Sticking Out Tongues

In kid speak, sticking out a tongue at someone is equivalent to giving the finger. Sorry, it's just disrespectful and not even slightly funny or appropriate for a child to do that to an adult.

Kids doing it to each other is one thing, but if a kid ever stuck his tongue out at me, especially if I was his teacher, coach, scout leader, etc. I would find it very disrespectful.
And I can honestly say, it's never happened, even after three kids and close to twenty years of working with children in various ways (maybe behind my back, but never to my face!)
Glad I live in an area where the kids seem to be raised well, that is, with good manners :-)

I feel it's like saying F You, but in kid language.

When a child does that to an authority figure (not a peer) it's really offensive. It's the child equivalent of a middle finger, or an f*** you. That's why.

I've had some kids that I teach do that to me, and I find it disrespectful to do it to an adult.

However, instead of being all angry about it or punishing the child I just laughed at them and said "You look very silly with your tongue hanging out like a dog!"

They never did it again.

If I were to get mad and make a big deal about it, the child would then know that they could use that gesture to insult me, which is the intended purpose.

By laughing at them I ruined it because I wasn't insulted, and instead found THEM to be funny-looking.

Works every time! Things only work when we give them power.

I agree with the responder in the initial thread why likened it to a middle school kiddo 'flipping the bird' to a teacher. Totally disrespectful IMO.

I would rather a school CALL me over something...than be concerned afterwards that they hadn't.

The original poster seemed more concerned that she was disturbed at work...rather than being concerned over a FIVE year old, and his blatant disrespect.

Most 5 year olds are very malleable and eager to please. I think the teacher wanted to nip it in the bud.

I fear it will be a VERY long year for ALL concerned in this situation.

I, personally would rather have a school err on the side of caution.

Just my opinion.

I'm of the opinion that it is like the middle finger. In fact, when a friends's 6 year old did it to me last year, that is what it felt like.

Such behavior in my house gets a consequence, as do grumpy/mean faces. I get that 5-6 year olds have big emotions, and getting angry is fine, but taking it out on the world in disrespectful ways isn't acceptable to me.

I think it's not polite and quite rude, but I think some people equate it with giving someone the middle finger. I am not one of those people.

It's a childish act. I think that if that's truly all it was - a mean face and a stuck out tongue - then the call home was a major overreaction. My DD knows she should not do that, and I would not be surprised if her teacher made her change her "color" and sent me home a note. But a stuck out tongue, IMO, is not a major infraction. Disrespectful? Yes. But not the same as cussing a teacher out.

I've seen two kids through HS graduation. This is small potatoes in my book.

You do it to other kids, your peers. A five year old is not their teacher's peer, they are a subordinate. A child sticking out their tongue at a teacher, joking or with anger, is saying, we are equals, that is a huge problem to me.

Think about why children stick their tongues out at each other. It is usually a mocking gesture. Ha ha you got in trouble I didn't, I tattled on you,....you have no power over me. It is the last bit that make it a serious crime in my book when directed at a teacher or any adult. If they feel that entitled at five, what are they going to be like at fourteen?

I am not so old fashioned that I buy into the seen but not heard but I do believe that children need to know their place. They are not equals to adults.
______________
I want to add my kids and I do joke around a lot and just as I gave them god punished you they did stick out their tongues at me. Thing is they didn't do it first, I set the tone, I allowed it. That is not a dynamic my kids fostered with other adults, they knew their place. Sure if a teacher stuck their tongue out at them, they would perceive it as allowable discourse in that classroom but they would never "assume" it was allowed.

Disrespectful:

http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A0PDoKrWY...

Kids being kinda silly:

http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A0PDoKrWY...

Do you see the difference?

You said it yourself. You didn't do it as kids to adults. Maybe you did it to each other but not adults. So you've answered your own question...

If my child had the audacity to stick out their tongue at anyone of authority over them, I would be upset if I wasn't told. To me it's irrelevant if the person in charge of my kid called me during the day or after the fact.

Personally I think the Teacher was frustrated with this child and he pulled the last stunt with her and she felt she needed to call during school hours. Who knows what truly happened but the point is this kid was disrespectful to his Teacher and she felt the need to call.

I think the poster was being silly to say she could get fired over this.

