My newest little one is almost 2 months old, and while I love snuggling with him, he is making it impossible to get anything done lately. He normally is good at napping for 2-3 hours, twice a day, in his bed, but in the last week, he has only slept if I have held him ... if I lay him down in his bed, he wakes right up ... even if I wait for him to be in deep sleep. He eventually will stay asleep in his bed, usually around 4 pm, just long enough for me to make dinner for the kids, but he is awake again by 5pm. I love him dearly, but I would really like to be able to do stuff, like dishes, use the bathroom or eat. In the last two days, I have had a bowl of cereal and one plate of lasagna with broccoli and garlic bread, and I only got the cereal because his dad was home to hold him.
My mom keeps telling me to let him cry in his room, but if I do, his normally quiet cry that I can barely hear even with the baby monitor gets so loud I can hear him over running water ... is he old enough to let him cry himself to sleep while I clean or do something with my older children?
He hates his swing, the longest he has tolerated it is 10 minutes. He hates tummy time or laying on the floor, on a blanket. He has a paci and uses it, but it tends to fall out when he is asleep.
He loathes his car seat. I have to hold his pacifier in his mouth when we have to go anywhere, which I find dangerous and uncomfortable. I have a front/back carrier but its awkward to use. I won't cook anything while I hold him and my kitchen is too small to try anything one handed, not to mention he's too heavy to hold one handed. Dad helps when he's home, but he works a lot. My older kids (8&7) help when they can, but they're too young to carry him around and he's too heavy for them to hold long.
My older kids napped better and did not need to be held constantly. If I even lay Julius down so I can use the bathroom, he screams at the top of his lungs.
My sewer little one started spitting up a lot yesterday evening, so today, we went to the doctor. My little man has an ear infection, which explains his recent extra fussy behavior.
No--he's NOT old enough.
Much too young for CIO, IMO.
Google the "4th Trimester."
Hold him and get a blanket warmed up as you do.
With practice you will be able to avoid putting him down on a cold sheet--that's why they wake up.
Have you tried a wrap to wear him?
It's ridiculous you can't even eat.
Lots of moms eat while holding a baby!
???
(Hopefully, that's an exaggeration.)
Good luck!
No no no. My granddaughter is same age and is now being more consistent and can be put down for naps. A lot of the time she naps in her swing. Have you tried that or a vibrating seat. You need to be creative with newborns.
Ugh I had a long answer but it got deleted. Short version - he needs to be held. CIO is out of the question at this age. Get a wrap to make it easier to hold him.
If your mom wants to help, have her prepare some simple meals that you can throw in the microwave and eat with one hand. Have your husband take over when he gets home for an hour so that you can take a shower and cook dinner in peace if you want to.
WAY too young for cry it out. At this age, he doesn't even know that he is a separate being from you! His instincts tell him that he is vulnerable when he is alone, so he cries. He has no sense of time or object permanence- when you are away from him, you cease to exist FOREVER. When you ignore his cries, he is learning that his needs will not be met. That loud cry is him telling you that he is in danger and needs you. It will ultimately cause him to be more fussy, not less. If he falls asleep, it is because he exhausted himself crying, not because he learned to self-soothe. I highly recommend a baby carrier! You could also try either the bouncy chair or swing, which may give him the illusion of being held. Also encourage your husband to hold him more, particularly skin-to-skin. It will improve the bond with your husband and give you a break!
Your mom means well, but she is giving outdated advice.
He's too young to spoil.
All he knows is he's hungry or wants comfort (you holding him).
At that age, I tried everything!
Bouncy thing you lay him in. It's not a chair they bounce themselves. It's
a sideways "v" shaped piece of metal w/a little springy net stretched over
it that they lay on.
I would lay him on the next to me while I folded towels.
I used a baby carrier to get a few things done around the house (no
major cleaning or anything but just some basic things).
Have hubby hold him when he gets home while you eat dinner & rest for
a bit.
If someone comes over to visit or see the baby have THEM hold the baby
I used to have trouble getting my youngest to bed after he fell asleep in
my arms after breastfeeding or taking a bottle. A friend told me to take
advantage of a 10 min "window" after they fall sleep in your arms. Put
them down then. For ex., baby nurses or takes bottle, you burp, he falls
asleep, within 10 min (no more, no less) you put him down to sleep. The
trick is leaning way down into the crib or cradle w/him held tight to your
chest so he doesn't feel like he's falling. That wakes them up. I got good
at this. I used a cradle at first (got it ready before feeding) or w/the crib I
put the side down so I wouldn't have to lean way too far over.
