Step Dad and 16 Year Old?

Yes, it's completely normal. I was the same way towards my own stepfather at that age. We, however are very close now, and he has been a constant presence in my life. I don't know what I would do with out him!

She's a little old for you to ask her to try to learn to like him, she is nearly an adult. He is not her father, she isn't going to think of him as a father, she remembers and misses her father, and a 16 year old girl is really not going to be too interested in a new man. It's exciting for your little boys to have a father figure around, there's nothing exciting about that for a 16 year old girl. I have a 16 year old girl and if I was divorced and remarried, I wouldn't expect that she'd be interested in forming a close relationship with a new husband. She's living at this guy's house so she probably doesn't feel comfortable, and of course, at her age, there is the ick factor.

Sounds pretty normal. Just give her some time.....

I'm glad that you've met a good man that your boys love, and that's good. But this situation is going to be awkward and you're going to have to throw some extra love her way for this. I'm going to be a little blunt, cause this is important. I'm a child of multiple divorces, one of which was when I was about 13-14 years old, and the new husband was verbally sexually inappropriate with me. Luckily they divorced within 3 months, but you need to be aware of dynamics.

She is a 16 year old young woman, her bio father is only out of her life for a couple years. You've married relatively quickly, and now there is a new man who is NOT her father living in her home. Yes the boys are ok with him because they are all male, and your boys are young. I imagine if they were in their mid-late teens that would be a different story.

She could be relaxed and be herself at home. Now she has to be careful about what she wears, etc., because she is a 16 year old young woman and there is a non-biologically related male in the house. Part of her can no longer relax any more. It's just a fact. Even if she likes him a LOT, it won't be the relaxed carefree love your boys feel because they are kids, and they are male.

If you have a good relationship with her, spend special time with her, try to understand how wierd the dynamics are here and help her. Hopefully he's not pushing any pressure on her about this, and hopefully you can take the pressure off that you're putting on her. I know you care, and that you want your dream of warm fuzzies all around, but it's not going to be that easy.

Maybe your daughter feels that you put her aside when you married again. Funny things happen to kids when divorce happens.

DO NOT force her to like him. It will only cause resentment and more drama. Instead - keep the lines of communication open with her. Find out WHY she doesn't like him...don't grill her - get some mom/daughter time and find out what's going on. LISTEN. DO NOT judge. COMMUNICATION is key!

Good luck!

Personally, at 16, I would feel uncomfortable with a new man who started living in my house - for any reason.

Boys, sexuality, growing up, becoming independent are all on my mind at 16. Having to share this already uncomfortable and difficult personal time with a grown man who I don't know that well is making it even harder.

And I'm sure your new husband is acting stand-offish so that he doesn't make her any more uncomfortable than she already is. Give it time. Talk to her. Let her know that she doesn't ever have to think of him as a father if that's too much for her, but that she needs to respect him and that you hope they can develop a friendship - or at least, a friendly relationship.

That is so normal. I still don't like my stepdad and I am fifty four.
My kids love their stepfather, but still put biological dad on the top. I'm afraid that is how it is. Do not force it. My mother has always tried to force this issue and truthfully I have really tried to like the man, but can't. He is pompous and arrogant. We do not all have to like the same people but we do have to get along. If she is nasty to him then of course seek counseling or something but if she is simply not his best friend then so be it. He is YOUR friend, your husband.She will be out and about soon.

In the last couple of years, her life as she knew it changed completely. She lost her dad, lost her house, and lost HER family. You can't force her to like or love her step father. As long as they are respectful then you can build on that. I recommend you have a mother/daughter time and discuss life.

Hmmmm....did you know she felt this way when you got married?
It's tough to get a SDad in your teens--I did, so I know!
My Stepfather never made demands, disciplined, etc. He was a strong, steady presence in my life and I grew to love him so very much!
You can't rush it.
If he's a good man, and treats you and your children well, she'll come around. Probably going to take a lot of time. Be patient.

She's 16, has a lot on her mind.
She's also old enough for you to sit down at the kitchen table with in the morning over a cup of coffee and just talk about life in general and see where her heads at. You definitely need to put yourself in her shoes.
16 with 3 very much younger brothers, sounds pretty stressful, I'd say she feels like she's pretty much on her own with no one to talk to.
Communicate. The only way to help a daughter launch successfully into womanhood is to KNOW her, LISTEN to her, and help her work thru her feelings.

I agree with mindy, at this point, it is highly unlikely that she is going to look at him as a father. If they are getting along and being nice to eachother i think your doing fine!
She might have even developed a bit of a trust issue. She might thinking, "why get close to this guy? She could just get another divorce and I'll have to leave this guy too" .
Just be nice to her feelings. Being a 16 year old girl is hard enough , let alone moving to a new house and all that! Just make sure she has someone to talk to, whether it's her dad or her bf or friends or YOU. She could be really stressed and needs to find and outlet.
Put yourself in her position, would you be totally thrilled to move to a guys house to work on farm?
Good luck! and it sounds like your doing great :)

I think all this happened at a really touchy time in her life. If she can live with him and offer him basic respect (and vice versa) then give her time. You cannot force a genuine relationship. It needs to grow. The boys are 1) boys and 2) much younger. It was much easier for me with my SD than my SS in part due to gender and age. I think you should just acknowledge that this relationship may never be as close as YOU want it to be. Continue to be there for your DD. She's been through a lot.

You can't force her to like her, and in my opinion it really isn't even fair to ask her to make an effort. She may not like him. That's OK. How would you feel if someone made you move into someone else's house just because they liked that person? Now you've got to follow the new homeowner's rules about certain things, and you feel like it isn't really your house. Not much fun. Not to mention that she's a teenager and isn't fully matured yet anyhow to look at things rationally. Don't make it worse by now telling her that she should like him.

It sounds totally normal to me and a lot less concerning than if they got along TOO well!