Summertime Blues

YOU are NOT alone! My daughter is almost 4 months and the first few months are rough with little sleep! I have an almost 7 year old that has watched WAY too much TV this summer due to him having a little sister at home and a VERY tired momma! It is way too hot outside but honestly I don't think it would matter, I am way tired and I know once we get on a good sch. And I get a little more rest it will get better. You 5 year old will be just fine! This is a temp. Issue and wheb things level out everything will be all better again! Hang in there and get as much rest as you can!

I am sorry this is a tough time for you. Call you ob immediately and talk to a nurse. Tell her your symptoms to get some feedback. You could be experiencing post partum depression which is very common but important to recognize. Do this for yourself and your kids.

These are truly the hardest days of caring for an infant. Exhaustion is real and you still want to give your 5 year old time...hard to take that "sleep when the baby sleeps" advice in every baby book.

Nows the time to call in the reinforcements...ask Dad to take a vacation or personal day to give you a chance to sleep while the baby sleeps for a full 24 hours.

Your 5 year old could probably use this bonding time with Dad and it won't hurt Dad either. When he sees that you are literally shaking with sleep deprivation(I'm assuming...I sure know what it feels like) he'd probably be happy to be a hero and save you.

Then call in reinforcements...a relative, a baby sitter, a cleaning service(that always contributes because you try to keep order when baby sleeps instead of sleeping too)...who can love on your 5 year old or help around the house.

You just have to make sleep happen, even if its just a couple hours at a time throughout the day.

Remember, this is temporary. Your 5 year old will be o.k., and your infant will sleep through the night one day and you will be refreshed again...Remember things like housework, can be farmed out (and help boost your spirit when done), put a stack of books near your bed and read to your 5 year old (or let them "read" to self) take a walk with baby in buggy in the morning (even though hot) to get some sunlight and let the 5 year old play in a park...it will help those blues just by getting some sun...

For now, don't feel guilty about needing sleep during the day, just lie in bed and nurse baby...Sending God's richest blessings your way!

Hi Jen
I think you are perfectly normal. I think all moms go thru this at this time of year. And, the heat has really been hard on everyone this year. I would not worry about your little 5 yr old- children are very resilient and things don;t really bother them like they do us- in his little world time means nothing. But, you might want to try and get him a "play day" with a friend- take the nitetime hours when daddy is working and do something fun with him- go swimming- go to a park that is safe and lit up- let him take a friend- or plan a "camp out" in the back yard with a friend or two- nothing fancy- just something for him before school starts- in a few weeks this will all be over with- but as for your energy- try and get some really good Vitamin B12 into your system. That will give you more energy and help you get thru this next heat spell.
good luck and blessings

Hi Jen-

He'll be just fine!! I have a 7, 5, and nearly 2 year old and am in the same boat many days (and I don't have the excuse of having a newborn or a husband that works nights)! Just have some fun activities planned that he can do by himself when you need to be with the baby....coloring, puzzles, etc. and also some activities for the two of you to do together when the baby is asleep...candyland, chutes and ladders, reading books, etc.

The other thing that helped me was to plan out my day the night before. I know with a newborn this is so much harder, but maybe make it your goal that 3 times a week (or whatever works) you will take the kids somewhere in the morning. Decide that Monday morning you go to the park after breakfast, or Wednesday morning you go to the library for storytime, or Friday morning you go on a nature walk. For me, if it's planned and I know when I get up in the morning I need to prepare to go I'm more likely to do it then if at noon I'm sitting here saying "what should we do today?"

Also, if there are any other 5 year olds in your neighborhood get a playgroup going once a week. Again, I find that if I have it scheduled and know that others are counting on me being there, I'll make it a point to go.

Good luck and take care of you, your son will be fine!!

K.

I went through the exact same thing-- husband working nights, newborn, 5-year-old, except I also had a "terrible two" who kept me exhausted! I felt horrible for my 5-year-old, thinking I was "ruining" him. I was often in tears long before bedtime.
Now my "newborn" is 21, the big brothers are now 23 and 26. They are wonderful, well-rounded, well-adjusted young men. I'm certain that your little guy will be too. Relax a bit about thinking his time has to be scheduled. Just let him play and explore in the backyard, time playing alone in his room is also good for him. At 5 they love to help with the baby, household chores, cooking. I did always keep our bedtime reading routine, although it was usually while breastfeeding the baby with a book in my hand-lol. Ah, those good ol' days... they go by so fast.

