Son Traveling Withouth His Parents

In my opinion, and I know it's mine, 13 months seems young for a 2 night road trip with anyone other than you. Heck, I still hate letting my son go with his great-grandparents for the afternoon, especially when they take him in the car! Only once has anyone kept my son for 2 nights, but that was with someone he saw a lot. He was 9 months old at the time & I had a gallbladder attack and spent the night in the ER and needed another night to recover since my husband had to work. I digress....

Maybe you can find some sort of plan where you can go for the weekend with your in laws to visit family. That way, you can show off your baby & your in laws can show you off, too! You'd get to see/meet family that you may not have seen. Maybe you could let them "take him off your hands" for an evening while you & your spouse grab a bite to eat. That way, everyone gets what they want, in a way!

I know it's hard to be separated from you baby. Of course we do have to trust they will be safe, but as a wonderful mommy, there's always that worry. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

E.-
It sounds like you already have your answer- it seems like you don't feel comfortable with the situation. Why don't you just wait until June to make the decision? I personally have never had anyone take any of my children out of the area- but it's a personal decision- lots of people send thier kids to another state to spend a week with thier in-laws (my sister for instance).
You can always provide an "instruction manual" for them - that is what I did with my first child- now with the 3rd- we just drop them all off and hope for the best (just kidding) It is just a first time parent thing-your naturally protective and want the best possible situation for him. Don't feel pressured into doing something you aren't ready for yet-maybe you could suggest an overnight visit first to see how he does- then go from there...
Good luck.
Nikki
mom of 3 boys.

I honestly have no experience with this but I will offer my 2 cents.
I so appreciate they want to do this. They could probably work it out. This would be kind of abrupt for your son. How would this be for him? Personally, if there were an emergency, then there would be a need. I can see you and your husband taking a vacation and them having him overnight once that is worked up to. I suggest gradual movement. Why rock the boat. Are you able to go down and show him off yourself? That might be a great time for you and your husband to take a break and let the family get to know him too. Then you and your husband can go off a bit and feel better about the break.
I wish you great luck with this! I hope you can have some couple time. And, nice of them to offer.
Oh, you did say it is your Dad's B-day. Maybe all of you could go down for a weekend on the beach? Travel at night?

Well, realistically, unless you have some reservations about your in-laws' ability to care for your son responsibly, I'm sure he'd be fine with them. They did raise your husband, after all, and I'm sure they can handle him. That said, from your letter, it looks like you have some hesitation about letting him go with them-- maybe you're just not that comfortable having him gone that long, maybe you don't want him so far away, or maybe it's some other reason. But whatever the reason, if you don't want him gone for the whole weekend, then there's no reason to let him go. Tell them you've already made plans for your father's birthday, or for the 4th, or tell them you'd just miss him too much! You'll have many years ahead that he can go off with his grandparents (and maybe when he's older you'll want a weekend alone!), so there's no need to rush it. Just be careful to word it gently to your in-laws so you keep the relationship with them on good terms. Good luck!!

here's a suggestion...what if you and your husband drove him there, and then went off for a night on your own to a hotel closer to their house...then they get to have him all to themselves, but you don't have to worry about them driving him, getting him in and out of the carseat, etc...(things i would have worried about back then)...if you write out his schedule for them, in great detail, and go over it with them, i'm sure they'd do fine...and you will appreciate the time alone with your husband...those offers don't come along so often...take advantage. if your dad lives nearby and they don't he'd probably understand you're not being around for his bday...maybe have a celebration with him before you go...? enjoy!

q

WOW! My inlaws don't even get my kids for more than a couple of hours even now, and my boys are 6 and 8. My sister-in-law even had tickets to a professional football game 3 years ago, and only my husband went. I stayed home (at the inlaws house) to make sure that their bedtime routine was still followed. My inlaws were watching my sister-in-laws kids that night too, and had those kids still up at 1130 at night. While mine were fast asleep!!

Follow your intuition that they need to 'watch' your son for an hour or two first and see how things go. At 13 months old my kids only traveled in a car with my parents once...and I was following in my car behind them with a walkie talkie...and only because we are military and were moving cross country so they were helping with the move!!

