Still Not Sleeping - Grand Rapids,MI

Let him cry, let him cry, let him cry! Trust me, the first few nights are heck (especially for a mommy who is loving like we all are!...it breaks your heart). But, take it from a mom with a one year old who got her doctorate in the same field...you will thank yourself later!

We did Ferber controlled crying at 4 months initially and it took one week. Very hard week. 1st day 1 1/2 hours, 2nd day 1 1/4 hours, 3rd, 4th, 5th approx 30 mins each, 6th day 8 mins, 7th day 1 min and after that most days were either no crying or a couple minutes. We also just had a little glitch and it only took one night of about 30 mins of crying to get back to no crying. If you are going to do this, i would recommend giving it one solid week where you follow the instructions and if it doesn't work you can try something else. good luck

How you decide to handle this situation is totally a personal thing. Some people are for crying it out and others think it's cruel. Whatever you decide to do you and your husband need to be on the same page so you can support eachother. It'll make the tough spots easier for you both.

I was recommended and like-wise pass it on, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It has been invaluable to us and I think it's worth the read b/c it gives you multiple options for how you'd like to parent with a huge background of how the whole sleeping thing with babies works. You don't even have to read it front to cover as there are emergency sections for parents looking for "right now" fixes.

With my daughter, of course as long as we knew nothing was wrong & she just needed to sleep, after a check & change we'd let her cry it out. This didn't happen often and once she started having problems when she dropped her morning nap, we adjusted her bedtime, then presto! It was fixed. I'm not saying it was easy, but there was nothing else for us to do and like you we didn't want to be up with her every night constantly. We are lucky, she's a great sleeper with no peeps at bedtime or naptime. (knock on wood it stays that way)

But, it's much easier to work on other aspects of the whole situation to hopefully not come to that point. If he's overtired, he'll have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. Making sure his daytime naps are also timed right, in the right environment will give him better sleep and therefore create a happy night sleeper too. I'm not an expert, I just read the book. Good luck on whatever you decide to do!

Don't have the answer. Many families go through this stuff. I am totally against letting him cry it out. Time and space are things he doesn't have a full grasp off, and I don't think he can control this anyway at this stage. Parenting is an around-the-clock job. You were gifted with his routine for a lot longer than most. Comfort him and work gradually toward a solution. He needs to know he's secure and loved and can trust you not to abandom him! I know it's not easy!!

Cry it out will not work for your child.

If crying makes him more hysterical...Cry it out will backfire BIG TIME.

Your son is at the age where he is learning a LOT of new skills crawling/walking/talking etc. It's VERY normal and VERY age appropriate to have a hard time sleeping. It's also likely that he is going through a growth spurt and waking hungry at night.

Meet his needs now, and he will eventually start sleeping through the night again.

There is quite a difference between what most people consider "crying it out" and controlled crying. It's one thing if you just let the baby cry hysterically, it's a totally other thing to let the baby cry for a minute or two to see if he'll go back to sleep. I DO NOT think that letting a child cry hysterically for 30 minutes or until the poor thing passes out or pukes is the way to go and I do not think that a 9 month old is trying to manipulate you. He just thinks that if he cries, he gets to go cuddle with mom & dad (because that's what you've been doing.) Try this: if he doesn't go back to sleep in a minute or two, go in and shush him, sing to him, pat his back, etc, but don't take him out of the crib. Gently lay him down and work on trying to relax him. If my daughter woke up crying or whatever in the middle of the night, I'd give her a minute in case she'd just fall back asleep herself and if after a minute (or if she really got crying and not just whining for me) she was still at it, I'd go in there, lay her down gently and rub her back and hum softly until she calmed down and fell back asleep. Sometimes just me putting my hand on her back to let her know I was there would help her to calm down and resume sleeping.

Good luck. Sleeping is a tough thing for most kids to learn how to do. Don't take him to your bed, don't get him out of bed at all if you don't absolutely have to. Keep the lights as low as possible and do what you can to calm him and lul him back to sleep. My daughter has a crib-side music thing and now I just lay her down, say night-night and I sit in the chair while she listens to her music and she's usually asleep within 2 songs. If she sits up or talks I shush her quietly and lay her back down. It doesn't take long for them to "get" that they don't get picked up out of the crib anymore!

Oh, and get and read the "no cry sleep solution". It's great. While it didn't give specific instructions, I did learn a lot about how to handle different problems, situations, and it helps you to formulate a "Plan" so that you have a consistent way to deal with things. Being consistent is a very important thing for babies!

A.,

Have you tried increasing your cuddle time with him now that your schedule has changed? Babies really don't like change and he may still be adjusting to the new routine. He may be waking up terrified that you are not there and cries to see if you will come. He may be afraid of he's all alone and just wants a bit of comfort.

You may need to spend extra time on the floor with him after you get home before getting dinner started. Also check with his daycare to find out how much he is sleeping there. You may need to ask them to cut back on his naps.

Best way to have dinner ready and still have play time is to use your crock-pot. There are a lot of great recipes out there and it only takes a few minutes the evening before or in the morning to get it started.

One last thought, you might want to move his crib back into your bedroom for a bit until he feels more comfortable, then slowly move it out again until he is sleeping in his own bedroom. This way when he wakes up he can see and hear you and know that he is not alone.

Good luck with your little guy, I hope he starts sleeping soon.

