Sleeping - Hawley,PA

What about letting him sleep with you guys at night? It doesn't have to last til he's nine, and you'll never get this little baby moment back...just a thought - NOT a recrimination!

Hi M. I had same issue just til about few days ago. I did let him cry it out and i do each night but he isnt throwing up so maybe thats a worse issue but I had baby sleeping with me whole time and I am not sleeping at all. we are on night 4 and so far so good he cries and i wont go in there til 5 mins then i make it longer and by 15-20 mins he flips over to his belly and he goes right back to sleep. Sorry!

M.,

You poor thing, been there, done that! My little girl was the same way, so here's what I did. When I put her down at nite, I give her my t-shirt that I've worn all day - it smells like me and for whatever reason, it gives her comfort. I sit somewhere near where she can see me and then I slowly move out of the room... looking back, it was somewhat hysterical since I am crawling out like I am playing war game - bizarre but it worked.. it took several weeks to get her to feel comfortable to be on her own. Good luck!

As it is difficult with any mothers, it is always worst the first time around. Unfortunately, this is part of the hard work....getting your child to sleep. You could try the five, ten. fifteen method. Put your child down say good nite, leave the room, despite your childs' protests and wails. Stay outside the room without them seeing you for five mins. Go back in put him down without saying anything and leave the room-(again as above- but now wait ten min. (repeat--again for 15 min. until the protests and wails are no longer. This method will have to be done for a few days(nights) and possibly extend for a little more than two weeks. But it is one of the surefire methods to help. You are not neglecting your child in any means but you are letting this child know you mean business. This is something that is also taught on Supernanny and Nanny 911. Fortunately I got this method from a book. It is the hardest thing because no mom wants to hear their child in agony. Suggestions to aid while doing the method above: let your child have a blanket-small pillow something of yours and your husband to smell with -not anything that will be sufficating. Smell have a wonderful way of comforting the child and if he needs to "smell" you and your husband--then by all means grab anything safe enough for him at night along with a small nite light (no need for all the fancy things). Secondly, this is another method but not entirly great...and I only reccommend this if you are not ready to do the above and you want to start small almost like a prerequiste to the above method.
Put him into your bed,let him fall asleep and while he is in his R.E.M. cycle first 3 hours ---then move him into his crib-again make sure you have something with yours and your husband "smell".Once this method is achieved, then you slowly start to do the above (five, ten, fifteen method). Let me remind you, that if you don't nip this in the bud, you will not be a rested mom for your child during the day and just think of all the wrinkles....Oh no. hahaha. JK!
Best of luck!!
Mother of 4.

When my daughter was born i keep her in bed with us and as she grew moved her further and further away. She went into a "cradle" near the bed into a crib on the other side of the room and then into her own room in the crib and then her own bed. There was a big deal about fixing up "her" room and although she was very young i keep reiterating about "her" room and how nice it was going to be, etc. We spent time in the room during the day so she would take naps there. It familiarized her with it and it was just normal that she would "move in" more permanently. It was slow, gradual and was not a black and white you are here very close, warm and loved or you are there abandoned and forgotten. Hope this helps you find your solution.

It sounds like he has bad anxiety. You wouldn't believe how diet effects us sometimes. Try switching his diet, here's a site that has advice http://www.vegansociety.com/html/people/lifestyle/familie...

...watch out for other things that could cause him anxiety. Make sure he's not eating too close to bedtime. You also need to make sure you do everything the same everyday. Children need consistency. Good luck and best wishes.

A thought that came to mind: Are you doing anything differently when putting him down for his naps then at bedtime? Like is he totally asleep before placing him in there at nap time? I don't have much advice because I used to rock, sing, and cuddle with my kids until they were asleep and then put them in the crib after that. It worked for me but if they got up during the night (for a new diaper or a bottle) I was having to rock them for about 5-10 minutes and then they were back to sleep and I would again put them in their cribs.
Good luck with everything.

have you tried limiting the daytime naps? or the duration of them?

