Son Not Wanting to Poop on the Potty

C.,

Back off for a couple of weeks, and then try again. Sometimes the potty becomes a power struggle between parents and child. If it is still a problem, wait a few more weeks and try again. Eventually he will get tired of the diapers.

L. ;)

HI C., I had the same problem with my son who is now 12. He was afraid of falling in and getting flushed down. I found a Wheres Waldo book. I explained to him that is was a magic book and would prevent him from falling in. We would then look for Waldo while he pooped. It would take his mind off of falling in, and he would relax enough to go. It seemed to work for us. Good Luck K.

C., my sons all 3 of them never took to pooping in the toilet till they were 4, give it some time, its ok, and seems like he is right one schedule, i wished i had waited to potty train them, now that i look back, but its all worth the time and effort we give them, keep on the track you are, D. s

I know that it's frustrating, but just be patient. He will go on his own time. My son (Now 11) was potty trained and wore underwear at 3, but didn't "poop" on the potty until he was 4!
He would say, "I have to go poop", and he'd go in the closet, get a pullup, go in his room and shut the door...then he'd open his door and say, "I'm done".
Even though we tried to bribe him by telling him that we'd buy him a big toy, he just needed to go in his own time.
It will happen...don't worry!

S.

Hi C., I remember being frustrated with that issue when my older daughter (now 5) was 2.5 or so. I resisted giving her a diaper some times (actually "ran out" of diapers once), but I do NOT recommend that, not to save your life!! My older daughter would just hold it, which is very bad for their system. Luckily I wizened up after 2 days of holding it and just bought some more darn diapers!

Still, it wasn't until I totally just accepted that she was nervous about going number 2 in the potty, and quit even "wishing" she would, and instead just trusted that she would get over it "on her own terms" -- that she finally just did one day. Now, my younger daughter (3yo), who has been going in the potty since an insanely early age, has started going in the toilet about 50% of the time. But not number two, unless we are in public and there is no other option. NOW, I am calmly reminding myself that it's okay if she *prefers* using the potty-chair half the time even if she *can* go in the toilet. After all, it's her body. I like being free and able to accept her exactly where she is, in her own comfort level/development. And she's free to be secure in growing up at the rate that's right for her.

So, I guess my motto would be "All in due time" and "Love the kids exactly where they're at" ;-) And certainly, "Don't add stress to the equation, that never really helps anyway."

Peace,
Angie

I've heard this a lot. I know a woman whose son did this adn NOTHING worked. They had him put his pull up on, sit on the toilet to go, and then take the pull up off, dispose of it and clean himself up! Eventually he did go in the toilet when he was ready.

I have a neighbor who told me that when her daughter was potty training at this stage, she made her clean herself if she pooped in her diaper. It seems to be working well with one of mine but too well with the other for he won't poop at all--but that's a whole nother story. I just tell them that I don't clean babies but if they do it in the potty I'll be more than happy to clean a big boy.
B.

Stop buying pull ups. If he knows there is no way other then to use the toilet, he may be more willing. My son did this for awhile- I just took the pull ups off and said no more. He didn't want to poop in his cool underwear and finally used the toilet.
At three and a half it is not an intelligence issue- it is a power play or attention getting devise to not use the potty.
rewards help too- make him want to go in the potty bad enough, and he'll do it. My sons reward was he got to pick out his favorite underwear at the store (thomas the tank engine)and I gave him a skittle or m and m every time he went in the toilet.
Also, when he asks for a pull up, just say no, it goes in the toilet- and take him to the bathroom.
G.- mother of six- two are successfully potty trained boys.

Oh, HEAVENS can I relate! My son just turned four and he still doesn't like to go #2, only mine doesn't like to go anywhere at all, not the toilet or his pants.

For my son, it's anxiety because he has a congenital disease and before I started him on a unique nutritional approach, he had severe pain associated with having a BM. He's come a LONG way, but we're still struggling.

Making BMs as comfortable as possible has been what works best for us. We give him a little Miralax daily to ensure that he doesn't cause his stools to be hard as a result of withholding and we also stick to a routine. Get your son in the habit of sitting on the toilet for thirty minutes after every meal or snack. That's when the bowels are working and he's most likely to have success. Then have him sit for no more than five minutes and reward him just for trying, Of course, save the big goodies for triumphs!

I've got a slew of other tips in my head, but my infant is crying so I've got to run. I've got my number in my business ad here: http://www.mamasource.com/business/15120579013736660993

Bye!
~A.

