Story About Friendship and What Your Opinion Is.

i would read up on books with humor or tell her a joke, or something humorous i saw on Utube, to get her laughing or a smile on her face, when there is that awkward silence moment after the sadness and comfort.

This is where it gets hard. The Bible says that friends make each other better like iron sharpens iron. The rubbing together of two metals to sharpen one of them produces HEAT. It's not a comfortable process. It may be time for some tough love. BUT, you need to be studied up and prayed up for that.

I've been going through 9 months so far, almost 10 months of a spiritual awakening. I love the Lord, always have. But my daily walk with him is not full of the victory I know I can and should have. It's not that we won't have problems. But the Bible gives us very CLEAR direction for how we can live in the blessing. That means when something goes wrong, God makes a way. We have to do our part in it.

1) We must believe what the word says about God, his love for us, and his plans for us. If your friend, myself, or any of us are not spending enough time in scripture we can't know.

2) We must use our words to speak positively about our situations. The Bible says that we will have what we say. When we speak gloom and doom, that's what we will have. I'm really BAD, BAD, BAD about this. But I'm working on it. It is amazing how hard it is to change the words that comes out of our mouths. We must literally put a lock on our mouth or repent every time we say something negative...stop right there and ask God for forgiveness and turn our statements around.

For instance... I have one child in my daycare going to 1/2 time and I have another leaving for school. My income will be reduced by 200 per week. I keep catching myself being worried or saying something negative about that. I have NO BUSINESS doing that. God knows my needs and he is already working to replace these children. I already have one child lined up to replace the full-time position. So what on earth do I keep messing up for and looking at this very natural part of my business as a negative for? BAD HABITS.

3) We must get into God's word and find out what his will is for healing, finances, living triumphantly, and our interactions in the world with people. It's one thing to sacrifice ourselves to take care of an ailing parent. But when we complain about it we lose our reward for doing it. This is going to be a major area of struggle for me. I'm already frustrated with my mother for the things she forgets to do or the mistakes she makes around the house. I need to WALK in LOVE.

4) We need to learn that the Bible says it is God who gives us the power to get wealth. He will bless us and he can bless us in ways we have never even thought possible. But he won't do it if we aren't walking in love. Deuteronomy tell us what people get when they are living under the blessing or the cursing and what we need to do in order to live under either one. We can't have both. We are either walking in one direction or the other.

How close to Forth Worth Tx is Peoria AZ? You should get your friend out of the house and to a beleivers meeting. Check out www.kcm.org. They have awesome teachings online that explain everything so much better than I can.

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You are a true friend:) You are her sounding board. You listen and you offer support. Someday, she will return the favors. You can kindly give her advice, but she has to make her own decisions. Maybe suggest some respite care for her mom so that your friend can get a break. Can you unexpectedly fix her a dinner sometime and take it over? I know you feel guilty for having happiness, but maybe hearing about your happiness, makes her hopeful that she will be happy one day? I think you might be the only sunshine that she has in her life right now:)

The older I get the more I understand about true friendship, and why true friends are like gold (and rare).

It is NOT a mom/daughter, big sis/little sis, priest/penitent, counselor/patient relationship.

The best friendships are two way streets. Of course there will be times when one friend has to really be there for another, in a time of crisis or extreme need. But that should not be the permanent state of the relationship. That's not a friendship - that's more pastoral in nature. If you have the time and energy to fill that pastoral role, great. But if not, don't beat yourself up. It's better to recognize your own limitation in that regard than get resentful toward the other person (not that you are).

I really liked what SLM said about the biblical idea about friends - that they make each other better the way iron sharpens iron.

Good luck with this - I can really empathize. Have been there and done that.

negativity gives back negativity...

it's not bad luck...it's her way of thinking...even with a close relationship with God - it doesn't mean she's not producing bad thoughts. I would tell her that she needs to change her attitude...attitude is EVERYTHING...negative thoughts gets negative action....ask her to TRY to think positively for one week - NO NEGATIVE thoughts - not "I'll try to think about something not going wrong because I know it will..." but "I AM going to have a GREAT day today!!!" SMILE!!! A smile goes a LONG way!!!

