Hi!
So my 4 year old son is definitely not thrilled with the idea that I could be having a girl with this pregnancy. He has an older sister, and really wants a baby brother. I figured he would eventually accept the fact that it could be a girl. But no. Every time I try to convince him everything would be o.k if it is a girl, he gets mad and says he only wants a brother. We have the opportunity to find out this Saturday what the sex is, and I am wondering if we should or not. I am afraid he will freak out and cause a scene if he hears it is a girl, or if he should know now so he can come to terms with it. I guess I just want to be reassured that he will be fine, he will love it either way, etc,.. In the back of my head I am kind of afraid that he may try to hurt the baby if it is a girl because he is mad. I have no reason to think this, but the thought is still there. I figure I will ask the kids to each pick out a special outfit or blanket for the baby, and have the baby bring a gift home for each of them after the birth. Anything else I could do to help him?
Thanks!!
I should clarify that I only have 10 weeks left to go, he has been resisting a baby sister the whole time. He really wants a brother. At our 20 week ultrasound, the tech said it appeared to be a girl, though she couldn't say 100%. I believe it is a girl. We are going for a 3d/4d ultrasound, so you are allowed to bring in "spectators" and my hubby and daughter and mom will also be there.
Thanks for all the great advice! Turns out, I was the one that got a huge shock when the tech concluded that the baby was indeed a boy! My son was very happy, as is my daughter, so I guess all will be well....
Thanks again!
I would not worry about it and would not make a big deal about it now. It sounds like you have a bit more time to go so more than likely in a few months he'll be thinking about other things. I would not tell him what you are having, even if you find out. Just ignore it for now.
.
Have the baby give HIM a present. That's what we did when our only child was becoming a sister. We did not know the sex and did not want to know. I bought a Snow White dress up outfit for my daughter and when she came up to visit for the first time we gave her the gift. She was so excited to get a present and to have a new sister. She was able to put the dress up outfit on in the hospital and all of the nurses made such a big deal over her being a "big" sister. Although, that faded quickly after a couple of days at home. It was harder than I thought it would be. Now 4 years later and they are the best of friends and the best of enemies. :)
I absolutely WOULD tell him. It will give him time to adjust to the idea of another sister.
I am one of 5 children. I have FOUR younger brothers. Everytime my mom got pregnant I would hope and pray for a sister, and every time it turned out to be another boy! Grr...they actually took me to the doctors when they had the last ultrasound so I could see it was a boy. I cried and cried. When he was born I dressed him in girl clothes and called him a different name. Boy, what a pain I was. But, I love that brother like nothing else.
If you just spring it on him when you get home from the hospital then he will be sad and angry. Tell him now, let him be upset if it's a girl, and then he will get over it. It may take a while, but he WILL! Don't keep it a secret. And always talk about how happy you are with the girl and don't mention that others are not as excited. Everything will be fine.
L.
Hi, I had a daughter who wanted a sister more than anything (my kids are 4 years apart as well). We ended up finding out, so it gave her lots of time to get used to the idea. I never rammed it down her throat, but I would mention it casually from time to time, and she finally started getting used to it (but didn't like it)! I did tell her after we found out that they would get their own room, so she wouldn't have to share, etc., etc. After the baby was born, she did buy alittle snuggle-bear blankie and teddybear for his bed. He still has them in his bed 3-1/2 years later, and my daughter is so proud she gave them to him!!! She just adores him now and says that she is glad that she has a brother! (Then she said, could I have a sister now)!!! I am like NO WAY...I am done! Funny!!!
The BEST of luck to you - it will all work out!!!
Take care, and let us know how it turns out. Happy/healthy pregnancy!!!
Hi A.,
I wouldn't worry about what your son is saying. My son didn't want a baby AT ALL!! I would just say that the baby will be coming in a month, then weeks, and finally days. He ignored me or said, "There is no baby". It turns out that he was the one that she didn't cry when he held her. If she would make noise we told him she was trying to talk to him. (He was just 4) He wouldn't leave her alone and now it's been almost 7 years and they are inseparable. I have two older children, but the one who didn't want another baby is the one who can't be gone from home without her. I also, with all my children, gave the siblings a gift from the baby. It helps to think that the baby isn't selfish and likes to share and give. I would just state, every once in a while, that there is going to be a baby. And just like a gumball machine you never know what you are going to get red or yellow, girl or boy. Good Luck
How about having them write the sex of the baby on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope. (That is what we did, in case we coudln't stand it and wanted to know at some point of our pregnancy) This way it won't cause a scene there. Then slowly prepare him for a girl (if it is). You might want to mention that he won't have to share his toys with a girl because she will want to play with his big sister's toys. Sometimes that is all it takes..LOL
I have two little girls and am expecting a baby in July. When we found out I was pregnant my eldest (4) was elated. She wanted a baby sister so so so badly. She said from the beginning that it was a girl and her name was Emily. Every time I would bring up the idea of having a boy she would get really upset. Saying "no momma God said it is a girl and she is Emily." I took her with me to hear the heartbeat which she enjoyed, but she still refused to accept the idea it might be a boy. On Feb. 16TH we all went to the dr. to check on our baby and see what it was. Low and behold it is a brother. Peyson will be here soon and his big sister couldn't be happier!