Also, if he won't sleep in his crib only at night, maybe put him to bed with the overhead light on so he thinks it is only a nap. You can turn them off later after he falls asleep. You can also install a dimmer switch so that you can wean him off the light by turning it down a bit each day over a period of a week or so.

I had a very similar problem. Crying it out did not work. After the doctor told us we needed to try crying it out, we finally did. Things got worse. After the 4th night, my daughter would wake up every hour and cry for an hour or more. After an hour and a half of her crying and no sign of her slowing down, I stopped the cry it out.

What worked for us best was the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. It helps teach the child to fall asleep on their own, but without crying it out. When she woke up, I would nurse her, rock her, sing to her, lay her in her crib, pat her back and sing to her, and she would fall asleep. Every week or so, I would take out a step, so that now when she wakes up, I lay her down in her crib, tell her it is time to go to sleep, pat her back and she goes back to sleep. When I first started, she would cry in her crib while I patted her back, but I just tried to remain calm and patient and she eventually fell asleep - much faster than if she cried it out. She'll usually sleep in her crib now for about 7 hours/night without waking us up. The hard thing is to not bring her to bed with us. If I do, the next few nights are difficult because she wants to go to bed with us.

hello M.; there is nothing wrong with allowing your child to continue to cosleep with you if that's what gets all of you the most rest. you should look at the Dr Jay Gordon website for more information on safe cosleeping, as well as AskMoxie.com and Kellymom.com . if you nurse, you can also locate your local La Leche League Intl. chapter via the web. many LLL members cosleep thier children for a long time.

please DO NOT leave your child to cry alone in the crib. even if this is what your ped tells you to do; that person is incorrect. crying it out may be commonly accepted wisdom, but the truth is it's sadistic and often does not work. if your child vomits after excessive crying, as my son did when i tried this ONCE, this means something is seriously wrong with leaving your child alone to cry. supposedly some children can handle crying it out, but that doesn't mean it isn't damaging and dangerous. what if the child cried until they vomited and then choked on the vomit and suffocated? is any amount of sleep worth that risk? of course not.

neeither of my children wanted to cosleep with me though i did offer it. now, my children are both good at going to sleep, but my 2.5 yr old son still wakes up ocassionally at night and only started sleeping thorugh most nights a few months ago. there is nothing wrong with him, he just wakes up and wants connection to help him go back to sleep. he uses a pacifier and i still nurse him to sleep for a moment or two. my 11 month old daughter nurses before sleeping but can go to sleep on her own some times. she wakes 2xs per night and needs either her pacifier or nursing to get back to sleep. my children are both in over the 95th % for height and weight, they are both unusually verbal and physically capeable, and they rarely get sick; my point is, night waking, and help going to sleep and staying asleep, is normal, and eventually, it will end.

your child is entitled to your help and to your comfort. sure, you're entitled to your sleep. but parents of young babies are tired people. that's just how it is. enjoy your baby while he is a baby; very soon he won't be.

good luck to you.
J.

I am not sure how the arrangement in your home is now, does he have his crib in his room, is it in yours etc..
What we did with our daughter was she slept in her cradle or in bed wtih us until she was 6 months, at six months we set up our pack n' play in our room and she slept in there for about 2 weeks, we then were on vacation for a week where she slept in a pack n play next to us, and then the first night we were home we moved her to her crib in her room, she transitioned fine, I was a wreck! lol If we hadn't gone on vacation the next step would have been to move the pack n play to her room for a week or so before moving her to the crib. We tried to make it little step by little step, it made it easier for her and Mom. Good luck!

M. - have you tried lying down with him till he falls asleep and then moving him into the crib? Try reading "The no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley - she has a lot of great suggestions. Just a question though - is it disruptive for the baby to be in your bed? My son naps in his own bed, but will only sleep with us too, he is 19months now, and he has just started to stay in his own bed until about midnight. People keep asking me when I am going to make him sleep in his own bed - my answer is always "when he is ready" - it doesn't bother us for him to sleep with us, and there's lots of research that show that co-sleeping gives babies more self-confidence and independence later in life.

