So... Who Was the Obnoxious Mom in This Situation? :)

I think you handled it great. Honestly I was SHOCKED when I got to the part where you said the mom left you a note. Definite over the top mama bear response. In all honesty she could have used it as a teaching experiemce for her daughter as well.

I am also one of the moms that don't believe that my daughter she have to share all of her toys that she brought to a public area. If she has items that she doesn't want to share then she knew not to pull them out while playing with someone else and only use them when she is playing by herself.

I think you handled things great though.

sorry for any typos, I am doing this on my phone.

You handled it fine, it sounds like the other mom misunderstood what you were doing.

We don't bring loved personal/private items to a park, beach, etc. We do have toys to bring and it is understood that we share them. If a kid has something special that they don't want to share, that is fine - but it doesn't come with us to a public place.

It isn't that I think everything must be shared, but having this policy completely avoids the issue you encountered.

I agree, don't take anything that can't be shared...
but the other mom was out of line...some people think everything is someone else's fault. Leaving a note was really ridiculous. Hopefully you don't know her or have to face her again.

The other mother didn't understand or she didn't care. She saw you watch it happen twice after you told her not to, and she felt you should have stopped it earlier. She either didn't realize that you were trying to give her a chance to internalize it, or didn't care.

You did fine. Your daughter learned at least one lesson - if you tease with your toys, mom will take them away. She might have learned that you also lose your friends. I'm not sure - she might have been so excited by the toys and the venue, that she might not have cared about having the friend.

If the mother thinks that she should HAVE to share all of her toys, I disagree with that. I think that maybe she has sour grapes because she didn't bring any for her daughter.

Don't worry about this.

You know, people like you who actually care about whether they were right or wrong are the people who don't need the note on the windshield. There are people who NEVER step in when their kids are brats... As far as being obnoxious is concerned, YES, she was obnoxious with her smart aleck note. She was actually being mean. I wonder how many notes she writes to parents...

You don't share what you have with other Moms, parents or families? I think I do. If another Mom at a playground or ballgame needs something I have (sunscreen, a snack for her kids, extra bottle of water) and I have extra of course I offer it.

I always taught my girls if they are in a public (social) setting with other children bring only the things you are willing to share. If I saw them taunting another child even once she would have the option to openly share them or put them away for the rest of the visit. She did the offer and then pull back thing becuase she knew you wouldn't make her share that particular toy.

No one is obnoxious in this situation but I think she over reacted and you should have acted a little more quickly. Not a huge deal and no, not a reason for a rude note.

You saw your daughter behaving unacceptably and disciplined her for it. The purpose of your doing so WAS to teach her not to tease other kids. That doesn't mean she is required to share everything she has, in public or at home. I see no reason that if she brings HER toys with her, she should be obligated to allow any other kid there to play with them. If I bring a book with me, I don't feel like I have to let everyone read over my shoulder. If I'm playing games on my phone, I don't feel like I have to let everyone there have a turn at Angry Birds.

IMO, you handled it exactly right. Once the kids stopped playing together, the incident was over, and the other mom should have let go of it.
Not that you need it, but you have my permission to stop second-guessing yourself.

Well, I agree that it's probably prudent not to bring things you aren't willing to share, not because of any moral principles, just to make life easier. However, you did exactly the right thing, in my opinion, and a note on the window is just so passive aggressive and self righteous it makes my toes curl.

You were definitely not obnoxious. Leaving a note on your car was obnoxious.

I suggest that your daughter may not have been teasing the other little girl. She may have been trying out sharing. One reason I say this is because she did share later with another girl. I suggest that if you'd either left her figure it out on her own or went to her and sympathized with her about how hard it is to share and suggested that she try letting go of the toy that this may've ended differently.

Try looking at situations from the eyes of the child. She's inexperienced with sharing new toys. She needed your support. Even if she had that grin on her face that might indicate that she was teasing you would be helping her to learn not to tease by helping her to share. Tell her that this looks like teasing and we don't tease. We share and help her hand the toy to the other girl. Teach rather than punish.

What you did was OK and may have been more appropriate than what I suggest. I wasn't there. This is just another thought on how to teach good behavior. I suggest it's more helpful to teach children how to behave instead of telling them how not to behave.

