Splitting Monthly Bills with Hubby

Well we have one account...so all the bills are paid out of that account...we are a joint couple, we have done this before we even tied the knot!

I think splitting bills is weird. I mean, you join as one when you get married, at least in my day. I say put all the money in one account and pay the bills with it. Maybe a savings account is in order for extra money. Then you can have an allowance too. If my husband told me that he "makes more money than me" I'd have a huge problem with that one. I mean, I do more laundry than him, and clean more toilets than him, but I'd never throw it up to him. Equal partnership.

Everything is one big pot. Not that I pay attention but I guess he takes about a hundred a week for lunches and stuff, maybe less, don't know, I don't pay attention. If we ran into money issues I would pay attention.

Still everything should go into the post and then mad money comes from what is leftover after bills are paid and money is saved. If that ends up 50 for the both of you then you get 25 and he gets 25. Nothing good comes from I earn more regardless of who is earning more.

Can all of the money go into one account as joint money? So you don't split the bills between the two of you but you really have one pot of money you both contribute to?

I have an Excel spreadsheet with my budget. It goes back 2 years at least and is built out through next summer. I have the tabs for the incoming checks (mine, hubby's hubby's retirement), so technically the bills are split, but not really. Our checks come in on the same days, it's just an easier way for me to see what's coming in and what's going out. Actually, I might redo it as our total budget and not split it up by individuals..since we don't live that way.

So is there a reason you don't do joint and have it be YOUR (meaning both of you) money? I know not all people do, but I'm wondering if that's why you are having to split things when you're married.

Also, why is he only working part-time? It's better than not at all, but at 31, he has the potential to be making 6 figures easily...

Well then, TAKE "all of his paychecks"!
What are you waiting for?
He irresponsible with money, and by allowing him to blow whatever he wants, you are enabling the behavior to continue.
Each of you gets "x" amount of "walking around money" for the week.
When it's gone--it's GONE.
Some people NEED to be put on an allowance. Clearly, your husband is O. of them.
His paychecks can go into your account, pay the bills and give him his set amount of blow money every week. Take an equal amount for yourself.
The leftovers (yes--you will then have leftover money) can be used to pay down debt, save for retirement and college funds, etc.
It's common for couples to have O. "money nerd" and O. "free spirit". The problem for you is that right now the tail is wagging the dog.
You don't let the alcoholic stock the bar, kwim?
Good luck!

I do not understand his money, my money blah blah blah - you married each other and have vowed to share all with eachother there is no more MINE and HIS it is OURS.

However, we have a HOUSEHOLD account where there is ALWAYS enough money for our monthly bills to be paid plus a cushion of 500. Then the remaining money gets divided - 50% in savings 25% to me and 25% to him. Right now he is the only one working and if we did it the way you did I would have NOTHING.

I used to work, I used to make more than him, we both worked at the same time him making more, he was out of work for a while and I worked it has ALWAYS been equal PERIOD.
Now, just because he refuses to have a joint account does not mean that you can not do something simmilar. Take his income, take your income add it, pay the bills, pay the savings, pay eachother. It will all still be treated equally. If he refuses to do this even still then I would question my marriage.

If you are familar with FPU it teaches you to make a budget. What ever money comes in is accounted for on the budget with the out go of money. You are not puttingh im on a allowance, but a family budget that gets reviewed by you and him. You agree that this much money has to be paid on bills, food, savings, spending money and entertainment.
It is not an allowance from the wife, but a set amount allowed to spend not to cause a crash in the budget.

http://www.daveramsey.com/media/pdf/fpu_monthly_cash_flow...

This helpd our family situation. My only complaint is I wish we could have more income to make the dept go down fast. ha ha.. good luck to ya.

My husband used to give me a big chunk of his check on paydays to go toward our bills then ive of of the rest. But he ended up treating me like an ATM. He'd blow his money and then come ask me for some.

That is not ever going to work! It was seen as a power struggle from his point of you. He thought I was trying to control him.

So instead, I assigned my husband to pay certain bills. If he pays them or doesn't, it's his deal. If dude wants to blow his money and then can't pay the water bill, there will be hell to pay! But it's up to him to juggle his money and make it work. I'm not his mom. I have enough work budgeting for myself.

Sounds stressful. Also sounds like you guys are living above your means right now and that his income is very much needed.

He needs to grow up obviously and it takes time or it isn't right. I think you are being very supportive.

Assign him the bills that matter to him, like the cable, the internet, etc...then if he doesn't pay he does without.