Everything you listed in paragraph 2 of your post is an answer to your own question. You have concerns, they are legitimate concerns, and you are not comfortable with allowing your son to be taken for two days and out of state no less! Therefore, you say "no". I let my oldest daughter stay with her grandmother for a weekend once when she was a little over 12 months old, but my mother-in-law was a medical doctor! I had no concerns about her being cared for properly. I never did let my own mother keep her overnight. Wherever my children went, I went. Period. You are the mother; you have the right to say no and you don't need to justify your decision either! If you try to explain how you feel, they will find arguments against your feelings, so just say "no" and you can then qualify it with, "Maybe when he's older". Leave it at that.

Regarding your question, at what age I let family members take my children out of state, I actually never did so. As a matter of fact, with our first daughter I wanted to do everything I could for her, so I didn't go out for an evening without her until she was 3 months old. (Not as taxing as it sounds....I had waited 5 years to become one, so I was being what I thought a mommy meant.)

As I read through your "few concerns" it appears as if you already know what you want to do and perhaps are seeking support. My thoughts are, you have enough reasons to respectfully decline their request at this age. If it were me, I'd focus on the importance of maintaining a consistent schedule for him, and his being confined to his car seat for such a lengthy period.
Trust what you are feeling. Mother's intuition is real. Also consider your own separation "anxiety" during this time. How would you feel being away from him for an extended period?
Don't be "afraid" to speak up, thank your in-laws for their offer and consideration of your needs (and your mom's), and then say no thank you, without getting overly emotional. Whatever response or reaction they have, you aren't responsible.
I wish you all the best!
A.

Honestly E., My kids are 4 and 5 and they have never spent the night away from home. While it's ok for grandparents to keep their grandkids during the day I would hesitate letting them go for a sleep over at such an early age. And the fact that they are 6 hours away would really bother me. If you feel this uncomfortable I would not let them stay because it defeats the purpose of you having time with your husband. (You won't enjoy the time with him because you'll be too worried about your son).

E.,
I think that if you do not trust your in-laws to take your son it could cause a rift in the family. I recommend that you tell them they need to do a couple of over-nights with him prior to July so they can get used to him and his schedule. Also, anything could happen at any time. Six hours away or not, if something happens there is nothing you can do. I would also begin keeping a log of your sons eating and sleeping habits and when it comes time for them to have him overnight make them a very easy and user-friendly guide. As far as your father's birthday, he is an adult and will understand and your son will not know. Make a special date for the two of them to celebrate grandpa's birthday. If they are very close, then this will be even more special than him being one of a group of many for a birthday celebration.

By the way, these in-laws have raised at least one child (your hubby) and are obviously capable of taking care of your son. If he cries in the car, he cries. I am sure they will find a way to deal with it just as you do.

These people are his family and your family as well now that you are married to their son. Showing them that you trust them with your child is a show of respect. Also, it seems like he gets to spend a lot of time with your parents and maybe they just want their time. I can tell you I would love if anyone in our family showed an interest in having our kids spend time with them! How flattering. I wouldn't meet that request with opposition.

Good luck in whatever decision you make...but don't forget the most important thing INCLUDE YOUR HUSBAND IN THIS DECISION!!!! You are partners -- this is a decision that should be made by both not just you.

Good luck!

It looks like you have gotten some good advice. I was still breast feeding my daughter at that age and she wouldn't nap anywhere but home. We did take her on vacation with us and at 18 months old, she spent a week with me in NY without daddy.

She is now 3 and for the first time about a month ago I let her sleep over at my mother's house which is 30min. away. She wanted to have a sleep over and my mom bought her special sheets and bed rail and a couple of pillows which my daughter liked (all Dora) and it made it special for her to have her own "room". She was familiar with the house since we visit a lot and has toys and books there. We are wanting her to spend the night there 2 or 3 times before we take a three day trip 6 hours away without her. This will be our first trip without her but I wanted her to feel comfortable at my mom's before I left her there for a few days or else I would ask my mom to watch her in our own house.

