Our 14 week old ALWAYS cries herself to sleep during daytime naps, no matter what we do. We try to put her to sleep as soon as she shows signs of sleep by picking her up and rocking, singing, etc. but no matter what she NEEDS to cry. We haven't decided to do CIO until we find out more about it, especially at this age, but it is inadvertently becoming that and we feel so guilty.
Lately she never lets me put her down either-it used to be that we could sneak her into bed after she had fallen asleep. If we put her down directly, and just try patting her and singing to her, she cries even more. It is just not practical for me anymore- I don't get anything done except in the 45 minutes that she's cheerful between each feed/nap cycle. And as she gets older and heavier, it's getting painful.
Thanks for all the advice. Our doctor said this didn't qualify as colic as she only cries before naps, and not for hours on end. Otherwise she's pretty happy. But swaddling her for her naps has helped a LOT!
I read the "no Cry Sleep Solution" book and it helped me tremendously. It gave me perspective on what sllep patterns are like and taught me that what I thought I knew was soooo far from the truth. I highly suggest reading it.
I had this issue with naps too. Do you still swaddle her? My daughter only slept in her swing or bouncer till she was nearly 9 mo old, she slept in her bed all night though. Have you tried the swing? She may need the motion. The other way we got ours to sleep was rocking while standing. I will try to explain...almost put a bounce to your step and move around the room while holding her and patting her bum in the rhythm. My daughter HAD to HAVE constant movement.
Is she hungry? Our other big issue, too hungry to sleep, to tired to eat. Huge battle.
Is she gassy?
Another trick....take 2 receiving blankets. Fold them in half, then roll them like you would roll up a tortilla. When you lay her down, put one on each side of her, this helps a tun!!!
Lastly, I was so against this, but caved. Use a pacifier for sleep.
i would swaddle and start a short routine for the day naps and a similar longer routine at night. a book healthy sleep habits (i think that's the title) helped us when my daughter was little. we tried CIO and it wasn't for us, but the book helped me get a schedule that the baby liked. it took a while, and i was tired most of the first year. good luck, it gets better. :)
When my daughter was that young I had the same situation. My sister-in-law suggested letting her nurse herself to sleep or if bottle fed let her have some of her bottle. Wait until she gets sleepy, sit down and give her the bottle or let her nurse till she falls asleep. She will basically fall asleep, stop sucking then you should be able to lay her down. Don't worry she won't be getting too much to eat. It's soothing to her.
Let me know if it works.
Lonie
Have you checked with her pediatrician about possible Colic or inner ear troubles?
Have you considered that she might have reflux? That could be why she is so upset/uncomfortable when you lay her down. It can be horribly painful and the little ones do not understand what is happening to them. There was a preemie in the crib next to my son in the hospital that would go to town crying and as soon as the nurses picked her up she was fine. Come to find out she had reflux. Needed meds and a wedge designed for the crib to help elevate her.
Look into a mei tai or mayawrap. Both are very versatile and grow with baby and would allow you to have free hands. My mayawrap saved my life with my high needs preemie.
And yes, she is far too young to even consider the Ferber (commonly referred to as cry it out) method. Even Dr. Ferber doesn't recommend this until at least age 6 months.
As someone else suggested look up 4th trimester and that will give you other ideas on how to soothe her. Dr. Sears also has great info on the "high needs" baby. But I would start with investigating if she has reflux.
Much too early for CIO (and for many babies, that will never be a good option).
I strongly recommend Dr. Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block. Learn about the "Third Trimester," why your baby still needs lots of holding, rocking, thumping, white noise, swaddling, and how you can best meet those needs.
Good luck. In a couple of months, those needs will gradually change to others.
When my son was this little, he took many, many naps in a soft infant carrier that I could strap to me. I liked the ergo, but there are many other choices out there. That way, he was happy because it was "in my arms" and I was happy because I could get a little work done. He didn't mind if I was washing dishes or sweeping or doing laundry. Just don't cook or work with anything hot while you're wearing her! It's a tough period, but it doesn't last forever. Hang in there!