Give your son a chance, he will come around. It may take meeting the baby but he'll fall in love with her. Kids just get set in they're ways. Besides he already has a sister, he's just hopeful!
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
You can ask the tech to write down the baby's sex to avaoid a scene in the office. Also, my 2nd daughter wanted a "girl baby" and when she found out she was getting a brother she just sobbed and sobbed, it really broke her heart. She did quickly get over it, so hang in there, he is resistant but he will come around. Good luck!
Hi A.,
My oldest daughter wanted a boy as well. She had already named him John. When baby Lydia arrived she continued to call her John for about three months. She was three and a half at the time. We finally told her maybe next time God would give us a little boy because He knows what's best for us and right now baby Lydia needs us. We never did have a boy but I always held to my guns that if God wanted us to have a boy we would. She seemed to be very content with that. We always treated our baby as a gift so it had to be given. We don't demand of the giver what we get....somehow being little she understood that.
She never tried to hurt the baby and I don't think your son will either. Finding out now may be better so you can soften the blow and he might actually get excited as time passes. Just my thoughts....
M.
It's probably best to find out so that you can prepare him well advance if it's a girl, and start promoting the positive aspects: not having to share a room, certain toys etc... My son was the opposite when I was expecting our 3rd. He has an older sister, and thought the baby would also be a sister. I think because he's such a mama's boy, he thought a girl would be less of a threat, plus my daughter kept insisting it had to be a girl. When we had the ultrasound and found out it was a boy, he seemed like he was in denial. He kept saying "no, it's a baby girl" for about a week and then he just got over it.
I would probably go ahead and find out (I did with my 3rd...seemed like I needed to be as prepared as possible with 2 others at home!)
We ended up not having this issue as our 3rd was a boy. I just think it sounds like if you find out, he will have time to accept it. If you don't, when you bring the baby home he will have to deal with both a new baby, AND possibly a girl! My son got his baby brother, and still didn't really care about him once he got home. I think it just an obvious preference, boys want boys, but I bet he will love it either way!
When we were preparing to find out, we just told him, if it is a girl, then he will be lucky to have his Daddy all to himself! He won't have to share with another boy! They could go fishing, golfing, baseball, (whatever they prefer) all alone! Just make sure he feels included in everything, and remind him how important he is! I am sure you know all this since you've been through this before. Oh, when I had my 2nd, I purchased a special, fun present for him from his new baby sister. That helped too! Good luck and congrats!!
I say definitely find out so that you at least know whether it's worth having to have a discussion about. If you're having a boy, problem solved, right? If you're afraid he's going to cause a scene, maybe don't bring him to the appt so that you have some time to formulate how you're going to deal with it in the upcoming months.
We had the exact same scenario with our son, except that he wanted a sister. After a couple of, "You'll still love him if he's a boy, right?" conversations that did not end well, we figured we should find out so we know whether or not the point needed belaboring. Thankfully, it didn't, because it turns out we're having a girl. Maybe you'll get lucky. :)
If it turns out you're having a girl, I think you need to drop the issue of her gender for a while, unless he brings it up himself. Keep discussions about the baby gender-neutral and try to get him excited about a *baby* period. Ask him things like what he would want to do with the baby, and talk to him about being a big brother. Get him excited for that, and he'll soon find that he can do all those things whether he has a brother or a sister. Also, definitely a gift from baby is a great idea.
Good luck! And congratulations on the newest member of your family.
I believe it is more than not wanting a girl, if he is prone to get that upset it is possibly just the very idea of having another. I am of the opinion that you should NOT have the kids pick out a special outfit or blanket for the baby. Sounds like the boy already feels like he is being replaced. Perhaps get them a special thing within your budget. And a special something that you pick for baby.And do not use any of his things for the baby that they feel they love (i.e.special blankie, animal,etc.) My son was four and a half years apart from his baby brother and he did not like that baby.Now it is twenty something years later, so they are good buds and do not remember being tiny but I remember catching my other son mid slap and him saying "I don't like that baby" They spent many years together doing a lot of fun things and are together a lot now, so of course it changes. I would say pace it. He doesn't need so much information. Why do you need to have him somewhere where he could make a scene if you want to give him the news? Perhaps if you really need to find a special place where he feels safe and loved and tell him because you realized you love him so much that you wanted to add an addition to your family no matter who comes out. Good luck!
