In my answer I wrote:
"I understand! I think really it's normal, but I make them work it out...unless it gets physical then I go in and separate...but usually it's just someone wanting the last word!"
Is it really human nature to have to have the last word? Does the last word in a conversation/disagreement mean the person who has the last word "won"?
Just curious what others think?
Thanks ladies...I will say before I became a married woman and then a mom I would have thought the last word was a "win"...now as a wife and mom I have grown and changed and don't feel that the last word means anyone is right or wrong. I feel that if I've said all I can then I can't change the rest. But I do see this competitive last word issue with my youngest child. I definitely need to figure out how to teach him otherwise.
Jennifer I totally agree...
Thanks again!
My husband always has to get the last word, and he knows if he does, I already know I've 'won' the discussion... because I never shut up. If I do, something's up ;)
I agree with Melissa though, it's a personal satisfaction thing, at least it is when it comes to my husband and I!!
IMO, the last word does not mean that you won, it's used for personal satisfaction only.
I think a lot of people think having the last word is considered "winning", of course unless those last words are "I'm sorry."
For many - having the last word - is in essence winning....
But it's not. for some that last word just nails their coffin shut in the eyes of the other.
For our boys? it's not about having the last word...they want to walk away with their dignity and self-respect in tack so they don't "need" the last word. Which is pretty mature for a 9 & 11 year old.
I have a SIL we no longer associate with (psychopath) (hubby's sis of course, LOL) but years ago before we broke ties, she had to have the last word.
It drove me nuts, it was about "winning" in her mind but all it did in the end was alienate the entire relationship and she no longer has contact with our family per restraining order. She is in PA and we are in TX. Yep, it got that bad.
I guess she feels good about "winning".
It is "left over monkey $h!#" according to Joe Rogan a comedian I enjoy. He agrees with evolution and that many of our characteristics as humans are in line with primate behaivors. I agree it shows dominance over the other in the conversation - I like the last word I feel that I have shown my dominance over the situation and that I am in control (I am a touch of a control freak). Typically as a female I can come up with a "last word" that will leave a lasting impression and will leave my "partner" dumbfounded thus not wanting to speak any longer. I can become catty with it, snobby, snooty, smarter that you, or say something sooooo confusing you can only think about my statement for the next three days! It is not only human nature but it is as well primate, kanine and many other species where dominance is important nature.
I don't think having the last word means you won, because I almost never have the last word. If I can see that neither of us are going to change our minds/opinions, then I just shut up so the other person usually does have the last word. I just think it's ridiculous to keep arguing if it isn't going to get you anywhere.
Also, when others are around I assume they would rather not hear the bickering/arguing so I will curtail my comments; I think it makes me appear to have more class than the other person who would continue the bickering to the point of making the others present uncomfortable.
I know when I'm with a group of people, I hate to hear two out of the bunch arguing. It ruins the mood for everyone so I try not to do that.
And yes, the other person probably does "think" they won, but I know different so it doesn't bother me.
Oh...my mother still has to have the last word! She even "argues" with the kids, ages 9-12. She will go until she finally tells them to shut up & doesn't even realize (or at least want to realize) that she just did what she was telling them not to do. Heaven forbid I call her out on it. I have gotten real good at letting her have the last word in our "discussions" & talk to myself in my head & say, really I am the bigger/more mature person here because I can control myself & shut up. It's not easy, especially when I was raised in that house & obviously the ground was set that the last word was the winner. Anyways, no, the last word doesn't mean you have won, but yes, people think so & yes it is really hard not to comment back :) As far as teaching kids not to, the best thing is to try to teach them to respect each others thoughts & opinions. Teach them it's okay if they like spinach & you don't, etc. There is a lot of there's only one way to do this or that in the world & it's something that gets passed through the generations. Now if it's just a case of who gets to say the last you're stupid, shut up or whatever else in a heated argument...separate & punish both for the verbage being used..???
