Son Refuses to Take Swim Lessons

Having lost a 4 year old relative to drowning, I consider it a safety issue to teach kids to swim as soon as possible. So I'd be inclined to sign him up for a private lesson and deal with the discomforts and resistance to it within reason. I just pulled my almost three -year -old out of level 1 after 4 lessons because she just couldn't settle into it and cried the whole time. However we are merely regressing to a parent taught class. If you have access to a pool, and you think he'd be better off with you teaching him, then try that. I don't think formal lessons are the only way to teach a kid to swim.

I have 2 boys, and when they were little, they were terrified of letting go of the side, having their face wet (even though they dunked their heads under the water in the bathtub with no problem.). Anyway, I took them for private swim lessons, and I learned that the swim teacher, had a son in law, that was a swim teacher also. I asked for him. My boys did anything that this guy asked them to do, and were very good with him. He changed their life in regard to swimming! I have always felt that it was because of a male, that they were successful in their swim lessons.

Put a life jacket on him that fastens between his legs and let him go. No use fighting with him to try and make him do anything else.

Sign him up for swim lessons at the Y or through your local parks commission. I made learning to swim non-negotiable. I didn't care if she never swam for pleasure, but I insisted that she learn how to not drown.

Let him be.

When he wants to he will.

I would not hold him in the water unless you just want to (i.e., because you're hot and don't mind). Let him build up some incentive to want to get in and paddle around.

I would always make sure he is supervised.

ETA: I live in a state surrounded on 3 sides by water, so I get the importance of swimming. But I disagree with forcing a sensory kid to swim. I do agree with creating incentives and proper supervision at ALL times.

I'm shocked at the amount of answers that say to let it go. What happens if a wave knocks him over in the ocean and he can't figure out how to get up? Or if he is in the pool and is somehow pushed to where he can't stand? He needs to take lessons and learn basic swimming safety.

Find a lifeguard who will do private lessons - there are ones who are trained to deal with kids who want nothing to do with swimming.

Two years ago my then 4 year old didn't want to get in the water at all. We hadn't been doing the pool often at that point, and when we were he was always on my hip. His swim instructor is a good friend of mine and she is FABULOUS. By the end of his two week lesson, he was less afraid of the water. He would put his face in and blow bubbles. He still wanted to touch though. Then last summer he swam the length of a pool (a hotel pool, but still!)

You NEED to get someone who can teach him how to swim. It's so easy to drown and I'm sure you'd rather fight with him now than deal with that. It's not a choice for him, he has to do it. Pull the mom card on him and just do it.

I would not argue with this. Learning to swim is non-negotiable. Start out by making a flat rule that he is not allowed in or around the beach or the pool if he doesn't know how to swim...period. As in, he cannot be present around any other water than the bathtub until he learns.

My daughter also refused to learn how to swim so we said if you don't take lessons, then you can't go in the water anymore. We did sign her up when she was 7 but she refused to participate in class so we stopped after 3 lessons.

Then later that year she went to a pool party. Because she couldn't swim, we made her wear a life vest. All of her friends were swimming around with no life vest and she REALLY wanted to take it off but we didn't let her.

That motivated her to learn how to swim.

However, she was afraid to swim in the deep end. Cue another pool party, we did not allow her to go into the deep end of the pool (she could swim somewhat by then). Again, she was upset that her friends were swimming in the deep end and she couldn't.

Now my daughter is a great swimmer! She has taken 3 years of lessons. I think forcing her to take lessons wouldn't have worked (it didn't work!) but motivating her another way let her push herself. We just made rules for her safety.

I would try lessons first, but if he refuses to participate then you may just have to find other motivation!

Learning to swim is not optional. This is a skill that will serve him throughout his whole life, and could save his life. Do not negotiate with him about it.

What I would do is find a good, reputable place near you that is known for good swim teachers, and sign him up for lessons. DO NOT, whatever you do, say anything like, "Don't be nervous!" or "Don't be afraid!" - Simply be matter-of-fact: "It's important for you to learn to swim. I signed you up for Miss Jessica's swim class, and she's going to teach you to swim." Period - just keep repeating that over and over.

