Husband Borrowing Money

ETA: sorry you knew about his kids before you married him, right? Not an excuse. You are supposed to be PARTNERS. You can't ask him to be responsible for money if you are not willing to share the responsibility. That means joint account. If you want - his, mine, ours - so be it. but it's a PARTNERSHIP!!
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We did everything on my husband's income. So I don't know what it's like to split the bills.

When my husband was unemployed - we worked a TIGHT budget and did it together.

Sounds like you and your husband have to have a sit down to discuss finances and expectations. There is NO reason whatsoever that a grown man can't be held accountable and responsible for the FAMILY budget.

If his work is inconsistent - then you need to learn how to budget on your income alone.

Make out a budget on your income alone. See what you can and cannot afford. Go over it TOGETHER. No if ands or buts about it. TOGETHER.

If it means that you need to take credit cards, debit cards and such away. And use cash envelopes - so be it. But you need to get in control of your finances instead of them controlling you. Go to the library and borrow books by Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman and read them TOGETHER.

Money is the biggest issue in marriages. Don't make it one in yours.

Since he is amenable to an allowance. Get him on one. And make him account for his spending. Receipts to account for the money so that you know he's not borrowing money from his mom.

Make sure he's on the same page to keep the family afloat!!

good luck!

6 kids from previous relationships, a spotty work history, and ok with letting a woman support him? Wow. I am not sure what to say. He sounds kind of like a loser and that you'd be better off alone... aren't you pretty much alone, at this point, anyway?! What qualities of his were so great that you overlooked all the other negatives?

Splitting bills? What are you, college roommates? Separate money? Do married people actually do that? My head is spinning...

I hate to say it, but most of this would be a deal breaker for me. I hope you get back on track, good luck!

This seems to be a pointless question now that you said he's laid off. So what is there to split? Sounds like YOU will be paying everything until he starts to work again, whenever that will be. And if he has 6 prior kids, he isn't going to BOTHER to get a great job, if he's even capable of doing one, simply because he'd have to pay most of it to his baby mama. So frankly, he's using you. Just my opinion but this is a hot mess. If it were me, I'd leave. You are basically paying everything on your own anyway. Good luck.

Well, first off my husband and don't "split" the bills. All the bills are both of our responsibility. Roommates split bills not husbands and wives! My husband and I sit down together and put our monthly budget on paper together. There are no secrets about money in our house!

Dave Ramsey.

If you don't want to do that or something along those lines, at LEAST sit down and write out your budget together. TOGETHER.

That means, write down on paper, every dollar you will need to spend for the whole month.
Groceries (not just food, but toiletries, garbage bags, laundry soap, etc)
Gas
Electricity
Water
Trash pickup
Cell phones/landline
Cable/satellite
any credit cards
rent
car payment(s?)
"spending" money (drive-thru or coffees, or other incidentals)
hobbies
birthdays (yours or kids parties your kids might be going to)
set aside $ for Christmas or repairs for the house/car
etc.

Include EVERYTHING. Then... write next to the total how much money you anticipate bringing into the house. How does it match up? Not enough $ and too many bills? What can you cut to make it balance? What can be done to increase the money coming in to make it balance?
What happens if it doesn't balance?!

You don't have to give him the checkbook to pay the bills, but you HAVE to have him sit down with you and go over the budget. He needs to SEE a tangible list, so he can SEE where it is going and why he needs to contribute (more than he is). If he isn't working not by choice, fine, but why isn't he contributing to the household all that he makes and then spending it "together" with you?
After your SWH:
ok. So he deposits all of his money into HIS account, leave the child support amount there and transfers everything ELSE directly into you account. THEN you pay the household bills (after doing your joint household budget). And HE sends child support to the custodian of his kids.

Regardless of his inconsistant work, TAKE his paychecks and pay the dang bills with them. Give him a SMALL allowance until his mother is paid back.

When he isn't working, cancel the cable and don't buy his favorite foods (unless it's cheap like mac 'n cheese.)

Spend all of his check before you spend yours.

Is he paying child support for 6 kids? Is this why he is always so broke? Or is his work sporatic so that he doesn't have to pay them?

Doesn't sound like you are very happy you married a guy who doesn't work enough to pay his bills with you, much less have enough money to take care of all the kids he fathered. I don't blame you. I feel like asking you why you married him, but I know that's counterproductive.

Dawn

I wouldn't worry about the loan he took from his mother, that is between him and his mother. If I didn't already say it...I wouldn't give him a dime to repay his mother. She knows his situation and his ability to repay the loan. It's between the two of them.

My husband handed his check over since the first paycheck he received as soon as we started dating. Even when we argue, he signs the check and hands it to me.

All the money goes into a joint account. I do have a small account under my name, which he elected not to add his name to. I have that account in the event that anything happens to our main account. I wouldn't want our account frozen and not have access to any money.

