So, Seriously, Are There Any Moms Out There That Aren't Really into Motherhood

You are not alone. I love my kids, but there is so much more out there. I was a single mother before I met my husband, and I'm very proud of what I've accomplished, but it's not the be all and end all of my existence.

There are plenty of women (with or without kids) that don't have motherhood as their reason for living.

Don't get me wrong I love my son. I hate kids! The screaming, crying, always needing something. The 9 months of hell called pregnancy. Their's not enough money in the world to make me do it all over again!

Haha! I agree with one of the other posters, in that I am not a big fan of kids. They are loud, stinky and sticky. I am actually afraid of large groups of them. Motherhood is a thankless job, no one ever will appreciate all the hard work that goes into it. I'm proud of my child and glad that I have her in my life, but I try not to "gush" about her, lol!

**Raises Hand**

I guess I'm one of those mothers.

I do love every minute of my life being a mother! Zach and my hubby are my reason for living! That is my purpuse in life! I do get tired( as any mother and wife), but I know the sooner I go to bed at night, the sooner I get to see my lil angel in the morning! I get to see the first smile of the day on his face, I get to feed him, teach him, reacd to him, dance with him, sing with him...I am blessed! I enjoy every day, tomorow might not come!

What a good question G.. I guess I'm only a part-time gusher. I spend every waking moment thinking about my son, his nutrition, his BM's, his teething problems, his next round of vaccinations. If I'm not thinking about that, I'm researching nutrition and eating healthy, switching to organic, cleaning the house with green products, buying a safer car, etc. So really, I'm wearing myself out more by constantly thinking of these things, even when I'm at work. With all this to worry about it's twice as hard to come home, feed him, cook dinner, fit play time in, bathe him, and read a story before bed-time. There are a lot of days I wish I could just sit down, read a book and not have to worry about or take care of a baby. But then he does something like the other day. I'm laying in bed with him to get him to take a nap (particularlly bad teething that day) and he smiles at me, reaches for my arm, pulls it into him and lays his head down on it. He might have laid there for just a minute (he's six months old) but that minute melted my heart and I thought, it's those small rewards that mean so much. It just made me twice as determined to worry, research, care for, guide and teach him; in other words be his mother, to the absolute best of my abilities.

The joys of motherhood come in moments. The rest is hard work.

G.,

First I would like to say that I felt that way after the birth of my second child. I have a 4 year old and an 8 month old and I didn't get much "help" once I got home from the hospital. I knew that I loved my children but weeks, actually years of taking care of my oldest and then a new born virtually by myself made me feel like I didn't want to be a Mom or a Wife anymore. I BATTLED feeling disconnected and the feeling came and went. I cried and felt ashamed that I wasn't overjoyed to have baby number 2. I couldn't understand why I wasn't happy to wake up EVERY 2 hours to feed a baby that had trouble latching on, change diapers 10 min after that, and consol constant crying, missing and skipping meals myself, getting No sleep, cooking and cleaning after a c-section, actually seeing myself as approaching 30 and dealing with marital problems...I just couldn't identify with women who said "It's all worth it" like I had with my first child. These moments came and went. I constantly reminded myself of the joy I felt when things actually were calm, and pushed past exhaustion.

I'm saying all of this to say YOU ARE NOT ALONE, DON'T BE ASHAMED. Sometimes circumstances, hormones, a sense of loss of your freedom can set in after you have a child. Sometimes even after the child is older. Not all women are the same. Not every woman has motherhood on her agenda and go through this while other women wanted children but just didn't know what to expect.

I think we all have our moments, however if this feeling last longer than a few minutes and you can't get past it or if it is affecting your ability to care for your child then you should seek help immediately. Let your spouse, friend, parent someone you trust know how you feel so they can relieve you for a few hours each day. Also, talk to your doctor or pediatrician so they can direct you to support groups and medical help because this could be post partum depression, a hormonal imbalance, depression, anxiety, or any number of problems that can accompany a change in life.

We can chat if you like...or anybody else feeling like this...sometimes that helps too.

We mom's have to stick together for our children's sake!

S.

It's nice to know that others have struggled with this like I did (and still sometimes do). I have a son who is almost 1 now and he was totally planned, but I didn't have that instant connection with him that I thought I would have. It made me feel inadequate as a mom because I had friends who had children and were instantly ready to get pregnant again, etc. I couldn't even IMAGINE doing it all over again at the time! My husband and I both would look at each other when our son was colicky and inconsolable and say, "So, he'll be fine as an only child, right?" But, I have to say, I eventually realized that I was suffering from some sort of post partum depression and I got some medicine that has helped me get over that "hump". Don't get me wrong, I love my son more than words can say, but it has been a HUGE, difficult transition becoming a mom.
Now, though, my husband and I are actually getting the hang of this parenting thing and it's more enjoyable since our son can interact with us much more now. Sorry this post was so long, but I just wanted you to know that there are others out there who aren't instant super-mommies. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone in the fact that it took me much longer than expected to bond with my child!