But also, it should be a mutual budget and a mutual agreement.

I guess what I am trying to say is....if he is making 1/3 of the money then his portion of the bills should be 1/3. He should not have to pay half. He is your husband and both your incomes should be put together to pay the bills. Just because he makes less does not mean he should be punished financially. He should make better decisions on what to spend his money on but he should also have some to spend on what he wants that is not accountable to you in any way, if he wants to spend it all on bubble gum that is his right, he needs some free money to blow, you do too.

I think you sound very stressed out. Worrying about money is one of the hardest things to do. It will keep you awake at night.

Let it go. I know you are not enjoying life much now so just let it go. Let the worry stop and just go do something fun and don't worry about the bills for a couple of hours.

So glad that your thread is a nice one, compared to the one about monthly bills that was pulled for flaming earlier today. Does your husband understand that he is living hand-to-mouth by his spending? Does spending make him feel good because he is depressed? Would he go to financial counseling to help his marriage?

Perhaps marriage counseling would help, if he's not interested in financial counseling.

Good luck, and I hope he doesn't have to look for another job!
Dawn

Who agreed to this system? Who started it? It sounds like way tooo much work and effort

We put all our money into one pot, and everything comes out of one pot...even extras. The amount that we can spend freely without asking the other partner has increased over the years. It started out at not spending more than $25 without asking the other person first, then it was raised to $50, then $100...and on and on...until a budget was easily maintained.

Lots of moms talk about Dave Ramsey here. Regardless of what avenue you pursue, financial intimacy in a marriage is critical to keeping your relationship strong and safe.

I'm sorry to be honest, but your husband is immature and irresponsible. And you are having to carry all the financial burden. One day you will grow more than weary of this arrangement and resentment will consume this topic.

GL!

I agree with Tracy K. Use a % accountability. So, if he makes 30% of your income..... he is responsible for 30% of the bills..... But they are HIS to pay and are in HIS name. And, personally, I would make it be things he has an incentive to pay..... like the cable bill. So, if it gets shut off.... no sweat for you - HE has to deal with it.

Other than going joint..... I think assigning each person to pay certain things and having THEM responsible for it based on % of total income is really the only way to do things..... but you have to add in your total budget. So, include food, target, etc into the total cost of what you "pay" each month.

Good Luck.

Our money is together and we hold each other accountable and we have to communicate about what has to be paid.

My hubby and I don't "split"the bills. We are a team - it's not mine and his, it's ours. I too make more money than hubby - right now he's drawing unemployment and working when and where he can find work. My job is steady so are my pay checks.

It doesn't matter. We are a "we" not "I" couple so all of his checks and all of my checks go to our joint account and all bills are paid from that. We discuss any expenditures that are more than just a fast food meal or soda from the store or something along those lines. We never talk about "your money" or "my money" it's "our money" no matter who earned it or how we got it.

Remember your vows "better or worse, richer or poorer" We took ours to heart. Did you?

Added: I just read your "SWH" and I hate to say it, but hubby doesn't sound like good hubby material.

Who cares if he just storms off angry. You need his paycheck to go toward household expenses. He'll get over it. Take that paycheck no matter how childish he acts about it and then tell him you're his wife not his mommy and he needs to start acting like an adult husband, not a petulant child!

Why does he refuse to have a joint back account? Does he have something to hide?

My husband is our sole bread-winner right now--my income is derived from work that I do for him for his side-job. All of his paychecks go into a joint account, and I pay all the bills from that account. The extra income from his side jobs pass thru my hands first, in the form of checks, which I deposit into our savings account.

Money discussions are SOOOO difficult, but so vital to a healthy marriage. I used to avoid them like the plague, but that really backfired on me and was causing my husband to feel used and not to trust me.

Your hubby needs to put on his big-boy undies and talk about finances. It might help if you can talk to a financial advisor together.

**on a side note, I am shocked by how rude at least a few of the replies to your question have been. None of us have perfect spouses, and none of us are perfect wives! Would any of you want people saying such rude things about YOUR husband?**

You can only "split" the bills if EACH of you is making an equal amount to cover the bills. Clearly, you are making more so really, YOU pay the bills....there is no "splitting". This just seems weird to me. Like you are roommates instead of a married couple. My husband and I each have our own accounts, one business and one personal. My biz account is used only for my biz expenses. My personal account is where my child support payments go so we use that for groceries and stuff the kids need and if its a "short" month, anything else that needs to be paid for.

