My son has been going to pre school for 2 years. he almost never walks freely into the class. Either he complains that he doesnt want to go or he cries. This morning he cried viciously and it broke my heart. He used to attend the morning only preschool from 9am to 11:30am. Now I have him stay all day for the 2 days until around 4pm. The other 3 days he is home with me. I would like to hear from other moms who might have the same problems. My concern is it is taking so long for him to adjust. The teacher said he is not really talkative at school, but he does interact and play with the other kids. At home he is very social and normal. Is there something wrong with my son? We get him involved in sports and for example in basket ball, if you dont hand him theball, he does not go after it. Instead he says "no one is giving me the ball". He is very well travelled and has been all over the world on vacation trips with us. he goes to church and is pretty normal when he goes to the play room. On the days when he is home with me,we do "homeschool" and he will sit for 4 hours staright and just do the work books/sheets with me/ draw color etc. Academically he is very advanced. He is very focussed, but I am not sure what to think about the school situation. he has friends in the class, so I dont know. Usually when we pick him up he seems fine, but in the mornings he is a mess. Is it normal. Any psychologists out there? He plays well when I am around him or if he has play dates at home or plays in the backyard. I notice he likes to be in control and likes to win. Thatis why I thought keep him at school a little longer so that by the time he gets to K, he is welll adjusted. By the way, homeschool is not a choice of mine untimately. I do it now on his home days with me because we like to, but I want him to go to school, be in his world of little people doing little people things. My older son is in first grade and is doing very well. Please send me any advice you have It is killing me that my son does not adjust easily.
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He sounds fine and well adjusted. He plays well in social settings and has friends. Perhaps he just doesn't like the preschool setting, maybe he is a little shy or there are some kids there that aren't very nice to him so he withdraws. I wouldn't worry about it, just encourage him.
As for the ball thing, sports aren't for everyone, He still has some growing to do before he gets some more of the social play and game mentality.
It may be that he's not ready for the separation at 4yrs, but will be at 5 yrs. Also, school and preschool have very different atmospheres so, how he is in preschool won't necessarily transfer any way.
What does your instinct say? I think that keeping the shorter schedule would be okay for him, but I am only reading a few paragraphs of information.
It could just be that he is shy, however my son was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 4 1/2 and his difficulty separating from me before preschool and his "shyness" and lack of interaction with the other kids was what prompted us to take him to a developmental pediatrician and get diagnosed. In addition to these things in hindsight we now know that my son had problems with change, he needed things to be consistent and thrived on routine. This wasn't to an extreme with my son so it didn't stick out until the pediatrician asked does your son do X, Y, or Z and we said, now that you mention it, yes.
You might want to Google Aspergers and just read about it to see if anything else fits.
Good luck,
K.
You know some of us are shy and have anxiety problems, at home I am fine and you would never know it. I think you should back off, pushing it will make it worse.
BTW I have a child who has high functioning Autism, from what you described it doesn't sound like he has Autism. I'm not saying he doesn't, you need more information to even suggest Autism.
My 4 year old daughter is very outgoing at home, but reserved in social situations. She tends to be shy, just like I am. She has been going to the same daycare/learning center for 2 1/2 years, and even now, there are days that she cries and doesn't want me to go.
Talk to the teachers in depth to make sure he is doing well after you leave. Does the center have a camera in the rooms so you can drop in and observe what is happening, without him knowing you are there? If you know he is being well cared for, and you trust the teachers and the manager of the daycare, then I would accept that he takes a little longer to adjust or fit in. With my daughter, she really has a hard time walking up to children that are already involved in an activity, but when I pick her up at the end of the day, she's in the midst of activities with the other children. She just has to get comfortable at her own pace.
I wouldn't worry about it, unless you think there is a problem at the daycare, in which case you should investigate fully.
When my daughter was 2, this kept happening over & over. She had been in daycare since she was 8 weeks old and had been at this particular daycare center for a year. I kept talking to the teachers & the daycare owner and not feeling any better. I had enough the day she was screaming & kicking & trying to get away & one of the teachers had to hold her to let me go to work. I wrote my 2 week notice that same day.
My point is -- listen to your child. We toured some other daycares (just my husband & I) and found one we really liked. I picked a time for her to go with and I stayed & watched for 2-3 hours. Then, I had to take her back to the one we were leaving. Even at 2 years old, she knew we were driving towards it and said "I don't want to go to the mean place, Mommy!" Oh my goodness...that broke my heart. Even 2 years later (at the age of 4) she'd recognize the building and say that mean people were in there. :( How awful. Please, listen to your child. I'm not saying give into his every whim -- we're pretty strict parents. But if he is only acting different at THAT place, then something has to be going on. See if you can secretly watch him for a few hours one day. Watch what the teachers & other kids do -- both with and without him.
I hope this helps. Pray about it -- God will lead you to the right decision!
Do you know any of the other mothers you could interview and see what their child says that may be going on? My daughter who couldn't talk at the time, as she was just going to day care, was crying like that in the morning due to the fact that she was being mistreated. I would think at 4 yrs old he could tell you why he doesn't want to go. Good luck...it's not easy.
