Swats at School

When I was in school and swats were an option my mom always sent a note at the beginning of the year stating if one of her children needed swats they were to call her and she would come to the school and give them herself. This made her feel more in control and as we got older it was way more embarrasing for mom to come give swats than having the teacher do it.

PLEASE DON'T LET THIS GO ON!!!! My responce to swats at school was to ignore the teacher, dislike my principal, and avoid my parents. I honestly do not remember why I was swatted at school; I only remember that it happened several times over many years. It does NOT work.
I was not a BAD kid... but I certainly had difficulty in school. It was not a dislike for learning or lack of intelligence or disreguard for others... it was a inability to deal with the classroom setting/structure and a difficulty understanding others & controlling my reactions.

One of the LAST things our Aspie children need is someone swating them. Physical touch is often painful to Aspie children. The child is already functioning on overload and then you are permiting someone to physicaly inflict pain.

Aspies process input of information differently + are unable to express themselves as easily = this will result in their withdrawing more as they learn they can't be heard or understood. People who do not fully understand Aspie thinking will feel frustrated with the child easier and the escalation to "last resort" status will happen faster.

The result of corporal punishment on Aspie/Autistic Children can result in situations like a young boy (age 11) that I can no longer allow my Aspie daughter (age 9) around. He has become very ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and now hurts others when things get frustrating to him. He does not respect or respond to those who have used corporal punishment or threats on him because of Litural Thinking + a Limited Ability to make Cognative Connections + a Limited Connection to 'confusing' People.

Aspie thinking does not always result in "I did this behavior and the result was a spanking; changing the behavior will prevent further punishment" even if you tell them this and they say they understand. Instead this can be interpreted "That person is mean to me, they will not hear me, I do not have to do anything for them" or "I don't understand why they dislike me and hurt me = I will avoid them because they do not make sence".

Aspie children do not respond to punishment like other kids will. They do better with posative encouragement for smaller requests, longer processing time (particularly for expressing themselves), and the freedom to seperate themselves when things get overwhelming.

Remember also they may require several extra successfull prepetitions w/ posative reinforcement of a new behavior before it sinks in. If a behavior is already learned (and for my child the first exposure sets a standard) it will take longer than for other children to change.

My daughter didn't have any issues such as autism, but I still made it clear to school administrtors and teachers that they would NOT, under ANY circumstances, use corporal punishment on her. NOBODY was going to hit my child - period. If there was a behavior problem, they had my home, work, and cell numbers, and all they had to do was call me. She knew that if I had to come to school because she was misbehavng, that she would lose every single privilege she had. I never got anything but positive comments from her teachers regarding her work or her behavior.

What a hot topic! lol
Get ready for every side of this argument...
And people to tell you your son's school is barbaric, haha...

I can only tell you what I believe and what works VERY well for me--and has for thousands of years: Spanking.
As long as love is not left out of the equation, I have found it highly effective with my five children, as well as my niece whom I kept for a year. The only reason anyone even started questioning spanking was because of Dr. Spock in the 60's.
His son, incidentally, killed himself...

The screaming, angry, I'm-spanking-you-because-I'm-mad stuff never works. But orderly, loving, well-explained corporal punishment has always worked. Only after it was removed from schools (along with God) did you see all these school shootings, and utter disrespect toward administrators. Many kids realize they can't be spanked and thus have the upper hand, and therefore take it.

Don't worry! You are a very good mother or you wouldn't be concerned. But if you ask me, you're doing the right thing.
I thank God there are still schools which will do that. One of the reasons I homeschool is so that my children will be disciplined with they need it.

Blessings to you and your precious son,
H.

I would ask if the swats are a result of something to do with the Aspergers. If so, I wouldn't think that swats would be helping. If he is intentionally doing something and getting in trouble, then I don't see a problem. If you feel horrible about someone else giving him the swats, you could ask the school if they would call you when he gets in trouble and then you could give him the swats. I myself do not think that spanking a child is wrong, if it is justified and not excessive. I was spanked and I was not emotionally scarred by any means.

