Smart Child That Says He Doesn't like to Learn

You mention the terms "gifted" AND "autistic". Have both terms been used to describe his behavior and manner in school and social situations? These are HUGELY different matters which require correct assesment and then rapid interventions and considerations which are VERY different. You are right: you likely have not received adequate evaluation by experts. Please acquire more professional evaluations and then you will better know how to approach his issue of limited likes, focus and attention to school work.

Some of what you are describing sounds like Asperger's Syndrome to me. You should read a little about it on the internet and see what you think.

Happier? Not necessarily. Remember, you're thinking about this from an adult perspective. He's still a child, no matter how bright he is at this point.

I've been teaching for 11 years. I have a bachelors in special education, a masters in administration, and am a national board certified teacher. I've run the gamut in so far as teaching; I've taught severe special ed. students (wheelchair bound, mentally challenged), to mild (autistic, apergers syndrome (form of autistm), learning disabled students, etc.), to inclusion classes, to honors, to AP Literature and Composition. I don't know that I would consider myself an expert, but I've worked with many types of students and feel that I can give you some sound advice.

First, you should consult his pediatrician and have him tested by an expert. There is a vast difference between being gifted and being autistic. If he is autistic, then he may display some or all of these characteristics: have little eye contact, difficulty with social relationships with everyone, lack make-believe or play skills, difficulty communicating verbally (starting sentences, etc.), an attachment to an object, little interest in experiences, etc. If you son displays some or all of these characteristics, he may be autistic. Again, have him tested.

Regardless of the outcome of testing, his intelligence may very well be creating a lack of interest in school. In short, he may be bored, even though he skipped a whole grade. Find his interests and go with it. I once had a very bright young man. I taught him when he was in 10th grade. His mother told me when he was 3 years old, he showed an interest in medicine. At 3 years of age, he asked her where babies came from. She took him to the library, showed him how to find books, and explained the process to him. That was 11 years ago. He is a successful doctor. Whatever his interest(s), give him more; challenge him to think and to do, whether this means building something, cooking, etc. Just because he skipped a grade doesn't automatically mean that all of his needs are being met. You need to extend his learning as a parent. Remember, we invest in that which we value. In this case, it would be your child's education.

In regards to him not wanting to do his homework because it is boring or too hard (when you know it isn't), this is the time when revoking privileges works wonders. Actions speak louder than words. By revoking privileges, he'll see that doing homework is important to you. He'll see what you value. It may be hard at first, but as he gets older, he'll take those work/study habits that you help him create today and carry them with him all of his life.

Well, I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes.

Sincerely,
M.

If you have no interest in homeschooling, then consider different school choices: Montessori, Waldorf, independent or a public school with a good TAG program that might challenge him at his age-level. Around grade 4, though, most public and private schools lose the hands-on, experiential teaching techniques that make learning fun and emphasize testing, so you might find yourself in the same boat later. If you live in the DC metropolitan area, there are really good private schools like The Lab School of Washington, Sidwell Friends, etc. that might be worth considering. They're very expensive but offer scholarships if cost is a concern. If you suspect some attention deficits, that usually is not determined until a child is 9 years old and is still showing signs of significant inattention. If you need more info., email offline.

that is precisely the reason i homeschooled my kids.....not the same exact issues, but my concern that the glorious process of learning was being twisted into something boring, tedious, generally not-desirable because there is no way a kid who is an eager fast learner can get the stimulation he needs in a public school venue. if that's not an option you've got an interesting challenge. it will be up to you to make sure that he's in a school that is willing to work with your kid's academic AND social development, which in this sort of kid are often at odds. you will be expected to medicate him to help with the focus (and how ironic is that?)
you cannot explain to a child that school *should* be fun. either he's enjoying the experience or he's not, no amount of logic or rationalizing will change that for him. figure out ways to keep his mind engaged, look at the homework yourself and utilize what you know about your kid's interests and his learning style and get creative about how to mesh them (eg if he's learning about the civil war, have him re-enact a battle that they're studying in school with stuffed animals, and video it.)
you are his advocate. without making unreasonable demands on the natural limitations of the school and staff, make sure they understand what he needs and work with them to provide him with an enriching environment. make sure that YOU understand as completely as you can what his learning style is and what types of challenges this poses. encourage him. you're at a time of delicate balance where that keen intellect can be dulled down by boredom and lack of the type of stimulation it requires to get him engaged.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Hi S.,

I went through some similar issues with my now 8 year old son. We just started our second year of homeschooling and LOVE LOVE LOVE it!! He can work on things that really interest him, attend co-ops and enrichment classes, etc. You may want to check it out. If you want more info you can contact me and I can point you in the right direction. One good place to start is www.vahomeschoolers.org

Good luck!
S.

