Spraying Water in Face to Calm down Tantrum

Its just water and it wasnt like it was the garden hose or anything. I wouldnt make a mountain out of a mole hill we got the belt when we were little. I actually think its better then yelling or hitting his. It was silent and stopped the temper tantrum... I think I will invest in a spray bottle of my own for my twelve year old ... I am just kidding it actually is kinda funny too me that everyone is shocked it was effective and not abusive at all..

If by "child" you mean "cat" then yes, it's appropriate. If by "child" you mean "child" than no, not okay.

That's how I sometimes get my daughters out of bed in the morning. Works a lot better than yelling and screaming at them to wake up.

new tool for the arsenal, thanks! can't wait to try it on my husband the next time he wont give me the remote. :)

As my teens would say...
Not cool, Grandma, not cool.

I'm pretty sure I would have decked her.....but that's me.

It did not hurt your child, but I think it is degrading to a child. I would never want anyone doing this to my child or me, so I certainly would not do it to anyone else..

I wonder if grandma is prepared for this grandchild to squirt her in the face when she is not behaving, the way he thinks she should. We teach so a child can learn. Not sure what spraying water in a persons face teaches.

to not be able to handle this with more thought.

Probably not something you want to make a habit of, but I bet he'll think twice about messing with grandma!

It certainly doesn't harm him, and it appeared to work!

I used to spray my older son with ice cold water when he wouldn't get up and get ready for school.

I'm going to go our on a limb and assume your child is not a domesticated pet...that he's an actual human child. This is a method appropriate for the furry variety of pets. Why? Because, even if a child is throwing a fit...they still should be disciplined with respect.

What she did was demeaning and showed your son...a human being...no respect. What if you were arguing with your husband about something meaningless and getting really heated, and he sprayed you in the face? Wouldn't go over well, right? You treat someone how you like to be treated. Your MIL and yourself wouldn't appreciate being sprayed in the face and treated like an animal, don't do it to your son.

D.,

You have received some funny answers! I like the poster who suggested that you spray your MIL in her face and see how she likes it! Good one!

I understand where the posters who disagree are coming from. However, I feel like motherhood is all about survival (especially if you have 3 small kids like I do). If stopping a tantrum with a spray of water in the face works, then I say why not?? Again, it's all about survival!!! Lucky you that your child stopped crying. I have stuck my hand under the faucet and flicked some water at my tantruming 4 y/o, however, it just caused him to cry and scream even more, so it completely backfired on me. Every kid will react differently to water in the face. Glad your child's behavior stopped! I feel that occasionally squirting water in your child's face will NOT be harmful to him/his well being in any way, shape or form, and will have ZERO negative effects on him and his childhood. Your MIL cracks me up for doing that! Whatever works!

I actually think it is a little bit disrespectful to the child. I wouldn't want someone to spray water in my face if I was mad or overly tired. They're people, not an object. When my children were younger and would throw tantrums, there was a certain corner that they had to sit in until they were done having their fit. I would ignore them during that time but, after they were calm and cool again, I would talk to them about it and talk about how to make better choices next time to get their needs met.

I guess spraying water in a child's face is enough to distract them from having the tantrum but I just know I wouldn't like someone doing it to me, therefore, I won't do it to my children.

Just my own point of view.

Are you serious? Something about that just rubs me the wrong way. How would she like it if someone squirted her in the face ?
Grrrrrr.......
Really? That was the most productive thing she could think of to do to a 2 year old because he's having a tantrum? Blah....

wow I bet she would rub his face in his own pee if he peed on the floor too!

He's a child, not a German Shepard.

I think we have all done things that we are not proud of in the heat of the moment and if we could have gone back, we would have done things differently. I doubt your son will be permanently harmed by this the one time it happened and apparently her kids turned out okay, but to me that's never a good enough reason to keep doing something. It seems disrespectful to me and not a good way to model appropriate behavior to our kids and how we handle other people who are frustrating us. I'm not any kind of softy when it comes to discipline but I don't see how squirting water in their face teaches the child anything. It might work in the short-term, but long-term is a different story.

