Still Having a Neighbor Problem

Give it time. We had neighbors that were in a spat over one doing something that she thought was best for the kids and the parent not agreeing. Its taken a few months, but they are now on semi-talk terms again.

Try to approach other mom's when the other mom is not present. Let them get to know you for you, not what she's told them. Don't bring up the incident unless they bring it up. Move on, it happened, you talked. Its done.
If she didn't like other parents disciplining her kid, then she should've been there supervising. Some moms just like to play the martyr and it sounds like she is one of them.

good grief, get over it!

You did what you thought was best...the neighbor wasn't in agreement & is being a pain over it. But the more you think about it, the longer this whole thing is going to last. Quit dwelling on it & move on!

The next time you see the neighbor...try smiling, try saying something trivial about the weather....& then maybe life will be easier. To look for trouble, to look negatively at what is now past.....only leads to heartache & angst! & again, yes, she's being a pain....but if you break the cycle - life will be much better! Peace.

I'd stay out of the spotlight for a bit and separate yourself from all the drama. Stay at home or invite kids over to your house instead of playing at the park. If the other parents don't want to be involved then all her trashtalking is going to alienate her...and you won't have to lift a finger!

In a year this might not matter. You will both be involved with other people, other mothers and will find moments of joy in watching your children growing an playing. So start acting like a year has past.

Honestly? I doubt the neighbors care. Seriously.

Like you have already pointed out, you yelled at her daughter and then confronted her. Odds are pretty good you would be annoyed if someone did that to you and your child. The older child deserved a consequence for pushing your child, but it sounds like you went a little over-the-top.

A 6 year-old isn't going to play the same way as a 3 year-old. Your husband is correct. People in your neighborhood don't care b/c they have their own things going on. Continue to supervise your child at the level that makes you comfortable and stop talking about the whole thing. In 6 months no one will even remember it.

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It's easy. You don't associate with those people. Their kids are not allowed in your yard, and vice versa. You will never win with non-parents like that, and it sucks, but their kids have to suffer because of it.

I would definitely keep your children out of that neighbor's yard. Ignoring problems IS NOT the best action to take. Someone could get really hurt from a fall like that. Then the people would have a lawsuit to deal with. They should thank you for bringing it to their attention! These people are extremely immature and setting a horrible example for their child. Let your child play with the other children and don't let it bother you that these other neighbors are "airing the laundry" tp everyone else. Let them. It is just showing their true colors and will come back to bite them. Character counts. Let yours always be honest and friendly. People will respond to that even if it doesn't feel like it for awhile. Good luck!
A.

Just let the kids play together supervised of course. If I were you, step in where the imature ladies are gossiping. You have to break that cattyness between them by just being nonchalant. "Oh, hi how're you doing, what's new with you"? Get into a conversation, as if everything is cool with you all. Don't let them shut you out. Befriend them. One day you might need each other. Stay on good terms.
If you do see something between the kids that you don't like make sure you don't take sides. Tell all the children that some of us are little and can't be treated that way, while others are bigger and should take care of the younger ones. We should all treat each other like buddies and to watch out for one another. You know the deal. Always keep a sharp eye though, kids can do kooky things.
As far as the moms, just be part of their group and don't shut anyone out just as well.
Good luck, and keep us posted.

I would ignore it all. Continue to let your baby play and enjoy the outside and let the catty, immature ladies revolve in their own little world :)

Wow, Its all over the world,Stupid comes in all shapes and sizes and they are danger in large groups. And the worse thing is they are breeding.Those that cant watch their own kids shouldn't have them.I live in a apartment complex and see it here all the time and if you say anything you are the bad person.
I would just keep a eye on yours and let those others take care of there own.
And if someone doesnt have anything nice to say then just let go in one ear out the other.that will drive them batty and soon drop it. but thats my 2 cents. good luck.

Just ignore her. You did nothing wrong.

Sounds like most neighborhoods to me. There are always families where the kids are wild and under-supervised, the parents are either clueless or have other issues (usually one parent is nuts/alcoholic/personality disorder, etc. and the spouse is clueless). We live on a cul de sac - 4 families out of 6 on the circle have kids in the same age range. One of the families is crazy (the mom has serious issues - so the kids do too) another familiy has always been super-over-senstive (the other kids always referred to them as the "crybaby family") and my other nieghbor and I are the "normal" ones. (whatever that is) It's tough cuz kids are not yet socialized - they come out of the womb being selfish and parenting helps curb that instinct - but it's always there. Assuming kids have parents who will discipline them properly it still takes years to smooth out the rough edges so they learn what's appropriate and what's not. But if a family's primary care-giving parent has her own personaly or psychiatric issues then those kids will always be difficult.

The kids in my neighborhood are all now in high school and middle school - the kids who were the biggest problems still are - but now they travel in their own circle and we're not forced to have to deal with them. The give the middle finger to elderly visitors who drive down the street and don't realize they like to hang-out sitting in the middle of the street (really...). They've egged my house (they were the only kids in the neighborhood that weekend), they've made physical threats against my kids, etc. When they were younger they would steal stuff from my kid's bedroom on playdates, throw large rocks at other kids (my daughter was hit in the head once), one of them threw a roller-blade at my daughter when she turned to walk away...(I always told my kids when they began being verbally abusive to just walk away....) In this family the dad is a doll - really nice. But he works long hours with a long commute and he either doesn't know what goes on with his wife and daughters or doesn't want to know. Clueless. I'm convinced these girls will get to know the police well in the next few years - they are just troubled kids.

