I am a stay at home mom of one son, who's 3, who I recently signed up for Youth Soccer. This is the first sport or any activity that we have done with other kids (ex no daycare, school, etc...). At first he was excited about playing but now at practices he does nothing but cry. I believe he is the youngest on the team. He does not know any of the other kids outside of soccer. He will not play in the games. the last game he wanted to leave but i made him sit on the sidelines with me until the game was over, thought maybe he would get tired of sitting there and want to play. he gets mad if he's kicking the ball down field and someone takes it. he will only play with a certain colored ball at times. i have even gone out on the field with him during games to help him but he doesn't want to do anything except cry. Here's the fun part the moment we leave and get in the car to go home, he tells me he wants to play. Is there something i can do, should i take him out of soccer? I don't want him to quit but if he really doesn't like it I don't want to make him play. I have been told that kids will do this, and that i should just stick it out, next season try a different sport and see if he does better. Someone please help me!!! Just a lil note there are only 5 other kids on his team, we don't keep score, I really just signed him up to get him around more kids, he as his lil friends in our neighborhood, so it's not like he's never been around another kid. I plan to try t-ball in the spring but till then I'm not sure i want him to quit, there are only 4 more wks left, practice twice a wk and then game on Saturday.
Thanks for all the answers! We decided not to quit. I have never forced him to play, if he didn't want to play we sat on the sidelines and cheered on the team. I didn't want him to think that he could just quit something just because he didn't like, in life's thats not always a good thing to do, sometimes u just have to suck it up. Yesterday was out last game and he was so happy to get a medal at the end! The last three games he did not cry and enjoyed playing, given he didn't have a clue really what to do, but he did finally stop crying during the games and learned to enjoy it. I told him come spring time we would try baseball but he told me he wanted to play soccer again, so we shall see. Most of you said 3 was a young age to start playing sports or that he was to young to be into this situation, I do somewhat agree but I just wanted him to be around other kids his age and learn to share with kids and things of that sort, and I just thought this was a really fun way to do that and as it turned out for us it ended great! I'm just sad that its over and we have to wait til spring to start another sport! Thanks again everyone!
Take him out. He's too young. Since when does a 3-year-old need to make a "commitment"? Let him play, that's all he wants to do right now. When he is ready socially, you will know it.
He's only 3. What do you expect? When my nephew was 5 he'd sit down in the middle of the field when the ball and all the other players went to the other end of the field. At 3 he needs to learn to share and play well with others. He's not ready for team sports. There will be plenty of time for that. Relax and give the poor kid a break!
My children have all been involved in sports but I never started them playing until they were five. I am so against this push to get them involved at such young ages. If he is that unhappy I would withdraw him and try again when he is older.
Having never been in a social setting like this before where there are a lot of people and a lot of stimulation, this could be completely overwhelming to him. He is three, so he can't say to you,"Mom, I am completely overwhelmed. I want to kick the ball, but I don't want to share the ball. There are alot of kids around me running around and trying to take my ball, and there are alot of people shouting and giving instructions and it's all just too much." It would make sense that when all of the things he finds overstimulating are gone, he wants to play. Three is awfully young to understand the concept of lots of team activities, especially sports.
I like t-ball better, because for a 3 yr old there are two rules- 1. hit the ball, and 2. run in a big circle. Then in the outfield there are 2 rules - 1. Catch the ball, and 2. Throw toward home. With T-Ball he would still be in a team sport but there is a little more individual play.
If he truly hates it, or is overwhelmed, keeping him in could sour him to trying new things. As to quitting, how many things do you do that you really and truly hate. Not work and chores, but things that you thought would be fun. Maybe you could do swim lessons at the Y for now and when spring t-ball starts you could try that.
In my opinion, 3 is very very young to put into sports. First of all, they don't know what they're doing, so when other kids do, it's frustrating to them. Also, they're more into playing, rather than something totally structured with very specific rules. I put my son in teeball and football the summer he was 4 and 1/2. It was borderline too young I thought, but one thing that helped was that he had been in preschool for one year and so he was used to being around other kids. He didn't care too much for the sports, but he learned a lot and didn't complain about going. It may have helped that it was only for 6 weeks. Now this year he's 5 and 1/2, and he really loves sports. So, I'd say if he really doesn't like soccer right now, I'd take him out instead of creating a bad experience for him. Try again next year when he's a little older. My daughter was in ballet when she was 3 and totally hated it. Now she's 7 and won't even consider trying it still!
Have you asked his coaches to try to get him involved? The key is to really cheer him on when things are going well, and ignore the crying and negative. 3 is pretty young for a team sport and may be overwhelming to him. Maybe first try a play date with 2 or 3 kids his age kicking the ball around at the park. He needs to interact positively with other kids his age. Does he have any other opportunities to interact with children?
DO NOT take your child out of sports for any reason except injury or allergies!! If you do it once then each time he/she "doesn't like" an activity they will use their previous techniques to be allowed to quit.
Our sons (age 11, 7) who both were exposed to soccer, swimming, running, basketball, baseball, football at toddler/preschool ages now are active swimmers and football, hockey, baseball and basketball players!! Giving them a "taste" of each sport from an early age led to their deciding on their own what their sport passions were.
We have the rule that you must keep your committment to your team for the current term of a sport, but if the sport is not what you want to play you do not have to repeat it. Our other rule is that each boy must be involved in a sport at all times to provide the exercise and social interaction so vital to our young people.
