Playdates and Mommy Compatibility...

This is where I feel bad - little one would love more playdates, but with me working FT and then coming home to see homework, supper, etc, we just run out of day(s) - and what doesn't get done thru the week ends up dumpted onto the weekends ...*sigh!* ... gotta work on getting better organized - this second round sometimes has me out-of-sorts, but wouldn't change it for the world!

I don't think it is you. We just moved to a new neighborhood at the beginning of the summer. There are two little boys next door to us and one little boy across the street that is the same age as my son (age 4). My son gets so excited to all of his neighbor friends, so when he sees the little boy across the street he wants to play. The little boy seems equally interested, but I don't think he is allowed to leave his yard and cross the street-which I understand. However, there have been several instances in which we have tried to initiate a casual play date/ play time, but even when all the kids are out playing, this little boy doesn't seem to get to. My next door neighbor said she has experienced the same thing. I know they are social because I have seen many other kids come over to their house for what appears to be scheduled playdates, but so far we haven't been able to make a connection. My son and daughter just play with all of their other friends and neighbors we have met so far and just leave it up to some sort of shyness. We are not weird people. We are perfectly kind and will remain so. Hopefully they will come around sooner or later, but if not then that is ok too. No worries. That is the attitude I want my children to grow up with. Be friendly to everyone, give everyone a chance to be included, but if they decline, then stick with the people you do make good connections with. You can't please everybody. Good luck and good for you for making the effort to be neighborly. I bet they may come around at some point. Some people just take time to get to know people!
HTH,
A.

If I don't know you, and I mean really know you well, there is no way I would let you just take my son to your home for a play date without me there to supervise. I think the fact may be that she really is just super busy, and she does not know you well enough to just leave the small child in your care. Don't take it personally.

Don't take it personally. Could be many things, maybe she's just busy, or maybe your son wants to play with the other kid more than that kid wants to play with him (which is awkward, I've been in that situation where a kid/mom keeps calling to play and my child is in the background mouthing "no no I don't want to!")
It's too bad because they live so close. If it doesn't work out seek out some other friends from school. By the end of kindergarten he'll likely have lots of buddies :)

I'm in agreement with Jen-- try not to take this on yourself. I'd ask one more time, just an open: "Give us a call if you are ever headed to the park, (my son) would love to play with (your son)." Then, leave it at that. This gives her an opportunity to get to know you a little better. You can tell your son that he can always write a note or card or draw a picture to give to his friend. While it's so sweet and fun that your son loves this other kid, sometimes there's nothing else you can do.

In short: it's not you,K.. It's her. Or her busy schedule or her older kids. Who knows what she's dealing with. I know you want this for your boy, but try not to feel bad about it.

I would just drop the subject. You have tried.

We have run into this same type of situation before. When my kids have asked then I tell them I have tried to set up a playdate. When the mom can fit it into her schedule then it will happen but other families have different schedules. Be a broken record with your son when he asks. Tell him they can play at school together and sit on the bus together but a playdate won't happen until the mom calls to set something up.

The mom doesn't know you so probably does not feel comfortable letting the boy go to your house. Don't take it personally. Not everyone feels the same about playdates. They feel obligated to reciprocate so they just avoid it all together.

Help your little boy find another friend to invite over. Sorry.

Good luck and best wishes!!

This does NOT mean for sure that the friendship is O. sided, as some have said! That's just mean and rude.

It means she's busy, or with her other kids, she's not "looking" for stuff for her youngest to do (big difference in houses with a few siblings).
You've tried--try again from time to time.
Walk down with your son when you know she's home & let them play outside in the yard for a bit. Try then (face-to-face) to see ig that kid can come over for an hour.
When your son asks, tell him the friend's mom isn't good about making plans. That's most likely the truth.

ETA: Usually all 5 year old need to have in common is that they each have O. nose, and they can be "friends". Sorry--to me the other post came across as mean AND rude. Even considering the back peddling.

So many different reasons this could be happening...

She's busy, doesn't get back to you, then feels embarrassed about it.The little boy is nervous to be at your house without mom. Mom is nervous to leave her son with someone she doesn't know. Her son doesn't want to for who knows what reason and she doesn't know what to tell you. Who knows, but it doesn't mean it has anything to do with you or your son.