Don't let him cry himself to sleep. He's too young. It's his only way of
letting you know he's hungry, wet etc.
Tummy time will come later.
He's ONLY two months old. What he's doing is normal and he needs to be with you. This is when you bond and continue bonding. Have you considered wearing him in a sling?
First off, read up on Dr. Ferber. He never once uses "crying it out." There's no such true method. And even Dr. Ferber doesn't recommend using his methods until babies are much, much older.
Then you have to realize that a baby his age can't be spoiled. It's impossible to spoil a baby. Responding to a baby's needs isn't spoiling them. They're too young to have wants right now. The only way he has of communicating with you is to cry, so to "cry it out" means you'd be ignoring his only method of communication and you'd be teaching him that you can't be trusted to be there when he needs you most.
At this age, you should know the difference between his urgent cries, what each cry means, which cries can wait a few minutes and which ones can't. I was able to tell through my girls' body language and type of cry when they needed a diaper change, feeding, holding, when they felt fear, etc. I prioritized based on that. But I always answered their cries. They didn't always need to be held but they did need to be responded to. Sometimes that just meant checking in and seeing if they could calm themselves, since two of my daughters were great at learning to self-soothe. Other times it meant I had to do something.
You can still do things with the baby and your older child/ren without directly involving the baby. Do you have one of those baby chairs from Fisher Price that vibrates? They lean back and can turn into a rocker. I had two of them because my girls loved them. They allowed us to include the girls in activities even though it only meant they watched and often fell asleep because they just needed to be part of the family. We never banished them just because I was spending time with an older sibling or doing laundry or cooking supper.
Babies are social creatures and we always encouraged that as much as we encouraged routines and naps and sleeping in the appropriate room, etc.
2 months is waaaay too young for sleep training, especially CIO.
6 months is when most people start sleep training. (Even then I'm not a fan of CIO...)
When my DD was that age, the only way I could put her down was if she was in her bouncy seat. She had reflux and colic, so we had several months of sleep deprivation where I was glued to her a lot. It's funny, because people told me I was spoiling her, but she is now nearly 4 years old and it seems like she has skipped a lot of the "terrible twos/threes" behavior, and is one of the more independent kids her age I have ever known. (And I have been taking care of young children for a LONG time)
I suggest wearing him when you need to get something done, and he needs to be held. I ate many, many meals with my daughter in my lap. I would put her in her bouncy seat, and bounce her with my foot as I did dishes. I had absolutely no problem with using the restroom while holding her. Lol.
How old are the other kids? Could you enlist their help... Maybe they can hold him, or if they are too small for that they can rock/bounce him in a seat.
It does suck to have baby attached all the time, but at this age they need the comfort of Mommy. For his entire life, he has been kept warm and secure in your womb... Suddenly, he was thrust out into this big, wide world. Two months isn't really much time to adjust... Some babies have a harder time, and need extra comfort until they are comfortable on their own.
At least this phase is fairly short lived. :)
I do know one trick... Put the shirt you wore the previous day down in his crib before putting him down. (It has your scent... Babies have a good sense of smell and can identify their mother. Especially if you are nursing.) you can also get a large fabric glove, fill it with rice, and sew the opening shut. Then you can use it at room temperature or warmed slightly in the microwave (be careful to only slightly warm it...) and use it to pat his back when he is laying down. When he is calm, leave he glove on him until he falls asleep. (Then take it away...) he may think it's your hand patting and soothing him.
he's too young to be 'spoiled' but yes, you have to be able to put your baby down sometimes! some like to wear their babies. another option is to get a little swing, or even a carseat, and get him used to napping close by you. and if all else fails and he's wailing (not fun for anyone, including your other family members), at least he's not stuck by himself in a room, internalizing that no one comes when he needs them. but new babies can make for a noisy life. if all his obvious needs have been met, and you have to do things like eat and shower, keep him close enough to see and hear you and so that you can touch him and murmur to him and kiss him, but don't feel you HAVE to pick him each time he cries.
nor, for that matter, that he HAS to sleep in his bed. if he cries himself to sleep on a blanket on the floor while you make dinner, nothing wrong with him sleeping on a blanket on the floor while the rest of you eat!
there's a big, good middle ground between wearing your baby and no-contact CIO. it's good training for everyone, for the family to learn to carry on through the baby's roars sometimes, and for the baby to learn to sleep in a variety of scenarios.