One time my daughter pitched the biggest tantrum in the history of childhood while riding in the back seat of the car. I tried everything to calm her down, tried ignoring her, but she just kept going on and on and I was desperate. I ended up "calling Santa" on my cell phone to tell him not to bother bringing any toys to our house since A. could not behave. She quieted right down after that and later I "called Santa" again to let him know she was being better now. She's still had plenty of hissy fits since then but nothing I've had to call Santa about. She tends to have melt-downs now when she is over-tired, so how does spraying her in the face solve that? I think if I tried it, she would just get worse, feel humiliated, and scream at me, "That's not nice Mommy!"

One time my daughter was getting into drawers and I told her to stop. I was washing dishes at the time she didn't I warned her again. After the third time I grabbed the sprayer and shot it at it her. She looked completely shocked, but thought it was the best thing ever and laughed really hard. I've never done it again but at the time she was getting ready to get into something that might have hurt her and she was out of reach, so it worked.

If my MIL did that, you better believe she'd feel my wrath!!! I don't even treat my dog like that! That is horrible and it breaks my heart to think what your L. boy must have been feeling!

No. Just no!
Children are not house pets. (Or house plants. :-p)

LOL!! I wouldn't get in that habit, they're not cats (haha), but ONE TIME when I was driving, my then 2 year old was FREAKING OUT in the back seat. I had my 3 year old in the back as well, and my friend in the front with me. I couldn't take it anymore. At a stoplight I loosened the top on my water bottle, turned around, and sprayed her face!! She looked completely shocked and dumbfounded. Everyone started laughing, except me. I was just happy the freaking out stopped ;) I never did it again, but I never forgot it either!

I don't know. I've heard of using that technique to quiet a barking dog, or keep a cat from jumping up onto surfaces where you don't want them.... but to spray it in a CHILD's face??? That just seems WRONG.

Many years ago teachers who worked with special needs kids were told to take a small amount of cold water, in a paper cup, and toss it in a child's face if they were uncontrolable, just the water. It calmed them right down. If nothing else works and you don't want to resort to spanking it's worth a try. The point is to stop the bad behavior.

if it works I wouldn't hesitate to use it.
I just wished I'd thought of it when mine were small.

I'm with LovingLife G. We sprayed our cats but I can't imagine spraying my kid. I don't think it was appropriate for her to spray your child. There are other ways to calm a small child.
My dad used to throw cold water on me when I was a kid when I would resist getting up in the morning. I HATED it. I thought it was disrespectful and just mean spirited.

This actually might be a good idea for me...my son has started to throw insane tantrums in the past few weeks and I end up getting so frustrated that i scream at him to get him to stop. It's not good for anybody, because my scaring him is what's making him stop. I could see him actually getting caught off guard and end up giggling if i squirt him with water. Smart grandma! haha

I have atually done that before (of course the spray was on mist and wasn't a stream of water) with my son for screaming or yelling "NO" at me. After about 2 weeks he learned. For a fit (none of mine have been fit throwers YET but there have been a COUPLE fits) I just put them in their room with the door closed and tell them no one wants to listen to them act that way and they may come out whenever they are done. They calm down immediatly and come out and act just fine.

It makes me think of turning water cannons on protesters...failing that it sounds like something one does to a cat, not a child. But your child, your choice. I don't think it is going to cause terrible harm (maybe emotionally, I don't know, I'm not a professional) but I wouldn't do it to my children.

In my personal opinion, this is horrible! Anyone who would do this, or even think about doing this, is not a responsible parent.

I think it's ridiculous. He's not a cat. While it worked, why? A lot of things "work" in the short term but don't give you long-term results, or results for the right reasons. I can do a lot of things that will make my kid be quiet, but it doesn't make it right. I tell my DD she can have her fit somewhere else and then ignore her.

No matter what she did, if you do not feel comfortable with it, then she doesn't get to use it on your son.

I have never heard of doing that before! I know we have done it on our cat, but never on our kids!

I guess that is an "old school" method of discipline. At least it was nothing that hurt him. However, I don't think I would do that on my kids.

What a NICE grandma! I'm sure he'll grow up to hate her if that's how she treats him.

I would NOT do it on a regular basis, but I have to say it's pretty funny for happening once, because it took him by surprise. Especially coming from Grandma. Maybe you could hide it the next time she comes over, but I'd laugh about it in the end.