When the day comes for his first swim lesson, take him to the pool (drag him if you must). Deposit him with his swim teacher, say a cheery good-bye, and LEAVE. Go sit in the car, go to Starbucks, whatever you have to do. Do not make it a big, long, drawn-out thing, and do not stay. Let the teacher handle the situation. Any good swim teacher knows how to handle water-resistant kids. (I know, because I spent many years as a high school and college student teaching swimming lessons to preschoolers!) By the end of a few weeks, he will be swimming. I promise. I never had a child I couldn't teach to swim, and there were several that I had to go wrestle out of mom's minivan and physically haul into the pool area. But every last one of them was water-safe by the time I was done with them. :)

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

ETA after your SWH: Okay, that's great that you treat your child with kindness and respect. You know what's really kind and respectful? Giving him the tools he needs to survive and not drown when he is in the water. NONE of the kids I've ever taught to swim has been traumatized, ever! By the end of swimming lessons, they were all happy little swimmers. Were they thrilled that first day? Nope! Did all of them get in the water the first day? Nope! Some of them sat on the edge of the pool just putting their feet in the water - some of them for several days before getting in. But they learned to swim. Being a parent sometimes means your kid isn't happy. That's life. It's your job to look out for their safety, and allowing your child to drown because you couldn't bear for him to be unhappy for a moment? THAT is ridiculous. Why do you even ask for advice if someone who has been there and done that dozens and dozens of times successfully isn't qualified to answer your question? Ugh.

I would not push him if he's not ready. I would talk to the managers of the pools where you swim and discuss this with them. My DD may or may not be ready to take lessons this summer. If she is not able to, then we will have to limit her water activities to those that are safe. I would keep bringing it up, but you might want to look into heated pools and private lessons. My DD doesn't like water in her face, so we are working on that during bath time. I was dropped off a diving board when I was not ready when I was 4. It gave me a fear of deep water that I have never fully overcome. So for that, I will not push DD faster than she is ready.

Tell him, he either takes the lessons or no pool or beach for the summer. He is old enough to understand consquences.

Just sign him up for kiddie swim classes, that are held in a heated pool.

What does the OT say?

How does he do, when in a bathtub? Does he still not like having water on him?

My kids didn't know how to fully swim yet when they were 5.
And this is Hawaii.
I didn't force them.

So don't send him. If he gets scared, he will never be comfortable in the water. Let him go at his own pace. He may never learn to swim. Not all kids love the water.

My daughter will be 5 in July. She has tge same issues with not wanting to watched/or go in crowded places. She will not go near a bounce house unless it is empty. The minute other kids want to get in she freaks.
She's getting better about the swimming. I carry her around the pool and practice in the tub as others suggested. In the tub we practice blowing bubbles and submerging face. She's been watching other kids jump into the pool and decided to try (as long as they weren't near at the time)-first into my arms and gradually has me step back. We've finally graduated to water wings with a noodle, and by the end of our swim she was doing water wings alone. I do think it's important to go at their speed. She is saying that she will try lessons now, but were busy at that time slot with the other kids soccer. Try letting him use different tools(kick board, noodle, life vest, water wings). Then talk to some of the instructors and see if you can find a good one with experience handling fearful kids.

Keep in mind this is coming from a 50 yro., who can't swim. I think the worse part of not knowing how to swim is feeling like the only one who can't swim. When friends would invite me over for a swim party, I would decline the invitation. I've always avoided situations with water, that I knew I couldn't handle. The seashore was no problem for me, since you really don't have to go out into the ocean up to your waist to enjoy it. I hated having my sister tell everyone as it seemed that I had a fear of...., when I felt it wasn't correct. I don't have a fear of water/drowning, but I do not like water in my ears and eyes. I tried to learn to swim when I was at a girl's camp, but they said I didn't have enough muscle in my legs. My sister tried to teach me again when I was 13 yro. in the ocean, which is a big mistake. I went down, but what she didn't realize was that I actually enjoyed being under the water...until the water seaped into my bathing cap and I shot right up out of the water againg...That was the last time.