Get a baby sling so you can hold him and still have your hands free. When an infant cries, it's because he has a need that isn't being met and crying is the ONLY way he has of letting you know. At eight weeks old, being held is a NEED.
I was never a fan of cry it out, but it's not my opinion that counts. Medical experts, even those such as Dr Ferber who believe in CIO say that it's not meant for babies under six months. A two month old needs to be held and soothed, and not left to cry for more than a minute. Wear him in a sling. Only put him down when he's deeply asleep. Wrap him in your shirt. Also, are you nursing? If so, maybe something you're eating (garlic?) is upsetting his tummy.
Get help if you can - a teen mother's helper, your mom to hold the baby or bring you some freezer meals. If you have a husband, he needs to step up more. YOu have a newborn baby and two other kids. For the newborn, he is not manipulating you. Closeness and holding are a need for him. He does not realize yet that you are a separate person who comes and goes throughout the day. Also babies who are held more thrive better - better weight gain, higher IQ.
Good luck
Congrats on your little bundle of inconvenience! Six months is considered by developmental researchers to be the earliest you should even consider CIO. A few minutes of crying probably won't harm your baby, but subjecting him to long or frequent spells of distress can cause permanent changes to growing structures in the brain and lead to long-term problems. There's quite a bit of research on this, now that babies' brains can be scanned during different moods and activities. And a "long" cry for an infant under 3-4 months is probably very short, a few minutes at most.
Consider wearing the baby, even if it's not "comfortable." When I raised my daughter, who needed almost constant holding for her first 4 months, I found a huge, clunky Kelty backback (the only commercially available baby carrier in the 70's) allowed me to cook and do basic housekeeping while she contentedly napped. It was not comfortable for me, but it did free up my hands. Necessity is a mother, right? Today, I would have a much trimmer set of carriers, on for front or side, one for back. They are much nicer now, but may never be really comfortable.
Another solution that worked for us when my daughter became bigger and more interested in watching what was going on was to set her portable seat up on the kitchen counter where I could chat with her and she could see what was going on.
He's way too young for cry it out.
He needs to be held.
Didn't you hold your older kids?
Let your Mom do things with the older kids and/or help with other chores if she doesn't want to hold him herself.
Learn to eat while you're holding him.
Get a baby carrier/sling so you can wear him and have your hands free.
He won't be little forever.
Enjoy holding him while you can!
Nope, he's too young. This is why having infants is so exhausting. You don't have time for yourself, and you don't get much done when you have a 2 month old. That's normal.
At 6 months he can cry it out, not 2.
I feel your pain! It is so hard to have a little baby that you can't put down, especially when you have older kids to take care of. Unfortunately, he's not old enough yet to cry it out. Pretty much all doctors and sleep professionals recommend a minimum of 4-5 months and 14-15 lbs before CIO will work (the weight is more of an overnight thing, not so much for naps). Before 4-5 months, they just aren't developmentally ready to learn that and you pretty much have to just meet their needs.
You didn't mention a bouncy chair - have you tried one of those? I know he doesn't like the car seat or swing, but maybe somehow the bouncy would be better. If you have a high chair with a reclining position, you could also put him in that while you're cooking. That way, he'd be in the kitchen with you and at your height, so he'd be able to watch you the whole time.
It IS ok to let him cry for a few minutes so you can meet your needs. If he cries in the swing next to you while you're eating dinner, it certainly isn't enjoyable for you, but it shows him you're there and it lets you eat. It's ok to put him down and let him scream for five minutes while you go to the bathroom. But, to just leave him alone in his crib or in another room and expect him to cry himself to sleep can't happen for about 2-3 more months.
2 months old is not old enough to be spoiled. And I would not let him cry it out. Do you have a swing? I would put him in a swing and snuggle a blanket around him so it feels like your holding him. or in the car seat. my oldest grandson hated being flat down but would lay in his car seat. in fact he slept in it a lot when he was a new born as it was the only way he would sleep longer than half an hour lol. good luck
forgot to ask. does he have a pacifier? if not get one. that might help also.
He seems pretty normal to me.
And he naps, REAL good. You are lucky.
Are you nursing him????
Are you nursing him on demand?