I agree with the other comments about the sensitivity of this issue. In the end, it is your choice as to how you allow the school to discipline your son. My one bit of input would be this - how do you discipline your son at home? Having been exposed to Asperger's, I know that one of the most critical aspects of raising a child with Asperger's is to provide consistency, reliability, and the comfort of knowing what to expect. My thought is that the most critical issue is questioning whether or not the swatting at school is consistent with the methods of discipline at home. If swatting is something you do at home, then your son will be better able to respond to the discipline of his teachers if they discipline in the same way. If you do not use this method at home, there might be a disciplinary confusion. An "average" child could handle this transition because they understand the uniqueness of people and situations, but an Asperger's child does not make that distinction, and consistency is crucial. From the perspective of a mother, that is how I would approach this decision were it placed before me. Hope that helps!

personal i dont at all believe in any school staff of any kind swatting a child. if the child is out of control then the parent or grand parent needs to be called and they go to the school to help redirect the child into a possitive situation. we as parents/grand parents arent allowed to swat our kids and so either should any staff at school. i believe they are not in the right to do so by any means. there are other directions that can be taken to redirect kids into a possitive situation. mom of three and grandma of eight have been through this with schools. and no way will i ever stand for any adult at thier school to even swat my kids or grand kids. so talk to social services about this school. and if you can try putting your kid into a special school that can understand him better then a regular school can. good luck. and happy holidays.

Hi S.,

I don't see anything wrong with the swats at school as long as the teacher understands that it is the LAST resort for him. Also, if they plan on swatting him, they need to let him call you or have someone call you to let you know what is going on. Just don't want it to be a surprise to you. But, you are doing the right thing.

M.

I have a 15 year old daughter and 10 year old son. Both of them are at schools which still use corporal punishment. I have always given consent and they know that. My opinion is that you and the administration MUST me partners in discipline. The kids have got to know it. My son recently received a pink slip for talking back to a teacher. It broke my heart and I really wanted to fight it. But, he has been able to work on this behavior now, and grow into a better "man". I don't want to stand in the way of them growing. Always, ask everyone involved for the whole story, though. That way you can make an informed decision.

I would be worry too a unless I know for a fact that same is 1 with the teacher when he get swat or 2 a different teacher does the swatting that way the teachers emotions would not over come her it is too easy to push the line between a small swat and too much.

This may or may not apply to you since your son is 6 (the article mentions toddlers but it is probably still worth checking into), but for anyone who has a young child with autism, there is a program called Early Foundations here in OKC. This is an amazing program by the Department of Education. Google "oklahoma early foundations" and you should come upon an article on newsok.com website. The newspaper ran an article on the program in November. Good luck!

This is so personal that I honestly believe that it should be made by you and your husband. Everyone has his or her own opinions, but what works for one family may not work for another. I don't have any experience with Autism so I'm not sure if it would affect a child differently than one that does not have it. I personally don't believe in spanking, but again, that's just me. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Hey S., with the Aspergers Syndrome i would tell them that they HAVE to contact you before they do any swatting. Our boys didn't have those type issues but we didnt' want anyone swatting our boys without our prior knowledge. i really don't feel that that is too much to ask....I am not opposed to this type action if it's necessary but i, as the parent, want that control over what happens with my kids. if it's warented then swat away but i want to know before it happens...good luck...R.

I cannot believe that in this day and time that we live in, that any school still allows any physical punishment. Times have really changed since we were in school, huh? That being said, I am not opposed to swatting. However, I am not sure that I agree to it with other people. I feel that my husband and I are the only people that should physically punish our children if needed. I would allow their grandparents or aunts to do so as well, if they were in danger of hurting themselves or others. I just cannot trust that someone without the vested interest we have in our own children will use it responsibly. However, you may know his teachers well and feel comfortable with them and trust their judgement. I do think there are other forms of discipline (way different than punishment) that teach children consequences of their actions. I think spanking builds anger in children. Have you ever read "Positive Discipline"? Its pretty interesting. However, I know many wonderful kids that I would be proud if my children took after, that grew up being swatted or spanked. I know I am not much help...I have debated myself on this issue as well! My sister is a 2nd grade teacher and at her school they are not allowed to use corporal punishment, therefore they must rely on the parents to be the end all to discipline. Many times the parents want to push it back on the teachers even though the teachers hands are tied on what they can do. So there the child is in this limbo land of being bounced back and forth between teacher and parent on the discipline. It can be very frustrating and makes for an obnoxious kid. The parent must do their part if they are going limit the teacher on disciplining. That means finding something that works in place of corporal punishment. I am not in your shoes and I do not know too much about your son's condition. However, with my minimal knowledge, I would probably not be okay with teachers swatting my child. Obviously, you are trying to do what is best for your child and you love him very much.

<Blink, blink> In what state is this not against the law???? I swat my kids, but I think everyone's threshold is different. I would not consent to someone else deciding how hard and when it is appropriate.

Hope this helps,
~K.