Some kids make faces, including sticking their tongues out, out of anger or to provoke someone while others do it to make people laugh/to be funny. I think that if being done while not listening to an adult or complying but not liking then it shows disrespect.

I think that sticking out the tongue at this age is kind of like an "ef you" on the part of the kid. That's why people are saying it's so disrespectful. It really IS a big deal to do it to a teacher.

Kids usually behave worse at home with a parent or caregiver who they feel "safe" with. But the teacher at school is not so familiar and kids this age who have been taught to be respectful don't normally act like this to a teacher. To other kids, yes. Teachers, no. If a child HAS been taught to be respectful and still does this to a teacher, there is a real problem with the kid's temperment or something awful happened to cause it.

I was surprised that a teacher interrupted a parent during the day for this. I have known kids that push and kick and the parents are not even told by the teacher. Makes me think some teachers think it is okay for a child to hurt an equal (or even a child they view as subordinate), but it is very serious to disrespect an elder (teacher).

I think this is such a non-issue and deal with it like Cheerful M. does. If you try to correct the behavior or punish for it, you give it power. By making fun of it in a light-hearted way, you diffuse the situation and take the power out of it.
We've only ever used it in a joking manner in our family (even in my mother's generation) and so I don't think it ever has occurred to my kids to stick their tongue out at an adult in a disrespectful way. Other children that have stuck their tongue out at me have been met with me sticking out my tongue at them and laughing about it. And that was that, no big deal.

I think it represents "yuck". Kids often stick their tongues out when they encounter a taste they don't like.

So, it is almost like the kid is saying "I find you yucky".

Which is like a childish version of giving the middle finger.

I never really though much about it either.... until my 4-year-old neighbor boy started doing it to me. Instead of waving when he saw me, he started sticking his tongue out at me when nobody was looking. Weirdly enough, it really bothered me. He's stopped it now, thank goodness. I wasn't going to say anything about it anyway, but it's different when it's happening to you.

well, it iS rude. i just don't think that every demonstration of rudeness needs parental intervention. these are 5 year olds, and they're very primitive. the nicest kindergartner in the world may well not understand that sticking out a tongue is a huge infraction (in my opinion it's not), and if a friend does it, is going to test that boundary by trying it too. 9 times out of 10 a stern 'excuse me, you may NOT make that rude face at me. one more time and you go to the principal's office' will be more than enough to nip it in the bud.
small children also do need SOME outlet to express frustration or dislike or solidarity. making faces is a relatively mild way for them to do so. is it actually like flipping the bird? maybe. i tend to give a lot more leeway to kids this small.
they may not hit or hurt each other. they may not make noise or disruption while teacher is talking. they must wait their turn. they must sit at their desks. they must line up. there's a LOT for kindergartners to navigate. an occasional stinkface may need to be discouraged, and a repeat stinkfacer may need some sort of repercussion. but i think acting as if the child was screaming or hitting or throwing things or otherwise disrupting the entire class is a rather ridiculous over-reaction on the part of the teacher. a kindergarten teacher should expect 5 year olds to be in the process of civilization, not to have it all figured out.
khairete
S.

I think it is in part cultural. Part, generational.

In my olden days, in the south, in the Bible Belt, kids were never allowed to be heard, much less be disrespectful to adults. Girls, in particular, were never allowed to show anger. They were the ones you would likely see stick out their tongue (never to an adult). Silly, I know.

The seen and not heard, culture lead to a lot of rebellion and depression and yes, anger. If they had let some things go, as your mom, it would have allowed for a lot less oppressive atmosphere. But it is, what it is. It made sticking out your tongue one of the hallmarks of disrespect. It remains ingrained in my thinking. It never reflects well on their upbringing.
That's IMHO. You are right to warn your son of how others feel about it.

Apparently, for whatever reason, it is the same feeling for a lot of people.
If that had happened in my Sunday School class, that child would have repremanded and their parents told at the end of class. When you are dedicating your life to teaching, you put up with a lot. Sometimes that little tongue sticking out can be a symbol of an attitude that just won't fly. It devalues the essence of the service of teaching.

Although I laugh at it, I think it is similar to the finger. I did it to my husband the other night. That is what I meant but couldn't do. He knew that was the intended purpose. He laughed at me. We kind of have that humor going on in our house.