Socialization - King George,VA

IMO it is good for kids to find their way through the jungle of school as practice for leading an independent life. The ups and downs trials and tribulations will all help them to grow as a person. Plus-school is fun for them-at least for most of the kids I know (although they would hate to admit it!).
I would ONLY homeschool if I were living in a district that was physically unsafe for my children and could find no way out of that arrangement. IF there were "gangs" or metal detectors my kids would go nowhere near that school.

Interesting question!

The stereotype that I hear about homeschooled children is that they are "weird." Perhaps it is the fear of the unknown with the people making these comments?

I do not have a negative impression of homeschooling. I think it's great and have witnessed really awesome results for the kids and the families.

(Editted to add: the homeschooled kids that I know are white. I have never met a non-white family who homeschooled... and I live in a diverse town. Because homeschooled families tend to connect, the opportunities for interactions with non-white families are reduced. IMO, this is the biggest risk for socialization for children who are homeschooled.)

We have been homeschooling for a year now. My son is 14 and I finally decided to take him out of public school. We are in Montgomery County MD. I always mention this because many people rave about the public schools here. I wish I had taken him out of school many yrs. ago. He had trouble making friends in school. Could that be because he was bullied? They did NOT suspend the children in any of the incidents. and many were physically violent!
They offered to isolate my child in the office for lunch to keep him away from the other offenders!
No I don't have a Master's degree in education as one poster asked. Someone with my BA I have managed to educate my son and he has found friends in the homeschooll community. Not tons, but he moves slowly in this area. We have a fieldtrip group, participate in several sports; and he attends several group classes. He is the only child and prefers small groups of friends.
We know homeschoolers in different areas of the country. They vary in their social acumen as do many adults.
I have never seen or heard of anyone being bullied though.
My son is much happier, and has a passion to learn and ask questions. He and other homeschoolers I know do not feel strange or scared to talk to adults or parents of their peers. I like this.
I know many homeschoolers who thrive at all types of college.
As many others have said, it depends on the child and the parent..
It was mostly his decision to continue to homeschool next year as he enters his first year of high school.

There are some things that just can't be taught at home. If you home school and you don't provide any socialization opportunities, your child will be at a definite disadvantage.
If you home school and then your child goes off to a regular old fashioned college - your child is at a disadvantage -- he has not had to sit in a class room with 25 or 30 (or 100 - 200) other students and learn. Learning in a classroom is very different than learning at the kitchen table.
Some of the parents who are home schooling are missing big chunks of things that need to be taught because they "dont like it", "aren't good at it", or have simply forgotten to teach it.
The parents who are home schooling - do they have master's degrees in the subjects they teach - the public school teachers do. Do the parents who home school take classes to keep current in their subject areas? The public school teachers do. Who is keeping up with the teaching at home? Who makes the parents accountable? The list goes on.
Home schooling has its advantages, but I firmly believe that you can get a decent education out of ANY public school system in the USA if you are motivated and have parental support (of some sort) at home.
YMMV
LBC

I don't know why people put children into the "homeschooled" and "not homeschooled" categories and then blame one or the other if the child is not social or smart. Just because a homeschooled child uses the wrong verb tenses doesn't mean it's JUST BECAUSE OF HOMESCHOOL. Many public school kids can't read when they should be able to! And if a public schooled child is really shy or not social, no one immediately jumps down that parent's throat. But if a homeschooled child is shy, well then it must be because of homeschool!

Some kids are just naturally NOT social, and others naturally are. And they will be that way whether they are homeschooled or in public school. I know plenty of very social kids in public, private and homeschool, and I know the SAME AMOUNT of anti-social kids in public, private and homeschool.

We just had a birthday party and there were a bunch of homeschooled kids (along with my SD) and an equal amount of public schooled kids. One of the homeschooled kids was very shy, and one of the public schooled kids was shy. The rest ran around and played wonderfully, I KNOW no one could have seen the difference between the HS and the PS kids!

My SD is homeschooled, and she has many friends from her homeschool group and many from her other activities. All of her friends are sweet, and I'm glad to know every one of them. I think people should be allowed to school as they wish, without prejudice, and without having to feel like they are to "blame" if their child is not smart or social--whether they choose public, private or home school. We all do what we think is right.

And that is our right...it's AMERICA!!