My mother-in-law who lives 2 hours away does not get this same privilege because of the distance and I am not certain my daughter would be comfortable there. (also she would be sleeping at my brother and sister in law's house) After this trip, we may try letting her sleep there. (Two hours is a long way to drive to get someone who wants to go home)

She will be 4 in October.

It is my opinion that they can spend the night away from home when they are old enough to tell you things and/or you have to be ok with it. Other options are to say I don't think he is quite ready for this and that you would like him to be there for your father's birthday or offer to go with them when it isn't your father's birthday so everyone can see the baby.

I realy wouldnt advise it,here is the reason.when my son was 2 years old we took the kids to the beach,well day one was ok,but around 9pm on day two he cried and cried even with his dad and i there he wanted to go home.so around 1 am we packed up and went home a 6 hour drive led to a happy 2 year old the next day.not to scare you but i worry no one elses eyes watch your kid as good as you and if something were to happen god forbid you would be so far away...

My father lives 45 minutes away and he would love to have my kids stay the night with him and I haven't let them yet and my oldest is 5 yrs old. I would simply tell the in-laws that you appreciate the offer but YOU aren't ready to be away from your baby that long. That way they can't argue with you. Also if you did let him go I imagine that some of the relatives they would visit would judge you and gossip about you letting such a little one go so far and long without you.

If you trust your in-laws it can be fine and might be fun. I do understand the hesitation though. One other issue is around that age - usually 15 months or so the separation anxiety can kick in too making it harder.

If you want to it will be ok. A weekend isn't that long. Even if his schedule gets messed up, it will be ok and he will get back on it and it could be a nice break for you.

If you decide not to, just put it on you. You are just being overly cautious and aren't ready to be away overnight. It has nothing to do with them. Most will understand. It is ok to say no.

Thank them for the offer. Ask them instead if they would just keep him one night in the near future when YOU'RE READY to have a break and night alone with your hubby. Then y'all discuss a time to all go to Florida together to see that side of the family.
I definately don't think a 6 hour car trip weekend away should be their first experience taking him for a night.
To answer you question: nobody has taken my children out of state. My 5 year old started sleeping over at grandma's, an hour away, when she was 3 1/2. My 2 year old hasn't yet.
I don't care if people say "They obviously know how to take care of a child, they raised your husband." Things are different now. Car seats are a prime example of change. Some grandparents haven't been around infants since they had one! Then there are some that have always babysat neighbors or been neighborhood grandma years before really becoming one. I have one of each and it has cause tension because I trust one more than the other. But you have to go with your mothering instincts. I always regret it when I don't listen to my gut.
Don't forget to have your husband involved in conversations with HIS parents. (Dr. Phil says we should each deal with our own parents on issues.)
Good luck!

Wow! My boys didn't spend the night without either myself or their Dad for MANY years. Maybe we are considered overprotective (I know we are!) but, schedules are important.
Your child will be in a car for 6 hours with people he isn't (possibly) around as much, going to a town he doesn't know to see people he doesn't know and no one totally familiar will be with him. Doesn't sound comforting to me!
I would suggest that you all go-same car or separate- to this getaway and leaving your son with them so you can have a night out to dinner and a movie. By then, he'll feel more comfortable.
However, when you do decide to let him go, gently remind grandparents that your rules are still in affect. Bedtimes, limited sweets, no junk food~whatever they are, so that you don't spend the next few days recovering your childs attitude from the visit. I also always type up a letter of "Just in Case" medical attention with their name, vitals, copies of insurance cards, curent medical issues and prescriptions and doctors name & phone #. A photo, if I have one, and every phone number to contact us possible. These are sealed in an envelope only to be opened if needed. They return then unopened everytime. But, if they are ever needed, they have them.
My kids were 5 yrs old before my inlaws took them overnight and only for one night! Even if it was the motorhome parked in the backyard! LOL Ease into it when you are ready. Good luck!!

I wouldn't do it. But, it all depends on your own comfort level. I'm sure whatever you decide will be fine -- meaning that it will probably be fine if you have him go but you are not wrong if you decide not to. You have plenty of reasons (good ones) for saying, "maybe next time."