Jen,
Take it easy on yourself. We women don't give ourselves enough time and credit to heal and rest after going through having a baby. I'm not saying that we aren't strong enough ~ but with women's lib and the insurance mess, we have been programed to get back on our feet immediately after putting our bodies through the natural, but tramatic experience of child bearing and birth. Then we have all these extra responsibilities right away on top of everything else. We also have other kids to tend to and this causes such guilt if we aren't giving them the attention we once were able to.
A long time ago, before travel, moving and our exceedingly "instant gratification" lives came into effect ~ many woman had other family members near by to assist with the mom, newborn and the siblings. Now it's usually up to us only because we have isolated ourselves from this assistance. (That's just how things have evolved ~ I'm not suggesting that we isolated ourselves on purpose.)
The heat this summer has zapped many of us even if we don't have little ones around.
Take it easy on yourself or you will only feel worse. While you don't have the physical energy for the 5 yr old, just make sure you smile a lot and talk to him. He will not suffer in the future or even remember this much. NO GUILT! You sound like a great and loving mom. You're doing your best and that's all God asks of us ~ so relax and enjoy your family.
God bless and best of luck,
D.

Oh man, have I been there. When I had my baby I had a 3 yr old as well, and I was exauhsted, even with my husbands help..enough that I could barely make it til naptime. Somehting that helped me was #1 the age.. Once my baby hit 2mos, she started sleeping more at night, which made a huge difference. #2 Join a mom's group. They are all over, and contact them, visit and find one that you are comfortable with. The support of Mom friends is amazing, and makes you feel more normal. Also a great help to going out with a new baby and an older sibling for the first few times! Just know that if you start feeling depressed, or not wanting to spend time/energy on the kids, then you should talk to your Dr about baby blues. I am in NW Houston, email me if you would like details on the club I belong to! Best of luck to you. Hang in there..my fav motto..is THIS TOO SHALL PASS! And the newborn stage is very short.

PLEASE get some help from a friend or family member that can come in and take care of the kids while you get some sleep. Did your husband take any paternity time? Maybe now is a good time to get him to do that. You need a break before something bad happens.

Do not be shy about asking for help. Most people want to help but do not want to be in your way. Even if you 5yo can go to a friends house for the day would ease some of your burden.

It may be time to call in the Granny's and get their help. If you feel the need, please see your Dr as well. You should be having your followup visit soon. Do not be shy about telling the Dr. what is really going on. They are their for you.

Good Luck and breathe!

Jen, I'm right there with you...you are very normal. I have a son who just turned 5 and an almost 4 month old. While my husband does not work nights, he is a very busy buisness owner. So the kids and I are on our own a bunch. I have been fighting the blues all summer...and while sometimes feel bad for my 5 year old I know that he's ok. Children are resilient and love you know matter what. It's not like this will last forever...right?! I can offer you this if you are interested. My 5 year old does not know a lot of other kids, if you can drag yourself out one afternoon we could meet each other. The kids could play and maybe we won't feel so bad:) I'll send you a private email with my contact info, if not interested no big deal I totally understand! Just know that the "blues" will pass! Blessings to you and your kiddos :)

It will NOT harm your 5 YO to not get out and do things. Do you have a yard he an play in? It might be good for you (and him) to have him go with friends. Do you have anyone you can call to take him to the park, the movies or something? Have a few days a week where a relative or friend comes and gets him. That way you can rest during nap time and regroup for the evening.

I have 4 girls ages 6,5,4,2 and even though I don't have any babies I'm exhausted and overwhelmed sometimes. I don't know how I could do it if my husband worked nights.

Hugs,
S.

Have you reached out to friends or family for some assistance? I would assume being a stay home mom you've engaged in some play groups or friends with neighbors, etc. Is your son in Preschool? What about moms from that class?

If I were you I would make some calls and set up some play dates with friends - even if its for 2 hours. You need some rest as well.

How much does hubby help when he's awake?? You might consider talking to him and explaing the situation - he may completely clueless as to how difficult it is with 2 little ones to tend to.

Its just a phase, you will make it thru it...Its hard, I know, I have a 3yo, 21 mo, and a new born... Life seems very crazy right now and very hard. Give yourself grace in this time, your 5yo will be ok. Do you have anyone you can call to help you with the kids? That would be a relief to you to get some much needed down time or rest...
which will help the whole family...