I would also like to add (to those who wish to understand homeschooling) that there are many philosophies and homeschooling methods--Charlotte Mason, Unschooling, Classic, Thomas Jefferson, Waldorf, Lapbook, etc. And the homeschooling families I know subscribe to one method...or a combination of the methods that work for them. The point is that the child will have all the education they need at the end. However, they will not always match up with their public schooled peers. Sometimes they will seem to be behind, only to launch forward ahead of their peers a few months down the line. I know this because my SD had the reading level of a first grader when she was in second grade. We faithfully followed our method and she remained behind for a long time. In the middle of 3rd grade she launched forward to a 5th grade reading level. Same with socialization. The idea of homeschooling is to move at your child's pace, not the pace of a classroom.

So please don't be quick to judge homeschooling by the ONE or TWO kids you knew that were weird. I certainly don't judge public school by one random child that is behind socially...or the one random child that takes a gun to school and shoots down his classmates.

No, I don't. I think too that it depends on the child. I've thought about this subject many times and here one perspective as to why I would choose to homeschool. If I have a child who was eccentric and his uniqueness is making it difficult for him to fit in and it's causing him problems, then I would homeschool for that reason alone. I strongly believe that no child should have a miserable childhood especially from elements outside the home. Sure, you cannot prevent bad things from happening, but why keep an innocent child in a negative school setting? I would do everything possible to make things safe and happy for him even if it meant homeschooling. With a strong and happy childhood my child would not have to be subjected to those negative influences that would affect him later in life.

Just my 2 cents,

M.

Hi D.! Some of these responses make me laugh! Homeschooling is NOT a detriment to social skills!

It's too bad that people based their opinions on just one family that they have known. So.....one homeschooler that they have ever known is shy, unsure or WHATEVER. What about the vast number of socially inept people who are public school educated? What do we blame THEIR behavior on?

I was homeschooled and never had a social problem. My son is alot like yours. Neighborhood social director is a great description! :)
My neices and nephew were homeschooled until grades 5,7 and 9, respectively and INSTANTLY became the most loved kids in school. I do NOT say "popular" because they befriended the entire school, not just a select group of people.

You asked a great question! I hope that your responders realize that they can't make a determination based on a very narrow experience, and that social skills depend largely on the family unit and personality of the individual, not WHERE their education is conducted.

I also think that "homeschool" is a funny term. We "homeschool" in the car, in coffee shops and at tennis tournaments (formerly homeschooled nieces and nephew are varsity tennis players) and diving meets( homeschooled nephew went to state for swimming and diving.....anyone seeing a theme here?).

Take care!

I think it depends on a lot of things. First is the area you live in. I live in a VERY rural area. There are almost no activities for homeschooled children. I know that's not the case in bigger cities. Second, do the parents that do the homeschooling actively enroll their children in programs that help with socialization. If this is done, then I think there is an adequate amount of socialization. I've seen both ends of the spectrum in regards to this. I have cousins that were homeschooled with no outside interaction. They are adults now and have an incredibly difficult time fitting in. They are unable to handle peer pressure and stresses of everyday life. Most of them have become somewhat reclusive and are unable to hold down jobs. That's a VERY extreme case, I know. I have another cousin that is enrolled in several activities outside the home and he is very very social. I don't notice any difference in his social skills vs that of other children his age.
My real problem with home schooling is the lack of education of some of the parents. I think if you have to have a degree to teach in a school, you should have to, at the VERY least, have some kind of training to home school.

You have received some wonderful comments here. I agree that most parents are just trying to do their best for their children. Some believe it is through homeschooling, others through the public schools and still others through private schools.

Before I go into a long response about my personal experience I would like to know why it is that when home schooled kids enter the public or private schools, they are the awkward ones because no one befriends them? Where are the social skills in these "traditionally" schooled kids? Didn't anyone teach them how to greet a new person? And what about people who are public or private schooled who are extremely shy and stay that way? What is the excuse for them? Maybe it is the kids in the public or private schools who aren't socialized. Personally, I have held jobs since I was 15 and never did I experience a job in the real world where bullying was tolerated, we were segregated based on age, or when a new person started work, we all ignored them.

Here is my experience:
I went to private school my whole life. I had small classes, amazing teachers and received a wonderful education. I was light years ahead of my public school peers when I went to college. For high school I went to an all-girl school. In hindsight, it was a great atmosphere for a teenage girl who was a little geeky and played basketball. The boys would have tormented me, but at my high school I was class president, on student council, etc. I was very involved and my leadership skills grew. I even had a boyfriend from the all-boys school down the street. On a day to day basis we did not have the hormone issues. Don't get me wrong, girls and boys had sex, there were drugs. It was just on a very small scale.

