Sleep Issues for a 10+ Yr Old

Hi, I had sleeping issues-insomnia and sleep-walking. A hot bath-start with warm water and then crank it up as hot as she can handle- for growing pains works better than tylenol or aspirin. And a glass of warm milk is scientifically proven to help you go to sleep.

At 10 she is probably starting to worry about how her body will be changing soon. It is normal for girls at this age to get a fixation on her Dad - so make sure Dad knows not to treat her different as she starts to develop.

I had a friend with the same issues and she started locking her bedroom door. For a few nights she would find her daughter curled up on the floor in front of her door but very quickly she went back to her bed - since she was not getting what she wanted, she might as well be comfortable in her own bed.

Of course, I am assuming you have already checked to see if there is anything in particular that is bothering her. Any changes in her life? Have you had guest overnight recently? For a nervious child it takes very little to make them anxious. Just keep reasuring her that she is loved and safe in her house.

Good luck
K.

You may want to have her evaluated for anxiety issues. They may get worse as she heads into the teen years, so tackling it earlier could be a big help and might also help the sleep issues. I'd say keep her out of bed with parents, especially dad. She's getting too old for that and it doesn't look good.

I remember when I was about 12 I went through a phase wheere I slept in my mom's room almost every night. I don't remember being particularly stressed but it was comfortable. It was also just after my parent's divorce and we had mooved to a new house, so that probably factored in. I was sharing a room with mylittle sister as well and she was 8 years younger than me, so I may have been balking a bit at that part.

My mom's solution (after many months of just letting it go) was to move my little sister to her own room downstairs. (Our nanny moved out and so now there was a room available) and to allow me to redecorate the old room how I wanted. I painted it, choose new bedding, a new bed, and basically made it the way I wanted it and then I slept there every night once it was ready!

I don't know if this helps at all in your situation, but since my experience had some similarities figured I'd share at least!

I would agree that she doesn't need to be in bed alone with Dad. As far as making a bed in your room for herself I would recommend against it, you are re enforcing that is ok. It's not, she needs to sleep in her bed. You need to sit down and have a talk with her about why and what's going on. If she does have anxiety about something then work on that and re-affirm that you love and support her but that running to your room or bed is not the answer.

I would only let her come in to sleep on the floor. Just tell her that she has to sleep on the floor in your room if she wants to sleep in there.

As far as 'growing pains', sounds like she is lacking calcium. I had to do that with my 9yo and when he takes his calcium capsule, he is fine. When he doesn't, he has problems with leg pain a lot. (Growing isn't painful...lack of vitamins/nutrition can be though.)

Hope this helps!

If she's anxious, she NEEDS your comfort, just like any baby with a sleep issue would. She'll grow out of it, but I would just let her have a sleeping bag next to your bed, and sleep there until she grows out of it. I just try to put myself in the child's shoes: if I were afraid of something and asked someone who loved me for help, I would hope that they would! The worst thing that can come of it? Perhaps she stays there every night until she's a teenager and is more confident or less fearful. You and your husband may need to sneak off to another room for romantic moments. Others think it's strange that your older child sleeps in your room. These are small hurdles to overcome to get some uninterrupted sleep yourself, and comfort your child.

Your intuition is probably right. My sister nearly had a panic attack the day before 7th grade because that is when they were suppose to start switching classes for multiple periods and due to a computer glitch they would not be receiving their schedules until the first day of class. We literally thought we were going to have to take her to the doctor to get a sedative it was that bad! Sorry I don't really have any suggestions other than what your doing. Talk to her, talk to your family doctor, and see what other moms say. You may want to also look into natural or herbal remedies that help with anxiety if your not opposed to looking into alternative health solutions.
T.

I does sound like manipulation -- kids are sooo good at that! There are a lot of things here that don't seem right and I may be off-base on some of it. First of all, there is NO reason a big girl can't put herself to sleep -- growing pains or no. If seeing a counselor would help, that's not a bad idea. In fact, that might be a great idea since you think that impending middle school career anxiety may be part of the problem. Second, it makes me uncomfortable that your daughter is getting in bed with her father every night. Not that I'm accusing him of any wrongdoing or any wrong thoughts! But, she's entering womanhood if not now VERY soon(who am I kidding - it starts at 9 nowadays) and I believe it's time for her to start to understand about appropriate touching/sleeping arrangements/etc. Third -- trips to her room. Was there Ferberizing when she was a baby? I don't know how old that method is. I'd maybe talk to her pediatrician first (not in front of her -- not wanting to humiliate her!) but I'd consider it, I think. Trips to her room might be the rewards she gets for crying. If you just let her fuss, cry, etc. she'll eventually wear herself out. I think it would be very hard to do but, within a week, I'd guess, she'd be on a better routine -- in time for school!

I'd definitely talk to her pediatrician and maybe a child psychologist if the pediatrician thinks that's the way to go. I'm sorry your daughter has anxiety issues. Adolescence is so hard and I'm convinced that the middle school years are the hardest! Of course, you have a 26-year-old: you've done this before, huh?

Anyway, good luck! Keep us posted. You know, if your 26-year-old is a big sister, she may be a big help...

I can relate to your daughter. When I was her age I worried so much about everything and I had difficulty sleeping. I would sometimes get up at night to go crawl into my Mom's bed. Often my Mom just dismessed my fears and I didn't have anyone to tell them, I think if I would have had someone to reassure me or reason my problems out I would have felt better. Of course I did outgrow wanting to sleep with my Mom and eventually learned how to reason out my fears. You might consider getting a counselor for her to talk about her anxiety and fears.

This is what I do with my 6 yr old , she goes to bed an hr early and is allowed to read or play her leapster for that hr. it helps to wind her down , gives her some me time before she has to go tobed. She has a lamp by her bed I let her have on until she's done reading. She also sleeps with a ton of stuffed animals , maybe take your daughter to build a bear and let her pick out and build a new friend.
Also when she gets up she needs to be taken directly back to bed. not allowed to stay in your room,she is old enough to stay in her own room.