The other mom was rude. I would've tossed the note and not been concerned about her comments. She's a coward. I would be interested in talking with her if she'd made a comment in person. Anyone who does an end run like this isn't worth spending any energy on.

As adults, we don't share everything we have but we also don't bring things out and toy with people either. At least I don't. I have taught my children that if they bring it in the presence of another they must be willing to share it with that person. If my child would have toyed with another child as yours did, I would have made my child hand that toy over to the other child. If my child didn't want to then I would have taken my child and put them on the sidelines for awhile but still allowed the other child to play with the toy. That's just how I roll.

I think what you did was appropriate, and I find the other mom writing you a note pretty over the top on her part.
Like you, I don't think it's ever good idea to force kids to share, but I always made sure whatever we took to a public place WAS shareable. The kids knew before we left the house, if we were taking it to the park (or pool or beach) then I expected them to share it.
It just made things easier, and I felt like it was a good lesson: if you don't want to share it then keep it at home.

You did really well. The other mom was a spineless jerk to leave that note on your windshield. Don't give it another thought. If she honestly felt like she had something valuable to share she should have told you to your face.

I think the other mom was passive aggressive and the note was too much. You stepped in and talked to your kid and obviously the other mom didn't hear the conversation you had with your child. I have also told DD that if she doesn't want to share x and y, she needs to put it up for later. I would never put a note like that on someone's windshield. If she couldn't speak to you directly at the time, then she should have just let it go.

From what you have written, it sounds like you handled this properly. It also sounds like the other Mom didn't want playing with her daughter to cause your daughter any more scolding (this is misguided, but it's hard not to do). Based on what you've shared, I think someone else left the note.

You did a great job! The other mom should have just got in her car and driven away. Her note was childish.

You gave your daughter a few chances and then gave her a consequence. Bravo! That's exactly what we SHOULD do. Chances, consequences. What did she expect of you? You WERE teaching her not to tease. She should teach HER daughter to not be so succeptible to taunting. Both lessons need to be learned by our kids.

Um, the other mom does not know what you told your daughter, like we know. She only knows that after you spoke with your daughter, your daughter stopped playing with her daughter.

So, take a step back, first your daughter won't share toys and teased her, then she won't even play with her and she shared her toy with another girl.

I would be wondering what you told your daughter on the sidelines. Your daughter got the best of the situation and really dug in her heels on this sharing issue. Ouch. You've got an interesting one on your hands.

I don't mean that in a bad way. Your daughter is smart, and she was not going to be forced to share with that girl, for whatever reasons. You did the right thing by pulling her aside, but somehow missed the link to fill in the other mom and pool friend.

The overall situation was handled fine, the other mom, well that was probably a little overboard on her part. I'd just assume her DD's feelings were hurt and she went momma bear, doesn't mean she was right though.

There were things to prevent this though, as others have said, if you take something to a public forum with children, you have to be willing to share with other kids or it should just stay home. It's the same way at home, if someone is over visiting...if you don't want to share put it up, it can come out when the others are gone.

Someone said that they don't feel their child should have to share, of course no child has to share, then again I'm not trying to raise children who's thought process only revolves around them. I share things everyday of my life, either with my children/family or sometimes strangers who've forgot their diapers. Sure I could say "Mine, go away" but that's not what I want, anymore then I want my kids to behave that way.

Yes, the other mom was being overly sensitive. For heaven's sake, you WERE talking to your daughter about not teasing. And she's 3, which isn't the greatest sharing age either.

The best thing to do, though, is to either not take any toys, or take toys that your child will share. It's just asking for trouble to take "no share" toys to a public play area where all the kids are young and clueless. It kind of sets up a situation that isn't going to end well.

Wow... that lady must have the perfect daughter. I mean PERFECT!:)~

No, you aren't being out of line--- actually taking the time out of her day to leave a note like you described is pretty pathetic. (I mean, unless you are leaving something out, this is just the way it goes with little kids. They are all still learning.) It's kind of sad that this mom *couldn't let it go* and just HAD to say something, and instead of just talking to you directly, she had to leave a seriously over-the-top note. Honestly, I have to wonder what is wrong with the woman. I mean, we've had kids at the park actually hit or kick my son and I don't waste a whole lot of time-- we just move away from bratty kids and I find it better for my son if we just say "yep, that was a real stinker" and move on with our day. I cannot imagine taking the time to write a chastising note to the parent.