Try buying the book called On Becoming Babywise by Dr. Ezzo. It's really helpful for your situation.

Try rocking him to sleep outside the crib, then gently laying him in the crib without waking him. Also, try using a light with a dimmer swich and put it on twilight, and slowly darken it to the lighting that you want. We had to do that for a while with our son. Once he stood up, our party was over, and it was tough to get him back in there. Trust me, I can tell you from first hand experience that co-sleeping is OK up until about 2, but our son still refuses to sleep on his own most of the time, and he is 5, and he's a little bed hog.

A lot of people swear by ferberizing (crying it out) and it does work, but it takes a lot of persistance. You sound like you have a soft heart, and it is tough for you, but if you can sneek him into the crib, it may be easier to get him to stay in the crib if he wakes up in the middle of the night.

I've been there. My now two year old slept in his crib through the night until four months, and then just wouldn't do it until he was 16 months old. And we have a double bed and my husband is huge. I have no advice, other than to tell you sometimes I miss him now, and want to take naps with him cause it was such a close bond. I hated it at the time, but in retrospect, now he's a pretty cool independent kid, it didn't scar him for life, and i do miss cuddling.

Oh M.!!! I JUST got out of that myself!! Michelle D's response is wonderful!! I tried that! But in addition...I gave him a new crib set. Made it something he picked out himself and gave him soft toys. At first I put him in there and I hung out in his room putting away laundry and let him play a bit. I did this around nap time. Then we he got over the fact he was in there I snuck out he played himself to sleep. I did a LOT of different things. As long as the idea that he has to be in there is set then he will learn.

FYI: when children make big transition IE: teething, learning to crawl, learning to walk etc, they tend to give a hard time during sleeping times. Be it nap, or bed. They want to be close to you. In addition to above I also gave my son Humphrey's 3. It is a homeopathic teething pellet. Ask any pharmacist. It has been around longer then oragel. It also treats wakfulness. Given he was teething at this time and it REALLY helped. I used it on my daughter also who is now almost 5. Good luck!!

my son slept in the bed with my husband & me for a year and a half. it was a big mistake on my part but i went through exactly what you are going through & couldn't let him cry. what i tried was rocking him to sleep while sitting in his glider & placing him in his crib once he was asleep. sometimes i let him fall asleep in my bed & put him in his crib afterwards.
it's really hard- i just got my son zachary, 21 months, to sleep through the night in his crib. i don't believe in the 'cry it out' method. that theory doesn't work for everyone.

Hi;
I can sympathize. My daughter was the same... I had to wean her by rocking her to sleep every night (against the advice of so many) and waiting until I knew she was in a deep sleep to put her down in the crib. Once that took, I gradually started putting her down a little earlier in the sleep process - where she was almost out but not 100%. Then, I progressed to putting her down after some cuddle time and ... she would cry. I'd leave her for a few minutes until the cry escalated to a point that it made me uncomfortable and then I'd go rock her and get her down. Gradually I let her cry a little longer... and each time I'd go up to calm her I'd just talk for just a minute very softly to reassure her that I was there and would always be there for her.
Over time, she started to get better and better... but with each new phase (whether teething, sick or transitioning to a toddler bed or to a big girl bed) she regresses and I have to somewhat start from scratch... though it's not as bad as it was in the early days that you're dealing with now. She's 2.5 now and is still trouble to get to go to sleep at night - and now sometimes I'm firm with her about it... but overall, it's been a very gradual thing with baby step progress. Some will tell you to put baby in the crib, let them cry it out and they'll get the picture. But, my daughter too would cry until she was in absolute hysterics and I just couldn't have that, so I've gone the more "soft touch" route. Good luck and hang in there! I know it's hard!
Jen G.

I also have a 7 month old ...
Does your baby sleep in his crib during his naps? If he doesn't you should try to enforce that too! Consistency is so important!!
Whatever you do, do it every single night.

My son's routine goes a little something like this 5 to 6 nights a week. Of course things change day to day so the times are not exact, but always close.

