Sons Friend Wearing Out His Welcome?

Tell him that you have rules and what they are and what the consequences are. I suggest it be, you break a rule and you go home RIGHT THAT MOMENT, and we will try again tomorrow.

As others have said he need some clear limits. Give him a warning if he breaks a family rule or if he persists he can go home for the day. Give him times when it is okay to call and don't pick up at other times.

My son has a friend, from school, that we really don't see much during the school year, but once summer hits, he is always asking to come over and spend the night. Why? Because during the summer he is home alone - his younger brother spends most of the summer at the grandmother's, the Dad works, and Mom either works or spends her time at the river. He is bored and lonely.

So I schedule time for him to come over - sometimes for 2 or 3 nights in a row. But, while he is with me, he becomes a part of my household. Same rules apply to him as apply to my son. He also helps do dishes, take care of dogs, take the trash out, whatever I ask. I joke that he is most likely to move in when they all turn 17/18. (They are 14/15 now).

While I understand that having an unruly, neighbor boy, pestering to come over all the time is not fun - please realize that this boy is not getting what he needs at home, and has latched onto your family to fulfill those needs. At 8, he may not be able to articulate what he needs.

I suggest you continue to let him spend time with your family and continue to teach him the rules of your house. Explain to him that all children who visit are treated like family, and as such, are expected to behave like family - rules, chores, and all.

You have a chance to make a positive difference in this child's life. That is an honor and a gift that you can give.

Good Luck and God Bless

I would talk with his mother, telling her at what times your son can have visitors. Perhaps put the times in writing. Ask for her help in cutting down the number of phone calls and visits.

Put in writing the rules of your house, including when it's OK to call and how often and discuss this with the boy. Tell him there will be consequences when he doesn't follow the rules.

When he comes over after he's been told no, don't let him in the house. If necessary walk him back to his house. Get caller ID and don't answer the phone when he keeps calling. Be consistent. Yes, it sounds hard hearted but it's more like tough love. He needs boundaries and so do you.

I feel sad for him. He apparently is seeking attention that he doesn't get at home. But unless you've talked with his mother you don't know that for sure. He may not like the rules at his house, for example.

If the parents don't watch the kids, I'd consider calling CPS. What are the ages of the children in the home? Do they get enough to eat? Are they left alone for extended periods of time?

You set the boundaries that are best for you and your family and then consistently enforce them. Doing so is not being mean. It's taking care of yourself and your family.