I know you are going through something but you should never fill like you are not interested in motherhood. I have two cildren that can be a hand full but love them so much. If you or anyone else fill like they need a break i babysit for a living. I could give you some free time to regroup yourself. Please call me at ###-###-####. J.

It took me a little over 2 years for the "mommy gene" to kick in and to even enjoy motherhood at all. Even still, some days I feel like I'm just going through the motions on autopilot....but a lot of the days I feel the joy now.

Sometimes it feels that way, when things are hard and kids are being crazy,and I'm not getting any me time. Then my son will tell me a knock knock joke, ( he's 3 they dont always make since, ok they never make since)or my daughter who is 6 will bring me a picture that says" I love you" . Then it makes it a little better. and I go to sleep and get up and its a whole different crazy.

How brave of you to ask such a question. Motherhood has many many stages. Sometimes it just grows on you. It's not always that "instant burst" of pride and joy. For many it's postpartum depression or facets thereof, fear of the unknown responsibility, and other factors that can put one in a more serious mode of thinking rather than being simply jubilant about having given birth to what really is a commitment to a lifetime relationship. You did not mention your child's age (of even if you have a child, though I assume so), but believe me, the more work you put into your child, the prouder you will become, the more you will love, and come to realize that time passes very quickly. Enjoy your little gift of life and put your face in your baby's face trying to imagine when you were that age. This alone may soften your heart and bring you more pride and joy than you ever imagined possible. Yes I do understand your question (I hope) and you sound like a very intelligent thinking individual. If however you find that this feeling is lingering too long and you don't have the desire to "mother" your child, then seek counseling and support groups. They can be fabulous resources. I'll include you in my prayers.

with four children i did start to take motherhood for granted so to speak...i used to get great joy from being a mom...this past Christmas someone gave me a book and the timing couldn't have been more perfect...it helped me realize again the importance of my role as a mom and helped me regain my joy...the book was "your best life now for moms" by joel osteen

There are parts of motherhood that I don't care for; I think that's quite normal. My husband isn't into being a father of the two boys he has, which makes my job as the mother all the harder. Good question.

Hi G.,

I'm a gushing grandmother and a greatgrand of 2 1/2 and I' m very thankful that my wonderful children bring their beautiful and smart children to see us or we go to them, and I'm very glad and thankful that they take these children home with them when they leave!

I know why they don't give children to people my age; we forget where we left them!

But seriously, I have the most wonderful family, I try to be really nice to my children's spouses-I don't want them to send MY children home to me and their Dad....just doesn't fit into a Grammy's life style....

I know the feeling. I never wanted kids. I have a 10 1/2 year old daughter and a 3 1/2 year old son and most of the time I think 'how did I get into this mess'. The screaming, whining, tantrums, messes, etc. They interup me time, they always need something, you never get to sit down to relax because they alway need something or they make the 1000 mess of the day. Some days I wish I never met my husband and they wouldn't be here but then you have those little moments that are rare and then you think 'ok, maybe, just maybe it was worth it.' No one said kids were easy and no one said it would be fun but I do love my kids. I'm not a gushy, lovey kind of mom. But they love me for me and I treat them right and with love. I do my best raising them, knowing that one day I will get my privacy back. I'm sure once they are grown and out of the house I will wish for some of this time back. But yes, I think I know how you feel about motherhood.

For the first 6-8 months after I had my daughter I thought something was wrong with me. I would lay in bed at night and think "what have I done". My husband was working nights, I was back at work and my daughter wasn't sleeping well, was fussy all the time, was a picky eater. You name it. I had days when I truly understood why some animals eat their young. Some of my coworkers would ask me what it's like havng a baby and I would be honest. I think there's just not enough women who will admit that the newborn stage sucks. Not enough women are honest enough to admit that it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter, she's the light of my life. Having said that, I will not have another. I asked my husband to have things snipped a week after I gave birth. There are days that I really, REALLY miss the ease of non-kid life. I can't just pick up and go. I can't have date night without it costing a fortune. My daughter is a16 month old, strong willed, vocal, and tempermental child. I love her more than life itself...but honestly, some days are hell. I wouldn't change it for the world, though. Don't know if this helps, but that's my bit of truth.

Okay, I understand everyone has bad days, but never once have I wished tha I didn't have my children or hadn't met my husband. You have choices in everything that you do and you all CHOSE to have sex, get pregnant and have a child and now, you hate it? Should have thought about that a while ago don't ya think? Sorry, this is harsh, but seriously, there are people out there who would give anything for a great husband and to have children and they can't, for whatever reason. Don't take for granted what you have, because it may be better than you realize.