Hi there,

It sounds like you have quite a wonderful child!! And it sounds like he is trying to tell you something. In my opinion, children can be extremely smart, brilliant even, but if they don't have a balance in their social lives and in their physical development and general well-being, they are not going to be happy or motivated to learn. You could surely get him tested to see if he has some learning differences that affect his performance at school.

From another side of things (and what I would recommend first) I would suggest looking into his social life at school (does he have a special friend? Does he like one of his classes a lot? Who does he eat with at lunch?) and try to find out if you think he's happy in his social environment.

When I was a kid I was also deemed to be "gifted" and so my parents accelerated me by putting me in second grade when I was six years old. I was miserable in that class. The teacher refused to let me go to the bathroom when I needed to, I didn't have any friends (7-8 year olds are very different from 6 year olds), and luckily, my parents noticed that I was not happy, so they placed me back with my age group, and I loved school ever since!!

On the other hand, my youngest sister was held back a year in kindergarten for physical development reasons (she was sickly as a child, and needed some extra time in kindergarten). When she entered first grade as a 7-year-old she was extremely happy and confident, and ready.

I have become a real advocate for waiting until your child is ready for something. My son is very much into academics already, and he is only 3, and I work on his alphabet and math and Spanish skills with him when he wants to, but I also make sure he has plenty of time to run and play at the park, and laugh and be silly and eat and sleep well. I haven't given in to the many classes and activities you can sign your child up for. Yes, we do attend occasional events and activities, but there is no pressure.

I don't mean to lecture, but make a Mommy Check to see if your son is doing well socially, then maybe look into learning styles, and also make sure his school environment is one that fits his unique skills and needs. Best wishes!

1. gifted and autism are not interchangeable. a lot of gifted people are nowhere on the autism scale and vice versa. if you are seriously concerned that he is autistic, you didn't include any examples of why you do, but if you do, by all means have him evaluated.

2. this might be a case for not skipping grades. many of the adults i know now that were the youngest in their class because of skipping grades or getting in under the cut-off wish their parents had not pushed. one said that she had a hard time in english literature because she was not mature enough to understand some of the themes she was reading. just because you can read all the words in hamlet does not mean you understand it. there was a 14 yo in one of my upper level college physics classes and i felt bad for him. instead of finding a place to sit in the cafeteria, going to homecoming with his friends because he's too young to date, school football games or even chess club or debate team, he was sitting in a university class and utterly one dimensional. i couldn't think but that the parents were kind of selfish.

especially in a time when parents are holding their kids, especially boys, back your son is going to be much, much younger than other boys in the class. at his age learning to get along with his peers and maturity is more important than US history. seriously, does it matter which presidents wore wigs? have you talked to his teacher? or the principal? what do they say? someone suggested montessori and maybe that's not a bad idea, he can be with his peers and learn at his own pace.

School IS boring to a bright child. My son could write by age three, read by 4 and a 1/2, so Kindergarten was about socialization only, and he skipped first grade entirely. Think about school this way.... 1 plus 1 is 2 ...1 plus 1 is 2, 1 plus 1 is 2.. 1 plus 1 is 2 ....Repetition is how most children learn, but a gifted child may pick it up as soon as he hears it (photographic memory). So hearing it over and over again is boring, and they tune out.

My son is now in fourth grade, and it has always been a challenge to find interesting things for him at school. We basically "home school" after school, going more in-depth with what he's studying, and finding areas of interest that re-spark his desires to learn.

Good luck, hope this helps you to understand his point of view.

S. SAHWM of four

A lot of times the smarter ones are the 'boreder' ones. My DSS came home after Kindergarten one day and had announced he already learned everything, so he didn't have to go back. Of course, he had to go back....but he was too smart for his own good....he didn't skip grades, but all through elementary for both he and my DSD, they were bored and learning more quickly. I don't think skipping or not skipping grades will really change this, you just have to explain that school is important and it's his job to go. As for the homework, make sure he doesn't have any privileges till AFTER he finishes, as a reward, so even if learning is not incentive enough for him to complete it, I'm sure TV, video games, or dessert would be. Over time he will learn to be more studious - he is just maturing, so give it some time. And make sure you coach him through assignments - let him know that you have faith in his abilities and he can have such and such when he is done. Also, let him know you will check it afterwards...this helps kids stay accountable. My DSS just started Jr High and his classes are much harder now - so where he coasted through ES, he has to work extra hard now, and that has been an adjustment....my DSD is in 3rd grade now and she finds free time to be more creative, so she will write in her journal and read, etc when she finishes before other students do - a creative outlet like that helps cut down on her talking/socializing with other students that need more time for their work.