Jen,
Do you have family or friends whom you can call to give you a hand? I would at least confide in someone who knows you how you are feeling and if you can get some one to bring in dinner, run the vacuum and take the boy to Mickey D;s for an hour while you nap and shower it can be like a 2 week vacation.
There are air conditioned indoor MacDonald playgrounds (one on 183 east of I 35 in Austin) and a kid can exhaust himself there while you sit and have a milkshake and read the paper.
Usually, there are a few other kids on the slides in the tunnels and this is enough entertainment- cheap, out of the sun and not too strenuous for you.
If you stay home and talk to him, listen to him, cuddle with him, he will still be just fine. A month of indoors with mom is not a handicap but gift to any kid. All that attention!
Don't worry, he will be fine. Take care of yourself first and all else follows. If you are not reassured by these replies and are feeling even more stressed, then call your OB. Post partum depression is real and it is dangerous and you don't need to suffer with it. There are drugs to fix it even though you are nursing.
K.

Is there anyone that can come help you? I don't know what I would have done if my best friend hadn't stopped by once a week in the evening...my mom was abig help the first 2 weeks. No wonder your tired!

Not only is it natural for you to feel drained right now, but it's expected. Your second baby just took your recent supply of long-term fuel. Your hormones are probably off...everything. It's not something that can be easily understood or explained except among people who have the experience--your body does not feel like your own yet. I have used some huge green pills from an online company called Beeyoutiful. They're called SuperMom, and they help to supplement your body with what it needs to be active. I don't know your details, what you're lacking specifically, how much of it is chemical, etc. Look into your diet and consume things that will give you a boost.

It gets better. When you are once again in charge of your body and you get a good rhythm with the kids and schedule (and a minute to breathe for yourself), you'll feel better. Just know that it's coming.

I had my son last May and I don't think I remember anything from the first 6 months of his life. It was all a haze. My daughter was 2 1/2 when he was born and she was trying to potty train (at her request). Adjusting to having 2 kids has thrown me for a total loop, so believe me, you aren't alone! You can no longer just "sleep when the baby sleeps" because you have another one to look after. This is temporary, as you mentioned, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating or exhausting. Is there anyone you can call to just watch the baby for a couple of hours so that you can take your older child out somewhere for a little while? Getting out of the house (even in this heat) may save your sanity. If you can just get all of the stuff together, once you're out, believe me it feels great. Maybe take him to a movie or the library or something indoors. Try to do it once per week and see how you start feeling. It took awhile before I felt like I could take them both out at the same time and not completely lose it. I actually have to take them to the grocery store this afternoon and I'm totally dreading that (and they are 1 and 3.5 now!). This is completely normal and doesn't last forever. Hang in there, Mama, and see if you can get a friend or family member to help you out a little!

Jen,
I understand your worry. I'm a working mom of two beautiful girls 9 & 7. While I am married I still (being the mom) do most of the house work and work outside of the home. So by friday and definetly Saturday I'm exhausted..so I have to have a nap at least once every weekend. And I feel guilty, but without it I cannot function. I hate that my girls have to stay so close to home with us on the weekends because Mommy needs a nap, but sometimes we need to just make sure that the time we are giving to our children is the best time we have, not necessarily the longest time. So take naps if you need it and it will help your energy... also just pray about it, and the guilt will be replaced with the joy you have with your babies when you have energy.

Jen,

When I lived in PA we called them the winter time blues :) I am having a lot of trouble since we moved down here to El Paso. I have three little ones, 3 yrs. 2 yrs, and 10 months. They are a lot to handle on my own outside, so we try to do one big activity each week where they can run and play like maniacs. They know it is coming all week and they get ready for it. We do Chucky Cheese, and for $10 (more if you want food and drink) we play for 3 hours and let them run around and climb and swing and play video games. You may want to try that for yourself and your little one, and if you can plan it for a time when Daddy can help all the better. You may even want it to be a big date for him and Daddy and that can be your time to recoup a little. I feel for you and hope things get better when it cools down.

R.

You need to call your Doctor. You could be lacking IRON and just need a supplement or post-partum...
Hang in there!

I do understand yuor situation. I went thru that as well. The only suggest I have is... A lot of churches offer Mothers Day Out 2 or 3 days a week. It will at least give u a little break and let him play with other kids.

Hi Jen,
It seems to me that you have a chemical imbalance. Feeling guilty about my kids spending too much time in the house or questioning myself if they were going to be ok was in my mind everyday. Unfortunately for me it got worst and had to get medication to treat it. I would say that if you just started feeling that way, you may want to try different things to hep it, for instance, try to relax, sleep whenever you can during the day, snuggle your 5 yeard old on the couch while he watches TV, go to the mall where there's AC, etc. Sleeping and eating good will help you tremendously as well. Do you have family nearby? Try to visit other people as well - explain how you feel and tell your friends and family that you need some support until you can feel normal again. Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you, I'll be glad to help.

