Hi all, I'm trying to think of some clever and fun exercises for my daughter to do to gain confidence talking with adults. She gets nervous when she needs to talk to them and I know from experience it will get better if she does it often. Tonight she interviewed a neighbor for a school project and felt great afterward. She tried to get out of it beforehand, but once she pushed herself she did great and I could see she felt more confident even after that one thing.
I would love to hear ideas of what I can have her do to boost her confidence. I'm thinking of having the kids call someone on the phone just to talk. Maybe I'll also have them skype or facetime with someone too, on another day. I would like to come up with ideas we could try in stores and maybe the school office.
Any thoughts? And has anyone ever done this with their kids to help them get over social anxiety?
These are all great ideas. We went out running errands yesterday and I made both of the kids order their own ice cream and pay. I usually make them order their food, but don't usually ask them to pay too. I also had my daughter buy a sweater that she wanted..all by herself. She tried to get out of it, but she did great! I think I'll just expect that they will handle a majority of the interactions in stores and other public places and not help communicate for her as much. I also have lots of phone calls and video chats planned. I love the idea of presenting a current event to us. She doesn't have any trouble interacting with us, but it will give her a chance to gain confidence in talking about different topics. Thanks all!
My daughter is outgoing, but she gets shy and nervous talking to adults she doesn't know well.
To help her, we have drilled and practiced what to do or say to adults. Then when we're out, we have her order the food, or have her ask for help or directions in stores.
She's more used to it now. Practice helps!
When our kids were old enough, starting around 8 I guess, we began having them order for themselves in restaurants. We discussed what they would order (and how to do so) before the server came to take the order. Usually, the server looked at us and ignored the kids.. but it only takes a second and they direct the questions to the kids.
It's a restaurant, so it can be noisy. The kids had to learn how to speak clearly and loudly enough to be heard, how to wait their turn to speak, the ebb and flow of the "conversation". We STILL discuss what they will order, but we don't really have to discuss HOW to order anymore. This was great for our youngest, who is the more socially reserved of the two. She always has a "special" request at meals, lol. (she doesn't like any kinds of sauce, so for example, if we eat BarBQ, and she orders the kids rib plate, she requests they put no sauce). This really was a confidence booster for her, to have to add information when the server expected the order was done...
:)
I think part of the reason kids have a difficult time speaking to adults, especially ones they don't know, is because adults are authority figures for the most part. It is intimidating. Our kids take martial arts, and it has done WONDERS with their comfort level of conversing with adults, as all the instructors essentially are adults. Yet they model respect for others, including calling the students Mr. or Ms. first name.
A couple of things I did with my daughter was to get her to answer the phone when it rang (she sooo didn't like doing this) and if we were in a store and she was buying something I got her to go up to the check out and pay for it herself. She was pretty shy but I used to tell her all you have to do is be polite. Say hi, thankyou and if they ask how are you, just say fine thanks (if all else fails as long as you smile, people will understand you are a bit shy). Also if we are out for dinner I get her to order for herself. :-) She is a lot more confident now.
Is she old enough to volunteer at a nursing home? She could start with a list of questions, on paper, until she gets comfortable. She could ask questions like 'I am X years old, what did you do when you were X years old? Or what kind of chores did you do when you were a child?
She would probably be amazed to learn that children baked bread, ironed clothes, milked cows, plowed feilds, ect.
She could also ask questions about the depression and WWII.
I have my grandchildren order the food at fast food places and restaurants. I also sometimes hand them the money so that they pay the bill. When we're looking for a specific item, I have them ask the clerk for help.
My friends have also been good about talking with my grandchildren. My friends ask the questions and at the beginning I would help my grandchildren answer them. Before too long they were carrying on several minute conversations without my involvement.
Do you ever read out loud together and then discuss the main points?
We read a series called Sticky Situations, out loud together. It comes with questions, and I have the kids read their stories. I listen.
We also have several games around the house that we don't play, but just read the cards as they are so full of fun facts and questions. We'll take turns at dinner reading the Noggin's game cards.
Anytime you can casually converse with her and engage her in both listening and responding will boost her verbal skills with adults.
What about calling grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins etc. She can get practice and maybe even start her off with a current event to talk about so she can get really comfortable. Good luck!
I don't have kids with social anxiety so I don't know if my idea will work. When we go to a restaurant or fast food place, my husband makes the kids order for themselves. They used to resist, but they had to order their own food if they wanted something. They are now confidant about ordering and don't get nervous. At the grocery store, you could let your daughter hand the coupons or the payment to the cashier. If she has something she is buying for herself, make her complete the transaction. The cashiers are usually friendly and will help make it easy for her.
We have done these things with my kids and all of them have gotten more comfortable talking with adults.
