientists, researchers. More ADHD-C folk are surgeons or trauma docs (because both require standing or moving for loooooong periods of time) than other kinds of doctors that require more sitting. The CLASSIC "absent minded professor"? The person who is TOP in their field, but their office is an absolute disaster, and it's a good thing their head is screwed on or they'd walk off without it? ADHD. Soooooo classic ADHD. Most people who are really happy with their ADHD are those that have sculpted their lives so that there are as few downsides as possible. Like by hiring a maid, and entering into a career that makes USE of their natural talents, and by being lucky enough to attend a school that appreciates and encourages the kind of dynamic mind they have, instead of driving them bonkers.))

Ugh. I'm rambling, for which I apologize. My son (and therefore myself) have been up for 40 hours straight, so I'm a little punchy. ((He's on a new steroid for his asthma that is giving him insomnia something fierce))

But "daydreamy"? So lost in their own world that they could get hit by a truck and not notice, but perfectly normal the next minute? Classic ADHD-i.

Could it be something else? Possible. Absent seizures, malnutrition, etc. But DO read up, and seriously consider an eval (part of that eval will be ruling out medical causes like seizures, malnutrition, etc.)

honestly, the school needs to evaluate her for any additional assistance.

This is a complete shot in the dark, and most probably won't apply to you... and I am certainly not qualified to make any kind of a diagnosis for you, BUT here is some food for thought...

I recently saw a show on Discovery Health about a little boy who was just not quite right. His parents knew it, but doctors kept dismissing it. He would "zone out" at times from the world, his eyes would glaze over, he would be oblivious to the people around him, talking to him, as if he was in a deep, deep daydream... then moments after, he'd snap out of it, and be relatively 'normal' again... This started, I believe, in infancy, or at least early in toddlerhood for him, but I don't believe they diagnosed him until he was 4 or so? Finally, the parents thought to capture one of these episodes on video and show it to his doctors... well then, the doctors took notice...

As it turned out, after much evaluation and testing, they discovered that this little boy had celiac disease (very basically, from what I understand, celiac disease is where a reaction to eating gluten destroys the lining of the small intestine, rendering it unable to digest the nutrients in food, which essentially leaves a person malnourished as a result...)

As a result of his malnutrition and what was going on with his body from taking in all the gluten, he was having seizures, aka, the "zoning out" episodes. When they finally identified that he had celiac disease, and modified his diet to eliminate gluten, the seizures disappeared, and he became a fully functional child, indistinguishable from other 'normal' children.

There WAS a medical cause for his episodes. After seeing that show, with what you describe, I would definitely seek a thorough medical evaluation to rule out any medical possibilities, as well as any developmental or sensory issues. Of course, it could also be nothing at all, and will work itself out as she grows... but if it were my child, and I truly sensed something not quite right, I think I'd look for answers...

Best wishes to you!

Have you mentioned her tuning the world out to her pediatrician? Since it's not her hearing you may want to pursue it further and find out if there's a medical reason she does this. Various forms of autism, ADHD or petit mal seizures are some things I'd ask about.

This is going to be a weird answer, but you are basically describing me as a kid. As far as I know I was this sweet, quiet little girl, but save for one, my grade-school teachers never really liked me b/c I spent my childhood in a dream world. I was also severely bullied as a child (nonstop from K-5th grade) and my imagination was my refuge. The worse things got, the more I coped by just withdrawing into my head. And, for whatever it's worth, today I'm fine. I'm not the CEO of the world or anything, but I'm the managing editor of a prestigious academic journal, and a generally solid citizen. I'm still quite the introvert, but the great thing about surviving to adulthood is that people let you be who you are.

So ... shot in the dark, but you might think about what could be happening *externally* to make your daughter live her life so *internally.* Bullying is one of many possible culprits, but I do recommend considering the possibility. Bullied kids are typically so ashamed of what's happening that they go to all sorts of lengths to hide it from their parents.

Have you had her screened for Autism Spectrum disorder? I am certainly not a doctor but alarm bells are going off in my head. I work with special ed elementary level kids. Please discuss your concerns with your child's doctor and get the appropriate referral. School can also help you with some screening. Good luck

My 5 year old is the same way but she is in the autistic spectrum. She says "hi" a lot but has no real follow up. She comes across as real social and her conversations appear appropriate. For instance when we are out on a bike ride and she sees another kid on a bike, she would yell, "Can I ride with you?" or when the dad is with the kids, she would ask, "Where's your mom?" It all sound appropriate unless of course you know that those are both lines from her favorite movie, Ponyo.