Then came college. I was a little overwhelmed. As I mentioned above, academically I was way ahead without even trying, but I had never really met people who didn't believe in God or who wore ripped jeans to class. I was well-prepared for the economic discrepancies. In high school most of my friends had a lot of money; I did not. My father had been a fireman but had a heart attack when I was 11. He was out of work for a very long time. My five sisters and I had to help pay for our education and we often went without a phone, electricity, heat. (I am not complaining about that at all; it really helped shape me). My parents were determined that we were going to get the best education no matter what. In college, I met people whose parents didn't feel that way. It was just such a melting pot of people, ideas, dress, etc. It was wonderful and scary.

Would I have been more prepared for that had I gone to public school? Maybe. But there were plenty of public schooled students who were not prepared for college in other ways. In other words, one way of educating did not prepare one group of students better than the other from what I could see. We were all missing something and we all had to adapt.

I home school my children now because the public school system here failed me. (There aren't any private schools that I like near me and the one I don't really care for is too expensive anyway.) I don't want to go into details here because it makes me so angry. But now my son is entering the 6th grade, I have a daughter who will be in the 4th grade and then I have my little war baby, who will be 4 soon. They have lots of friends and are close with their cousins, all of whom are in traditional schools. They have helped take care of their little brother and have learned some powerful lessons on how to take care of a baby just from being home schooled.

My experience has been that many of the public school kids who are so well socialized are also very cruel. We have, at our church, a friend whose son is autistic. I have heard the other kids call him names to his face, out loud. I guessed that they didn't understand that he had something wrong with him but my children never made fun of him. They knew instinctively not to be mean. Over the years, the same kids, now older, wiser, and supposedly more socialized in dealing with all different kinds of people avoid this child and still call him names behind his back. There are plenty of kids, not just mine, that are very kind to him and really enjoy having him around but why haven't the other kids learned to behave especially in a church setting? (I am sure there are cruel home schoolers. I am just giving my small view.)

And this goes back to my original point: no one way is the best. There are flaws and gaps in every situation. We, as parents, are looking to fill those gaps as best we can. In my teaching, I ask myself several questions:

Am I teaching my children how to learn?
Am I teaching my children how to behave in social settings?
If my children died tomorrow, will it matter one bit if they were shy or a little behind socially, or will it matter that they had been kind?

As one person responded, we, as teachers, are lacking, too. I have a degree in writing and yet, have no idea how to teach my son how to write. In fact, he hates it and is horrible at it! But I make him do it, lots and lots of writing since we all know practice makes perfect. But in the end, I think we will all look back in 20 years and wish we had done something a little different. Maybe I will wish I had sent my kids to school and someone else will wish they had home schooled so they could spend more time with their children.

I have home schooling friends who are Mexican, black, white, Asian and like myself, of Middle Eastern descent. We are Catholic and home school along with atheists, Protestants and one confirmed witch. We are a mixed group and home school for different reasons but we all have one thing in common, we care about our children's education.

We can all give examples of socially inept people from public, private or the home school. There is no one right way. The best we can do is to help our kids learn, adapt, and to treat others with dignity and respect.

D.,

Kudos for what you're doing. It's a hard job with rewards that are not always visible.

Some of the comments here have been very helpful, others not so much. I just wanted to speak up for those of us in a rural area who love our children, and choose to homeschool: There are many of opportunities out there, sometimes you have to go another city or town (when we lived in "the city" on the other side of the bridge, we drove MORE). My advice is simply to look. If it seems that something is missing, maybe you could start it!

I'm in the northern Eastern Shore of MD, and my girls are VERY involved. They attend church(es) and sunday school every Sunday. They are girl scouts. They take ballet and karate classes. They play soccer. They take violin, piano and art lessons. They know all the children in our neighborhood, though they don't choose to play with everyone, nor to be outside every day. We are not home that much. This week, they are away at camp. We take part in a homeschool co-op, with many different classes available each year, including of course, gym.

This co-op has a large number of families, all with different beliefs and methods of homeschooling. We have been in other co-ops and homeschool groups in other areas of MD, and the world. These groups are around 30 - 60 families. We go on field trips, schedule other activities, or just hang out at each-other's home. Next year, we will also have a sports league.