How would I have handled it? Thrown the note away. I will say that I always have a caveat that if we go to the park and my son wants to bring a toy, either it is shared or we stow it in the backpack. But really, if I were the other parent (and I have been) and I see another kid doesn't want to share their toys, we just move along. It's only a big deal if we make it a big deal, right? If I saw the other parent repeatedly trying to correct a problem, I'd likely feel that she was trying to help her kid and her kid just wasn't 'there' yet. I wouldn't feel like the world would be a better place if I left a note that was really meant to make her feel badly.

I like what Doris Day said...you probably aren't the first person she's had to 'correct' in such a cowardly way. If it's important enough to address, discuss it in person. A windshield note is kinda crappy.

I don't think anyone was obnoxious in this situation. You did just what you were supposed to by handling the situation as soon as it arose. Perhaps this other mom didn't hear what you said to your daughter and perhaps she didn't know that you had actually handled it? I don't know?

I do think the note was unnecessary, however I do think it was better than her approaching you in person, with an attitude and accusing you of not raising your child properly and teaching her to share. If done in person, it would not have gone over well at all!

I say try to forget about it. You handled it. It's over, try to let ot go.

Why does anyone have to be obnoxious?

Clearly she was reacting to your initial declaration that she didn't have to share her new toys so how you handled her teasing was not on her mind.

I see a declaration of you don't have to share something akin to the other mom saying you don't have to play with that child if she is unwilling to share everything. Both are equal and both only have an effect on the other parent. I am only pointing this out because you are focusing on her sharing most of her toys where the other mom was focusing on you told your child she didn't have to share them all.

I never made my kids share toys either but I always pointed out when it became an issue, those kids don't have to play with you either.
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Just making sure this is clear, I have never made my kids share. That they are aware that by not sharing kids don't always choose to share with them my kids choose to share.

If I simply made my kids share then when I wasn't around to make them they may not understand why it is better to share.

I disagree with the moms who say not to bring toys that can't be shared. Since when can't my own kid take his or her own toys to a public place, and not be expected to dole them out to strangers?!?!? I would NEVER expect someone else's kid to share with my own kids, that seems silly to me. If we were at a park with a sandbox, and some other kid had brought buckets and shovels from his house, I really would never expect him to share; likewise, if we were "on it" enough to bring our own, I would not expect my kid to hand them over to another kid. Would I suggest it if the other child seemed to want to play? Absolutely. Would I take the toy away if he wouldn't share. Nope. I kind of agree with the other posters who say we adults don't share all of our stuff. If I was waiting at the airport for a flight, playing Angry Birds on my iPhone, and the guy next to me said, " It's my turn now!", I'm pretty sure he would get a weird look from me as he watched me go find another seat!

I would have taken the note, crumbled it into a ball, and thought, "what a loon."
Be confident in your parenting mom, you did just fine.

No matter what the situation at the park was, I cannot imagine a situation that would make it appropriate to leave a note on someone's car criticizing their parenting. Marda P. has it exactly right- whoever left it was a coward.

I personally only bring "sharing" toys to parks, and usually only ones that wouldn't create a tragedy if they were left behind. We have a big sand area at the two parks that we go to most often, and the little trucks and shovels get passed around and buried so often it is pretty inevitable that something will get lost or left behind at some point! So from a purely practical standpoint, we have a bag of mixed sand toys from the dollar store that we share or even give away to other kids. I think it is fine to have things you don't want to share and that are special to you, I just find it easier to keep those things safely at home. I would never assume that another child "must" share what they brought!

Oh, and I am absolutely going to tell someone at the airport that they have to hand over their iPad because it is my turn to play Angry Birds, that sounds amazing :)

We don't take toys we're not willing to share to a public place.

You did do something. I wouldn't have watched her taunt the ither girl three times though.
How old is your daughter?
If very young, all of the new toys would have gone back in the bag for the day.
If older, lesson taught about not flaunting what you have to others and reinforced by new rule: if you won't share it--don't bring it.

I think you did just fine. And you're right, we don't expect adults to share their toys, so we have a double standard for kids in this regard. Nevertheless, the world would be happier and more civilized for everybody if more sharing happened, so it's a wonderful value to teach. But few 3yo's are able to share consistently, at best.