I have a 13 week old and just started using a sleep positioner and it has worked wonders. Basically I think she feels like she is still being held with the two things on her side. We also swaddle at night but not during naps. Otherwise if she won't nap in her crib I try the swing, bouncy seat and myself or a car ride as a last resort! My daughter also crys right before falling asleep. We laugh now but the first few weeks we were so stressed but it's sort of like she needs that last roar before conking out. It has gotten less and less as she grows so now she'll cry for a minute or two but before it could have been 10-20 minutes.
I know they say back is best but try propping her on her side or even on her belly. If you are worried put the pack n' play in sight and check on her every so often. Good luck!
Take a breath. She will not remember the CIO method, you are a good parent and each infant is different from the next... My thoughts are with you.......
Updated
Take a breath. She will not remember the CIO method, you are a good parent and each infant is different from the next... My thoughts are with you.......
My daughter was the same way the thing that worked with her was to swaddle her nice and tight, feed her and place her in the dual motion swing still swaddled tightly! She thought she was still in my arms and I was able to get much more done during the day! Good luck to you!
You say you pick her up as soon as she shows signs of being sleepy. Is she crying at that point? If not, then perhaps you should leave her alone when she shows signs of sleepiness - maybe she starts crying because you disturb her and once she starts, she just keeps going. Also, if she's going to cry whether or not you pick her up, then I say don't pick her up. I mean, truly, if she's still going to cry, what's the point?
I'm sorry--I remember how rough it is to have the period in a baby's life when you are stretched so thin and feel you can't get anything done. But please keep two things in mind; first, she is just a new little baby--still adjusting and developing and bonding. If she needs to be held, hold her. She must have quite a fear of her bed now knowing that some not-so-pleasant things happen there. She "cries even more" because she knows what's coming up next--you not picking her up to comfort her. Second, this too shall pass. It really is such a small amount of time in your/her life, and nothing is more important than bonding with her and making her feel secure and loved.
I know...you have a pile of dishes in the sink and laundry and bills to pay, etc. I hated how my house and life looked when my kids were little (heck, I still have trouble because they're home with me 24/7 and they're 4 and almost 2! Looking forward to preschool!), but 10 years from now that pile of laundry will not be there and the bond with your child hopefully will.
Two reads for you:
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html This will take you about 10 minutes and will help you to realize the damaging effects of CIO, both on their immediate health and on their long term mental health.
The book by Elizabeth Pantley, "The No Cry Sleep Solution". It's very fast, very concrete, and helped me get through both of these difficult stages with my kids. She's the mom of 4 and did experiment early on with CIO before she learned more. It's a must read, for sure--both of you will be sleeping better very soon!
Hello PB&J,
As the mother of 5 and the grandmother of several I ask you to please be mindful that this is only a infant. You are talking about a 14 week (3 1/2)old child not a 2 year old. If you talk with your doctor you may learn that the child has colic which means they will cry for hours day and night for months,at its worse and if mild only at certain times, -- for some of ours it was day and night and others it was only when they had to be in certain positions-- you might consider that at 14 weeks the baby only knows what you have taught it and can only communicate with crys. I really know the concern this can cause
and how helpless one can feel when you can't help your child. But as a parent this is alll you have to do, I can promise you that the housework will still be there when you can get to it. If someone complains then tell them to help you! I know that this is part of things we don't think about when have a child but you can plan on nothing ever getting done to your desire with a little one only around them.. In another 6-8 months the little one will be a bit more independent and you will get more done. Have you considered calling a family member or friends over to help you out? It is alright not to be "perfect" and "super woman" to do all you did before the child that is just the way things are. I used to hire a neighbor teen to come over and do the dishes when my children were little and to help with the other children just because I needed to be with the baby. At 3 1/2 months the baby should be gaining weight and growing to a new stage of progression you will learn to make adjustments for that as well. Just remember that parenthood is an adventure and journey none of us do it perfectly the first time and we all need help as we are learning, so build up a support system and see if a older neighbor can be of help if nothing else. I am grateful that you have continued to turn to Mama Source for input and support. We are all here for you.
You child has colic. my daughter was a colic baby and i did not get much sleep. I would give her gripped water, which i purchased at a heath food store and I would massage her tummy and back to sooth me. my mom bought this mint oil at an asian store called mansenilla (i'm filipino and my hubby is white, filipino has alot of od wives tale) it worked for us.
Good Luck and God Bless