My husband has done this before (with water on his fingers). I'm not necessarily advocating it, but it doesn't hurt them and for some kids is a good attention getter when they start losing it.

This makes me laugh out loud because I used to say to people that if my children bit me while breastfeeding, I would just swat them in the nose with a newspaper...then explaining I was joking because they are NOT animals!! Although this is not an inhumane way to get a child to stop crying, it certainly is not going to hurt him nor will it have a tramatic effect on him long terms. Would I be okay with my MIL or husband doing this? I do not think so. But my MIL swatted her children on the head (not hit but a tap) to get them to pay attention, stop doing something, and my husband admits that he's done it with our children (not hard)...and I think that resembles what you'd do to a dog when he/she is not following directions...but again, not something that will cause tramatic long term effects on them. Would I do it? No...Is it the worst thing she could do? No....better than spanking or smacking him!

I have heard of doing this to a dog but never a kid!

Hmmmm....you ask if it is appropriate - that is hard to answer. I mean, it isn't hurting him per se. But, I would deem it as disrespectful as the receiver, and I think it teaches him he can act that way to others. I say try a different method, even though this one worked. Maybe try this again when he is 16 and smarting off. Lol!

I would say it is incredibly disrespectful to the child. And yes, it will startle a pet as well.

LOL! I don't think it's a traditional method, but apparently it works.

Well, I think its better than spanking. At least its not physically hurting the child. If I were you, I would do it, but try to be careful to not take advantage of it. Sometimes when I find something that works to stop a child from screaming, I will tend to use to for every little thing which is wrong. Just try to use other rescources first and use that rather as a last resort. Dont subsitute it for real parenting, though.

I heard once that you can use that on your partner if you get into an endless cycle of arguments - kind of like hitting the main reset button. However I've never tried it on anyone and if I did that to my daughter she would cry even more as she doesn't like to be sprayed. Instead I just tell her "if you need some time to calm down/or to yourself, you need to go to your room." These days she just goes to her room because she knows she needs some "me" time - she's 3 years old and I started that method early... =)

If you don't like it, just hide the water squirter when your MIL is around... better yet, use it on her to see how she reacts =)

In my house we allow the tantrums to happen, in the basement (our apartment), with the lights on, door closed and other stimulants off, by himself. They are shorter, louder and more effective for him so he can move on and better express himself. So, no I would not spray him in the face. My mom was told to to that to me because I chose to not breathe when I threw a tantrum but my mom just let me pass out!

I don't think that's appropriate. Kids will grow out of tantrums adventually if you handle them right. As long as he's not hurting anyone just ignore him or move him to his room.

Good thing it wasn't mixed with vinegar for cleaning your home!

I'm not really sure what to say here. I mean I can't EVER see myself doing this. Mainly because I trained my dog with a water bottle squirt to the face. And my son is not my dog- or pet at all for that matter. As an adult, I think I would be pretty pissed if some one squirted me in the face with water, so I don't think I would be ok doing that to a child. However, if it works for you- i guess go for it. I would just worry they would be scared of water guns or hoses or something as they got older. Who knows.

Just because he was quiet doesn't make her presumptuous act appropriate. He could have been quiet for a number of reasons, startled, for one, afraid, who knows what he was thinking. Did you speak with him about it after to find out how he felt? Did he understand why she sprayed him? Forget the affect, find out how it made him feel and then have a chat with MIL and ask her in the future not to use extreme methods of managing behavior that you haven't used. He probably thought what a mean thing she did to me and if you don't have a chat with him and her, your son will more than likely start spraying liquids on others without given proper thought. I mean your MIL didn't even ask what was in the bottle.

no, not ok =( your child is not a pet....

I'd be pissed; how did she know there was no plant food in that water anyway?

I feel bad doing this to my cat!!

Though I didn't object when my cousin put her tantruming daughter under a cold shower. I don't object to playful splashing in the pool. But I don't think it's funny to have cake or pie thrown in my face. I object to anything deliberate being done to the face -- seems so disrespectful. Had she squirted him in the back? Might have been funny.

I haven't read any of the other answers, but no, it is not.

