My 4 Year Old Little Girl Having Nightmares and WILL Not Sleep in Her Own Bed...

There maybe has been an instance or noice in the house that scares her. Sometime when she's NOT traumatized, try to get her to talk about WHAT it is that's scary (noises, visions, etc). An awful lot of things that seem overwhelming to a small child can be rationally explained and calm the fears (the house boards/pipes/heating ducts crackling or squeaking as they heat up/cool down; the wind, rain or traffic outside; moonlight coming and going behind clouds, etc) Try to get at the root of the problem, not just alleviate the symptoms.

It sounds like maybe a room makeover needs to be done. A couple of suggestions would be to paint fish on the walls or use a revolving lamp with fish cut outs in it to make it look like the sea. Go all out even with the ceiling. If water scares her maybe think about putting adhesive stars of all sizes all over the ceiling and walls. Just a couple ideas. Good luck!

My son used to have terrible nightmares at the same age. Believe it or not, a friend of mine gave me a beautiful Indian Dream Catcher and we talked about it and hung it on his bed. It worked. I am skeptical about things like that and it could just be something my son wanted to believe, but there's got to be something about the ancient Indian wisdom because the problem literally changed overnight and I don't think he was making himself wake up for attention!

At their age, they are realizing real fears and that they are not invinsible and in control of everything. I don't think it means they are emotionally unstable! It's just that anxiety comes out in different ways with children (better than hitting or the like!) I agree with the person that said make it a rule to keep her in her own bed- go in and comfort, but don't give in. You can create a (real) monster that way!

Good luck!

L., I have to disagree with the whole monster spray nonsense. By doing that you're feeding the idea that there ARE monsters. My daughter has also said she's afraid of monsters. Her dad and I remind her there are no real monsters, only the cute Sesame Street puppets like Elmo and Zoe (and they're not scary!). We ask if she's still worried, and if she is, we say a prayer to ask God to watch over her as she sleeps, to take scary thoughts away and give her sweet, happy dreams. By the time we're done, she's at peace and ready to go to sleep. If this doesn't work, maybe you should ask her about the monsters and where she heard of that silly stuff. Make light of it while still acknowledging her feelings. Though monsters don't exist, her feelings are very real. Also, you can give her a special stuffed animal she can sleep with; my daughter calls it her 'cuddle buddy.' Once you address the monster thing, the rest of the problems you're dealing with should taper off with time.

If you have room, put a mattress on your bedroom floor and have her sleep on that. That way she gets used to sleeping "on her own" but she's closer to you. And she won't be hogging up your bed. Both of my boys wake up on a nightly basis, one or both, from nitemares and stuff. But I go in and ease their fears and I leave before they fall back to sleep, and they always fall back to sleep on their own. Not much you can do about the nitemares. Some people say no sweet stuff before bed, like juice and snacks; that might cut down on the nitemares. I hope my suggestion is helpful; good luck!!

Hi L.,

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I co-slept with both of my children and then we've done a variety of sleeping arrangements in the past 5.5 years. Our main goal as parents with the sleep thing has always been to ensure that our kids feel secure. Feeling safe is crucial to young children and establishes a firm foundation for independence. Children who do not establish safety and trust never feel secure and can become more clingy and stressed.

I am also a Parent Educator and Coach and I would recommend that you put a toddler bed next to your bed and allow your daughter to sleep in it until your younger daughter is about 18 months old. Once your younger daughter is 18 months, you can transition them both into a double bed of their own to sleep together. My children currently sleep together and they feel safe and cozy through the night in their own room. We have bunkbeds and we're actually going to be transitioning our 5 year old daughter into the top bunk - she has requested this. My two year old still wakes up about 5am and crawls into bed with us for the last couple of hours of sleep. I am okay with this - I know it won't last very long and I treasure the cuddle time. We also allow our children to quietly crawl into bed with us if they are ever scared. Our daughter sleeps with us in the middle of the night about once each week on average.

I was a fearful child at night and it was very comforting for me to know that my parents were available to me through the night. During the day we make ourselves emotionally available to our kids - why wouldn't we do the same during the night?

We have a culture that puts a lot of pressure on parents to have very independent children at a young age. Independence is just like any other milestone (crawling, walking, talking) - children develop the ability to be more independent it is not something we can force or train.

I'm sure you feel guilty or like you're a bad parent in some way if your child isn't sleeping in her own bed. Rather than thinking about what others think of you - release yourself of that - and focus on the needs of your daughter right now. She's feeling very insecure in her world. Allow her to be close to you so that you can re-establish an emotional trust which will allow her to feel more secure. The more you push her away in order to "teach" her to feel safe, the more insecure she will become.

If you want more support with this, please don't hesitate to contact me. I know how hard it can be to deal with sleep issues. Things can seem more overwhelming when you're not getting the sleep you need.