6:00 I give him dinner,
6:15 - 6:45 we play on the floor, nothing to overstimulating usually read a book or sing songs or play with a toy without sound.
6:45 I give him a bath, warm baths make baby's sleepy. I then dry him off, diaper him, nurse him and then massage some lavender lotion on to his skin. We then sit and rock for 5 - 10 min.and I sing him a song. At this point I give him a binky, the binky seems to calm him at night.

7:15 he is sleepy and in his crib silent most nights. There are always the few nights that he is fussy, just like adults baby's have their days too!

I found VERY useful information at a web site called baby.com
They have a sleep chart that you can fill out for your individual needs and advice for you as well.
They also have a bath, massage, quiet time demonstration that was also very helpful. Now my baby sleeps 11 hours at night and 4 hours during the day.

Also something else I read was "is your baby getting enough of your attention during the day? You should be playing with your baby for 15 min 4 times a day, at least...just you and he/she"

It could be that he is craving your attention and this is the only way for him to show you.
Good luck and remember, consistency is the most important thing, your child will know what happens at bed time and begin to expect it.

Hi M. L,
We had a very hard time with our 16 month old..who never ever slept in a crib ( downright refused). I used some of the tips from the book " the no cry sleep solution". In the end one of us would sleep with him until he fell asleep. He now sleeps on his own (just turned 3). But it was a long time coming.
Good luck and if you get a chance to read the book it is helpful.
P.

Hi M.,

I have struggled a lot with this too, and it is very common. If you don't like co-sleeping you will develop resentment. I loved it for a while, but it's not for everyone and it has a life span. Some people swear by it for the emotional health of the child, some think it is unhealthy for the kids emotionally, I think it depends on a million things, including the child's unique temperament and the needs of the whole family. The Elizabeth Pantley book recommended below is wonderful, very open minded and loving. I would suggest you read different ones to help you understand sleep and also to help you decide what fits your patenting style. If you want to do some kind of cry it out like the Ferber method, read first. I think your baby is a bit young still, I feel like they recommend 9 months, and you will want to understand how to be consistent. i could not do that so I didn't try. After a bunch of other stuff that worked partially (including weaning him from night time nursing, which I did gradually, he was an addict) I finally tried a method suggested by Tracy Hogg ("Secrets of the Baby Whisperer"). Warning.. her tone is patronizing, and her suggestions about scheduling newborns are unsafe according to US Society of Pediatricians, her ideas about sleep are firmer than the "No Cry Sleep Solution" style, they are more compassionate than cry it out methods. The child cries, but you are there so they are not alone. It could be the middle way you need. It worked with my son. I saw a dramatic difference in three days. Basically, after the consistent nightly bedtime routine is done. put baby in the crib and say something like "sleepy time". baby cries, if baby can get up on his own, gently lay him/her back down and in the same calm voice "it's ok, it's sleepy time". if baby can not yet get up, pick up, comfort and put down again using the same calm verbal instruction. My son was so mad and started to throw himself down so I wouldn't do it (he was 1 year old). 1 hour 15 minutes the first night, but less the second and much less the third. I decided to try for three nights and shored up my reserves hanging onto the three day mark. If you don't see changes after a few days, I would move on to something else.

I wish you the best of luck, and keep in mind that one way or another, he will outgrow it sooner or later!

C.

Ha! You're taking me back to when my 11-yr-old baby was a baby.

I went through the same thing with the vomiting. It started off she would vomit after crying her eyes out for while. Then, BAM!, it rapidly progressed. The next day, she vomited before I was down the stairs, the next she vomited before I was across the room and out the door, the next she vomited the minute I put her in her crib. Those little "devils" are so clever.

I spoke to my pediatrician about it who informed me my darling baby was playing me like a puppet. He said -- are you ready for this -- make her sleep in her vomit and she won't throw up again.

This is when it's hard to parent! You put a towel over the puke so she's not actually lying in it, but the smell is there! It was the longest night of my life. I felt so evil (especially because she was my first born), but she NEVER puked again. Honest!