My great-grandmother did it to me when I was younger, saying it always worked. I screamed louder. What it said to me, as the child, was, "I do not care to get to know why you are upset, and I don't have the patience to wait until you calm down. You are not worth my time or energy."

Please do not let her do it again.

While I have never done this to my sister, I did just recently recommend it to my sister. She has a 13 month old who SCREAMS for not apparent reason. I mean, blood curdling, you'd think he was being murdered screaming because say, she went into the other room. Or because she moves him away from the hot stove or takes something dangerous away from him. I'm sorry but at that age they do NOT "get" the concept of time-out. I recommended using the finest mist possible, and giving a warning of "you are being too loud, please stop screaming." or something similar, then if it happened again one spray at a distance so he was getting the little "shock" of a cool mist that would quiet him. She did try it and it worked. In time she will be able to teach him that screaming is not acceptable and he will not do it anymore.

That being said, I would NEVER do this to another person's child, even if they gave permission. If someone did it to MY child, I would be furious. I would also like to say, for the record, I would not agree with this if it were a steady stream of water directly to the face, I think that's too much.

Spraying with water works with animals because they don't know where it came from, they aren't smart enough to connect you with the bottle with the water. But they know what they were doing when the water hit them and they don't like it, so it's a pure behavioral modification technique.

Children, on the other hand, are smart enough to know that you did it to them. I think that's what makes it disrespectful and not a way to teach respect for you, either. Sure it worked, and it didn't hurt him. But I wouldn't use it as an ongoing discipline technique. I think used too often, or when a child was any older, and it could just escalate the anger they are feeling.

Well, he's a child not a cat! It TOTALLY works on cats for everything, but I don't know that I would spray my kid in the face. Every child seems to be different when it comes to tantrums. We've always found that ignoring them stops it very quickly and when that doesn't work saying, "You can continue to scream and have a fit upstairs in your room or you can be quiet and stay down here." That's almost like a magic trick! Not every kid responds though, but this just seems a bit "odd" or out of bounds or something.

I had One therapist tell me this was an approved method of dealing with my sons tantrums and I called and asked that she NEVER be sent to my home again, I believe she said this was a James Dobson approved method? Whatever it is whoever it is from, regardless of who it may have worked for, I think it is disrespectful to our children and I would go so far as to say I even feel like it borders on abusive. Honestly, when it comes to discipline if it is something you yourself would not want to have done to you a good rule of thumb is it is Not something you should use to discipline your children with.

When my son was about 2 years old he was having "a moment" we were at my moms house and her girlfriend was visiting. The GF didnt have kids so after my son was on 2 minutes of his tantrum the GF took my sons hand and slapped it and called him a brat. He of course cried more becasue it shocked him and the slap on the hand stung. I read this woman the riot act and told my mom, we won't come over when your friend is over. I would be annoyed if anyone including my MIL who I love , squirt water in my kids face, I do that to my cats and feel bad, but a child? No way. IMO

That sounds pretty disrespectful to me. Don't be surprised if he squirts some other kid in the face some day, just because the kid is being too whiny.
If he was the type of kid to laugh about it and go on his merry way then I'd say it's no big deal, but the fact that he was quiet for the rest of your MIL's visit is very telling. He wanted to be held by you, and couldn't understand why that wasn't possible at that moment, and instead of showing empathy and earning his trust she did something a neighborhood bully would do. True she got him to stop crying, but should that really be the only goal, to get our kids to stop crying by any means necessary? He's only two. Crying for mom is pretty normal. IMO he shouldn't get sprayed for it.

There is a book called "Happiest Toddler on the Block" which gives great advice on how to diffuse toddler tantrums through actual parenting, instead of through Pavlovian classical conditioning. Yes it's more work for you, but don't you want to be an active parent instead of just using survival tactics to get short term "results?"

wow. We do that with our cats, but a child? I wouldnt do that, however effective... its like slapping their face isnt it? It wouldnt hurt, but still....!