My girls know people of many backgrounds, nationalities and ethnicities, and though they don't always behave the way that I hope, they KNOW how to conduct themselves, and enjoy many different types of people. They have friends of all ages in town and around the globe, in several different states, and countries.

I do not have a master's degree (although my husband and others in my family do), but I'm smart enough to find ways for my children to get the education they want/need, and they're only in elementary school. I have for a long time known (research again) of ways and places for them to get the advanced classes for the upper grades.

As for the quality of education, even if there were no guidelines, I would ALWAYS want to do the best and the most possible for my children. That's why we choose to homeschool. It's not easy, not cheap, and not even always fun, so why would I take them out only to let them and me down? In MD, the county does two homeschool reviews per year to look over all our schoolwork. Our reviewer (a retired teacher and administrator) checks that we have covered all the subjects, required and that enough instruction is given, as well as that progression has occurred.

My girls are absolute book lovers (we live at the library), and they are very good at (and LIKE) grammar and vocabulary. They're both good at spelling, but you can't always tell from their writing. They like science. Sometimes they like math, sometimes it's a bore. They love to be active and to be with friends. Sometimes they are outgoing, and sometimes they're not. Sometimes they fight, other times they can't be separated. Sometimes when they're sick or scared, they climb in bed with Daddy and I. They are children. Normal children. And I'm a normal mom. That's all.

Hi,

I totally understand your concern. I didn't homeschool my daughter, but sent her to a private school (not that this would prevent problems). However, I have a friend who homeschooled her children and when she decided to put them into a private school, they were not accepted because they didn't have the best socialization skills required to cope in the environment. So, that being said, I think homeschooling is good, but you must find ways to ensure their socialization (e.g., scouting, clubs). Otherwise, they may not be able to cope when presented in situations that don't have mommy & daddy there to guide them. By the way, I'm a Girl Scout Leader for young girls (5 & 6 yr olds) and I see this with the girls that come to me who are homeschooled. They sometimes have a hard time adjusting to the program and being a 'sister to every girl scout'. Just my opinion.

Good luck.

Hi!
I'm with you! I see school kids, girls, especially, and think...hmm....attitude.
There are a lot of really nice school kids, too, though. I taught in public school and saw a lot of the sensitivity run amuck. My kids, who are ten and thirteen, have friends from six to fifteen. They don't have the irritating habit of exclusion. They have great conversations with adults. Sometimes I think my thirteen year old could be around kids his own age more, during the day. We go to Catholic religious ed and play oodles of sports and go to science workshops. Right now they're in camps at the Contemporary Center for Art, which is standard for the summer. I once heard someone say, "How much socialization does a desk jockey get?" My older son attended public school the first two years, and got in trouble for talking during p.e., and the lunchroom was a raft of bad manners and the test prep running on televisions while they ate. Doesn't make for good social skills, if you ask me!