Hi Jen-I'd talk to your OB; you may be in need of some vitamins or iron. I'd also talk to hubby about helping you out. Surely, he doesn't sleep all day? My husband used to work nights too but usually wouldn't fall asleep till around lunch time. This gave him the mornings to spend with our son and gave me a little breathing time. You could even take turns with him spending time with the 5yo while you take care of the baby or vice versa.

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself! You can't take care of your family properly if you're not taking care of yourself. Let go of the guilty feelings...your 5 yo will be just fine. Pretty soon he'll be starting Kinder and will get plenty of social interaction & playtime.

Hang in there and take care of you!

Oh Jen, it really sounds like you might have post partum depression, which is way more common than people think and Drs don’t always pick up on it. Especially since most moms think exhaustion is just a normal part of things and they can or should be able to do it all and all on their own so they don’t tell anyone what is truly going on with them. I had PPD with my first son and am due to have my second child in October. I am really afraid of having it again and missing out on enjoying my baby while she is a baby. Last time I just slept on the floor all day only getting up to “deal” with my son’s needs. I felt so guilty about it all of the time and often thought my kid and husband would be better off if I just left them so they could move on with life without me, not in a suicidal way thank God but it was bad none the less. This time I am extra afraid because I wont be able to lay on the floor all day with my 2 1/2 year old son to care for as well. So I know I have to do something and be prepared. I really hope you talk to your Dr about this soon. And don’t feel ashamed of your feelings either, they are real and yours and you are allowed to have them. We recently moved to Austin and I am in the process of finding a psychiatrist and therapist who specializes in PPD and have discovered that they are few and far between. There is a psychologist in Round Rock who works a lot with PPD and is really helpful, unfortunately I live in South Austin and she is not covered by my insurance either otherwise I would see her as well. Her name is Kelly Boyd,. You might call, I know even making a phone call sounds like a lot of work right now, your insurance company and see if she is covered. Please, do this much for yourself, you and your whole family will benefit greatly. Sounds cliché but you can’t take care of your family if you don’t take care of yourself first. So, just keep apologizing to your 5 year old son, who will understand later (or forget), and do what you need to do to take care of you, even if that pretty much means a whole lot of quiet/TV time while you rest. I agree with one other mom who responded that Mc Donald’s play places or their like are a really great way to let the kids run off some steam. Also, you might look into a drop in child care for a couple hours a couple times a week. There is one near me that is $7 an hour, which seems a reasonable price for a person’s sanity and you can always say you have him in there for his socialization and benefit, which is true. Maybe there is one near you as well. If you would like you are welcome to send me a personal message, I think there is an option on here somewhere, and we can talk more.

Wow, you sound like super-mom! I admire your strength! Hang in there. It's totally normal to feel that way. Don't worry!

You have received some great advice! Talk to your husband! Tell him how you feel and that you are getting burned out. Definitely ask for help from your friends/family. You have to ASK people for help! This was something I learned the hard way - if you wait for someone to offer help it will never happen. If you don't have friends/family in the area or are unable to help you out - join a Mom's group. They are a great source of friendship and support. A lot of churches have "Mother's Day Out." You could take your son there and drop him off while you get some sleep. He will have a blast interacting with other kids his age and you will get some sleep. Ask around for a trusted place.

Check out MOMS Club International, La Leche League, Meetup.com -> look for a mom's group that meets in your area.

Like the other posts stated - this is only temporary. Once the baby is sleeping through the night and you get into more of a routine it will get easier. Promise! Sunshine and fresh air does wonders! Your son will be fine! No, it will not hinder him in the future! Sometimes it's good to just hang out at home with family instead of running aroundeveryday.

Check your diet. Like another post stated sometimes a mineral or vitamin deficiency can make you feel extra sluggish. Pregnancy and Breast feeding depletes our bodies of essential vitamins/minerals. Make sure you get enough Vitamin C, Calcium with Vitamin D, Iron, and Omega 3's (fish oil). Keep taking your prenatal vitamin and try adding supplements. I highly recommend a Omega 3/DHA supplement along with Calcium/Vitamin D. St. John's Wort helps boost your mood and is generally safe while breastfeeding and widely accepted as a great supplement in Europe for "the blues."

Just my opinion!
HTH

God Bless!