Hi from one E. to another.

E. it sounds like your gut instincts have kicked in and you already have your answer. I say that because you're going through the what ifs and you're mentioning the fact that he's just 13 months.

I think that you have valid reasons to not allow/stop this trip completely. While I understand the in-laws wanting to show him off like a trophy, you have to keep in mind that he's a little human being with feeling, needs and emotions. Could the in-laws make it work? Maybe, but I suspect that your son would feel the challenges of sitting in a car seat for hours, being away from his own environment and things. And more importantly, being away from mommy. That's a lot for him to deal with.

When we've traveled with our son, he was challenged with not sleeping in his own bed and having his routine. Keep in mind that he was traveling with his mom and dad.

The bottom line is that I wouldn't do it. He's still really young.

Many blessings to you and I hope this helps.

I absolutely would not let my kids away from me that long at 13 months old. Babies need their mommy at that age alot and the need can come at anytime of day or night. and you don't know what other kind of things will come up between now and then he could end up with separation anxiety at that age , It's a pretty common age for separation anxiety and being away that long would make it worse. If you want to blame it on it being your dads birthday , if you don't want to just come out and say you don't want him away that long.

When I first started reading your post I was thinking your son was 3 or 4 then you said 13 months , I've never even heard of an infant traveling away from his mom unless it was absolutely necessary.
My now 4 yr old had trouble staying away from home over night with my mom ,who he's around a lot, when he was 3.

If they're offering to "take him off your hands" then tell them you appreciate that they are trying to help, but that your stomach is ALREADY in knots thinking about the separation, so they wouldn't exactly be doing you a favor. Surely they wouldn't press the issue if they knew you would be anxious and fretful and missing him the whole time. When my in-laws first came to visit the newborn, they told us to go out on a date, have dinner or a movie together while they watched the baby, and I had a hard time explaining how much I *missed* my baby when I had to work all week and I *wanted* to be with him, *craved* it, even. We compromised and they were DELIGHTED to have him nap on their shoulder while I bustled about the house getting things done.

Yes, you're probably uncomfortable about how they'll be able to handle your son, especially during the road trip, but it's probably best not to mention that. I wouldn't bring up how it would be an inconvenience to *them*, but how much of a change it would be for the baby. He's not old enough for you to explain to him where mom and dad went - no matter how doting they are, it's a huge change, new house, new caretakers, new EVERYTHING. He'll be completely out of his element, confused, and no one will be able to explain what's going on. He just won't understand. Say you just can't bear to be away from him, you would miss him too much.

Of course, if he still nurses at all, (or they don't realize that he has stoppped) you can bring that up. Even a subtle hint about your breasts being painfully full with the baby gone, well... whose gonna argue with that?!? I know my father-in-law would turn beet red and drop the subject like a hot potato - probaby even jump up and pretend he forgot about something in the other room.

If they have the audacity to persist, just explain "Where he goes, *I* go. We're a package deal." Surely you would also be welcome, too.

My son is almost 6, and there is only one occasion which he spent the night with his grandparents. Once when he was almost 3, we were in town for a class reunion that went late at night on a Friday and Saturday. With MUCH resistance and fretting on my part, I allowed them to drive him to their home after we had dinner together at a restaurant. They bathed him, put him to bed (I inisisted that his grandmother sleep *with* him, because he slept with us at home), made him breakfast and brought him right back to us. That happened 2 nights in a row, and that's been it!

(They live far away, though, so it's not likely that he would travel that far without us.)

Remember, you are the mom.
Mom ultimately calls the shots.
And the rest of the world just has to deal with it.

My daughter is 5 and the in-laws still aren't allowed to take her out of state. I didn't let them take her anywhere until she was about 1 1/2 years old. She didn't start spending the night until she was around 2 1/2. I just didn't feel comfortable being separated from her. My sister-in-law on the other hand was the opposite. The in-laws take her kids whenever they feel like it. You just need to decide what you feel comfortable with and draw the line. Think about how your son might react also. Has he ever been away from home without you? He might suffer from separation anxiety and there would be nothing you could do with him so far away. I would either go with him or wait until he his older.