I feel certain my daughter was a little older than 7 months, though. So before doing that, I would definitely check with your pediatrician to make sure your child is at the right deveopmental stage for such "harsh" tactics and to rule out any possible medical conditions.

Best of luck!
Oh, and by the way, that baby still sleeps in my bed from time to time and it's beautiful.

Hi M. - Have you tried the Ferber method? I had heard a lot of negative things about it but I got the book and read it for myself and it wasn't terrible the way others made it out to be. My husband and I used the method with our 5 month old and he began falling asleep on his own and sleeping through the night in his own crib (8-10 hours) after two nights (and he still loves us and trusts us). I'm sure the Ferber method isn't for everyone, but I would recommend reading the book before you decide whether it is for you. Good luck!

My DD started sleeping in her crib around the same time. It was not always easy. Anything you decide to try, you should try for a week or two. What worked for us was letting her cry for 5min, going in and settling her (don't pick him up), leave for 10 min, go back and comfort again, then 15min, and so on. It is not unusual for a baby to vomit when crying extensively. If you do the return and comfort method it may be less likely. Hope that helps. Just remember no stage last long with an infant, you will get thru this. Also, don't feel bad if you decide to continue co-sleeping. It is a personal choice and you just have to do whatever works for your family.

If at all possible, I'd set up his crib temporarily in your room. Try letting him fall asleep in his crib so he can see you. If this doesn't work, let him fall asleep in your bed, but gently put him in his crib once he's fallen asleep. Hopefully he'll slowly start to get used to his bed. If, hopefully, that works, then you can eventually get him to sleep full time in his crib and eventually move his crib back into his room. Best of luck!

Story of my life... I wish I had better advice, but my 18 mo. old is still doing the same thing-- Though we now get her to sleep in the crib until she wakes up at about 2 or so and then comes to our bed. Unfortunately the only way we can get her in the crib is if she's totally asleep first... The crying made me feel awful and she vomited every time, just seemed wrong. Some kids just need more nighttime parenting than others-- my mom says I didn't sleep through the night until I was 3 and always ended up in their bed...

So, no advice, but I do understand what you're going through. Are you nursing?
S

M.,

Does it cause a problem when he ends up in bed with you? The reason I ask is if it doesn't, why fret over it? I have three children...the youngest is 5 months. By 2 months, my oldest boys were in their crib but always ended up in with us in the middle of the night. My youngest is still in with us because we just are not in the position to set his room up yet and I started to worry about it thinking he isn't going to like his room or whatever. Then I reminded myself how both of the older boys had to be rocked to sleep then laid in their cribs only to come into our room a few hours later. Now at 4 and 7, they sleep in their own rooms and go to bed on their own. It isn't a problem. Then I think about how quickly that time passed.

If it isn't a problem with your husband and you other than you think you aren't being a good mom by putting him in his bed, I would enjoy the time you have cuddling with your baby and realize that it will be over before you know it. BTW, my oldest used to get sick when we tried to get him to bed in his room as well. Like I said, I wouldn't let anybody guilt you about it including yourself and just enjoy it. They grow up so fast and it's baloney if people tell you "oh he'll be sleeping in your bed when he's 10". (I had people tell me that with my first.) I would rock him to sleep and put him in his crib for as long as he will stay then enjoy your time cuddling.

Hugs,
L.

I completely agree with Michelle. For those of us who cannot do the co-sleeping thing you need to do it and be firm and consistant. It is not easy - gut wrenching actually, but I am not the type of person that can be trusted to co-sleep.

My son has a sensitive gag reflex and used to vomit too when he got too upset. However this won't always be the case.

Good luck.

A.

