So, What Is the Secret to Getting Siblings to Get Along?

Duct tape! :)

Okay, seriously, you guys don't know? They grow up, until then it doesn't end. It should be an Olympic sport!

Usually happens around the time they hit the teen years and realize there are so many more creative ways to make mom nuts. :p

I'd like to know the answer too!
No, it's not just a girl thing...although my daughter is worse than my sons.

my Mom had quite a rotation of punishments for us. There's 2 years between my Sis & I, & my LEAST favorite.....was having to "kiss & make up"! OMG...we both hated that one. But it taught us to get along very quickly.

Other items on the list: clean Dad's ships with Qtips.
completely dismantle the bookcases & dust/polish each & every book. pick lint off of the red carpet in the living room (do you know how much lint falls out of the daily paper?).
iron Dad's hankerchiefs....which was normally a "paid" job.
organize our wall unit in the playroom.
sweep the basement......& on & on.

Aaargh. So that's my recommendation: find what they hate & make it their punishment! It worked quickly for us! Mom's theory was: if you have the time to fight, then you obviously have the time to work. LOL

I'm assuming duct tape is not an appropriate answer?

:) hehehehe

Ugh. My girls are bad too. They were much better when they were little but once my older one hit the tween years, forget about it :(
All you can really do when it gets loud/ugly is separate them. If they share a room then put one in your room. No TV or computer, they need to sit and think and calm down.
As far as the whining? I couldn't stand that, it's like nails on a chalkboard. I would say "I will not listen to that voice, talk to me in your regular voice please." Sometimes I would whine right back at them so they could hear how they sounded (that ALWAYS stopped them, I think because they were so shocked lol!)
It also helps to let them have friends over, especially during the summer. They need other kids besides each other to play with, kids their own age, friends from school. My kids were always happier and played better when we had a large group here.
And of course get out of the house as much as you can, a change of scenery is good for everyone, and make sure they burn off lots of energy, the park, the pool, a bike ride, whatever!

I have 3 girls and they play very well together. Don't get me wrong, they have their days or moments when I fight may erupt. But more often than not they play well together. They are young 5, 3 and 1 so maybe I just haven't gotten to the bad stage yet. LOL but what I've found is that if you are always encouraging them to help each other out and notice one another the playing goes much better. Like for example my sister will tell her oldest son (who's 6) to go in his room and play so his 3 year old brother won't bother him. In my eyes that's not helping them learn to get along. I am always having my girls do things together, play barbies together, house together. play in the pool together etc. If a fight starts I try to show them how to solve it together. I always praise them when I notice something nice being done. Like "Thank you Eva for helping your sister find her shoes." "Layla what I nice sister you are sharing your doll with Julia." They more you praise them for the good things the more they do it again and again. Also structure helps. When they get bored fighting can start. So if I notice they've been watching t.v. for a while I will tell them to ride bikes outside, color for a while or play play dough. Keeping them on new things every few hours helps them stay happy.

My sister and I (she's 22 months younger than me) brawled till we grew up and moved away from each other.
To this day we can not be in the same room for 15 minutes before a fight will break out.
My Mom left us work out our own problems.
That was a disaster.
Most the time the only way to stop her from kicking my bike or anything else I cared about was to knock her down and sit on her.
Some siblings are never compatible throughout their entire lives.
Divide and conquer.
When the fighting starts - they go to separate corners, preferably in different rooms on different floors of the house.
Look at it from their point of view - they are stuck with each other and especially if they are very different, they should not have to be forced to be together all the time.
They have to be as civil to each other as they would be to any stranger on the street.
They don't have to love or even like each other.
They just need to realize that you love them both and you will not tolerate either of them hurting anyone you love - especially each other.

No it's not just a girl thing.

I'm not sure there's a secret! If you find one, you'll win the Nobel Peace Prize.

But C. Lee has it right - don't get involved and be the constant referee because they are getting your attention by doing this stuff. The tattle-tale stuff has to be handled by separating both of them and making them both pay for it. I also had the "if you're not on fire or bleeding or seriously injured" then I'd better not be interrupted by it. That was my "I'm on the phone" rule. It's different if a child says "I really don't know how to handle my sister and I'd like some advice" but usually that's not what they're asking.

They can separate themselves and go to their separate areas. If there's imminent danger like someone's on top of the refrigerator or in the street, if there's an apparent broken bone or your best crystal is involved, then you want to be notified. But this penny-ante stuff is insane. You need to let them know that you will not be sidelined by it, and if they want to cry and whine they can do it privately where you can't hear it or see it.

Don't referee. It doesn't matter how it works out or how it stops, as long as it does.

When they can't get a rise out of you, it will stop. You need to be incredibly consistent and understand that it won't be successful the first few times. Keep with it. The trick is not to get angry or to yell yourself because it reinforces them yelling when they are frustrated. Walk away. Teach them to walk away.

A friend of mine has an expression: "You don't have to go to every fight you're invited to." It's a good lesson for kids to learn, and for us to model for them.

Good luck.

Two things:

Remove yourself from the situation. If they come tattling to you, tell them "That sounds like something you need to talk to your sister about." I used to tell my boys "If there's no fire, broken bones, or head injuries, you need to deal with it." When they run in yelling, "Mom! Mom!" in that tattle-y tone, I stop them and say "Is this really something you want me to deal with? Because if it's something YOU should be dealing with, you'll both be in time-out for one hour."

