Stopping the Whineeeees!

I am SOOOOOOOOO glad you asked this, I thought I was really being a difficult mother and losing my mind, I have a 3 year old that this is ALL she does and it too, has become one of my biggest pet peeves! I just wanted to say thanks for asking. And, Kim, my hats go off to you!

I know what you are going thru. I have 3 boys, 4 year old twins and a 3 year old. All of them went thru the whiny phase and sometimes still do it. I would remind them that I could not understand them when they were whining and then ignore them. If they stopped and asked in a normal voice I would act surprised. "Oh hi honey, did you need something?" and then would give them my complete attention and deal with the request or complaint. The whining in our house went down a lot once they understood they would get no attention for it.

Oh, welcome to the #1 complaint of all parents and how their kids drive them nuts!!! I would HIGHLY recommend you look into a parenting program called 1-2-3 Magic. It literally, like magic, works almost instantaneously. The problem you are having is that you are talking to him like he is a little adult...he's winning and pushing all your buttons because he KNOWS he's driving you NUTS! This is where tough love comes in. You tell him you are starting a new discipline program and here's how it goes. The first time he does something you don't like/approve of you will tell him "that's one" he has 10 seconds to stop the behavior, if he doesn't then you count him "that's two", if he stops then you say thank you and move on. If it doesn't then you tell him "that's 3, take a 3 minute time out (on the stairs, in the chair, in the corner, etc.) Make sure the time out place is both safe and sufficiently BORING (i.e. no music, no TV, no books, etc.) Now, if he throws a tantrum, let him know that's ok but his time out doesn't start until AFTER he finishes his tantrum. Again, make sure he is safe but otherwise ignore him. DO NOT TALK TO HIM, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY USE NO EMOTION. The fact is, we have different voices our "it's time to go to bed voice," "time to do chores," "time to eat," "please do what mommy says," etc. They know this and are playing us. If your local Parents as Teacher isn't offering any of these classes then check out your local library, chances are they will have both the books and the video series. It's really a simple process and one I have found has the most immediate rewards in seeing the fasted progress with your kids.

Bottom line is the longer you stand for the whining the more annoyed you are going to be. You're right, you don't need to ignore your child, you need to confront this behavior head on! Step up, be tough and firm, and I promise within 2 weeks you will think you've upgraded to a completely different child! ;) Good luck!

HI Carrie!
I think your right, there is no answer to this, but my almost 5 year still whines a lot. I havent been able to get her to stop, but I let her know that whining will not get her want she wants and eventually gets her sent to her room. I thought by never giving into her, and her learning whinning gets her no where, she would have given it up.....but no, shes still going pretty strong with it. I usually just try to ignore it without getting into a fight with her, but its hard. I will never give into her when shes whinning for fear it will only get worse. It may be an attention thing, who knows! But just wanted to let you know, your not alone, and it is soooooo annoying!

here's my late entry: forget the ignoring....& use time-out. Clearly state, "when you can speak to me in a normal tone, you may get up from that chair & we will talk about what you want to say".

By using timeout, the child learns that the behavior is unacceptable. By speaking your words, the child hears "why". By acknowledging the child's need for "something", you are giving credence to his needs....& not ignoring him. Once calmness is reattained, life goes on.

....& I have been known to say, "I'm sorry. I have to say 'no', because you did not use your big boy voice. You whined & that's not nice to talk to me like that. Next time, please use your nice voice & maybe I can say 'yes'" Not only does this method work, but my older son uses it on his friends - & he's 22!

Good Morning Carrie, I have a whiner too. And a screamer or Very loud jabber box. Zane loves to relax his body and fall to the floor if I try to pick him up if he doesn't want picked up. Heavy little stinker too. Lays on the floor and makes noise or whines. I step over him and walk off leaving him right where he is. He either continues or stops when he isn't getting my attention.

I have a time with him Most days when we take his older brother to Pre-K, and pick him up. I can let Zane walk most of the time until he decides he wants to play in the water fountain and I won't let him then he is one stiff upset kid-o. I look at the other parents standing there and wonder which one is going to turn me in to SRS for swattin' his hinny. If I put him down he throws himself on the floor and everyone just looks at him. ME TO wanting to grab him up and whomp him his padded hinny. Then he will throw his baby which is a little puppy dog head type thing, with soft blanket square. If I take it away for throwing it down he cries Baby Baby. Everyone is trying to give it back to him.. grrrrrrrrrrrr :))

Zane is our only gr child with this type of temper or behavior and I tell ya what he wears me out by the end of the day. I normally have to just walk away when he does this here at home. Out in public I mostly carry him as much as I can.
He can climb out of the pack n play so that isn't an option anymore for a safe time out place.
Don't feel bad Carrie your not alone..

Wanna go crazy wiff me?? it's a short trip....lol
God Bless
K. Nana of 4 sweethearts and 1 little rascal!!

Wish I had an answer...but I'm glad to see I'm not alone with my 2 1/2 year old! Not glad to see that it seems it might get even worse in year 3!
Yes...going crazy is a very short trip from here...

Just thought I'd add, it seems to last forever, but he will grow out of it. You're doing fine. If you think you're ignoring too much, find a way to give extra attention when he ISN'T whining. (Hard, I know!)

As for behavior in public (which wasn't your question), notice that the woman who spanks goes on to describe further undesirable behavior. The spanking didn't work. The main thing it does is teach the kid that he is helpless until he gets big enough to bully others, then he can do whatever he wants. At 3, his brain is just beginning to develop the hardwiring necessary for impulse control, so redirecting and encouraging alternative behaviors are much more effective. You do still teach that some behaviors are not acceptable, you just don't expect a high degree of ability to control themselves.

Terry Brazelton has some interesting things to say on this subject. Touchpoints 3-6 (I think, or was it 5? :) )

Well Carrie, I can say I understand and glad you asked the question, cause I feel the same way with my 3 1/2 year old. It drives me crazy and of course the more upset i get with her for it, the more she does it. So I agree with what the others have said and I try to ignore her, but it doesn't always work. I don't have an answer for ya, but I wish I did!! Hopefully they will out grow it.

I tell my 3 1/2 year old son "What does whining get you?" and the answer is "nothing" then I ignore whatever he is whining about until he stops. So far this has worked for us.