Babies need that. Breastmilk metabolizes real quick. And babies nurse, a lot. AND they CLUSTER feed too. Which means, they will need to nurse/feed, even EVERY single hour. And this is completely normal.
Do you know his hunger cues?
Up until about 3 months old, I had my son in a Moses Basket. And then I could carry him about the house in that, even if he was napping. And it was fine.
Both my kids as babies, especially THAT young, nursed/fed ALL THE TIME. Day and night. 24/7, and they had HUGE appetites and grew like weeds. They would cluster feed like mad too, at that age. It is normal.
But per our Pediatrician, this is a "building block" period and babies need nourishment and to be fed on demand.
My daughter, WOULD NOT WOULD NOT WOULD NOT, cry it out. 2 months is too young. We tried this when she was about 6 months old. However, it would not work, with her. Then, my son, he was SO easy, to put to sleep and just to hang out. As long as I was nearby he was fine. My daughter on the other hand, was not that way. And she had LOTS of gas problems, which made her more CLINGY to me. She NEEDED me. She was uncomfortable. Gas pains are painful.
And she HATED, baby slings or carriers. ALL brands, which I tried.
So well, when I had to do things, I just kept her near, and that's it. And I learned to do things on the fly. And I got good at it.
That is life with a newborn.
Your son is very normal.
He is only 2 months old.
And they do not have the motor skills or coordination to hold their pacifier themselves. You have to do it.
Your other kids are older.
And they are able to be more self-sufficient.
Just explain to them that baby is so young. They can't do anything by themselves. When my son was born, I fully explained to my daughter about her baby brother's development. And how Mommy has to tend to him, but also tend to lots of things, BUT she CAN come to me and tell me her feelings and or stay by me and we can chat that way and bond. EVEN while I am breastfeeding. And it was really nice moments with her, that way.
You just find ways... to do things, with ALL the kids, even with a newborn and having to do everything else.
Every baby/child, is different.
My kid would never fail wake up from his nap as soon as I was about to have my first forkful. Then I wised up to it. I took to feeding myself as soon as he went to sleep. That way I could get some nourishment. The dishes could wait.
If the older one's can't mind baby, which I understand, maybe they can help with feeding mom, tackling dishes, cooking, laundry, etc.
Wishing you the best,
F. B.
When my babies were little and wouldn't nap in their cribs I used to take them for a drive. The motion of the car always put them to sleep. Once they were good and asleep I could take them (in their car seat) into the house and let them continue their nap in the car seat. Sometimes I had to keep the car seat right near me so I could rock it with my foot, but at least my hands were free. I would wait until baby is at least six months old to try the Ferber sleep training method.
BTW, I do not find it ridiculous that you aren't able to eat while carrying around a baby. I had the same problem. To get cereal I had to reach into a cupboard for the cereal, another cupboard for a bowl, get the milk from the fridge, pour cereal and milk one handed...etc. I found it to be an extremely difficult task to do all of that one handed and not wake the baby or make a huge mess. I also found wraps and baby carriers very uncomfortable, maybe because I am short waisted. I couldn't sit down without bending baby into an awkward position.
My youngest was like this. Everyone told me "she'll grow out of it". Well... She's 2 1/2 now and still asks to be held constantly! Some kids are just high need. I would look into whether it's colic or perhaps a stomach issue. With my daughter her tummy always bothered her. Gas drops did nothing for her. But as she got older I noticed that her stools were bigger and harder than they should be. They'll even cause her to scream out in pain. So I have to watch her food and digestion. I believe she has IBS. As an infant she always wanted to be held because it helped her stomach. She even slept on her stomach all the time. Your child could be high need for a multitude of reasons. Do you have a sling? I had one, and it helped a lot. I also useda boppy pillow. After I was done nursing her I would prop her up on the pillow to nap.
When you need to do something like go to the bathroom he's just going to have to cry. If you need to cook dinner he's going to have to cry or be entertained by kiddos. They don't "have" to pick him up and carry him around, lay him on a blanket and let them sit with him and try to redirect him to playing with a toy they're holding.
He's used to getting what he wants. Not just what he needs. Allowing him to cry sometimes, just for a few moments, isn't bad. It's ignoring them so you can stay in bed or so you can train them to not cry is not good in my own opinion.
I would just figure out how to do things with the front pack...or try a sling. I have been there...
The other thing that helped was for me to let my babies sleep on their bellys. It was amazing how much better and longer they slept this way.
