Son Is Scared to Go to Bed

Hi Carrie,

Please don't be offended, but I cracked up when I read your post. Not because it's ridiculous, but because our daughter just pulled the same thing with us about 6 weeks ago with raindrops, fish and the "fairies under her bed that mess up her hair". (She's 4.) I viewed her Academy Award winning hysterics as her efforts to dictate when when goes to bed. (A control issue.) Our situation went on for about 3 weeks. I know, it can drive you crazy.

For some reason, we discovered that a little ambient noise made her feel more secure. While we wouldn't give in to her freaking out by staying with her until she fell asleep, we agreed to put some soft music on or leave a TV on on low volume in the den by her room and we promised to check on her throughout the evening. (At least until she falls asleep.) However, we told her if she throws tantrums or screams, the music/TV goes off and we don't visit her for the rest of the night. On those nights, as tough as it is, we just let her scream it out. We know she's safe, we know she's not sick...I know it sounds a little "tough love", but she's figured out that tantrums, no matter when she throws them, get ignored. Good behavior gets her positive attention and rewards.

It's so funny...They invent these irrational fears, then if you ask them why they're afraid of what they're afraid of, all you get is "I dunno." Our daughter loves fairies and pixies and ballerinas...Why she'd think they live under her bed and come out to mess up her hair at night?? Good luck! :)

A friend of mine told her son to blow and scare the things that scared him away by saying "Boo! Go Away XYX (dolphin, Mickey, etc) and tell him that by blowing toward the thing, that he had the power to take care of the situation whenever he felt scared. She said she would sometimes hear him yell "Go away, boo!" in his bedroom after going to bed. It made him feel secure to know he handled it but your little one is slightly younger, so maybe needs a little extra help from Mommy and Daddy at first.

Also - regarding rocking your little one to sleep....don't worry about the so-called 'bad habit' this is sometimes called... our little ones are only little for such a short time and only want and need us for things like rocking for such a small snap-shot of time in their little lives. He's still only a toddler....rock him as much as he wants and enjoy every minute! Soon he won't be scared of things and won't be calling for you to rock him anymore and you wil wish he was still little....

Hi Carrie,

I had this happen with my son around the same age, most of his were related to his school. They had high winds one day and I guess a rafter was loose in the roof which was banging loudly so from them on he was frightened of the wind, then the rain, then any noise at all, santa. There had been some changes at his school and I decided he was unsettled and this was the reason. I changed schools and have had no problems with wind or rain since.

He was also frightened by a couple of episode of Curious George for a while (one with a cave and one with a scary nose in the cellar), although he still liked to watch it. He also has a thing about shadows and that is in a Mickey Mouse book. Every now and then he'll come up with something new he doesn't like but usually we can talk him around.

From what I've read its just one of those phrases they go through, I know its tough but it sounds like your doing the right things. Try giving him a magic flash light that scares away the things that frighten him. My son has one of those with the little red dot that are like a cat play toy, he loves that. It could also be a dream, buy him a small dream catcher and tell him what its for and hang it on his door or in his room.

I know its tough but it really is not so unusual, he'll be fine. Good Luck.

J.

Hi Carrie. Occasionally my 4 year old will be scared of something when going to bed. I agree with a lot of the other posts. Just make sure that you give him the power to "get rid" of the dolphins or manatees or whatever it is. I also try to make my son laugh when we talk about it. I just give him something silly to say to whatever he is scared about. It gets him giggling and usually the moment passes. Hope this helps if you try it:)

Sounds like he has possibly been exposed to some scary movie with dolphins in it. Or someone could have been talking about something that scared him. When my nephew was about that age he became scared also. I can't remember now exactly what it was he was scared of but I do remember my brother figuring out that is was a movie they had watched that started it. Start looking for clues that could have caused this. Then you might find a solution.

Sounds like you've figured out a very good and positive solution to his being afraid to go to bed. Some kids are just afraid of the dark - if the night light isn't bright enough just leave a dim lamp on and see if that helps solve the problem. Kids have incredible imaginations but sometimes they work against the parent - especially if it's dark and they can't see what's around them - the light should handle it. The other thing is to ensure your child has a good whole food supplement as the lack of good B vitamins can cause nightmares. There is other information on children and nutrition at childrensbehaviorhelp.com and there is a nutritionist there to answer any questions you may have.

I will be interested in your responses Carrie. My son at 2 1/2 has also been afraid to go to bed by himself for a couple of months now. Since we moved him into a big boy bed. If he he is really tired (read: didn't take a nap) then he will go to bed pretty good but some nights he just says he is scared. I will be watching your responses and if I get a breakthrough I will let you know!
I think this is a phase where they start having dreams/ nightmares.

My step mother gave me a GREAT tip a while back. She said she use to keep a bottle of hair spray in my sister's room when she was very young and when my sister was scared she would pull it out and spray the room. She had my sister convinced that it got rid of all the monsters.

I used Lysol! I told my son that they didn't like the smell and that had germs on them so the Lysol got rid of them. I kept it in his room on the shelf (obviously where he couldn't reach it, but where he could see it). When he was scared I would spray it. When he smelled it, he knew the monsters were all gone! :-)

Thank God for all the Moms before us!!

Good luck! I would like to say it will go away quickly, but I still deal with this and he is 5!

Carrie,

Between 2 and 3 there is always a time when kids supposedly have nightmares and are scared to go to bed. My son is probably the easiest to put to bed, best sleeper there could EVER be...and when he was about 2 yrs and 9 months, was petrified to go to bed. He could never even identify what made him scared. We tried to find out, but alas. We tried everything in the book. And 3 months later it just suddenly stopped. My husband and I were completely and utterly exhausted during that time. It will just pass...you have done just about everything you can do. Just be there, remind him of the things you stated you do, and on some nights you may need to be there until he's asleep, if only for yourself! You are doing everything we did. Don't get mad at him, this is normal and its a feeling and therefore not wrong. If he's a great sleeper, he will go back to it. Our son popped right back in to how he was...easy to put to bed and a great sleeper! As with most things, go with your gut. I doubted those nights I read books so long I no longer had energy to speak. I wondered, should I be doing this? Am I spoiling him? etc. This too shall pass...

Take care, get rest when you can. Stay calm and understanding.