L.,
I have a great book, with tons of info about sleep. Many, many situations, and many, many different ideas to try....with actual stories about particular situations from real families. I like that the book/Dr. writing the book, has opinions, but is willing to offer a spectrum of advice...in other words, he has options for "crying it out", where you can taper down your response time, or totally just let them cry.
The book is called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. I love it. It has some info that seems sort of medical, but the advice part is less technical. (in other words, don't get intimidated by the introduction part!!)
I wouldn't be embarassed. I think we get lucky having this forum, just because we get another perspective, and a chance to learn other people's experiences....because we only ever HAVE our own experiences, so there is so much great stuff we can learn and share. It sounds like you know what the "right" thing to do is, and I feel like we all get a sense of that, knowing what we feel we need, what our kids need, etc. Sometimes, though, it's very hard to make all those things happen. Don't feel badly. We're doing our best, I think.
With changing a sleep habit, I did let my son cry. It can be excruciating, and every minute seems like an hour. When I actually gave in and tried that, though, it didn't take as long as I expected for him to "learn" or catch on that he needed to soothe himself to sleep in a new way. We hardly ever had trouble again (of course, there are "off days"), and being able to soothe yourself to sleep is such an amazing skill for a baby to have. You are doing THEM a favor in so many ways by letting them learn this skill, and it is a skill.
My son is at the age where he talks and sings, and kind of re-hashes and "processes" his day before he goes to sleep. It's DARLING to listen to him on the monitor (he's 2 and a half, and the sweetest little singer!!). My husband is SOOOO let down if our son goes right to sleep, because he loves listening to him, plus, he worries if our son doesn't "talk" enough, and thinks something is wrong. He's a cute daddy, but I wish he didn't worry so much sometimes....of course it's precious that he's so attentive, but I think he stresses himself out.
Anyway, I've rambled on. I hope this helps!! Good Luck!!