We have a joint account, I physically pay the bills every month. Hubby is absent minded and would forget, so it's been my responsibility. We have a rule that if one of us wants to buy something more than $100, we tell the other first. Since we've been married I have worked while he was in school, he's worked while I was in school, we've both worked, and currently he works and I stay at home. No matter which way it is, we've had the same rule of mutual awareness of spending and have had no problems. I think it'd be hard to split bills between spouses or live in partners, I don't really understand the point of it. It's both of your rent, cable, and phones, so why keep separate accounts?

I'm not sure what his having six kids has to do with not having a joint account? Are you trying to hide your income from the government, or an ex?
Married people generally have shared income and expenses.
I haven't had much paid employment since 1993 but I still have full access to all the money my husband brings in. We are a family, not business partners.
It sounds like you married a man with six kids and are now supporting all seven of them. I would be BEYOND frustrated. I understand that it's hard to get work but he must be able to get SOMETHING to help out. Walmart? Fast food? Moving company? Pizza delivery? He needs to man up, he has SIX children to support!!!

Split the bills? We are married so we pay everything from one account where both of our checks are deposited. We have accounts at 3 different banks, and my name is not on one of them, but I transfer the money from that account to our joint account as soon as it comes in anyways. That account is kept open only to obtain lower interest rates in the case we would need a loan.

So you work and pay for everything and he can't keep a job? I'm sorry, when my husband was laid off in 2010 and went 5 months wtihout a job I was ready to leave. It wasn't his fault, but I did not sign up to carry the family on my own.

He doesn't give you monthly expenses? Are you his sugar mama? It sounds like he is using you for money and I would never stand for that.

In my house, I do handle all of the money that comes in and out. I'm a financial person and numbers are my thing. My husband is happy to let me do it, and I'm more than glad to do it. I have a spreadsheet built out at least 18 months in advance and all of the bills are on there, plus savings and vacation funds. It's easy for me to maintain and I enjoy the peace of mind knowing everything is paid on time if not early. That's just me though - I know plenty of people who dislike being in charge of the bills.

Hmmm who is paying his child support? Let me guess, all of us. Doesn't it bother you that not only is he mooching off you, but he isn't taking care of his children?

How did you pick this winner and why on Gods green earth would you stick it out?

My husband and I put all of the money we earn into a joint account and we pay bills out of that. We take turns paying bills. Right now, my husband does them and in a year or two, I'll probably start doing the bills as he picks up a different house chore.

Even if you can't have a joint account, you need to talk about finances together and PLAN how much money you have right now and how much you'll have in the future. Talk about what he's paying in child support, how much he makes (or will make) and then figure out how much that leaves for your household expenses. Communication is key!

Even with other kids outside of your marriage (which you knew about) you are a couple. Things should not be yours and his since the bills are yours together. My husband get's an 'allowance' and I handle the bills, I also have 8 kids and I homeschool a few of them. The only reason he get's cash is because it makes it easier to keep track of the checking account, not because I want to keep a leash on him.

If his work is inconstant then you need to be realistic about what he will be able to contribute to the family. If he got money from his mom then that is between the two of them. I'd be curious about what he did with the money, but beyond that..oh well.

I'm assuming the reason behind the separate accounts is because your income can be included in the child support calculations IF joint bank accounts are maintained as well as filing joint tax returns. I only know this because one of my friends was in the same situation and had to keep her accounts and taxes separate. Not all states use those guidelines but many do. And if I'm not mistaken the military did at that time as well.

While I agree you knew he had 6 children when you married him, it is NOT your responsibility to support those children. That responsibility lies solely with the two people that chose to create them. Obviously I'm not saying you shouldn't assume any responsibility for the children. Of course there are additional expenses that are not covered by child support and if you have the money to contribute to those expenses and choose to do so then kudos to you :)

I also know that another friend of mine has always and will always keep separate accounts from her spouse. She watched her Dad walk out on her Mother who was a stay at home Mom. He drained the joint bank account and took everything with him and left her and the kids to fend for themselves. Her Mom worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs to support the 3 kids on her own for 15+ years. Hence my friend decided early on to get her education and always be able to take care of herself. She and her husband both work and maintain the family budget however they keep separate bank accounts as well as the "family" checking account. In their case they make about the same salary wise so they just split all the family expenses straight down the middle and each one deposits their portion into the family account to pay the bills. They each maintain their own retirement accounts as well as some joint investments. Of course they still discuss all major purchases with each other. But in this case this is what she needed to feel secure and he was willing to do it this way for her. Perhaps something like this would work for your family.

