SUPER Willful 2 Year old--I NEED HELP!

What I do my for willful DD is give her a chance to win in the situation. If it is a my way or the highway, then she just dig their heels in harder. If you want to do xyz then do this otherwise you lose that other activity. I tried have her choose between now and later but she later picks later and then I get another battle when later comes around.

It is hard because you want to raise them to listen to you but also think for themselves and retain that strong sense of self, too.

Hi J.,
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Wow how in the world did you know enough about my son to write that. You have perfectly described my son, Riley who turned 2 in April. (As I wrote that his sister screamed because he hit her) I wish I had some great advice for you, but alas as with your son, mine has being doind it since day one. Nothing seems to work, he's great when he wants t be, but when he doesn't (oh great now he is sitting on her) oh man look out. I can't help, but I just wanted you to know that someone else out there is going through the same thing. P.S. I'll be watching the responses, let me know if you hear anything that works!
Good Luck,
A.

Edited version:
In response to Angela S.
Perhaps he is thinking he is in control. But I thingk not, he is out of control! He is two and I watch Nanny 911 and Supernanny as well. Two year olds and under are different. Most off the aggression I was told by the doctor is due to many twos not being able to verbal express themselves so then it turns to tantrums. This is want I see. My son is not in control because I do not cater to him when he is acting out or falling out. He realizes what he is doing and he comes down.

The problem is I hate when it is done in public. My ears are immune to the cries and screams. i have to catch myself when he is through a fit and say, Oh! others are around. And then I try to be flexible with him. But for the most part, i just wish he was like my daughter at that age. She was quite as a mouse until she turned 13. Now she is 14. I am dealing with teenage hormones and the terrible two syndrome.

But hey college is closer that ever and so is preschool!

Hello J.!
I am going through the exact same thing. I have a son who turned 2 on the 11 of May. He was well into the terrible twos at one. He can be the sweetheart who holds my face and kiss me unexpectly and a lil' monster and falling out little boy when he gets upset. Anythings seems to send him spinning out of control. I started to ask the advice of the ladies, but I didn't want it to appear that I can't control her or don't control him. I am like you I am tired of him being in trouble. I am tired of him misbehaving. What do we do?

I do not like to take him out to public place because he shows out every single time. So his dad and I wll take turns staying in the car if we have to get only a couple or things at the store. Or we will get takeout and take it home, instead of enjoying a meal at the restaurant. I have turned down play groups because I am afraid of how he may behave.

I just moved here from Georgia. I only been here a couple of weeks now and I do not have the support of family to give me a break every now and again. I do understand your frustration, I share them.

Any help for you, please pass it along to me.

M.

From the side categories "Family and Parenting" choose "Discipline and Behavior" to see lots of other posts and responses. I asked about discipline resources not too long ago and got 22 responses!

Hope you find what you are looking for.

~ t

good morning and first of all {{HUGS}}!!!

Out of 4 children, I have TWO that are extremely defiant...one is my 11 year old JD, that does indeed have bipolar disorder, and my one and only daughter Michaelah (whom my mother says is just "paying me back"...ha ha!!!)

I am trying to figure out HOW to say what I am going to try to say here, so bear with me and if you have any questions feel free to let me know!!!

First of all, in my most humble opinion...it is very easy to OVER discipline a defiant child. this is a very hard concept to try to explain online but I will do my best. A defiant child has an incessant need to "control" his/her environment...we learned that the extremely HARD way with our oldest. Of course there are things that they just can't have control of...rules are rules (ie--can't hit, spit, bite, etc)...but as a parent of a defiant child you need to learn one phrase in particular...CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES!!!!

If you constantly discipline (ie-time outs, losing priviledges,etc) everything you want to change about their behavior...the behavior WILL continue because of their NEED to control things...BUT, if you figure out some of the things you are having problems with that you can flex on and give them options that they CAN control...you will begin to see that they are much easier to control when you HAVE to. For example..if bathtime is one battle you have...tell them you HAVE to take a bath...would you like to NOW or in 30 mins? A big one with my son is homework. I remind him daily it HAS to be done...either do it NOW and say be able to go outside or do you homework in an hour with no privildges. Make sure they KNOW they are not only choosing their options, but they are choosing the result also! If they choose NOT to do either option, then they are personally choosing the discipline (time outs etc).

I hope that makes some sense. Of course, you have to do it where it is age appropriate. Like for my daughter an example would be you can pick up your toys now OR after this cartoon is over...but if you don't, then the TV goes OFF!!!

The key is to figure out WHAT you are willing to be flexible on and give them SOME control over their lives...in the end I promise you, their entire behavior pattern will change because you are not in constant struggle over "control"....

Gosh, I have read that several times...I hope it makes sense to you!!! Let me know if it doesn't and I will try to explain it another way...

I hope this helps!!!
hugs and brigthest blessings
H.

I have a very strong willed child and the book The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson was very helpful. My son has been strong willed from birth, he is 2 now and almost everything is some sort of battle. Good luck, I feel your pain. :)

Please don't be offended, but it looks like he is incharge. Your own children know what buttons to push.

Time-outs: Make sure you give him 1 warning- If he continues, have a specific "time-out" spot- His "time-out" time should be 1 min per year(make sure you set a timer)- Don't hold him down in the spot- If he doesn't stay, pick him up and put him back in the spot, and start his time over(this could take awhile the first couple of times)- Don't talk to him, because he just wants a reaction from you. Please try this out. If you are consistent, you will see a change in his behavior.

Also, to give him a BIG shock, take all of his toys away, and make him earn them back.

I know this sounds harsh, but when it's set you will be thankful.

A couple of resources that have helped me with my very willful, active child: One Two Three Magic, author Thomas Phelan - it's available in some libraries or at local bookstores and How to talk so your kids will listen, How to listen so you kids will talk - can't recall the authors but I really liked it. The first book will work now - even at 2 yr old - the other will help as your child grows & becomes more vocal, independent.

I think you have already figured out, not all kids are alike & some are a lot more challenging than others when it comes to following the rules. I agree with the other mom when she said "choose your battles". If he wants to wear mismatched socks it's not something worth battling about - as opposed to if he is running into the street.

The thing about 1-2-3 Magic is that it works for both kids - it's "fair" and really easy for both parents & even for caregivers or other family members to follow. It works, even for special needs kids because it is simple enough for any child (at least 2yr old) to understand.

Good luck.