Sleeping Problems - Huxley,IA

Updated on January 10, 2011
J.S. asks from Huxley, IA
4 answers

My 3 almost 4 year old son has recently started being afraid to go to sleep. He has never had problems before although he did sometimes come to sleep with us in the "wee" hours of the night. Now, every night he cries when we put him down and says he wants to sleep with Daddy. (He shares a room with his 5 year old brother, but it doesn't seem to comfort him. ) He always wants a night light and the door open even though his brother prefers the dark and the door closed!

If I do get him to sleep (he does fall asleep on his own), he'll wake up in the night and want to come into our bed. I've recently started to tell him no but he will return constantly throughout the night and in the end none of us sleep at all. Sometimes we're awake from midnight to 5am. He has every excuse in the book, thirsty, hungry, gotta go pee, poo, he hurt his finger....He's even gotten me to take down "scary" pictures from the walls or throw away a Shrek book (that he previously liked) all because they frightened him.

I don't know if I should keep sending him back to his room and hearing him cry with fear (unless he's just a good actor) or let him come to bed with us for awhile. If I do send him back to his room his crying eventually wakes his brother. I just feel that in allowing this, we're not being fair to our other son who is super good with the sleeping "rules". I do however realize taht his fear is/could be very real to him but don't know what else to do.

Any of you Moms have any well needed advice?
We would all love some sleep!
J.

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So What Happened?

Even though many years have passed and this child is now 12 years old, I thought I’d tell you what’s happened to give some perspective.

As I’ve said he was always an anxious sleeper. I regret all those years back, making him cry it out 1 night as an infant and I think this may have been traumatizing for him. I actually had great results even by the 2nd day but still feel this child needed a softer approach. He was too small to tackle the fear on his own. He’s been an anxious sleeper his whole life and is scared of the dark to this day.
We dealt a lot with him wanting to sleep with us. Maybe we should have made more exceptions.
I did use many of your suggestions.

The thing that he still wants is for us to be in the next room(our living room) until he falls asleep with his door open.

He suffered a 6 month spell of severe ocd believing he had to perform certain “rituals” (certain number of steps, jumping over things in a “perfect” way, touching or tapping something...) that the monsters from his nightmares told him to do so someone from our family wouldn’t die. Needless to say, It was a very difficult period.

We’ve gotten over most of these things now but he’s still sensitive to the twighlight hour and something’s gets a bit uneasy.

Being a mom of 3 boys, id just say, they’re all different. What worked for the other 2 couldn’t work for him. He needed more reassurance and still does. Maybe we should have allowed him more time in our bed, waited with him until he fell asleep... You all know parenting is exhausting but make allowances once in a while. Reassure them continually. Don’t always play down their fears. For them they are real.

Hope this helps!

More Answers

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T.B.

answers from Eau Claire on

My 4 almost 5 year old just got afraid of "shadows" in his room. He does have a nightlight but shares his room with is 12 year old brother (who prefers it dark).

I found a stuffed animal and added a cape to it and now he's a SuperHero Dog who gets rid of all the monsters in his room. It works sometimes, but not always.

We also have given him a flashlight to use when he wakes up, but he tends to leave it on overnight and burn out the batteries. I'm thinking there must be some with an auto-turn off feature, so I'm on the look-out for one of those to hopefully solve the problem.

Luckily, as with everything else, its just a stage and before too long they will forget about the monsters under the bed and be on to something else.

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K.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

I have a four year old and a two year old, and they have recently been afraid of ghosts. I have no idea why, and I may not even want to know. Anyway, I asked them how to get the ghosts to go away. They said, "Do this, mommy!" while pushing their hands out in front of them. I said, "That's all?" They said, "No, mommy," while looking very disappointed in my parental abilities. "You have to say, 'Ghosts, go away!'"

"Oh, does that work every time?"

"NO, mommy!!" (Again with the disappoinment on their faces.) "Sometimes you have to do this!" (Commence ninja kicking.)

"Oh, okay. Then the ghosts really go away."

"Yes!" (Beaming at me the way I beam at them when they go poopy on the potty.)

When night comes and they're scared, I have them help me make the ghosts go away. Yes, sometimes the ninja kicking takes altogether too much energy, but it helps us all sleep longer.

Ask your son what he's afraid of and if he knows how to make it go away. If he doesn't know how to make it go away, invent something that you would be comfortable doing in the middle of the night. I would recommend staying away from ninja kicks.

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S.D.

answers from Dallas on

When my daughter was about 3, she started being afraid during the night. She started talking about monsters, ghosts, etc. Finally, my husband got involved. He told her he was going to take care of it once and for all. He told her to stay by me while he grabbed a pillow case, closed the door to her room, and preceded to make a terrible racket while he was "catching" her monster. Then, after he had successfully caught the monster in the pillow case, he ran out of her room and into the bathroom, shut the door and flushed the monster down the toilet. We then got her a night light, something like a lava lamp but it had plastic fish inside that swam around, and we never had another issue again. Although it was an involved skit, she was satisfied that Daddy had taken care of the monster, and watching the fish swim around at night gave her something to focus on instead of being scared. I hope you get it sorted out. I know that sleepless nights take a toll on everyone involved. Good luck.

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G.B.

answers from Boise on

I would remind him that he has a guardian angel. That comforted my child.

It is normal for all kids to go throught this stage. Hang in there. Maybe you can put his matress at the foot of your bed for a while.

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