Hi, a technique that I read from a child rearing book and what I used on my children was to tell them they must use the toilet to poop and if they don't we will have to give them a shower to clean it up the clincher being it is a cool shower (there is no need to make it freezing cold as cool water goes a long ways}. It works every time granted you will most likely have to do this more than once. My friend used this technique too and found it successful after trying all kind of other methods that didn't work. She had gotten sick of cleaning up a 4 year old's underwear in the middle of shopping. I always wonder why my friends allowed this to go on for so long. My children (2 boys and 2 girls) were all trained at 2 to 2 1/2 yrs. of age. Good luck! S. C.

Hi, my son did the same thing he would bring me a pull up and would sit under the kitchen table and go, but the i bought him a potty chair that was made like a big chair , it was home made it was made of wood and very sturdy and he like it and he would go then. try a different potty chair, the big potty might scare him.
Rachel

My almost four year old has been totally trained for over a year. I made him sit on the potty chair until it came out. He of course screamed and cried, but after he did it we praised him so much and he was so proud of himself. We had to even take pictures so he could show Papa. He only used the potty chair for pooping until about two months ago, but now he goes no problem on the big potty by himself. He was not scared either by me making him sit there for a half hour until it came out. I just wasn't going to keep changing him all the time when I knew he could do it. He just didn't know he could until he did. And I don't recommend telling them that pull ups are only for night time because my son was so smart. He knew if he held his poop in until bedtime he could go in his pull up. I finally had to say that I was not putting his pull up on until he got his poop out.
Now the same thing will not work for my daughter. She is way too anxious about sitting on the potty at all. She starts screaming the second we take off her diaper. The other day I tried enticing her with her favorite treat, and she flipped out! She started hitting her head on the wall and crying histerically. I had to hold her for five minutes to calm her down enough to get her diaper back on. I then put the potty away in a closet and decided she is just not emotionally ready for it even though she tells me right before she pees and poops in her diaper. She is 2 1/2. I thought girls were supposed to be easier to potty train. If anyone reading this has any suggestions to ease her fears send me a message please. She freaks out if we try to give her a bath and she knows she has to poop too. Other times she is a fish. I am a stay at home mom of three, two boys and a girl. I sell Mary Kay and play volleyball and softball as much as I can. I also watch way too much HGTV and have redone every room in our house myself, favorite store is home depot. I also sing at weddings and I play about 25 games of UNO and Go Fish a day with my kids.

So common. I know it seems like such a big deal when your in the moment, but eventually it will click for him. My Dr. told me that it can be a 'control issue' at this age-think about it... we tell them what to wear, eat, and everything in between and this is the one thing they can control. Some hang onto that longer than others. My son was 4 1/2 and he finally pooped on the toilet and yours will too. Lots of positive reinforcement by telling him, "You can do this , I just know you can!!"

My son did the exact same thing! I noticed that it was painful for him to be sitting and pooping, so I continued the pull up thing and tried to get more liquids in his diet and fiber. I kept a pile of books in the bathroom for him to sit and relax and read hoping this would help. I had a stool for him too so his feet were not dangling. Funny thing is ... I have heard this happening to a lot of other little boys as well. Eventually my son was okay with using the potty. I just kept encouraging and teaching him to relax when he sits there. Good luck!

I just went through the same thing! I finally put his potty chair in his room, left him naked from the waist down and told him he couldn't come out until he poopped in his potty. I shut the door but left his tv on and gave him some books (so it wasn't like a punishment). He was in there for about an hour and finally went! We haven't had any problems since and now he is going on the "big" potty. MAybe he just wanted privacy or a more familiar surrounding, but it worked! I think part of it is he finally knew I was serious and wasn't caving.

We had the exact same thing happening with my 3 1/2 year old daughter. She would ask for a diaper every time she had to poop, but went pee just fine on the potty. After a couple times of being at other people's houses, where we had no diapers along, and seeing her either find the potty and poop herself or do it with a VERY little encouragement, we decided we just had to make the "diaper/pull-up" option at home, NOT an option. Because she still has a little trouble making it through the night, we had diapers in the house. SO, we now have waterproof pads for her bed and might had to do a bit more laundry, but we've said no to diapers in the house anymore.

Just yesterday she was running around asking for a diaper and was pretty upset for about 1/2 hour as we just kept calmly telling her we didn't have diapers any more and that she would have to go on the potty like we know she can from "Aunt Gayle's/Grandma's house", etc etc. We ALSO threw in that she could have a piece of gum (one of her favorite things) if she went.