Neither of my boys where tantrum throwers unless you count the time frame that my youngest hated the rear facing car seat. From the time he was born til we turned him around(almost a year) car trips with him were a nightmare.
I sit here thinking of my nephew who has thrown some world class tantrums and WISH I had tried this on him. I have no doubt it would have stopped him mid-scream and saved my poor nerves. I wouldn't do it on a regular basis I could see it as a great way to stop everything and get attention refocused.
As for the one who said pets aren't smart enough to figure out where the water came from...wrong on that front. My dogs figured it out after the first squirt and now will side step any and all water bottles or people carrying them. The cats see anything they THINK can spray them and they are gone and wont comeback into the room if they think it is near anyone.

Hmmm... interesting! You MIL obviously startled your son. I use the spray bottle on my dog sometimes for bad behavior. Works like a charm with him. Never thought about doing it to a child, although mine is kind of past the tantrum phase...

I guess it gets their attention. However, it doesn't teach them how to handle their emotions, so I'd say there are better ways. It is funny though!

Okay, so I have tried this with my 4 year old, but a little bit differently and more to diffuse into laughter than to escalate into tantrum. There are times lately when he is being... well... four years old. "NO NO NO NOPE!" You know what I mean, people. And to calm myself as well as him I grab the spray bottle that I use for his hair and spray him from about 2 feet away saying "YES YES YES!" It ALWAYS diffuses both of our anger and he runs away squealing in laughter. About 80% of the time, he ends up going ahead and doing what I wanted, too. BTW, he then runs around the house screaming "Spray me again!"

One other thing that I have found lately that works... again escalating into a battle of wills with both of us getting really angry. I kind of play growl at him that he'd better say "yes" and then I grab him and flip him upside down and jiggle him. He squeals "YES" and I gently sit him down so that he can do what I've asked him to. Works about the same percentage of time.

I have found though that the situation has to be right and he can't be already upset about something else. It has to basically be a battle of the wills for either of these methods to work.

Abusive? No. Laughter inducing to pull everyone back down to reality? Yes.

That is overboard. My mom and grandma etc would do something similar if one of us or my nieces.nephews was totally out of control with a crying fit-meaning a possible breathing issue. They would wet their hand and just flick a little bit. That would just be a few drops of water. I would never let someone take a water bottle and spray my child in the face. A spray from a water botte is a lot more than a few drops.

Sorry sweetie, we're almost unanimous on this one. Your MIL thinks she's Cesar Milan with a naughty pitbull...Whoops. He's a HUMAN BEING. Just like you and me...only smaller and defenseless against you...and 2 YEARS OLD. He can't verbalize properly, that's why he's having a tantrum... She sounds like a prize package. Glad she's not my in-law. What a -----

I use a spray bottle to discipline cats, not children.

WTH??? Are you serious??? Not for that!!! No way my MIL would have gotten away clean w/that or her remark!

First of all you do that to cats/kittens when they are doing something that they no business doing like scratching up the couch...not to KIDS???? So what if he was quiet the rest of the time she was there...she probably scared him half to death! I wouldn't be surprised if she do something crazy again and again to your kid with or w/out you being there to witness it and he starts to not wanting to be around her but don't tell you how he feels bc you will let her do it to him like you did on this incident. He may think well mom was right there and didn't do nothing so she isn't going to do anything if I tell her what grandma did this time or that time. Come on!!! I am sorry I can see if she was just playing w/the squirt bottle and was playing swirt him but to shut him up...no way sir ree bob!!!

I am greatly amused by the folks on here that are appalled at using such a method, and how "disrespectful" it is to the child. How about how disrespectful a child in a full blown tantrum is to their parent?? I, in fact, just suggested to my dulaughter to do this with her 3 year old today! As I told her, I did it once or twice to her or her brother to get their attention, neither one of them remembers it and they have turned out to be mature, responsible, and respectful adults. It isn't something I would use with any regularity because it loses its effectiveness, it has to be used when they are in a full blown, not coming back to reality anytime soon type of tantrum. A small cup with a quarter inch of water in the bottom straight in their face and they will be so shocked they will either shut up or start laughing. Trust me folks, screaming at your child their entire life with no effectiveness will be remembered far more than a little water in the face used a couple of times.