When my DS was born, I made a point to get someone to teach him how to swim, so he could enjoy life better. (The chances of downing are very slim, when your not around water in the first place.) I asked DH, since he's an expert swimmer. DH is from a place where everyone swims like a fish, because the government teaches them. To my surprise, DH said he didn't learn to swim until he was 13 yro! That's way to old here. It's way to embarrassing being the oldest in a swim class. DH just wouldn't agree to take DS to infant swim class...not even toddler swim classes! DH wouldn't take DS to any swim classes, because he felt I should! I can't even swim, was he nuts!!! I finally asked DH to teach DS. He didn't want to until I asked why he would teach other people's kids, but not his own. Well, that was sort of good and sort of not. DH did do some fun stuff like have DS put his head in a giant mixing bowl of water to get him used to opening up his eyes under water. Once DS did that, DH held a competition with DS to see who could hold their breath under water the longest. Yep, had to go out and buy another big mixing bowl. It was so much fun and DS loved it! Then came the real thing....taking DS to the swimming pool. We took him to a private one at off times, so there would only be 2 other people in an olympic sized pool besides us. Guess, who DH made get in the water too? Me! I really didn't want to, since I was in my early 40s I knew there was no way I would be able to get my head under the water, but I hopped in anyway. DS and I enjoyed hanging on to the edge of the pool trying to float. Unfortuneatly, my butt sank while my top floated. DS was fine until DH wanted the gogles to come off, then we struggled with our little 6 yro. Even DH's friend said to let him keep the googles on and swam away with a bathing cap and googles on himself. Everyone in the pool had googles except DH and me. Well, that was the end of DH and his swim lessons. Later on in the year a swim party invitation came for DS and he wanted to go. He figured the pool would be small. It wasn't. It was 4 ft. deep. They gave DS a raft to float on attended by their teenage sons. Nice, but a recipe for distaster. The boys figured they could leave DS alone for a little. You know I stayed put, mesmorized by DS being in such a deep pool. I calculated what would I do if...and it happened. The raft tipped and over DS went. Down I raced and jumped in the pool saving my own DS. The mother applogized, but I told her I was ok since I am responsible for my own DS. I looked at her and said, it's amazing what fear can do....I can't swim or even float. She was shocked and amazed that I could actually do that and react so fast. No one else had a chance to jump in, because I already had him out of the pool and into my arms. Right there I decided I would take DS to swim classes myself. Surely they would put them in water I could stand in. Yep, took him to a local college that had swim lessons for kids. They had the parents sit on the bleachers watching, while students carefully took one kid at a time off a platform into the water, bring the kid back and take another one. They were fantastic! Best swim classes ever for kids. MIL came to see them. Unfortunately, that day they didn't do much with the kids, so she deemed the classes useless....and that was the end of that. So now I have a 14 yro that doesn't know how to swim.

What have I discovered with all this, "You have to learn how to swim - business?" It's really not as important as we think. A good strong current in an ocean, river, or stream can take down the best swimmer, and they can drown. There are a lot of people out there who can't swim just like me. I met some, and I was surprised. One of my son's new friends' mom from the city actually aske me "What's up with everybody being able to swim here?" I just was floored. Swimming looks like fun, is great exercise, and it's good for your DS to learn; but he doesn't have to. If you really want him to learn, then do the mixing bowl trick first. Have your DH show your son how much fun it is and put his face into a mixing bowl and come up laughing. Have DS time DH how long DH can hold his breath in the mixing bowl. Then gradually ask DS if he'd like to try just a little at a time. Then send him to real swimming classes.

Just leave it alone. If you try to force him, you're going to make it worse. Let him do what he wants for now; as he gets older he may feel more secure and want to learn.

Who are you trying to use for swim lessons? You need to find a pool that isn't so cold. I chose a swim club that had a heated pool in the summer simply because my son basically turned blue and shivered like he was quaking. It cost me money I didn't "have" to spend, but it was worth it.

Hire a swim teacher to teach him in that heated pool. Even if you have to get in the pool with him, do it. Once he gets comfortable and has some fun in the water, he will loosen up.

All children go through this, but what you DON'T do is give up. You just change things up.

The earlier he learns to swim, the better swimmer he'll be, and the more fun he will have at pools for the rest of his childhood. I once asked my husband at what point in swimming the kids would use their skills (this was before I put them on a swim team), and he said that what makes it easier to navigate in the pool is what they'll use, and THAT is what will get them off the wall. He was right.

I will also tell you that I was shocked when my husband told me to put my 5 year old and my 2nd grader on the swim team. They could BARELY swim 25 yards and could only swim one stroke. I told him that they'd never be able to handle it. As a former swimmer, he told me that he knew that what would really teach them to swim better was actually being on a swim team. He was right.

Get him to the point that he can get better in the water with help, so that he stops fighting swimming, and then consider putting him on a swim team, perhaps when he's 6 years old. There's LOTS of structure and lots of peer pressure to not cry about the water, or not fight what the others do. Don't pick the most competitive team. Pick the team with the coaches that are very supportive and good with kids. Lots of "spirit". It builds kids up, especially the young ones. You can always switch to a more competitive team if he excels.