Both my husband and I are 100% commission only so we don't know how much our checks will be month to month. I have all of our bills with phone and account numbers on a spread sheet and I call in a payment each month out of my husbands personal account.

We each spend money as we need to but within reason. You have to get some kind of budget so you can get excess spending under control. You have to see that you are partners and its not "my" money and "his" money. Maybe have his checks deposited into your account and give him a cash allowance every week until he can get his spending under control. I hope you find something that works for you. Good luck!

I left my now ex over exactly what you are dealing with. The relationship wasn't worth it to me to be stressed out over a grown man acting like a child.

Two years after I left him, I saved a lot of money all on my own. I built a brand new home, bought a car, and had a nice savings account.

Its been 18 yrs since I left him and he has filed bankruptcy 3 times. Borrowed $27,000 from his inlaws to buy a house that he had foreclosed on after only living there 2 years. Unemployed for 3 years.

It was the best decision after 7 yrs of being together. I couldn't ever live like that again.

I hope you figure something out so he doesn't suck you dry.

It's a tough situation that you are in - that you can't depend on your husband to be responsible with money if you were to have a joint account. At 31, he should have better money management skills.

Have you thought about doing a joint account and then going to a cash only system. So, basically, all of your money would go into a joint account. You would pay your bills as usual. However, cash for spending money (grocery, entertainment, gas, etc) would go into separate envelopes each week. When that envelope is empty, you have no more spending money. It's a lot of work, but maybe you just need a system. Don't come across as though you are blaming him as that would not be beneficial to you. If you tell him, "Hey, I think we should come up with a plan to put more money into savings. How about we try this..."

If you go to him with demands, he would likely do as you suggested and storm out without solving the issue.

Here's how I prefer it:

All monies go into a joint account. Use your budget and figure up how much money needs to be in checking to cover the bills for the month, and how much will be needed for gas. If you can have your bills come out automatically, I recommend that.

Keep the rest in savings...including money for groceries and money that could be spent on "stuff we don't need." This requires that you be intentional about your spending.

Before you go to the grocery store, make a list and figure up approximately how much you'll spend on that trip (be sure to figure in tax!). Get online and transfer that money over to checking right before you go to the store. It keeps you (and hubby) from making impulse purchases!

Make it clear to hubby that all purchases over a certain dollar amount (or totalling a certain dollar amount) need to be discussed. For my fiancee and I, we discuss purchases over $50. It's just common courtesy!

Keeping a balanced checkbook will help you both to keep spending under control. How can you know how to save if you don't even know where the money goes?

Best of luck!

Whoa Grami! I think it's great that S. is taking responsibility. I am a Christian woman, but I feel husband and wife are equals! That's how we want it to be in our marriage...

Back to S....a budget sounds like a good idea. See what's coming in and what's going out. When he gets a full-time job, he hopefully won't have as much time to spend money. Good Luck!

We share everything, so there is no bill splitting. All the money is both of ours.

we are in a similar situation. we have 3 accounts. mine. his. ours.

I understand why you divided up the bills that way, we did to also, but in the end it wasn't a fair split. Once all of the bills were paid half and half, hubby too had just enough money for 1 tank of gas. (back when gas was $1.50 a gallon!). I on the other hand had quite a bit of overflow. So we reexamined the bills.

Cars - we each paid our own car notes
credit cards - we each pay our own credit cards
electric/water/car insurance - the electric and water is about = to the car insurance. So one pays car ins. and the other pays water/electric.
phone/tv package - i pay
rent/mortgage - we looked at what hubby had left, what I could afford, and came up with a small number of like $200. It was more, but he switched jobs and his paycheck shrank. I cover the rest.

This shift of the bills allows him to have around $100 a month to do as he wants. Not necessarily each paycheck, but in the month.

So for the accounts. My paycheck goes in to my account. His into his. For the amount of the mortgage, food, etc. He either writes a check from his account that I deposit into the joint acct., or we transfer funds online. While he has access to the joint account, we always talk about who is spending what for that account. Our own accts our our own business as long as our responsible bills are getting paid.

Oh S.....welcome to my world. At 31, he's still relatively young and hopefully will get his act together. Sometimes, it just takes some people longer to grow up. But, you picked him, so you can choose to accept him as he is or decide that this is a deal breaker.