Everyone parents differently. My son is 2 1/2 and I'll be the first to admit that he is out of control. We've spanked him, yelled at him, tried talking to him quitely, held him until he calmed down, and even took him into the pediatrician for advice. We've tried everything under the sun when it came to discipline. He gets PLENTY of attention and exercise during the day too. He also takes a good nap every day at the same time as well as go to bed at the same time. I try setting up the day so he's busy and try to avoid potential meltdowns before they happen. He's had the same routine for the longest time. I've read countless books, discipline articles, etc. NOTHING worked. He would get so worked up so fast and then there was no calming him down. We have to strap him to his high chair some times just so he wouldn't hurt himself. There is no "ignoring" him when it happens. We recently got a 8wk old puppy who is being disciplined with a mist of a water bottle like the vet suggested. It is always sitting out for immediate behavior corrections. So when my son started in on a tantrum about something and didnt' stop after I tried talking to him I thought..."ahhh what the hell. Can't hurt." I misted the water at him, but not in his face. Two things happend. He immediately stopped what he was doing. Then he started to giggle. IT GOT HIS ATTENTION. I then explained to him "you don't do ...(whatever he was doing)". He said, "ok, momma" and went on his merry way. There was no screaming, spanking, time outs, or out of control tempers involved. I was shocked!!! To me, spanking, yelling, time outs, etc., cause more stress for both parties than a simple mist of water. So now I use it to get his attention when talking to him fails. It's been a much more calm household lately. There is nothing cruel or demeaning about it and my kid seems happier too. Sometimes you just got to throw the book out and do what works best for your situation.

I dont tyink i would go so far as to spray a child but i would take a rag and wipe down my daughters face when she throws crazy fits and it does calm her down. My mom thinks it's torture. But if it calms her down why not...

I would've sprayed Gma in the face w/the water too & that would've ended THAT. While it worked, I don't think I would've liked that, especially since you are the mom & she had no authority to do that while she was visiting. If you asked her to babysit & she found no other means useful & you were not there to discipline, then yes I'd have said it'd be okay after finding out that's what she did to stop the tantrum but personally, I would think she overstepped her authority on the matter in this instance b/c true, she may've done it to 'her' kids but he's not her kid.

There is something I don't like about it, but I have been tempted ever since I heard of it. I won't do it. As far as cats go... I truly don't understand. If it's disrespectful or over the top for a child then it's also over the top and disrespectful for a cat.

LOL, well I've have DESIRED to do this to my son before as he is the flippin KING of tantrums. But I never have.
I'm kind of split on this. Did it hurt him? No. Did he quit his tantrum? Yes! But is it appropriate......thats where things get grey for me. While it worked at the time, and didnt hurt him. Where would you draw the line? And is this teaching him how to calm himslef down, OR how to treat other people? No. So while it's not a big deal, I wouldnt suggest making a habit of it. Although, i'd like to know the feeling, JUST ONCE hee hee :)

I can only imagine what my daughters' reaction would be if I ( or anyone else!!) had done that to their children for any reason what soever!!!
I cannot think of anything more disrespectful to do to your child. She was evidentally needing attention from you to comfort her for some reason or because she had hurt herself...or just because she wanted you...and suddenly Grandma sprays water in her face!!! Wow...
How did Grandma know what was in that bottle? What if it had been a bleach solution that you used to clean, or had plant food in it ..WHAT was your MIL thinking??? I would have a serious talk with your husband and I would have him make it clear to your MIL that was NOT acceptable behavior!!!
I would not be surprised if your daughter steers clear of her Grandma for a while...I would if I were her !!!

Well, i have a six year old who always seemed to have tantrums when she didnt get what she wanted. One got out of control and i didnt spray her but i did put her in the shower and turned the cold water on to cool her down. It work like magic. Every time she got upset she never let it get out of hand and told me about her feelings. I showed her there were better ways of comunicating her feeling that would get a much better response.

I don't agree with people saying this is awful and abusive, I think that's an exaggeration. It's certainly better than spanking a child, in my opinion. I would have more of an issue with my MIL taking matters into her own hands (whether it's spanking, squirting, or yelling), and disciplining MY child without my approval/input. I feel disciplining should be left up to the parents, unless the parents tell others they can discipline their children and in what ways. The fact she went out of her way to discipline your child without your approval and using a method you did not consent to is what would bother me more than whether she squirted him with water or put him in a room alone for a timeout. This is your house and your child, so you should be the one to set down the rules.