I have a two year old and a 7month old and I know there are days when my favorite words are "Daddy's home!" but there are also days when I can't believe these are my children.
The Lord is so good to us. HE gives us challenges (otherwise our life would be boring), but with each challenge he is there to hold our hand and walk with us. When God calls a woman to carry his precious gift in our body and then to care for them like no other person in the world can and to love them like no other person in the world can--that is a great thing.
I know there are days that I want to run away--those are my mommy's night out days! (sometimes I let the milk run out so that I can go to the store by myself at night!--stupid I know, but we all need a break or we'd burn out)
Anyway--I am rambling!
You are an individual person that Jesus loves and you were given a precious gift that only you can take care of! Think of is as a gift and it does make it easier!

I never knew that I wanted to be a mother until I was pregnant with my first. Now I am pregnant with number six and wouldn't trade my life for anything. I am with my children 24 hours a day as I homeschool too. It is so nice to know there are others out their that feel that motherhood is something to be into. For me it's a way of living, my children and husband are my life. I would never do anything without thinking of them. They are my source of accomplishment. So much better and more fulfilling then the corporate world I used to work in before children.

I know the feeling. My daughter was not planned I got pregnant my last semester of college. Back then I was thinking oh what have I gotten myself into. Then I started to like being pregnant then wouldn't ya know it soons as i was all happy about being pregnant It was time for me to deliever (go figure lol) I didnt have that instant connection with my daughter. It took a little while for it to sink in that now I was a mother. I remember taking her over my sisters house the day I came home and asking her to watch her so I can take a shower. Now days I love my daughter to peices but there are times when I miss the child free days. Specially when she is having a bad day. I consider myself to be a good mother yet I do not think I could eva be a stay at home mother. I dont have it in me.

I love my son and he, in a sense, saved me. But no, I don't gush about being a mom. Its not my 100% priority and although my want and instinct is to keep him safe, make him happy and worry about his well being, I still crave to be away as an adult without him! We are expected to leave our womenhood behind after kids and its bullsh*t.
My son was very much planned and after he was born I thought, although I LOVED him, "what have I done?!" not because I was selfish like Sara d. Is insisiting upon you in the the comment below, but because I am a HUMAN and I didn't enjoy my time before kids. I took it for granted and now I resented myself.
In his 3 years of being in my life I have learned to enjoy both aspects of my life. Motherhood and adult/womanhood!

How old is your child? I felt this when I first had my son. But when he starting getting a personality and smiling and laughing, I can't imagine life without him. Hopefully it will get better for you.

Pride and joy and the center of the universe? Gushing and all I can think about is motherhood? Nah. But I do dearly love my child and am so glad she's mine.

Motherhood is a process. It takes adjustments: social, physical, chemical, habitual. Soon, it just becomes who you are and you wear the identity just as comfortably as your "old" self.

We all have our moments that we wonder what the hell were we thinking!!! It is not all rosy caring for children. We all need to be honest about how hard it is. I think a big reason is that we try to do it all and don't get much support. It does take a village to raise a child. I wish now that I have two girls, that I didn't move so far away from my family.

I don't see how SAHM do it all day and all night, never getting any breaks. I love my family, but I won't lie, it's not easy. And let me tell you, the older they get, the harder it gets!!! I look around at other children and I know mine behave way better, even still, they have their moments. I see this as part of our journey in life. It is a learning experience for us and my girls. I find myself more forgiving of my parents, now that I am in their shoes. I find myself sounding like them too. It is funny because my girls do what I did, and they think they just discovered something. LOL. I am blessed to have a great husband. We look forward to an empty house!!!

All that said, I am hoping they turn out right!!!

My answer would be that I certainly don't gush with joy everyday. Some days I just want to hide in my room...but other days can be pretty awesome.
I never wanted kids...couldn't stand them in fact. I remember very often refusing to sit next them in restaurants etc. I never considered myself maternal and I definately never considered myself the domestic sort. I don't cook, I'm a terrible house cleaner, I despise laundry, and I'm not even sure what an ironing board even looks like. I always considered myself more career oriented.
I now have 2 kids, a toddler and an infant....and much to my suprise, I'm a stay at home mom. I love taking the kids to experience fun things like the park, or zoo or aquarium or museum. But if I have to stay home, even for a day, to do laundry or dishes...I feel like I'm going to pull my hair out.
I do not regret having kids, not even for a second, but there are days where I wish it was just me and no one else to worry about.

Yep, and according to my mother that is why my daughter has Autism. My friend calls is Post Partum Depression. Celebrate what you have, not what you don't have. You can do anything for 15 minutes at a time, even if you despise it.