Snubbed by Neighborhood Moms?

Sorry you are going thru this. I am sort of anti-texting and social networking so I wouldn't read one ounce into the FB element. As for the accidental text, the shame is on her. You deserve better!

This does seem strange. Could it be that they are stay at home Moms & you are a working Mom and maybe they think they don't have anything in common with you? It's the only thing I can think of besides people sometimes suck.

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That's pretty snotty of them. I am someone to give the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe I'm misreading things, but for her daughter to suddenly have a stomach ache and then to find out later she played with the other kid - it's obvious they are lying to you.

I would stay respectful - for yourself, not for them. I wouldn't invite them to bday parties, though. No play dates. But I wouldn't do it rudely - again, for YOUR sake, not theirs. I'd stick to the friends that aren't two faced/back stabbers.

As for FB, you might want to consider hiding them.

Sorry this is happening. It sounds like no fun at all.

It may be because her daughter is not wanting to play with your daughter and is only asking to play with the other girl.

you know, I seriously think the whole "play date" thing sucks. It's sooo limiting & exclusive. It breeds negativity & backstabbing.

I truly believe the "Leave it to Beaver" type of neighborhood...where kids can run & play....needs to be brought back. Kids learn to negotiate thru life's issues....without the moms getting caught up or controlling every moment.

I do realize that today's society is counter to this type of socializing. But if you all live in the same neighborhood, then I would think playing "together" would be the norm!

What would happen if you began a new concept: "The Play Brigade".....where you start the play action by picking up the 1st child, move on to the next child in the group.....until you've gathered ALL of the kids in the group. Take them to your house & let them play. Have a scheduled pickup time for the moms.....& at that time, discuss the next Play Brigade??? That way if somebody wants to bow out, then they'll look like the fool! & your kid won't be left out! & I can danged well bet that those other kids will not want to be left out either.

This is the only way I can think of to get those jerky moms out of their little head games.....& honestly, they're not worth the effort, but your child is.

I had similar problems with friends of mine. We were actually friends for a while. The thing is some people think whatever their kids say is fine so even though they want to be your friend all it takes is junior saying but I don't like your daughter and they are done. It doesn't bother me either because I have no respect for someone who lets their child dictate their friendships.

So as their kids made more friends they no longer wanted to play with my daughter...yeah Gen is crying all the way to her other friends houses.

I wouldn't be fake around them. That's not who i am.

i will NOT put up with crappy treatment like that...I would remove her from my friends list on FB. I wouldn't invite them to any playdates and search elsewhere for companionship for my kids..

although I will admit I've never run into this problem!!

GOOD LUCK!!

God, it's like middle school all over again. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. No one likes to be on the outside.

On the other hand, this is where I would decide the same thing now as I did in MS: these are not the people you want to be on the inside with anyway. They will not enrich your life, they'll close it down and you'll live in insecurity about always being "good enough" to be in the group. What a tremendous waste of your time and energy.

Be kind and cordial always, so that they only look worse in their behavior. Be a good neighbor because it's the right thing to do. Set a good example and your kids will model the same. There are many teachable moments here, but it won't be easy.

Strength, wisdom and peace to you and your family.

Eh, I think some people just do it for appearances sake, or because they feel obligated to. They may mean well, but maybe your kids aren't super good friends, or they're too busy, or whatever. If they are purposely being mean, then don't bother with them. The whole texting/sick kid thing was weird, but she probably felt awkward & didn't want to hurt your feelings. Would "Oh, I didn't really mean to text you" have made you feel any better? Not by much.

However, I didn't see anywhere in your post where you mention that you were contacting these moms, to plan a play date. One could turn it around & say that you, also. were not following through. Because you also agreed that you wanted to do a play date, but also never made an effort. You're all adults, and it's a 2 way street, you know? If you really wanted to do a play date, you could easily pick up the phone & invite someone over. If you are a watcher, or shy, or quiet, people, in general will not flock to you, you also need to make the effort.

It's so petty and immature. I'd be nice to them if you saw them but I wouldn't invite them to anything or go out of your way to talk to them. It's their loss and when they realize that their behavior has no affect on you, they might change and then your daughter will have another couple of playmates. I do hope they change. I've had this happen to me before and I for the life of me can't figure it out!!

Edit: I also wondered after my intial response if this was a working mom vs. SAHM thing. So lame. Just inwardly roll your eyes, or even better, laugh. I DO NOT think that this is a case where you've done something wrong!