Eventually she went on the potty and she was SO proud of herself and so excited and we called Grandparents, etc. The next day she did it again...and I think we have the problem solved :)

Hope that helps!

We had the same problem with our daughter. I hid her pull ups on her and told her they were only for sleeping in.We also did a sticker chart and if she could go poop on the potty 5 times she got a movie that she wanted. It is very frustrating - maybe if you let him be a little he will want to do it on his own. For us it clicked one day for her and we haven't had a problem since.

I had the same exact problem with my youngest son. He knew when he had to go, but he refused to go on the potty. He would ask for a diaper and then run off and hide. I was constantly working with him to go on the potty. I had everyone in on it, too, telling him "Big boys go poop in the potty." Nothing worked. He was four plus a few months and I thought for sure he was going to go to kindergarten still pooping in a diaper. One day I was talking on the phone and he asked me if I wanted to watch him go poop on the potty. I thought, "Yeah, sure," thinking the whole time he was never going to do it, but he did! I think the best thing to do is to constantly talk about them doing it, but in the end, it has to be up to them, so just give it some more time!!

C.,
Put the child in 3-4 ply underwear. They will change their mind quickly. No more ucky's in underwear and to run a hundred miles an hour to get there for no accidents, was my moto. :)
have a blessed day!

I have a 3 1/2 yr. old boy also who didn't want to poop on the potty. When he felt the urge to go, he would go hide and sit on the floor and push until the urge was gone, but didn't poop. We showed him that the pull ups were gone and that if he had to go, he had to sit on the potty. He didn't like it at first, but we just kept a really close eye on him and when he would start pushing, we would take him to the potty and put him on, after a few times of screaming no he wasn't going to go, he now goes in on his own and goes. We make a really big deal about it, I know it sounds gross, but we have to go in and see the poop to see how "big" it is and hi-five him, then tell the poop bye-bye and flush.

C.,

I've ready through just about every response, and there was definitely some good advice. Just use what you think would work best for you, or try several of the approaches.

With my own experience, Michael, my youngest at the time refused using the toilet for going poopy too. He would be sneaky and put a pull-up on, without me knowing it, and poop. He would do great with pottying in the toilet, and even stayed dried at night. One day I through my hands up in the air because I had pretty much had it. He went for a pull-up and there were 'none' to be found. He almost freaked when he realized there were no more, and I simply told him if he has to go that bad he has to go on the toilet. He said something to the effect of "mommy I have to go right now". I again told him he needs to use the toilet. So he succumbed to the fact that was his only option. Darren, my husband, even helped him flush his toilet by making cute whooshing sounds and "following" the poop with his finger as it swirled around (I guess you could call it air tracing), until it went down.

So for us, after patience ran out, removing the pull-ups as an option is what worked. Good luck to you!

B.

The problem is that he is afraid to let his poop go in a different way: kids sometimes have an attachment to their poop and are afraid to hurt it by letting it drop so far from them and then flushed into the toilet - drowning it so-to-speak.

I have a friend (now 20) who also had this phobia. Her mom waited it out - putting a diaper on her each time she had to poop. Amazingly, even once she went to pre-school she waited all day to poop until she could be with her mom again.

In the end, she quit sometime in her fourth year. It got to be too big of a hassle, her friends at pre-school were doing it, so she felt compelled to try it. Once she got the hang of it she never went back.

You could try asking him if he would prefer that you put his poop into a diaper, not the toilet, after he goes in the potty chair. If he is comforted by this idea, you may have an 'out' - at least a diapering out. Then, once he trusts you to take care of it his way, you can wait to flush it until he is busy doing something else.

we just went through the same thing with our 3 year old. He was terrified and would scream...it was really bad.
I think partly he didn't want to SEE the poop, because he always wants to flush it away fast and have me help clean him up etc..

It just took us trying and trying and being patient. Eventually he was just running around naked and the poop was COMING out lol- we had to rush him to the toilet and catch it, and that was sort of the first step to him seeing that it could happen and it would be ok etc.
We made such a big deal out of it and praised him and called gramma etc, made it the most positive thing possible..and slowly but surely it happened more till when hed ask for a diaper I finally could tell he was not so scared and I just refused and said I knew he could do it so no more diapers.
He's doing great now! and though it felt like an eternity, looking back it wasn't that long after all. Just be patient! you can't push them too hard or it will backfire

OMG... my 3 1/2 girl does the same thing.. she will not poop on the toilet. I try to give her encouragement but nothing works, not even treats.. she always poops in the pull up, it drives me MAD... lol I am hoping it is a phase.. good luck!