It's a lifelong skill, swimming. I wish I had learned when I was young - I am a terrible swimmer. I worked hard to give this "gift" to my children, and they have/are reaping the benefits now as older teens. My younger son, like yours, had sensory integration problems and worked with an OT, which helped. We had him in t-ball, softball, soccer, and gymnastics, all of which helped. BUT, the swimming, along with the gymnastics, was the best sensory diet he could have. The swimming really helped him. So keep that in mind. My son is STILL swimming, and is very successful on his team. I never knew he could go so far, BB. The swimming has been such a blessing...

I wouldn't want to take swim lessons in a cold pool either. I tried that once with my kids and everyone hated it (including me, one of them was a parent-child class).

But, with a warm outdoor pool in mid-July, my kids were willing. Also, the pools in my area in the summer offer personal lessons, so the child is one-on-one with the instructor. The cost is not much more than group lessons. I would go that route with him.

This is pretty simple: He takes swimming lessons (which are just for kids like him, who can't swim and might even be a little scared...the teachers are professionals who will calm his fears), or he doesn't get to go to the pool.

Everyone needs to learn to swim. So make it non-negotiable. He has to take lessons. Being in the pool is MUCH less scary for swimmers, and he'll be fine.

I also suggest taking him to a class where you aren't in the pool with him (or even there watching). Kids tend to learn better when they aren't looking to see if mom is watching.

Check with your local YMCA to see if they have parent-child swim classes. In our area they offer them thru age 5. I am taking classes with both my 2 yr old and 4 yr old right now. Neither one of them would be able to do swimming lessons without me at this point.

When I was little (and I am the same with my son) learning to properly swim was not a choice. You HAD to, because it's imperative for safety. He is not a young toddler who you can excuse maybe not being ready, he is a boy. He NEEDS to know how to properly swim and react should he be in danger. I would treat it like this: Swim lessons or no swimming. If he doesn't want to take the lessons, fine...but he will not be allowed to play in the water this summer.

what else does he refuse to do? eat dinner at dinnertime? go to bed at bedtime? say please?
kids should have a say in their lives, and there are battles it is wise for parents to sidestep. but learning to swim is important. his fears of drowning are precisely why he DOES need to learn.
and until he does, he needs to stay out of the ocean.
put your foot down, mama.
khairete
S.

A kid has to want to learn, or it is pointless to put them in lessons.

I have 2 boys, 5 and 3. The 5 yr old is NOT a natural in the water, and we made him go to swimming lessons, and he hated them, it was a struggle and he didn't learn much. So while I agree with everyone who says learning to swim is not optional, I also fall into Jill K's camp - he isn't going to learn much if he is miserable.

Last year we got him private swim lessons as our local rec center, and we were so lucky because he really hit if off with his teacher - a laid back, tattooed high school guy. He hadn't had many male teachers of any sort. And just finding this one one one positive relationship seems to have been the tipping point. He is really loving swimming now and is progressing much more now that we have him back in a group lesson.
But we were really really lucky that he clicked wiht that teacher.

Still, I would suggest trying to find a place for private lessons and hope he has rapport with the teacher. Group lessons at that age can be intimidating ("the other kids are better than me") at worst, and just plain boring (they all sit and wait while 1 kid does something with the instructor) at best.

Ask your OT office for a service that teaches spectrum children how to swim. It's a slower and different process for anyone with spd of any degree. Stay with him, go slow. Reduce any expectations as it may not be real swimming by summers end. Try to work with the swim teacher to get your child water safe by the end of summer. He may never like to swim but at least work on him being able to float and pull himself over to the edge should he need to. Best of luck.

If he's not ready this summer, don't push it. Give him floaties to wear in the pool and stay by his side. On days when it's too crowded, choose a different activity.

Start prepping him now for swim lessons next year. Talk about it a bit and let him know how important it is for a six year old to learn to swim. Start researching swim schools/teachers in your area. If you can find a good indoor pool, it will probably be a lot warmer and might not upset him as much.

Put him either in a private lesson or one with just one other child. He won't do well in a group lesson and will need more focused attention. Ask the OT for some recommendations for getting him more comfortable in the water and maybe try "practicing" in the bathtub.

If he tells you he is afraid he will sink or drown, remind him that that is exactly why he needs to learn how to swim. Don't force it this year, but make it mandatory for next year.