I'm shocked so many people are against letting a baby cry it out. I was while my daughter was very young (less then 4 months old), but also she'd had trouble eating, so was worried she was hungry often. Anyway, if training your child to sleep is a cruel thing, then I suppose boundaries are as well and we should just let our children do whatever they want, even when it is not in their best interest.

I did not use this method with my daughter until she was 5 months old, and she had been sleeping through then night at 3 months old. She learned in about 2 days (this is for 2 daily naps and bedtime). I would not use this approach on a young infant, but at 9 months old you child is capable of handling it. If you give in you'll soon have a child that refuses to nap and refuses to sleep alone. My 4 year old nephew still sleeps with his parents. I have some friends who's daughter slept on a bed in their room until middle school. "She's scared to sleep in her room alone".

Kids are manipulative and you are the parent. You also know when their cries are because of needs unmet or not wanting to sleep by themselves. Kids learn very quickly if they can get their way by whining and crying, so you need to be firm and stick to your guns. If an 9 month old can manipulate you what will an 18 year old do? You're teaching them life habits even at this young age.

So to answer your question of what to do when they get hysterical, you go in and give them a pacifier, lay them back down, kiss their forehead and go back out. Don't go back in again for 15-30 minuets, even if they're screaming hysterically. Sometimes its best because they tire themselves out and then can sleep. If they throw up, go in and matter of factly clean it up, then put them back down. Consistency is the key and he'll learn in a few nights. Also the suggestion of spending more one on one time with him during the day sounds GREAT! He might not be getting his needs met and knows this is a way to get the attention he needs. So heap it on him during the day time as much as possible.

Best wishes!

I know exactly how you feel. My little guy wouldn't sleep through the night until he was close to a year. And guess what I FINALLY had to do to get him to do it??? Let him cry it out! I was completely againt it and tried everything else. It took about three nights but my son got the hint and started sleeping. It is such a hard decision, but in our case it really worked. He is 18 months now and is a very good sleeper.

On another note, my school is looking for a speech patholgiest (sp) and can't find one. Let me know if you want to work in a school district!!!

Sorry A., you won't get any encouragement on letting your little one cry it out from me. In my opionion babies (and at 9 months he is still a baby) cry because they NEED something. He is hot, cold, just needs to check in with mamma, hungry, soiled, wet ... something.

It could also be he needs fewer naps during the day. Babies around that age sleep around 12-14 hours in a 24 hour period. So, if he is taking several naps, then he is using up some of those 12-14 hours.

Also, if he is working on a new skill...walking, standing, pulling up, whatever that often disrupts the nighttime schedule. They are so anxious to try it that when they wake up it throws them off. Growth spurts OFTEN disrupt the night schedule. And if it is a growth spurt (which is TYPICAL around 9 months) then he probably needs MORE FOOD to fuel the growth. My daughter went through a growth spurt around 9 or 10 months. She grew an inch and a half in 2 months!!!! It seemed like she ate around the clock. I was EXAUHSTED ... but then it was over and now we are back on schedule.

Babies are NOT little adults. And we are FOOLISH to try and squeeze them into a box of being an adult. They will not sleep like an adult, they will not eat like an adult, they will not react like an adult.

Honestly, I would try to work with him a little more and try to figure out what the actual problem is. If you just let him cry it out you are not addressing the real issue and you are just teaching him that his needs will not be met. Babies are not manipulative. Figure out what he needs and I'm sure he will be much happier.

Read the No Cry Sleep Solution.. it's a way to help babies sleep throught the night and not cry it out.

Personally I wouldn't use the cry it out approach... it may work, but to me it only shows your child that you won't come when they cry...

A.,

When my son was nine months old and still waking up to nurse every three hours we decided to let him cry it out. He was well over twenty pounds so it wasn't like was going to go hungry he just wanted the comfort of mom.

You need to be prepared that it will take awhile for your little guy to get the idea. It worked best for me to let my husband comfort him every fifteen minutes. The first night went pretty quickly but the following night took a couple of hours. Our pediatrician told us he may cry until he makes himself throw up so be prepared. She recommended if this happened for us to go in and change the bedding and put him straight back to bed. Talk to him and comfort him but don't pick him up.

He got the idea pretty quickly. We actually moved him to a toddler bed when he was 18 months old and to a "big boy" twin bed at three. He's currently four and a half and will sometimes come to our room in the middle of the night. I take him back to his room, snuggle for a few minutes and he will sleep until 7am.

Don't give up as it will happen. It's much easier to get him to sleep on his own now than it is when they're older. I know because we made this mistake with our daughter (the first born) and it took us a very long time to get her to sleep on her own. :)

Babies' sleep patterns change constantly. He could be on a big grow or teething. He also might need more sleep during the day in order to sleep well at night. Sounds crazy, but if he is overtired at bedtime he might not sleep well. You might try one of those white noise machines in his room. My daughter uses one for her little ones and it really helps. I am old school...what's the harm in co-sleeping. Everyone gets the sleep they need, savor your snuggle time with him...they grow up way too fast. I would try anything EXCEPT the cry it out thing. That method is miserable for everyone and I believe it only makes the baby think you are not there when he needs you. This will pass!

I would just ask though, since this is not typical, is there a chance that something is bothering him. my son used to sleep great and right around that age he started having trouble and it turned out a few things were wrong. first he had food allergies and second, and this took months to diagnose, he had apparently injured his spine at the upper most point by his neck which is why he was always pulling on his ears. so anyhow, it wasnt that he wasnt sleeping, he couldnt sleep. just a thought.