I haven't had this problem in either of the neighborhoods we've lived, BUT I've had this problem with mom's groups. The women seem cliquey a lot of the time. I don't get it... It's got to be a lot harder to deal with this in a neighborhood. I would just try to focus your energies on people who do want to get together. Try social groups or friends you know - or even kids groups like through Gymboree or the Y. Sorry you're dealing with this. Personally, I think it's rude!

The text/FB situation was rude. That said - have you initiated any playdates with the kids? Maybe she does a lot of playdates with other moms in the neighborhood because those other moms invite her.

I know I have really good intentions about having kids over for playdates and I've asked for a phone number. And then either I lose the number or life just gets so busy that I lose track of time. And then I realize that 6 months have passed and we never set up a playdate. Life is just too busy sometimes and sometimes I'm not all that organized. And, of course, I don't feel all that bad about it because the other mom didn't call me either. It's a two-way street. If you've hosted the other child for a playdate 3 or 4 times (or at least invited a few times, and not just to a birthday party) and they never reciprocate, then my response would be totally different.

When I read your profession, the first thought that came to mind was that your intimidating to these other women. Meaning your intellegence would exceed theirs. You seem very level headed through your post and just want your daughter to freely play with these other children but, sometimes I think insecurities get in the parents way. At 4yrs old the majority of Moms still want to be "around" during play dates. That would mean they would have to keep conversation with you and that may be too much for them. I'm not saying that it's right, you don't seem to project an "I'm better than you" additude but, you seem confident. Sometimes that is all it takes. The women who shun you are most likely gossiping hens who prefer to stay with their own kind (if you know what I mean). Don't sweat it, if it bothers you and it is more direct address it with confidence and move on. Me personally it takes a moral/ value difference to keep me from making a friend. Take care.

not sure if anyone gave this perspective or not, the difference between play dates in preschool vs elementary are huge. by the time kindg rolls around the kids will be busy with a ton of other activities etc. and there just isn't as much time anymore, plus alot of mom's will be working at that point. maybe not in your area but here they do.

plus the girls will be older and will know more who they want to play with.

Sometimes, it's just a case of a mom wanting to play, but life is busy and if soemone they have a relationship with calls, it's easier to just go with that than take a risk on someone new. Not sure about the text stuff you are referring too that sounds like a bad coverup.

i will also toss out, it's a lot easier for me to smile and nod and say yeah sure we would love a play date (with your satan spawn over my cold dead body) than to say what??---uhhh no thanks your kid has no personalitly and my kid just isn't that into yours. If you have other friends then my guess is that isn't the case for you, but i think some times parents DO know that their kids are too wild or don't mesh well what ever and just keep pushing it.

anyhow, shrug it off, hang out with the cool people that likeyou and your daughter and let the rest go. It may change alot in the next few years.

I found that when I worked and other n'hood moms didn't, I was often left out. Don't know if that's the problem.

you seem to smart to be friends with these women. they post on their facebook details that they are not home and what they are doing, very sad. if you daughter likes their daughters, i would make more effort but i would not want to be friends with them. i would rather do more fabulous things with my daughter. i would not respond to their texts and calls for a while, but i doubt they will get the picture LOL!

Sad reality....could be because you are a working mom. Same thing happens to me at times. I let it get to me when we first moved into the neighborhood, but now I laugh about it.

If this is the way you are treated by them, then one of two things I think should happen: One ask them if you've said or done something to offend them. I'm sure you haven't but it may make them think of how they are treating you and your daughter. Two let it go, unfriend them on Facebook and stop inviting them to your daughter's birthday party.

It is hard to see our children treated this way.

My daughter is 14 and on the first day of h.s. ate lunch by herself as the girls that she has been friends with for years have a different lunch hour. She did find people the next day to eat with.

Hope things work out :)

Im a SAHM and this seems to happen to me. I think its because the other moms (with similar aged kids) in the neighborhood are 6 to 10 years older than me. I think, they think, that wed have nothing in common.

I know how you feel, because I am in a similar situation. The hard part is that it's so "in your face"; if these moms lived in another part of town you could write it off as the fact they are in a different area. As neighbors, though, you hear and see it happening. I can tell you to move on and look elsewhere for friends, which I am sure that you are quite able to do. Sometimes, though, it just hurts to be excluded - bottom line :(