If he's not being supervised at home, it could be that he is longing for attention. I've known plenty of kids like that.
It went one of two ways. They followed my rules to a T and were fine having a bit of structure or they just had to go home and not come back until they followed the rules of my house. If they didn't come back....fine with me.
My kids were taught never to go into someone else's refrigerator and help themselves. Even if someone said...."There's juice and apples and watermelon, help yourself", my kids would still ask before just getting it.
You can take the opportunity to show this child how manners work at your house or you can just tell him he can't come over until or unless he follows rules and plays nicely. NO means NO everytime you say it. Whether it's "you can't play with that" , "the kids can't play right now" , "do NOT call before 10am" or "you can't help yourself in the refrigerator without asking and if I say NO, I have a reason".
My kids had some friends in the neighborhood that all the sudden HAD to go home everytime I said it was time to put the toys they played with away. So, they weren't allowed to play with any toys. And, if they didn't like it, they could go home. And stay there. And I meant it.
I don't think it would do any good to talk to the parents because I would chop my kid's head off if I found out he was calling people at 7:30 in the morning. What I mean by that is he would never do it. 7:30 during vacation....we don't always get up at 7:30 let alone expect everyone else to be up. What parent lets a kid do that?
I'm a huge softie, but it's not up to me to raise someone else's kid or entertain them or feed them or deal with the mess they leave because their parents turn them out to go wherever.
I was strict with my own kids and I was strict with the other ones who came around. Believe me, there were kids who didn't come back because they didn't want to clean up after themselves and they didn't want play nicely with my kids things. Their choice.
My kids didn't mind me being that way because they didn't appreciate having their stuff broken or having a kid over to play who bolted when it was time to clean up. That's not what friends do.
I didn't care if my house was on fire and my kids had to come home....they had to clean up and help where they were playing before they did.
Not all parents teach their kids that way. That's why some don't know how to behave. And, if behaving sucks so much that they don't want to come over anymore, your kids aren't losing much. Surely your son isn't that desperate for a friend.
"If you call too early, you're not coming over at all for the day. I've talked with you about this. If you don't follow my rules, you are not coming over at all. I've talked with you about this. If you don't help clean up before you go, you are not coming over at all. I've talked with you about this."
It's not being mean.
My son had one friend whose parents let him do anything and everything and he thrived at my house. He helped work in the garden. He helped helped pull weeds. He wanted to be a part of what we were doing and I had no problem with him at all. He was actually a real sweetheart. I walked him home when it was time because his parents would have let him stay for days. They didn't even check on him.
They weren't abusive necessarily, they just turned him out to play and he was at a safe place. Thank God. He wanted guidance and he would come visit with me even when my son was with his dad. He helped me plant seeds and he liked helping in the kitchen when I cooked. I even took him to the fair with my kids and he was very well behaved. Stayed right by me.
We do have the opportunities to be good influences on other children. The boy I'm talking about...his grandparents adore me and my son for everything we did to just do normal daily stuff with him. If he'd been one of the kids who didn't be a pleasure when he was over, he wouldn't have been around long. He wanted someone to bond with and I really enjoyed him after we got things worked out.
He's a kid. You don't have to be mean by saying how things go at your house.
Like I said, he'll follow the rules or will find somewhere else to go. You need to let him know those are his only two options. You need to be up front with your son too. My kids knew all too well what I would and wouldn't put up with. I wouldn't take guff from another kid when I certainly didn't take it from them.
Be up front with the boy. Don't be afraid to do so. If he gets your message, things will be a lot smoother and you might be able to enjoy him. If not, then you can certainly limit his time with your kids.
He may be craving the structure so don't worry about being mean by giving it to him.
Just my opinion.

Well, he's 8, and it doesn't sound like he's been taught any boundaries or basic manners at home. Your son likes playing with him, though. He doesn't sound mean-spirited, just needy and inexperienced in learning social norms. I think it would be best to be completely honest with the boy in a gentle way. "X, I'm really glad you enjoy playing with Y so much, he likes to play with you a lot too, but I need to let you know that it is not polite to call us every day at 7:30 in the morning, or 4 times in a row on my personal cell phone. Y should have a chance to do the calling to you to invite you when it is a good for you to come over to our house. Some days, we would like to make other plans. If we need to say no when you call, please do not call us again that same day." Then us caller ID to screen and ignore his calls if he persisits. He may begin to understand if you're straightforward with him.

M.,

Your home and the way you have raised your kids, is clearly more appealing to this child. He and your son could be best friends for life.

I don't know what to tell you, but I can say, our house was sometimes the house where all the kids wanted to come to and it wasn't because we were rich with $$, but with love and fun and spaghetti and cookies!

Blessings.......

can't really say what you should, but i will say that i don't think you are being mean, i know i would be irritated as well!

Maybe CHild Services should be contacted? The little boy is trying to stay away from his parents, brothers and house for a reason. Also, he may be acting in such a way because with 4 brothers, food and fun may be hard to come by.

Anyone who allows their very young kid to go biking so late at night and a 1/2 mile too - alone? Yeah... I'd probably call Child services and see what may be done.

He's 8, I think they are hard-wired to try and negotiate at that age, lol. When my kids pester me about something that I have already decided (why can't I go out and play, etc etc) they are told that if they continue to pester me the next time they want to do the activity the answer is an automatic 'NO'. Pester me today about playing with a friend after I said no, tomorrow the answer will also be no. And so on, and so on, and so on.