just looking at the answers here is a close reflection to society's response to homeschooling at large and the socialization issue in particular. some folks get it (and sadly it's mostly homeschoolers themselves) and many are almost laughably off-base.
folks, homeschooling does NOT involve sitting around the kitchen table doing 'school at home.' well, for some it does. but not for most, and honestly not for ANY homeschoolers i know. the 'structure' you're wanting to see (and wanting to have parents arrested for not providing) is so different from what you're used to, it obviously makes some of you feel all oogly. that doesn't mean it's not there.
unschooling is completely without structure. it's child-led. it's wide open. it means the parent facilitates getting the child in front of opportunities to learn what makes that child light up. it doesn't mean a child isn't being parented. but it freaks some people out. i hang with so many unschoolers that i've relaxed about it (not my method, i myself need more structure) having seen how brilliantly it often works.
is it foolproof? does every unschooled child turn out fabulous? no. but as the wise N.S. points out, we don't automatically blame public schools for turning out <gasp> average kids, or those who aren't great at a particular subject. but every single little foible, anomaly or failing in a homeschooled kid is instantly seized upon as an indictment of homeschooling itself.
socialization ISN'T easy, especially if you're in a rural area as we are. it requires an absolute commitment to creating, cultivating and maintaining social and academic groups for your kids. in my case it inspired me to start having classes here at my house and jump-started my second mini-career as a teacher. in response to one poster's assertion that homeschooled kids don't have the opportunity to sit in 'traditional' classrooms and are therefore somehow not equipped to sit through a college class, i don't know any HS kids who haven't belonged to some sort of co-op or attended enrichment classes at a school or college or gone to workshops that look like regular school. and guess what? homeschooled kids generally learn flexible useful study skills that encourage them to dig in like badgers when they are inspired or need to learn something. so that 10 year old who doesn't decline a verb correctly (or guess what? can't read at all!) hasn't yet seen a need to do so. when she does, she'll pick it up in a matter of weeks. it's astounding, gratifying and humbling to observe how truly incredible kids are when we get out of their way and LET them learn, really learn, instead of trying to stuff their heads with facts. one poster brought up the very true but off-base fact that homeschooled kids have 'gaps' in what they learn. guess what? all kids do. no school, no district, no method, no person can learn *everything*. every school has to pick and choose what to emphasize. so do homeschoolers. the difference is that our kids have a large say in the matter, so a kid who is kinetic and artistic can let that side of himself blossom and flourish, while a natural engineer/builder doesn't have to sit through art classes that bore and frustrate her.
i know i keep wandering off the socialization issue. i just can't help it when i see such abysmal misinformation.
homeschooling isn't an academic preference. it's a lifestyle choice. if you immerse yourself in it, your kids (and you) are constantly in sea of opportunity, sometimes diving deep into one current, sometimes getting sucked off into one direction or other, sometimes drifting gently. they learn to interact with other people of all ages and walks of life, not just their age-peers from their immediate neighborhood. can it be stifling and insular? sure. do some kids suffer? you bet. there is no way to guarantee that every child has an excellent childhood and educational experience. but homeschooling (in all its myriad incarnations) is one wonderful way to make childhood enchanted for a lot of kids. and yes, that means sometimes they're taking classes in making personal enhancement oils and how to align their chakras.
khairete
S.

Not all public schools are evil. My kids attend one of the best school systems around. They do their best to manage all of what you have described, but I've also found that therer are bullies, cliques and peer pressure in adult life too. My kid's school is trying to give them the socialization skills to manage the types of situations and people that they will meet all throughout their lives.

I also agree that my kids are exposed to more diversity. They are more culturally aware because this is taught in their school and they attend school with kids from many different cultures. They are more sensitive to kids with special needs because they witness it every day.

I have friends with kids in private school and the bullying there is awful. The school won't do anything about it because they need the tuition money. They just shove it under the carpet and look the other way.

I guess my point is that homeschooling really works for some people and I have nothing but respect for that. But I've done what I think is best for my kids and feel that they have just as healthy "socialization" as any homeschooled kid. My kids are respectful of adults, they have good friends and they participate in activities. Some if it they've learned from the institutional school, but most of it comes from me and their dad.

So that's my two cents. I do wish you continued success with your homeschooling and I hope you get the information that you were looking for with your post!

Well, you certainly got quite a response. Personally I think as moms we all strive to do what we think is best for our kids. I like to think of myself as somewhere in the middle. 2 of my 3 boys (i have a 2yr old as well) are in 5th and 2nd grade, both go to our local public school which happens to be amazing! they are both straight A students and way above their grade levels. But I also homeschool in many ways, we do spanish lessons everyday and they are fluent because of it. We also learn about the world one country at a time in the summer, doing field trips and learning everything we can about the chosen country. I think as far as socialization, parenting has everything to do it, and homeschooling not so much. How your children behave with peers is a direct reflection on what's going on at home and how much time they are given. I guess it's just a matter of parenting not whether or not they are home-schooled.

I moved my daughter to 2 different schools and was still considering home schooling... in the end , we found a charter school with very strict discipline rules and we mustered through up until 8th grade... she is now going to a college oriented and career specific tech school for 9th-12th grade.

I think she lost out on a lot by being in a charter school becaue she did not have the sports/clubs/events that a regular school did, but she did well with her grades and stayed out of trouble, it is just a matter of what types of activities the child wants to be involved in. She did piano, dance, and ice skating which gave her places to socialize so she didn't really miss out on that aspect.

Socialization can happen in lots of ways. Besides school, there are kids in the neighborhood to play with, after school activities with sports, music, etc.
Besides learning how to deal with people who might try to push you around, there is also learning how to work together on a team for a project or a report, or learning how to share, etc. Not all peer pressure is necessarily a bad thing, although the bad kinds tend to get more press and media attention. I can think of a few kids in my son's kindergarten class who finally gave up thumb sucking and/or got serious about potty training because other kids in the class had got past these issues and they wanted to fit in. In other grades, there are reading buddies and competition to earn Accelerated Reader points. A child in a group can be a follower, but they can also learn to become a leader. That's something that's a bit hard to work out at home on your own. A smart home schooling parent will realize there are more things that develop through various ages that are not necessarily measured on academic tests. I've worked with a few people who excelled in collage - they could study and learn and test %100 on anything, but had trouble in an office environment where work is not like it is in collage. This is where interaction with peers and people from all walks of life comes in handy. The only way to learn about people is to interact with them.