Second, occasionally separate them. They need time away from one another.

Pretty much there is no secret to siblings getting alone it is something that has to be worked out amost them. My son 26 and my daughter 22 are still having arguments at there ag but now they have to figure out how to handle them. But be patient it will come to pass. Psalm 126.

Well, I never got along with my sibling sister.
Actually, SHE never got along with me.
Seems like after I was born, she just resented me.
It was all the way, into adulthood.
Yep.
Not pleasant at all.
It is her personality type.
Very difficult.
She had to learn on her own, through hard life situations, that she was just not pleasant.

Have you taught your girls, that family means, having each other's back? And helping them? Because, family, is family. And it is important to look out for each other?
My kids are 5 and 9. Boy and girl. Sure they fight, but we have just always talked to them, about what family is. And who they are for each other. Even my 5 year old son, can understand that. They look out for each other.

I definitely don't think there is a secret as I'm sure you already know. I grew up with a sister and brother. I got along with my brother VERY well, my sister not so much. I always got the feeling she thought of me as a burden anytime I was around her. My brother however was my best friend growing up. Now as adults, I'm close to both, and I'm happy for that. :)

My girls get along pretty well and I feel fortunate for that. Not sure these will help, but these are things I've consciously done trying to encourage a friendly relationship between the two.

I never compete them up against each other. Even in an innocently way for example like if I were to say "Why don't you eat your food, your sister ate all her food" I try VERY hard never to do this.

Since the day my youngest was born I've always encouraged her to help me with her sister and/or told her how proud it made me feel and how nice it was for her sister when she helped.

I've told my oldest stories about my childhood even about how my older sister never let me play with her and how it made me feel. But then also how I played with my brother and how that made me feel and how much fun we had and the memories we made.

I give them space when needed. (Especially during summer) This weekend my oldest is going camping with a friend from school. My younger one is staying back with us.

I also thinks it helps they have common interests and are close in age. And maybe its just pure luck & genetics.

Good luck!

structured activities help. crafts, games, outings, etc. read books together, teach them how to play together by playing with them.

but i hear ya!! i'm saying the same thing most days!

The secret? Age and maturity.

When my sisters and I were growing up, that's all we did too. I look back now and wonder how my mother and father ever lived with us without killing us. I only remember my father getting involved one time and that was when he heard us calling each other a bi**h. Other than that, they stayed out of it and let us work it out. How they could stand it without coming unglued, I will never know!

I don't think there is one simple thing that you can do to make the squabbling magically disappear immediately.

We are trying a positive approach in our home. My kids are 12 boy, 9 girl and 5 boy. We have a chart for each of them on the fridge. When they are caught being nice or loving to each other, or playing together then I bring attention to them that I appreciate what they are doing. I Praise them and give them a sticker to put on their chart.(Yes..even my big 12 year old loves this still!!)

When a child fills their chart then they get to pick something fun for our family to do together...not get an individual toy prize. This is a family effort of getting along and loving one another so we enjoy the "prize" together but the child determines what the family time prize is. Usually they choose going to McDonalds,getting a movie and popping popcorn, going to our favorite local frozen yogurt shop or a couple games of bowling.

I think the secret is staying positive and trying to spend a lot of one on one time with them so they feel secure with their place in the family. A lot of squabbling happens due to jealousy and rivalry for attention.

Good luck and best wishes!!

No it's not just a girl thing my boys are constantly at each other. I have not figured it out yet either.

The million dollar question!!!

I have a son who is 16 and daughter who is14. They can be getting along great, and then just as quickly doors are being slammed and my daughter is yelling...for some reason she's usually the one retaliating.

When they were younger, I started with not being concerned over who started what, but if I stepped in they both were sent to their rooms.

They brought this up about a month ago b/c one day I "forgot" I put them in their rooms. It was after their 2nd attempt at explaining why each should not be punished, only their sibling, I explained that the next one who said ANYTHING would be in there until supper...then I fell asleep reading a book. They find it funny now.

If they can do an activity working together, they generally get along. With siblings, comes arguments. My girlfriend and I used to trade kids so one of us had the boys and one had the girls for the day - worked great for both of us and no fighting!

I always tell my kids now that they need each other to go against me ;-)

You have 3 girls I think so that's a part of the problem. When there are 3 or 5 with an odd number they fight more and maybe two will be fine and the 3rd not fine. Also if they do some group play it is usually better such as our youngest 6 would play 'house' or whatever you want to call it but they took stuff outside and made houses and the boys had little lawn mowers and they all just had a great time for hours. They made trains with chairs, etc. and doing those things they did much better with no fighting. I guess if you change the rooms or toys or game once in awhile they do better. Some days nothing works but I have such good memories of them playing so well together. Maybe I'm just getting too old and the memory is gone. :-(

no it's a sibling thing, you pretty much have to wait it out... My boys are the worse, but sometimes they all take turns... Drives me crazy too... I know I picked on my sisters growing up, now we are all pretty close. Take deep breaths and tell daddy to watch them...ha ha ha It does get better as they get older, and they actually do have each others back.