The other mom was being pretty judgmental. That might be a case of projection, in which she expects from other people what she needs to learn for herself. We often hate in other people what we can't stand to look at in ourselves. Unfortunately, there's no fixing that; we can only work on our own stuff.

I would have made my child let the other child play with the toy she was teasing her with. Having your child sit out for 2 minutes and then go play with another child and then share that toy, didn't teach her anything. It made her mad at the little girl she was teasing! Sorry, but I think the more natural consequence would have been to make her follow through with her offer to share.

I would try not to let it eat at you. The most obnoxious thing in this whole story is the passive aggressive note on the car. We can't prevent our kids from being brats at all times. I think you handled it fine. I personally don't allow my kids the option of not sharing new and special toys when out and about. Instead, I give them the option of leaving special toys at home is they don't feel like sharing. But I get that some toys are special and not meant to be left at home; bikes, kites, model planes....But at the younger ages, with cheap toys, i think its too complicated of a concept that some toys are for sharing and not others. As the toys get expensive and the child older, I think there is some room for this. I confess, I do find it off -putting when parents give permission for a child not to share a toy in a park, or social setting. I try not to judge. However, I also find I have to tell my child not to even go near the child with the special toy because it just causes relentless maintenance to try to teach my child that this other child doesn't have to share. I don't do it out of irritation, it just makes it easier on everyone if the child with the special toy plays by themselves. I totally get where she directed her child away, I would have done the same thing. But it didn't warrant a snotty note.

The way you tell the story, doesn't see cause for this other mom to have written you a note and put it on your car. So clearly, there is more information that we don't know. Perhaps this other little girl lied to her mom, and this mom thinks that more happened, than did. Maybe next time you go to the pool you will see them and find out. It is hard not to share things with others when you are in a public place. I know some moms have stated that their kids shouldn't have to share, and I get that too. I think you probably did all you could have done.

Jill K. Has it right. Don't bring anything you are not willing to share to a public place. Mostly just because of incidents like this. Your daughter used your words that she didn't have to share to the other's hurt and to fuel her feeling of power. You bet those toys would be mine, the first time she did it.

But the mom was passive aggressive and wrong. I have seen so many bad choices by kids and never once left a note!

Meh... obnoxious isn't the word I would use. Oversensitive, maybe.

I don't agree that you should't bring toys that your daughter can't share. And I don't believe that kids should have to share everything, particularly when you bring other toys that the child doesn't mind sharing with others. We bring a dozen toys to the park and the other kids always want to play with what we have and the kids I'm watching always want to play with what other kids have.

If it had been me, I would have stepped in earlier than you did... I'm not being critical of the way you handled it... you know your child best and know how she responds to your discipline.

I feel like the other woman should have let it go. She must have missed something about you talking to your daughter or she's just oversensitive about children in social situations. Kids do these things... it wasn't like you were completely oblivious, talking on your cell phone and you didn't know what was happening. You did just fine~Don't sweat it...

The other mom went too far by leaving the note.

As for sharing, as an adult I strive to be the type of person who does share what I have, and I try to teach my children the same. I don't allow my kids to take anything that they don't want to share.

The children were playing together, therefore they were friends (albeit new friends), not strangers. If I was playing a game on my phone and my friend wanted a turn I would give her a turn. Better yet, I would put my phone away and not play my game in front of her.

That's why we don't take our toys to public places...it just gets awkward with sharing, etc. We went to a playground recently and a little boy had his toys all over the sandbox. He screamed anytime any kid went near them. We just found somewhere else to play.

The other mom needs to get a life.

I think what you did was right, by intervening and telling your daughter to not tease. Your daughter did well by taking your advice and by learning to share with the other girl she started playing with.
As for the other mom who stuck a note in your car....well, people think in different ways. I'll refrain from making any kind of judgment about her, but if I were you, I'd simply ignore it, and not worry.

You did fine. It could have been from any other mom/person observing the interaction that didn't know how the 2 of you handled it.

Don't take it personally. You have her entire life to second guess your parenting and worry what others think about it. If you feel you did what was appropriate, you did. If you notice a pattern like this in the future, consider only bringing share-able toys out in public. But kids are kids. And apparently some grown ups are kids, too.