My husband and I have joint accounts. I am the one that handles the budget and pays the bills. Quite honestly my husband has no idea what the expenses are for our family. Of course we have frequent discussions about upcoming expenses however it is not something that stays in the forefront of his mind. In his mind he knows I will make sure everything is paid on time and is handled so that's one less thing for him to worry about. And I'm a control freak about money so I prefer handling it myself anyway. I NEED to know everything is handled and constantly look for ways to save money for our future. We always discuss purchases over $100 with each other to make sure it fits in the budget. You husband may not actually know the amount of money it takes monthly to maintain your family budget. If he is anything like my husband it just doesn't compute upstairs in his memory. However after several monthly meetings to go over budget he now understands what it entails and appreciates me for handling it all.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

Just a suggestion...

You can have a portion of his paycheck directly deposited into a checking account with your name on it ONLY. That way you have money to cover all expenses without him having to "give" you money.

To answer your question, we have a joint checking account and both paychecks are directly deposited. We have retirement, college savings and childcare directly withdrawn from our checks and I pay all "bills" twice a month from our joint account. We don't give eachother "allowances", but we are both mature and good with money, so it's not necessary.

I would be LIVID if I found out that my husband (a grown man) asked his parents for cash.

To answer your question, we put all our income together into one checking & savings account, and I'm responsible for paying the bills, but he's responsible for making arrangments/getting quotes/deciding on best price for major purchases/fixing stuff around our house (ie, we just replaced a water heater and he made the decision about it, with input from me, on what kind and how much we should be willing to pay/budget).

Take him up on his offer to have him hand over the paychecks to you. Sit down and figure out what he has averaged per week for the last year, and figure that that might be close to what he'll make per week for the next year (if you have a longer period of time to look at, say the last 2 or 3 years worth of data, you'll get a more accurate average). Then, sit down with him and figure out, based on the average weekly income and your own income, and figure out what expenses for the household are (insurance; mortgaget or rent; phone bill; electric; gas; cable; groceries and stuff like TP, kleenex, cleaners; couples entertainment like movie night and/or eating out for the two of you together). Ask him what he typically spends his money on, and then set a budget for that. Give him the money at the beginning of the week, or every other week or monthly (If he really has trouble w/ money, weekly is probably best to start with), and then when it's gone, it's gone. Revisit the budget every 3 months or so, since his work/income situation sounds like it changes or could change, and if so, both come to the table and discuss and revise it again. Try to be as unemotional as possible about it, and don't nag--just state facts.

"he really doesn't give me much for monthly expenses even when he is working." Huh? Why?

"He has offered to give me his paychecks every week and give him an allowance..." !!!!!!!!! DO IT!

Sounds like you're the better O. with money, so it makes sense that you pay the bills and dole out an allowance for him.
Make a budget.
Read a Dave Ramsay book about money management.
There are techniques for budgeting with a variable income.

He doesn't *need* to worry about the bills and he WILL be accountable because he is HANDING OVER his paycheck. THAT is being responsible. Keeping his own money when he's working isn't being accountable.

Since you can't have a joint account--have him stop at the bank & cash his check & give you the cash. If he has direct deposit, he can still stop at the bank and get you the cash.

I agree--the loan is between him & his mother.

If he was laid off and isn't working how in the world do you expect him to help you pay bills until he has a job again? You said he isn't working, but then you said "he was only laid off for a week" so something is really off in your story and not adding up. Which is it? He's not working? Or he was only out of work for a week?

Second, how in the world is it your business if his mother gives him money to help out? She's his MOTHER and her child needs her help. Therefore she's "loaning" him money. Swallow your anger and let it go. Be appreciative instead.

Your husband is a father to six children that he's responsible for. If he owes child support on them, which he should if he's any sort of father, then he still owes it whether he's working or not and whether finances are tight or not. I hope you realize that. Those children are your stepchildren, not "his six kids from a previous marriage." Those children are your family. If he needs child support to be recalculated then he needs to petition the court for that, otherwise he's going to owe a ton of back child support and YOU are going to be obligated to help cover it. Because you're married.

You married a man who has six children already. He's apparently bad with money and I assume isn't great at holding down a job? You had to know all of this when you chose to get serious with him and then chose to marry him. You don't get to complain about his seeming lack of worrying at this point. You knew what you were getting into.

Some people are good at handling money. Some people are not. I know of only 2 families where the husband and wife share financial jobs fairly evenly. In all the others, there's one partner who pays bills, plans the budget and tracks expenses - usually, it's whoever does a better job. In our house, I do all the bill paying etc. (Most of the money comes from my husband's check; I make only enough to count as occasional spending money. When I say, "I pay the bills," what I mean is that I'm responsible for actually keeping track of what's due and I make the payments, not that it's "my" money. Any income is ours, not his or mine.) Instead of trying to insist that your husband do a job that he's not good at, take him up on his offer! Have his paychecks auto-deposited into the bank, and hand him a allowance.