I'll just add that I don't think it's home-schooled or not. I've met some home-schooled children that enter the public schools and completely lack social skills and then I've met some home-schooled children who enter public school and outshine their peers in social skills. It's also the case with children in public schools that they may or may not have adequate and appropriate social skills. I think it more depends on what the parents have done to teach them (or not) than what type of schooling they've had. If parents focus on teaching their children appropriate social skills, the children will learn them no matter how they are schooled. The only issue is that a parent who home schools must be sure their children are exposed to situations in which they have the opportunity to learn and use these social skills. If that is handled correctly, there shouldn't be a problem.

Everybody is different and you have to do what you feel is right for your children.

One concern I have about the homeschooling is that the children tend to be very sheltered and over protected. NOT ALL....but just my experience from those I've observed. I also teach (for 10 yrs) and I have seen homeschooled children come into the public school and the hardships they encounter.

Another concern is that some parents (NOT ALL) are not qualified to teach their children on the levels they may need to be taught.

I prefer my daughter go to a public school vs private or homeschooled and get a good education and know how to act and react around a diverse group of people. It helps my feelings that she is a trained black belt and can tak care of herself. You would never know it looking at her...captain cheerleader, orchestra, etc.

As adults, we have to adapt and manage to get along with all types of people good and bad. It is unfair to throw a semi socialized homeschooled kid (no matter how smart thay may be) into a college environment with classrooms and classes with close to 100 kids from all walks of life and expect them to just fit in. They either see this newfound freedom and rebel and have the time of their life OR are sho culture shocked that they withdraw into themselves because they have never experienced this type of situation.

I see in my own neighborhood that the chldren in public school all socialize together as do the parents. We are all a part of the school, involved in the school, teachers at the school. The private schooled children, do not have friends in the neighborhood because their friends are all over the place due to the drive in to the private school. Home schooled children do have a group for activities in the area but it is different because the home schooled parents tend to snub the public and private in a way that is like we have some sort of disease.

Whatever someone chooses to do is their choice, it is their children, their family. We've teach our daughter that there are all types of people she will encounter during her life and to look at each situation before assuming something about someone.

It depends on a lot of variables, the main one being how many kids you have in your family, and the biggie - where you live.

I homeschooled for 2 years, in a very rural area with limited resources for h/s ers, the other homeschool familes in my area are totally insular, 8 kid families, who have no need or desire to integrate with anyone else. we were only getting out and meeting other people once or twice a week, so it was very isolating for me and my son, we went to a fitness class and church and that was all that was available in my area.

we would go to the park most days, or the store, but at the park were only toddlers so my son did not get much interaction with them.

my son was very awkward socially because of homeschooling, I wish I had never done it, it was not good for him.

we have one neighbor with kids, (she has 8) she homeschools and is very nice, but we never see her, her kids interact with each other and go to church once a week, and seriously that is IT!!, her children are stilted socially. and too be honest a little academically behind.

my son goes to a private christian school now, and yes I will admit to there being some cruel kids, and teasing, mainly due to my son being eccentric and loud, but he has to deal with people in life, so this is good practice.

if you live in a metro area with lots of kids in a neighborhood and stuff going on, sports clubs etc then school is not essential for socialization.

We have two homeschooled children living next door to us, a 6-year-old and a 10-year-old. I've never been around homeschooled children before, so this was a new thing for me.

My observations are thus: the children are absolutely starved for interaction with other children and are practically on top of us to come over and play the moment we drive up in our driveway. (There are other kids on our street, but the parents haven't taken the time to meet any other children other than our daughter right next door.)

Both children are behind in motor and exercise skills. For example, the 10-year-old cannot even ride a bike. When she attempts to hang and play on our climbing dome in our yard, she cannot even pull herself up -- or climb.