In our house, our household income is in the low $100K range and I made 75% of that last year. I expect him to contribute enough to cover 35-40% of the bills and he knows how much he "owes" into the joint account each month. He doesn't always pay in what he owes, and he always just spends what he wants first. In the meantime, I'm the one clipping coupons and working two jobs. Sometimes it's like living with a teenager. Then when I get him on board so that he's making good decisions, paying attention to his spending, paying into the joint account first, etc., my FIL will come along and write him a check for a few thousand and all discipline goes out the window and we'll be back to the beginning again. It's maddening, but I picked him so I can either send him packing and plunge all of us into poverty or learn to deal with it.

One the positive side, he is getting better as he gets older (he's in his early 40s now). Now a splurge purchase will be hockey skates that he doesn't need or more exotic fish for his fish tank vs. in the past, it would be a boat or a motorcycle. He no longer feels that he is entitled to eat lunch out every day or go out to dinner every week. He finally bought a car that doesn't require premium fuel. But...hockey skates mean that we didn't pay the trash bill, so it's definitely not a problem that we've solved.

Really...you can't change him so your choices are to take full financial responsibility for your household and hope he grows up or get a divorce and know that you'll then really have to pay all the bills yourself and that you'll never see a dime of child support.

I think part of it depends on why he's working part time. Sounds like he's not that interested in full time. So what I think is fair is to figure out how much you spend per month and that should include monthly savings/accruals for things like new cars, big household repairs, annual vacation costs divided over 12 months. You want to avoid not accounting for big, one time expenses on a monthly basis. Then of these expenses, get him to agree what he feels is necessary and wants. Total those expenses and divide in half. If his paycheck doesn't cover half, ask him why not? Or fine but then he gets no spending money. I think spouses should be covering their 1/2 unless both work full time and one just can't make enough or of course a SAHM. In our situation, I make a lot more than my husband and since we're comfortable, there are things I spend on that he feels aren't necessary and we'd have to cut if we had a tight budget. ie: the dog. So "I pay" for the dog. And my expensive highlights... Stuff like that. There's money left over for my husband after half of our "joint, agreed upon expenses" and that's "his" money so it's not a problem. If your husband won't have any money left over, it's probably a good time for a discussion of how much fun money he really SHOULD have given he's not pulling his weight bc he's only part time. But if you're happy with him part time bc he takes care of the kids and saves you $ in childcare, then that should definitely be factored in.

I read once where a couple split bills based on the % of their total household income. So,if your total income is 100,000 - and he makes 40 grand and you make 60. He brings home 40% of the household income, meaning he pays 40% of the bills. Sounds confusing I guess - but when I heard that I thought it was a really fair way to split bills.

Ditto the dave ramsey posts.

It sounds like you believe you are in charge and the decision maker and that your husband is your child that you need to keep your thumb on. Are you a Christian? This is NOT God's Way. The husband is the head. You were created to be 'his' helper (helpmeet). My husband married me - well ONE of the reasons - because "I" took care of everything. He'd grown up with his mama taking care of everything due to his Dad's nervous breakdown.

In '75 after 6 years of marriage and a divorce and re-marriage, we received the baptism of the Holy Spirit who showed us our roles were reversed. It was as hard for him to put 'the pants' on as it was for me to take them off, but we did because that is God's Way and we wanted to please God. We've been married 44 years in June (met at age 16) and my husband is a strong Godly leader in our home. I trust him to make final decisions. I have input, but it is he who will answer before God for the Way he leads.

I know you don't 'trust' your husband now to do what is right and maybe he won't at first. Maybe he will ruin your credit, but he will learn from those lessons and YOU CAN TRUST GOD to keep you safe and protected and meet your needs - He promises this if you love Him, acknowledge Him and walk in His Way. You'll be SO MUCH HAPPIER in the end.

We take all the paychecks into one account. I pay the bills and take out money for food with that account and set some aside for holidays/ birthdays, savings, and any other non month to month expense that needs to be saved for. Then what is left over gets split between me and my husband for our own personal expenses and wants. It doesn't matter who made more money and who didn't we both get the same amount to spend and all the bills are paid.

I'm sorry I just don't get and never will. You're married. Your a unit. There is NO his and NO mine. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer. All the money goes into the same pot and all the bills get paid out of the same pot.

Sit down and make a monthly budget. After all the necessities are paid for, put some away in savings, and then decide how much each of you will receive for your allowance.

Here's a rule to live by - neither of you spends more than $30 without first discussing it with each other.

Uh, wow... are you married, or roommates? This doesn't make sense to me - you share a home, a life, a child, and yet you can't bare to share money. Also, why does he pay half when he makes 1/2 as much as you do? That seems unfair to him.

The bigger problem is that you don't trust your husband enough to share money with him, or trust him to handle his own money. That's a huge red flag to me.