Sit him down and explain the rules and consequences for not following the rules (which should be the same rules & consequences you give your children).

If you direct the kids to do something and he says 'no', or challenges you in some way, he goes home - immediately - with the explanation that he broke one of the rules and you can try again tomorrow. If he calls/comes by at an inconvenient/inappropriate time don't let him in. If he continues to pester you call his parents and tell them that because of his continued behavior he isn't welcome over until xxx day, please don't let him call or come over before then.

It really sounds like this kid needs an adult on his side to help him learn some social graces. As long as he is getting along with your boys you can be that adult for him, it would be a wonderful gift.

He obviously loves being at your house, maybe because he is lacking the attention he needs at his own home. He wants to be away from there as much as possible. Its a really sad situation when you think about it. Maybe you can let him know that he can come over on the weekends only. Let him know that you don't mind that he come over, but the rules of the household have to be followed or he can no longer come over. It has to be hard for your son to do as he's told, when this child seems so needy. Maybe you can set up a playdate and invite his mother to join. Just to kinda get an idea of where his clinginess is coming from. Good luck.

To me it sounds like he is craving the attention he gets at your house that maybe he is not getting at home from his parents. I would sit him down the next time he is over and go over the rules of your home - including the earliest he can call & the latest he can call. Also - make sure he knows that you are the boss and when you ask him to do / not do something, it is expected to be done / not done. Let him know the consequences are not coming over for _____ amount of time. If your son and him get along good why not start treating him like a son and expecting the same things out of him ? I do that with my kids friends. I tend to want them over at our home so I get to know them and I know what my kids are doing and where they are at.

If you feel so inclined, you can provide this boy with the structure he is desperate for. Keep your boy at home and make and enforce the rules that this boy needs......welcome him at the times when you feel that you are able, and insist that he abide by your rules. Do this with kindness and firmness......if he does not cooperate, cut short the visit. Remind him what is expected of him when he asks to visit, and that he is welcome if he is willing to comply and abide by your rules of behavior. I think you will be doing a generous thing by providing him with the alternate "family" that he seems to be seeking. Remember, you do not know what he has to put up with at home.......

lets see, 4 brothers and parents who aren't exactly involved, or maybe simply to busy to be because of the other kids.... sounds like this poor kid just wants to be a part of something and not be at his house for whatever reason. Maybe his brother's bully him, maybe he's lonely, but it sounds like this kid needs you to be more understanding.

Love him the way you are called to, because he was created by God.
But also be firm about the rules. If you must, call his parents and tell them what the hours of visitation are- period. Also tell them the hours of phone calls that are allowed. (no one call before such and such time or after a certain evening time). You can also be frank with the child ,and tell him that he MUST Obey the rules (of calling/visiting/etc)and not HASTLING you about it , if he wants to continue to be able to come over or he will not be allowed. There is nothing wrong with laying down the rules/the law of your own house. You have the right to that and the peace of mind that comes with your rules being followed. Then the child knows the expectation and can meet it. It is a LOVING thing to be honest in love and not in anger. If you dont get a handle on it, you WILL get angry and nasty, so dont let it get to that point. It's going to be exasperating- kinda like trying to train a puppy that you got from the pound that no one has bothered to train!

You should probably sit down and come up with a schedule where it "could" be appropriate times/days for him to come over. Let it be known and then stick to it.
The bible says "step foot in your neighbors house too much and they will hate you." I would have to say that is a pretty true statement.

BOUNDARIES! Set them and stick to them.

I wonder if this kid is being abused at home and is desperate to get away from home as much as possible? This is way beyond normal- something's got to be going on over there.

While I love having kids over and my 5 yo has lots of playdates, that would scare me to let children come in and out of my house w/o parent supervision, interaction or knowledge.

You or your kid may say one wrong thing to that child on a bad day and he may start making up stories to get you or your kid in trouble. All a kid has to do these days in point a finger and the law sides with him. Kids who do that are always looking for attention and this kid seems to be in great need of it.