I am not saying your child is but I personally would err on the side of caution. Kids like mine tend to over focus on some things and are said to appear to live in a world of their own. Mine used to blank out and not respond to me calling her name. We ruled out hearing loss she was seen by a neurologist and was dxd autistic at 2 years old.

Ask your ped to refer her to an OT for screening - she could have some sensory issues that are consuming her attention.

We have an almost 4-yr-old with SPD, and he sometimes displays similar behaviors (for him, the current "biggie" is when one fingernail is ragged) - we can't have a conversation or get him to focus on completing a one-step task until the fingernail is filed smooth. When he was younger, he'd focus so intently on the sound of the windchimes down the street or a rotating fan that I'd have to cup his face in my hands and call his name repeatedly to get him to acknowledge me. We initially worried that he had Asbergers.

Sure, have her evaluated, but don't be overly concerned. My husband, daughter (and I'll admit, sometimes myself) get overly focused on the seemingly strangest things and really don't hear what's being said--especially if it's not prefaced by an attention getter (calling out name, tap on the shoulder, etc.).

See if your daughter is more receptive when you get on her level(in her line of sight), use her name at the beginning of what you have to say and try meeting her eyes. The situation with the teacher could also be a bit of an embarrassment or confusion situation as well--something I've seen with a lot of kids -- when they know they've done wrong and are embarrassed about it OR when they really don't comprehend why they are being scolded many kids will look for something "comforting" to focus on--a piece of string, a strand of hair, the mole on their teacher's nose :D, their thumbs....
It's frustrating for adults, but focus on bringing her attention back to where it should be.

Have you asked her why she is doing this? Our son will do this same thing. He was worse when he was 5 and is much better now at age 7. He was purposely ignoring us bc he did not want to do what we were saying. Luckily he answers truthfully! :) We have had serious talks with him about how you have to look people in they eye and answer them when they talk to you. Otherwise you are being rude. At home we will make him stop ignoring us and come and answer properly. He got away with it x number of times so it worked for him for a bit. I don't know if the same thing is going on with your daughter but if it is, just make sure she does not get away with it ever. Each time make her come over to you, look at you, and answer properly. Then praise praise praise her for being polite and answering.

This DOES sound like my 5YO a bit. (He's the one I posted about regarding "schedules"...) Kinda similar in that it usually takes 3 or 4 shoutings of his name to get him to look your way. Again, he is totally focused on what HE wants to do, and you could be on another planet for all he is concerned. I've already gotten the phone call from the Kindergarten teacher - and I'm considering getting him evaluated by the school district - the pediatrician thinks he is "great!" so, it doesn't seem like there are any physical warning signs I'm missing. *sigh* Every person is different. I just wish school districts had more flexibility in their criteria.

Perhaps have her evaluated for ADD or Aspergers. She might just be inattentive and she'll grow out of it, or it's something more. These behaviors could be the two things I mentioned. Only way to know for sure is to get her evaluated.

My daughter who is 4.5 years old is very similar. I had her evaluated and they suspect sensory disorders. This is all new to me, they recommended I read a book called "The Out Of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz and Lucy Jane Miller am reading it now and it's very interesting.

I have to say that my almost 5 year old daughter does the exact same thing. She will say hi to almost any random person. If I introduce her to someone or someone speaks directly to her all of a sudden she's shy or like you said, totally ignores them. She is very social and outgoing so I too cannot believe her behavior. It's all on her terms. I get very upset with her because it comes across as rude or like she doesn't know better (and she absolutely does know better). I am hoping it's just a phase and as she gets older she will get better. I know I am not giving you any advice but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Good luck!

O.,
My thought would be - she's not ready for kindergarten. Truly I think few are. But to be molded into something she's not - too early - and possibly not right, ever, for her. I'm one of those kids who would have benefited far more from being 'home schooled' than being set loose in an institution.

not acknowledging her teacher is very likely an effort on her part to process what the teacher is asking. Either start her later or school her at home so she will benefit from any learning she will do - rather than cow her to the system.

Good luck,
M.