Hi M.,
I feel for you. I found Tracy Hogg's book "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (By Teaching You How to Ask the Right Questions)" extremely helpful with teaching my now-21 month old how to sleep. She takes a middle of the road approach between the extreme end of attachment parenting and the other extreme end of the "cry it out" philosophy--the baby is never left to cry it out alone and be panicked, but you also expect and teach the baby how to self-soothe as well. We had a few difficult weeks with our child and it did require consistency, patience, and discipline on our part, but our son sleeps 11-12 hours a night in his own crib, and when he wakes, he is able to put himself back to sleep. Knock on wood, for several months now--probably since around your son's age or a little older, the only time he needs help in the middle of the night is if he's sick. He also settles down pretty easily for a nap whether in his own crib or at daycare now too. And I really believe it's because we TAUGHT him how to self-soothe, go to sleep, and get back to sleep after waking. I highly recommend the book--it gives the sleep advice along with a whole context of establishing a routine around sleeping, eating, and activity that supports good sleep hygiene for babies and toddlers (and eventually for their parents as well! :-)

One other thought--just read the other responses and another reader mentioned her reactions to the Hogg book(s)--yes, her tone can seem patronizing at times--but not throughout, and if you can see beyond that to the logic of her advice, you may really benefit from her wisdom. As a family therapist who is also familiar with the attachment literature, I can also tell you that her approach is very sound in terms of raising a child who is secure in their attachment, and able to develop independence. And considering how important sleep is to MY optimal functioning as a parent, I considered teaching my child to sleep independently extremely important for our entire family's health and happiness.

Also, according to Hogg (and consistent with my and my friends' experiences), how long it takes to help your child learn to sleep on their own also depends on the child's age, how entrenched the sleep problems are, and whether the child's bond of trust has been broken by the effects of letting him/her cry it out. At seven months your child is still young and it may go quickly--but it may take longer depending on how panicky your child gets when left alone. It may take more than a few days for Hogg's plan to work, but she explicitly addresses the situation of broken trust due to previous "crying it out" attempts in non-blaming and practical/helpful ways.

Good luck to you!

hi M.,

could be so many things...whenever our son (now 2) would not sleep we would examine all the little things & often it was something simple. lately we found the room was too hot so a simple humidifyer stopped him from waking up in the night. one time he got a rash & we discovered our AC was dirty. once cleaned the rash disappeared. keep examining the small details. i never let me son "cry it out", i felt it wasn't for us. i feel that at this age the more love & comfort i give him the better. i kept him in bed with me for some time & enjoyed it. now we lay in bed together & once he falls asleep i lift him into his crib. sorry i couldn't be more helpful. our son did not sleep through the night until he was almost 2!! looking back i realize that it wasn't anything we were or were not doing, this was just him. adults have different sleeping patterns, why wouldn't babies? he is now 2 & a much better sleeper. hang in there!

If your bedroom is large enough you can try "sidecar" arrangements where you remove/drop the railing of the crib and push it up against the side of your bed, and gradually move him into the crib for the night, then raise the crib railing, then move him gradually out of the room. It can take a while, but it may work.

What worked for me was to wait until my son was ready. He still wakes up a few times per night and cries for me- but when I go back out and rock him, he calms down quickly and the night wakenings do decrease over time. He's a year old and still calls for me about 2 times every night.

I just couldn't deal with the cry-it-out. My son only cries longer and harder, and I didn't want to wait until he started vomiting to console him.

I'm just taking the approach that being able to sleep alone is a natural skill- like walking- and a child will learn how to do it when the child is ready to do it- with gentle no-scream assistance from mom.

Routine helps a lot. As does "calorie weighting". Lullabies. White noise machines. Soft comfy crib sheeting (flannel or the like). Is there anything different about your child's room? (Is the room as dark/bright, is it noisier/quieter? Does the crib allow the child to sleep facing in the same direction that she sleeps in bed? (ie: north) some kids seem sensitive to that. Sometimes the reason the baby won't sleep is as simple as the nighttime environment being different than what they are used to.

You can also try putting a twin mattress or futon in the baby's room and sleep on that with the baby for a few nights to get him used to sleeping in his own room. When I first transitioned my son into his room I slept on the couch with him for a few nights to get him used to sleeping in that part of the house.

Good luck! And remember- you're not alone. A LOT of babies won't sleep as well as we'd like them to, or where we want them to.