My daughter is 4 and will not poop on the potty. While I cannot tell you how to get him to go, I can tell you what my ped told me (my daughter JUST turned 4, so we just got this advice). My daughter waits to poo until she gets her diaper at bedtime. Her doc said to put her diapers/pullups in the bathroom. When she wants to go, let her put her diaper on and go. Then SHE has to take it off and throw the poo in the potty (she can ask for help). Then she can get her night time diaper. They are trying to maintain some control over life (and this is one area we really can't control anyway) so as long as we don't make a big deal and we give them space to control it, they will get bored with fighting for control and realise it is just easier to go in the potty (hopefully). I was also given really good advice from a mom here, just remember, there is no 10 year old still pooping in a diaper.

Good luck!

not wanting to poop in the toilet is actually very common. For some kids it hurts, so they are scared to try. For others, its like losing a piece of themselves that you just flush away (at least this is what they told me in class). What I did with my son when he had a hard time with the pooping, is I would let him watch his favorite movie (spider-man, the first one) every nite he didnt have an accident. He had 2-3 accidents that month and never again after that. He still to this day is in love with spider man too. So find what interests him, because he might not like spider-man like my son did, and go with it. My daughter, it was a barbie doll that she only got to play with when she poop on the potty. She had pooping problems, she gets very constipated, but boy would she try her heart out (we could hear those cute little noises she makes when she would try-which are not so cute when its an adult!!!) She now only has a poop accident when she sleeps or hasnt had one for a few days. Good Luck!

Okay, my response is going to be different then the others :) My son did this and it made me really frustrated. So I started it in steps. I did give him some stool softener like the dr said just in case it was hurting him (mineral oil) and then I said "OK, I"ll put the diaper on you, but poop belongs in the bathroom so you have to be at least IN the bathroom when you poop." That was all fine and good. It got him to associate pooping with the bathroom. Then after a few weeks, I said "Now you're getting so good, You know poop belongs in the potty right? Well, I will let you wear your diaper and poop in there, but you have to SIT on the potty with the diaper while you're pooping in it" It took some convincing but eventually he did. Now pooping is associated to bathroom and toliet! Then after a few weeks of that, I played a trick and cut a flap on the bottom of the diaper, it looked normal when I put it on him, but when I pulled him up on the toliet, I lifted the flap so that when he pooped it went into the toilet!! Imagine his surprise when he pooped and heard a plop. That was the end of that, he never asked for a diaper again. "My poop went in the water!!?!?!?!?! That was easy!! I didn't even know!" Good luck!

As parents we use the word potty "TRAIN" quite frequently.

My daughter was scared to poop on the potty because the "TRAIN" might come out of the potty and run her over.

Try not to use the words potty and train together and do your best to explain that the words potty train mean learning to go potty and not that a train will come out of the hole in the bottom and get him.

Amberley SAHM (4 year old daughter)

Our son had the exact same problem at the exact same age. It was as if he was afraid of pooping in the toilet. I was so much at my wit's end that we actually consulted a child therapist. She told us to back off. He wore underwear all of the time except at night and when he had to poop he would ask for a pull up or diaper and we would give it to him. Afterwards we would matter of factly change him and put him back in his underwear. The therapist told us not to get upset at him, shame him or make a big deal out of it. We did talk about pooping in the potty and offer positive encouragement. I turned most of the process over to my husband because I had gotten so frustrated. Something funny--our son is very logic-oriented so we actually talked a lot about the wastewater treatment plant, what happens when we flush, where it goes and how they treat it. I think we read the Magic School Bus book about wastewater treatment. Much of this was shared with his preschool teachers who still talk about how funny it was to have a 3 year old explain the wastewater treatment plant to them. Finally, right around his 4th birthday he started pooping in the potty. We really don't know what made him turn the corner. He is now 11 and he remembers not wanting to poop in the toilet, but doesn't know why. The reason we were told to back off is that if they really don't want to poop in toilet they will hold their poop and that can be an extremely unhealthy situation. I heard of one child who actually damaged their anus doing that. I guess I would just stick with the pull ups for pooping and be positive and encouraging. Good luck. This is actually a fairly common problem and it seems to affect boys more than girls.

Do you use a big peoples potty for him? Sometimes children are a fraid to poop on it because things get flushed down it (maybe they could too). If you don't give him a pull up what does he do? Does he go in his pants? If so does he mind that feeling? If he does not like the feel of poop in his underware it might be a good way to train him to go on the potty.