It sounds like he is very bored. I would check out your local-inside your county or city- public charter school. My sons go to Chesapeake Science Point Public Charter School in Hanover. It is free, because it is a public scjool. They no longer complain about being bored, most nights it takes them a while to finish their homework, but they are getting challenged.
Also, even elementary school have someone there for Gifted and Talented, find out who that is at your son's school and get him some more challenging work.

my neighbors kid is like that, very smart but not very
focused. if its not something that interests him, he blows
it off and ignores it. so, find something that challanges
the child, the neighbors kid has been introduced to photography and skateboarding. he is lazy though and will try to slack off on things if he gets a chance. maybe school is boring to the child, so drag the child to the art museum one weekend and a car show the next. but dont let the child off on his classwork because its boring.. plenty of things in life are boring.. like listening to a child saying their bored.. a little yardwork will typically cure a child of saying they are bored.
K. h.

He has been tested to see if he's eligible for the gifted program? I wish the curriculum being taught in schools today was more interesting. There seems to be alot of repitious writing, ditto sheets, and very bland material. It's not really a wonder that smart children such as your are bored.
I think most children, especially boys, are hands on learners, and would be happier and better students if they didn't have to sit all day.
I really hope you can find someone to help him love to learn. Sometimes parents are the very best teachers... ;)
Good luck and let us know how things progress!

My sister is extremely bright - she's scary smart... When she was about to enter school, they told my parents that she was ready for 1st grade at the age of 5. My mother wanted to hold her back because socially she was immature. The school and my father insisted she would be bored. My sister survived academically, but always hung out with the kids in the grade behind her.
It sounds to me like he's just not mature enough to want to sit and do the work - this is not a bad thing. It just is. He may be totally bored by the work. He may not like the math or the reading or even the stories in the reading books (the tend to be inane). The work assigned may be too easy still and he can't be bothered with busy work. You may want to make the school test him to find out exactly where he is academically and socially.
YMMV
LBC

You ought to definitely consider getting him evaluated by a psychologist and then receive feedback on what type of school might be a suitable match for his learning and social-emotional style. The Kingsbury Center is a good place to start. www.kingsbury.org. Best of luck!

Your son has skipped a very important foundation grade. First grade is where they learn about discipline in learning. He may say it is boring, but he may be having difficulty in class because of his maturity level. He may need to be switched to 1st grade so that he is learning with kids at his maturity level and just make sure the teacher challeges academically when needed. He may be very smart in some areas, but not all. He already knows the answers to everything but he has to learn how and why he knows the answers. Very important skills for when he is really challenged and has to LEARN it.

My son is also highly intelligent academically (could count to 20 by 18 mths, could add, subtract, read & write by 3 years old. Could tell you where and what the capitals of any country in the world by 3 1/2), but socially and emotionally he is only 8. We have had him tested and it was recommended that he skip grades. Luckily he is in a wonderful school that is looking at all aspects of my child academic, social, emotional. We sat down with the teachers and director and discussed our options. So he goes into the upper grades for math and stays with his grade for everything else. There is alot more to school than remembering facts and if he skips the basics now he will struggle later. AThe odd years (1st,3rd,5th) are really your foundation years for learning new material and new learning skills. Ask him what he would like to do. You may be surprised if he wants to go with kids his age. Then it is up to you to keep him stimulated at home. Good luck.

I agree that perhaps he is not ready to move up that extra grade. You mention that you have had him tested, but not by whom. I recommend you contact a local child psychologist, and ask for a recommendation on someone local to do a complete intellectual assessment. This type tests the entire child, both for academic giftedness, but also looks for other signs of potential problems, determines what type of learner (visual, auditory, etc). Then you will be certain you just have a young, but gifted son. Then put him back in the grade he is emotionally ready for and request the school provide suitable academic challenges for his abilities. If they protest and want him moved up grades, you will have the assessment and the doctors comments and support to back you up in your requests. Good luck!!