I am pretty sure he is just too young. I would wait and try again in a couple years. Here you have to be 5 by April 1st. My son is 5 and in Kindergarten and has never played because he has an April birthday. This spring will be the first year he is old enough. I am actually surprised they let kids so young play...I would just give him some time. Good luck:)
T.,
Just because kids can run and kick does not mean that they are ready for organized sports. Developmentally, it is way too much to ask of a 3 year old to infuse so many concepts that are so far beyond his develpmental capacity into one activity. Do you allow him to take toys away from other children (balls) and let other kids take his toys in any other setting? At three you are still reminding him of every other rule he follows daily?
He is just three. Tell him that soccer is over for now, and don't worry about it. He does not understand the concept of a "season" either, so if you just tell him that soccer ended, that will not be untrue. For him, it ended.
Take him to the park and let him kick the color ball he likes. Learning to kick it back and forth with you will teach him the appropriatly sized lesson he needs right now, the give and take of a game (you and he taking turns kicking the ball back and forth) and gross motor movement and exercise. Having that experience will teach him everything he will need for organized sports when he is finally old enough to participate.
Forcing early learning on kids will not excelerate them further than they would be anyway if you waited unitl they are developmentally ready to learn it, in every area including sports.
M.
I have children of my own(five, ages 8, 7, 4, and twins almost 2) I also was a teacher before SAHM, and I have coached our "Little Kickers" soccer organization for 4 years ..........I am not coaching right now because our next player isn't 5 yet! :) That has always been our rule because developmentally they are not ready at 3 or even 4! By 5 they have developed some new understandings , as well as a team attitude. Of course each child is different, however; most 3 year olds are pretty egocentric still....they are learning to share, they are learning to play cooperatively. An organized sport at three is not ideal! I love the suggestion that you already got.....just tell him that soccer has ended and that you can sign up again at another time if you like. No quitting involved.
As parents we need to make these choices. Children at 3 do not understand commitment, season, or being a "quitter". You will not damage your child, or set yourself up to deal with quitting if the children are the appropriate age to start. Have fun in your back yard or park just playing! It is SO important.
Enjoy the age......don't try to make him older...they grow up too fast on their own!
We have three boys (now ages 6, 9, 12) and we did not put them into sports until they were starting kindergarten, so I can't speak from a 3 yr. old experience with sports. However, we did do things like swimming lessons, tumbling and other types of classes. If they cried we just stuck it out. They eventually learned to like it and if they didn't, we just didn't sign up for it again (with the exception of swimming since learning to swim is required in our family).
If you let him quit, he will realize that his behavior allowed him to control the situation. The same thing happened with my son and football. He was 4 and cried every game because he hated to run. I made him stick it out and now he is 8 and decided he wants to play. He loves it. I do not suggest letting him quit.
You don't say the age of the child. Maturity and age can make a huge difference in a sport. Also, soccer can be very overwhelming for a child as a first activity with other kids. There is a lot of activity, bumping into each other and rules. You may want to start with something less overwhelming such as play groups at your house. Allowing two or three kids to play soccer in the back yard may help him get use to the soccer field.
Hi T.... for an overly active lil boy, sports is good. but 3 might be a lil young to force on him if he doesn't want to go. i signed my youngest ( now 5) up for wrestling when he was 4. 1 hr practice, 3 days a wk. there were 2 other lil boys there age 4, and about 10 other kids from ages 5-8. altho my lil boy would do things when the coach was around, the other 2 lil boys spent half thier time playing somewhere else,or crying. Its just alot for them, and they are too young to even begin to understand commitment. and i have a feeling there are alot more then 10 kids on the soccer team. look around yer area for tumbling/acrobat classes ( they seem to be where the dance classes are). smaller class size and kids all his age. well GL :)
Hi T.,
I think that the advice that you already got is probably dead-on. Your son might just be a little young this season for a team sport. Certainly trying again with soccer or another sport in which he is interested in a few months- maybe try the Spring or Summer season is a great option.
Since he hasn't been at daycare or preschool before he may be unsure how to act around other children that he doesn't know, especially if they are older than him. Maybe you could try a one day a week "Mom's Morning Out" group at your local church or YMCA so he can work on building his confidence with his social skills. And it might be a nice little break for you.
If you try the sports scene a couple of times and you find that your son is just not "into" it there are lots of other activities for him as gets into school, i.e. Cub Scouts, YMCA day camps, and other non-athletic activities. All children are different and they grow and mature at different speeds.
I've only let one of my (3) daughters quit an activity one time so I'm not big on quitting something once we've committed to being on a team. If you can hang in there through this soccer season without driving yourself or your son crazy you might find that 1) he ends up playing in a game 2) he has grown in his relationships with the children on the team 3) that he feels good about himself for finishing the activity- the season. (Or not- I don't think that any child should be truly miserable b/c of an extra activity "that's supposed to be fun". You need to make that tough call as a parent- you know deep down what is right for your child.)
Enjoy every day with your son. They grow so fast!
Best wishes,
S. E.
At age 3 he might not be ready for this type of activity.When my granddaughter was 3 we signed her up for dance. She wanted not part of it, she wasn't ready. Two years later she finally decided to dance. She is now eight and loves to dance. I personally wouldn't push him into an activity until he is ready and wants to do it. Forcing him will only foster a dislike for the sport.
L.