I'm with the people who said to just try again every now and then. Don't pester her, but mention that you'll be home one weekend day and ask if they can come for lunch. If it's sunny invite them over for kids to play outside and you girls chat, whatever. Just be casual about it.

I can relate, as my son, only child, also craves friendship but he's in a new school and I haven't had the time/chance to befriend other mamas. Honestly I don't even want to, as I am very busy and like my free time. So I decided to befriend a neighbor, who has 2 children and is a good compromise between stranger moms and no little friend for my son. SInce this mom is not responding to your friend-request, I suggest you redirect your child's interest towards something/someone else. Maybe he can make friends while practicing a new sport or hobby etc...

You do not want to seem stalker ish to this lady ... maybe HER kid does not want to play with your kid and that's the deal. There is a boy my son wants to play with and that boy wants to play with him but I can not stand play dates ... getting along with other moms is often too difficult.

Well the other possibility is junior doesn't like your son as much as he likes him.

Other than that you don't know what her schedule is. She may need to have son in tow for a handoff to dad. You just don't know but considering you only had that one meet with mom chances are your son's friendship is one sided.

I didn't say this to be mean or rude. It doesn't help you if you are beating yourself up for something and not looking at all the possibilities. You had one covered, the person posting before me covered another and I added a third. Kind of mean and rude to call someone else mean and rude when they were only offering another viable reason.

Not every parent is really into playdates. I do not think this is a mom compatibility issue. They may have a busy schedule and this may not be a priority. It's not that the mom doesn't like you. I would let it go. Tell your son that you've tried calling and emailing, but apparently they are too busy for a playdate. It's okay for him to know that not all families are into playdates or do things the same as you might. Encourage him to invite someone else from his class that he'd like to play with. If you see the mom in person at all and have a chance to chat, you can mention that your son would love to have her son over and feel free to call if you are free at some point.

Just find someone else to play with.
Don't take it personally.
This happens.
You don't know how busy they are or not.
You don't really know them at all.
Just tell your child, that sometimes others are just too busy and it doesn't work out. You tried. But it is not meant to be.

I am sure, being in Kindergarten, your son will meet other kids to bond with.
And once you feel comfortable with your son's friend/and the parents... and if this is compatible.. then YOU invite his friend over.
Me: I will invite kids over for a playdate... once "I" discern that the parents are 'normal' and compatible... with me or my kids.
I also teach my kids that not every kid we meet.... comes over.
It is a process. Or not.
Some friends are just friends at school.
Some friends are those you invite over, etc.

Eh, I wouldn't take it personally. I have run into this & I get your feelings. I wouldn't consider it a compatibility issue, really. I think the other mom means well, but is just so damn busy, or like another poster said, your schedules are too different. It's also a possibility that she felt obligated to exchange the numbers & agreed to an empty play date promise. It's not the first time it's happened. Maybe the dad isn't the picture or he works crazy hours & mom doesn't have a lot of help. Parents of more than one kid are naturally more busy & more responsibility. Also, if she doesn't know you, she's probably not comfy with a drop off play date yet. It's also a possibility that maybe your son cares more for the other kid than the other kid does your son. I wouldn't waste time analyzing it, personally. You can't force it, you've done all you can do, so best to move on in the hopes of finding a more receptive mommy. For me, I am not that worried about play dates now that DD is in school with kids all day & socializes during that time. I consider weekends family time, so play dates are few & far between.

I just responded to your question about ADHD and the school district. Have you considered the possibility that this parent knows about your son's behavior and does not want her son exposed to it?

I know exactly how you feel. Just this morning I asked 6 moms to have play dates and they all said no. I don't get it. It's disheartening. I also wondered whether it was me or my daughter. I do think people are just too busy with their own families. And there are some that simply don't believe in play dates (I get that even less). That's a shame cause they're doing their kids a disservice. I've even tried on several occasions for the same play date and it seems like the other mom just keeps thinking of excuses. In any case, I just tell my daughter the truth. I tell her that I've tried many times to get a play date with someone and they're just not receptive to the idea and that I can't continue hounding them for a play date. She totally gets it.