So we do everything we can to avoid them. Time goes by. Hurts of your 6 yr old will pass - they will develop friendships at school - encourage playdates with other kids, sign your kids up for soccer or art or music so they can meet other kids. Talking to crazy neighbors will not solve a thing. After a while everyone in the nieghborhood will realize who the crazy ones are and who the normal ones are. Don't worry about what she says to others - the truth always rises to the surface.

This too shall pass.

Get your own playset for your back yard. Set up play dates with kids your own kid's age.

6 yr olds and 3 yr olds play very differently. And why should the neighbors have to watch your kid while their kid is outside playing again? Their kid is old enough to be in the backyard unsupervised. Yours is not. I would expect you to be there anyway. What I wouldn't expect is you to yell at my kid while you are a guest in my yard. Maybe the 6 yr old was fed up with your kid? Not that that excuses the push, mind you. But you could have just removed your kid or asked if your kid was bothering the neighbor's kid.

I would have eye-rolled you too over your "confrontation."

The damage is done, so I would ignore it and try to move on as much as possible.

I like what Angie said. You do need to go that route. Also, be who you are and do your best. These other parents will see that you are not the drama makers and that you have good kids. Actions will speak louder than words and eventually the other parents will see this troublesome family for who they are.

Talking with the parents was absolutely the right thing to do. You had a reason for concern and addressed it. They need to get over it. If she is not going to watch her own daughter and depends on other moms to do it, she shoud expect that SOMEONE needs to be in charge and keep things safe. Go along like nothing happened. If the other mom turns her back to you and is rude to you, THEN address it again with her. She is being a brat about the whole thing. I am sure things would be different if it had been HER daughter being pushed off the play gym by a 9 or 10 year old! Keep us posted in the "What Happened" box. Good luck.

hi there,
sorry for your annoying neighbor. i think girls/women can just be caddy and hostile anyway so she's probably just hurt and retaliating anyway she can. hopefully it will all blow over but you may never be friends with them that much and if so, who wants a friend like that? let the kids play together and if a kid is pushing or being mean to my kid you better bet i'm going to say something and if the kid kept doing it, i'd either keep my kid away from theirs or tell the parent, probalby the former rather than the latter bc i dont liek confrontation i know how jerky people can be so?? is this a playscape al the neighbors share? if she keeps being caddy just go on about your business as best as you can but there is a reason she will talk to your husband or other neighbors and not you mabye she is jealous of you or likei said maybe she thought you were trying to tell her how to raise her kid, nevertheless... she is insecure and this shows it.so remember you are not insecure and just stick to your guns! good luck!!!!!!!

you did nothing wrong but your use of the word "confronted" makes me wonder what approach you took with the parents...if you came to me ready for a fight to tell me what my child had done I would probably have an issue with it, if however you came over and said something along the lines of "just so you know..." I would thank you for your information, be aware that I needed to talk with my child about proper behavior and keep a better eye on them while out...I think parents that don't want others to correct their kids should keep a better eye on them so another parent doesn't need to.

As for what to do now, don't let your daughter play in a group with that girl, if the girl seperates herself from the group when your daughter comes out to play try to be fair about how much time the other little girl has with the other kids in the neighborhood...I think 6 and 3 is a bit too much of an age difference and they shouldn't be playing together to begin with but I understand when you have a big open area and a wide range of ages it happens and can work out quite well...it does sound like the kids are starting to seperate themselves on their own, let it happen, kids will get into their own circles and all will be fine with them.

As for dealing with the parents, leave it be, don't be ashamed, don't avoid areas where they are as that will give the impression that you feel you were in the wrong. The other parents in the neighborhood don't really care what is going on and are right to stay out of the "quarrel." Speak with parents but don't bring up the incident unless they do, maybe they want to hear the other side. Not everyone in a neighborhood is going to get along, sometimes the kids get along but the parents don't sometimes it is the other way around...it will "blow over" at some point, something else will happen and that will be her topic of discussion until the next dramatic episode...

if it were me, i would've disiplined their dd as i would my own. when i'm around kids, i treat them as if they are mine, even if i don't know them. as for the parents...no wonder their dd acts that way. they probably don't care, which is sad. go talk to the mom and tell her that you were not telling her this to cause a rife, but so that she could talk to her dd b/c that is what you would expect someone to do for you if it were your dd.
but, i'm sure there are other neighbors in the community that you can get along w/better than her anyway. just grin and bare it!!!!

I'd play this down as much as possible and let it fade away. At the same time, you now know you have to protect your little one from this and perhaps other older children, so just do that in a matter-of-fact kind of way. I'd try not to involve the other parents as it will backfire. You were right but it wasn't well received. We had a trouble maker boy in our n'hood and when the mom was called by another mom, she said her boy had NEVER been in trouble even tho he was notorious in the n'hood for trouble. It's not worth the aggravation if you can handle it yourself. I'd also try to only speak gently to other kids (not yell or accuse). My daughter used the tactic of asking the child calmly why they were being so mean to her child, pushing her etc. and saying it hurt her feelings or she nearly got hurt or whatever. That seemed to really work - just be quiet and gentle about it even if you're scared or made. Just as you want to protect your child, so do other parents and if they weren't there, they will usually take their kid's side. The worse the kid, the more this is likely.

Don't know what IRL stands for, but anyway, whether right or wrong, you talked to the parents, it has had an adverse effect, you did your part. Now I think it's time to let it go. If everyone else has nothing better to do than gossip, let them. If these parents of the 6yo are too busy to supervise, the possibility is that another kid gets hurt on their property and that's enough for a civil lawsuit. We are responsible for what happens on our p;roperty, when a child is hurt. Believe it, the neighbors will be pretty ticked off then too.
I think any further actions to curb this neighbor's tongue is only going to make things worse. The more they rant and rave and be stupid about it, the worse they look. It'll come back to bite them in the butt.