She has to shed her negativity...you can't do it for her...although you care for her - at some point you may have to walk away from the relationship and continue to pray for her...as there is nothing you can do to help her..

I'm sorry....

She needs some "feel good Pastor". Tell her to watch Joel Osteen or get her one of his books. If I'm feeling down I try to find him on cable & I immediately feel more positive.

You are a good friend for sticking by her and just listening. We need more people like you in the world. She is having a tough time right now, but it is not your job to fix things....she has got to be strong and deal with the situation that she has been given. I can understand that she is negative given what she has to deal with and it sounds like it is hard on you, but good friends support each other through the "thick and the thin." You will have different friends for different reasons as you go through life - one may be fun to go out with; one may be the intellectual friend to have good discussions with; and one may be the one who needs your guidance......not all friends will be everything to you. Thanks for being a good friend!

My mom has an acquaintance at work like this. Divorced from abusive husband, sickness after sickness with her daughter and her, her best friend and new boyfriend both die- separate reasons- in the same weekend and her mother is in constant need of help and lives three states away.

My mom prays for her all the time. She also told the boss at work that she will cover when this person cannot come in to work. Well, that acquaintance is FREQUENTLY not at work. It has become a huge burden for my mom, now.

Not much help, but honestly, there are people like that, and I can't tell you why:(

She is likely feeling overwhelmed and that can happen to any of us.
Sometimes it's just one thing after another and it's not a matter of when it rains, it pours, it can be a matter of the swirling waters almost sweeping you away.
If you think you are drained by listening to it, imagine what she is going through.
Try a pep talk. Try a silly card. Try to get her to understand that faith is not something to be lost even though it's tempting.
Have her read the story of Job. When things get super crazy for me, I read it. He suffers greatly, but there is a good ending.
Sometimes it's easy to see no way out of the hole you've fallen into and it can be very discouraging. Try to help her find some levity in her life.
When I'm having a tough time, I like to watch something funny on TV or receive funny letters from my friends. I always do that for them when they are down and they do the same for me.
She needs an emotional escape.
Rent her Jim Gaffigan's "Beyond the Pale". He is a comedian and so funny. He's not dirty or anything. If that can't make her laugh, I don't know what will.
Laughter is the best medicine. It doesn't change the situation at hand, but laughter is good for the soul. It actually does something to the endorphines in the body and lifts the mood.
I've known people that are negative about every single thing. They never smile. They get ticked if they have to wait in line at the store. They get mad if there is no parking space close by. They can gripe for days because the store is out of an ingredient they needed.
I have trouble being super supportive of that type of negativity.
However, it sounds like your friend really needs a break. She needs a change in her situation. Things have happened that she didn't have control over and it's likely that she's really feeling the stress of not being able to change the one thing after another that she's going through.
You say she has a close relationship with the Lord. She needs to remember that God has a plan for her and that plan isn't destruction.
I believe as well. I always talk to God because I tend to want my prayers answered in a hurry and it doesn't work that way. I was devastated because I didn't get a job....but two weeks later I got one that was way better than the one I thought I needed.
I just have to know, in the back of my mind, that things will somehow work out. Maybe not the way I expect them to, but work out just the same.
Don't forget that your friend may be going through depression in which case she might need some medical help to get her through it. Depression is real. She might need help from an outside source to help her out of it.
If she hasn't ALWAYS been a negative person, this sounds like situational which is quite common, really.
Hopefully she can get back on track soon.
If she has no interest in laughter whatsoever, that could be a sure sign.

Best wishes.

wow, I've so been there! Ok...I know you're doing your best. I also know that some people are super draining on others. you need to point her to the Word. Give her scripture to live on. It is the Word of God that is "living and active and sharper than a two edged sword". It is the Word that has the power to change a person...not you or your mouth. You cannot change her or entirely support her and keep her positive or encouraged. Only the Lord can do that. I would give her a book and ask her to read it. Possibly with you. and then you could compare notes. There's a really good one by Kay Arthur called "Lord I want to know you" about the names of God. It would be super good for her. It's all about how God's names such as "the God who sees" have meanings that are about Him and also are promises for us as His children.
best wishes!
K.