Both children seem a bit immature for their ages. Both children's grammer skills are lacking; verb tenses are off, etc. When I asked the 10-year-old if she misses having friends at a school, she said reluctantly yes. When I asked her if her mom is her teacher (right after I found out she was homeschooled) she said, "Not really." I resopnded, "What do you mean? Your mom helps you with your studies, right?" She replied, "Not much. Only when I need help." I was totally floored. To me, doesn't sound like they are being properly schooled OR socialized -- they are home 24/7 with no extra activities to my knowledge.

Is this the proper way to homeschool children? I would say absolutely not. But it sounds like you are definitely on a different track, so kudos to you. Since this is my first interaction w/ homeschooled kids, my impressions are not favorable. What I see next door is utter laziness; on the parents' side, of course.

D.:

Hello! I see the positive and negative in homeschooling.

I personally can't homeschool my kids because I don't have the patience to do it. I know - bad - it's the truth. There have been MANY times I have contemplated it - then summers come along and I TRY to put some "fun" classes together and I just end up getting frustrated and yelling - that doesn't teach them anything useful! (well, it does!! How to push mommy's buttons!!)

Any way - I personally feel that home schooled children (NOW) don't have socialization problems as there are MANY outlets in which children get socialized - soccer, baseball, church, etc. And I feel that MOST home schooled children are actually SMARTER than those in private and public schools as they get the one-on-one attention and can excel in other subjects because they have the opportunity to explore rather than be set in a 845 to 215 schedule (seeing it in black and white brings home just WHY our children ARE NOT getting educated in school!!!)

I think it may be harder for older (high school age) kids as they MAY miss out on those 'high school' things that home schooling can't bring - powder puff games for girls, senior pics, etc.

Children learn to socialize through their parents anyways. You are their role model - so they see how you interact with them and other people - peer pressure CAN teach them things we, as parents, cannot. It teaches them how to say NO - or go with that "gut instinct" and stop something bad from happening. As even as adults we get peer pressure (not just keeping up with the Jones' and work peers).

I think I've yapped long enough. There are MANY positives. The positives outweigh ANY negatives.

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

I think it's less about socialization, and more about being able to "coach" your kids through real life examples of tough situations - like you listed above.
You can teach them the evils of peer pressure and all that. But if they're not experiencing it - or witnessing it first hand - I think it's very hard for kids to know how to apply it in real life.

Now overall, I think that we, as a culture, have our kids in enough extra curriculars that homeschooled children learn to interact with others kids in very healthy ways. So I think that they understand well the basics of sharing and playing, etc...

Of course it depends on the kids and the families, but my PERSONAL experience (without judging anyone) has been to witness socialization problems. My nieces and nephews through marriage were home-schooled until high school, and they were extremely socially awkward. The eldest still is, currently in his mid-20s. They had other home-school friends, of course, who were also awkward. This group of people is the only group of home-schooled kids I know. It consists of about 6 families that I met through my nieces and nephew, and all of the children were a bit...off. I don't know if this is because of their parents and the sort of people they were around, if it was because everyone around them was just like them and so they didn't know how to interact with anyone different, if it was the personalities of the children or families, or what. I do know that when my BIL put his kids in public school after he and their mother divorced, the eldest two (high-school age) really struggled. They did not know how to interact with the public school kids. Their grades were not good, although they had always gotten straight As at home. They both graduated by a narrow margin, and neither was able to cut it in a 4-year college. When they moved away from home, they struggled and had to move back in. Both blamed the other kids and the teachers for their problems. Of course, I believe the problem was their education before entering the public school system, and a lack of independence.

The youngest two were in middle school, and thrived after about a year or so. They are very popular, very involved in their classes, and have blossomed into outgoing, confident, straight A students. None of the 4 kids report any real problems with gangs or peer-pressure to engage in unlawful activities or anything like that. Frankly, I don't have any memories of that stuff from my own days in public high school, either. I think that probably depends on your school and your group of friends. Bullying and cliques have also not been a big problem for them, although every high schooler goes through some of that I would think, but learning how to cope is a part of growing up (except in extreme cases, of course). The world isn't filled with people who agree with you and think like you, and if you don't know how to interact with them, that will be a problem.

Having said all of that, I have considered possibly home-schooling my kids for a couple of years. I believe that primary schooling really shouldn't begin until a child is 6-8 like in Europe, and that play-based learning still needs to be emphasized at a younger age. I also think that kids need to learn how to get along with children who have nothing in common with them - but I'm not sure this is a lesson that is learned in elementary school. I also currently live in an area without a great public-school system, which has to play a part as well. I will admit that I don't personally know anyone who was successfully home-schooled and socialized, but I have friends who do, so I fully believe it is possible if the mother or father has the techniques and connections to do it. I also think parents may not have the education necessary to teach some of the more complicated topics once kids reach upper levels of education, but this would depend on the parents and their own efforts and education. My own experiences with those who have been home-schooled have colored my views - but there they are.

It's all about how much the parents put into it. My stepson has been in public schools from the start and is socially inept. This is due to mental problems in his mother and all of my husband's time being spent trying to deal with and help her. He ended up spending too much time alone and/or with his mother who was depressed, etc. so she spent her days in bed - not socializing and not teaching him to socialize or even to go out into the world! It wasn't intentional on anyone's part - just a bad circumstance. Socialization is LEARNED so everyone just needs to lead by example and make sure their children participate in life!

As a public school teacher at the secondary level, I work with some truly brilliant colleagues. If given the time and resources, these teachers - many with PhDs - could send a person to Pluto and cure cancer. To their credit, rather than research and publish, they have chosen to share their knowledge (always current) with our young, impressionable students.

On a personal note, although I am trained in pedagogy and considered highly qualified in my field, I am "limited" in what I can teach and would never be able to inspire students seeking knowledge at advanced levels in other content areas. On the flip side, while I have expertise in literacy, I am lacking the skills necessary to teach reading to very young children, and although I could indeed teach myself these skills, if I chose to homeschool my young children, I'd be learning along with them. So while I can appreciate a person's desire to homeschool, I think that - social issues aside - academically it can have its drawbacks.

It is clearly a lifestyle choice for those living in suburban areas - or places where educational resources are made readily available. For those living in rural or urban areas, where resources are limited and conditions may be considered unsafe, parents may not have a choice. So I can indeed distinctly see two categories of homeschoolers. And while I can appreciate the desire to take on this rather daunting role, I am wary as to the effects it can have on some children, as I have seen some very intimidated homeschooled teens, entering public for the first time, with large academic gaps who fail to navigate their way through the public system. Many drop out and return to their homeschooled environments. Of course there are flaws in our public system, but as teachers, we do provide as much support as possible to all children. And sadly, if some homeschooled children can't manage to find their way in a larger institution - with supports embedded - what will happen to them when they they enter college and the work force?

So, based on my experiences, I highly encourage any homeschooling parent to become part of the greater community - preferably one, if possible, that is diverse. And please recognize your academic weak areas. Perhaps find other homeschooling parents with different strengths. And finally, take advantage of courses offered at local public schools - particularly advanced, specialized courses. You children will benefit both academically and socially.

typically, what happens with homeschooled kids, is that they dont usually end up with the social tools they need to deal with kids and adults that are coming from different backgrounds.different ethnic groups, different religions etc. girls that are homeschooled typically end up being taken advantage of by the first guy that comes along because they have been seriously sheltered .traditional schools do have more then there share of problems, cliques, gangs, vicious girls, boys who try to attack girls in the hallways etc. ( when my little girl starts school, she is going to know how to defend herself, and have no qualms about it either.)if her teachers dont like it, too bad.
K. h.

It sounds like you have a really good situation and are conscientious about socializing your kids. I agree that traditional schools have some disadvantages, as you mentioned, and can be difficult for kids as they struggle to develop socially. I'm no expert and I don't have school age kids (yet), but I get the feeling from your email that your kids aren't missing out on a thing and you don't need to worry about not sending them to a public school.

One of my very dear friends homeschools her two boys and they are two of the best kids I have ever met! I don't homeschool my kids, but think that kids that are get plenty of socialization with sports and other groups they join. It is a personal choice and should not be judged.

I don't believe that one way of schooling is better than the other necessarily. Generally speaking I do feel that home schooled kids lack social skills. I believe that way because the kids I've come into contact with who are homeschooled were socially inept. It sounds like your children are definitely involved in quite a few social activities which will obviously help them as they grow. It's not about whether or not your child(ren) is shy but whether or not they can handle social situations, situations of diversity, and tackling situations with people who were not raised like they were. Is your child confident? Does your child believe in homeschooling? In a tough situation would your child defer to a child who has been schooled traditionally because your child feels that person has more experience?

I think it's not about socialization, in your case, and more about experience. I think making sure your child has experience dealing with people of all walks of life, knowing how to handle peer pressure, believes in his method of schooling, and not being naive is more important. I think that's true no matter what type of school your child attends.