I am a mother of 3, a 16 year old girl, a 15 year old boy, and a 12 year old boy. At the age of 4 they all had trouble sleeping through the night, whether due to fright or just needing to be near mom and dad. We had them start the night in their beds, but they knew that a pallet was placed under our bed and that during the night if they woke, they could come to our room, pull out the pallet and sleep "with" us the rest of the night. Each of them, within 6 mo or so, stopped feeling the need to run to mom and dad in the middle of the night, but they knew they could if they felt the need. With a 5 mo. old I know you are desperate at times for rest. This was a solution we could all live with, and it took the stress out of the middle of the night. Good luck and blessings to your sweet family. D. C

1st of all does she watch any type of "scary" movies. including stuff like harry potter. If she does stop the scary movies. If not here is what I would do and it helped with my kids. Pray with them and have them pray too. Ask Jesus to come and take away the bad dreams and replace them with good ones! It really works!I have no other option to offer.

L.,

Please do not feel like you are alone, or that something is WRONG with your daughter! I myself, have a four year old daughter that sleeps with mommy & daddy!! I LOVE the advice from Raelee!!! I too, was able to sleep with my parents and is probably why I allow my daughter to sleep with us! I know she will eventually outgrow it! She does speak of dreams ... not really nightmares! I have to say, I have always been told to do what I feel I need to do to make my daughter happy & secure ... as this is such an important ground step!!
My husband and I went out and purchased one of the bed rails and put it on our bed! We put her on the outside, so at least I do get to sleep next to my husband! :-) As over the last three years ... yes, we have slept seperately, as I tried the whole sleeping with her and trying to get up!
I have always thought once she starts pre-school, I think she will start seeing that other kids sleep alone in their bed!!
Anyway, just don't feel alone and be ensured ... it WONT last forever! I know it's hard! GOOD LUCK & YES ... if you find a way ... PLEASE LET MANY OF US KNOW!!!

It sounds like your daughter's issues are deeper than just not wanting to sleep alone. They could be related to her separation from her father, as it sounds like separation anxiety. What have you done to assure her that the separation from her father was not her fault? Rather than spray water around her room, I suggest telling her that monsters do not exist. Children are deeply affected by divorce and separation, you might be happy because you are in love, but your daughter is suffering - waking up screaming is not normal. She needs some therapeutic help.

Hi,heres a "crazy" thought...she knows as well as you know,the "monsters" do not exist...kids are smart cookies. She's getting something out of this behavior or she wouldn't continue it. If everytime you hear her, you come running to the rescue and pull her into bed with you, you're only furthering the problem! Unless you want her sleeping with you forever...your gonna have to toughen up. When she screams, yes, go comfort her, tell her shes fine, stay for a bit... Then leave! Once she understands that no matter how hard she screams, this is the only response she'll get, she'll adjust. I think this depends alot more on yourself than you think. Children learn by doing, if she's doing something that works for her, namely screaming and you rescuing he, she'll continue. It doesnt mean you don't love her to change this, it means you love her enough to help her develop her own sleep routine. If you'll stick to it, really stick to it...she will too! Good luck!

This may sound a little strange, but it actually works and it doesn't cost anything or hurt anything. There is a practice called EFT- Emotional Freedom Technique. It involves tapping on acupuncture points with your finger while making a statement about the problem. It is used for everything from sleeping problems like your daughter's to irrational fears to health problems. It has helped my daughter and I with fears and headaches. It can't hurt to try. I think that it could help your little girl. It might take a few tries to figure out what the underlying problem is. It is so hard when kids won't sleep-I know! Good luck. This is the website, just look for the link tht says 'get started for free'.

https://www.emofree.com/

I am so sorry to hear that your four year old is having such a time going to sleep. My suggestions is only because of what I experienced in years past. What is she eating or drinking before going to sleep? Sometimes food will or things you drink with sugar in them will cause you to have dreams that are not pleasant. Also what activities or things is she doing before sleep, like watching tv, movies? Have you tried playing soothing music in her room? I would also consult a doctor because pediatricians KNOW and are familiar with this type of thing. When I was little I dreamt of witches and I had to learn to battle those creatures in my sleep, finally I did. I was afraid of thunderstorms until I got my first little rubber doggy that slept with me during storms and protected me....rubber protecting you from lightening was my theory. I wish you luck and pray you will receive all the help you need and more. Prayer works to...smile.

LYNN

L. what is the nightmares about? my baby knew the day he turned one he would no longer sleep in his crib. he slept with me from the age of 1 to the age of 3 1/2. he didnot have bad dreams he just wanted to sleep with mom & dad. when he started day care the sleeping with us quit. children are not given fear. GOD made sure that they would rest when we needed them to, find out the source and maybe then you will get some sleep. listen, comfort, reassure and read to her maybe she will tell the source. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!

So sorry to hear nighttime has become hard in your house. But I just feel the need to say, especially to other moms who are reluctant to cosleep, that is is very UNLIKELY that sleeping with your baby could cause her to have sleep problems now. In fact, studies have shown that that babies who cosleep end up with fewer sleep problems. Hopefully this is just a phase and will work itself out. Good luck to you!

It is not unusual for kids this age to have nightmares...esp if there is transition going on - which it seems is your case.I would say bear with her and love her and support her and it will eventually get better. Two ideas - one I got from a frined of mine bc one of my kids had terrible nightmares when she was 4 - it was to put a remote control by her bed and have her "change channels" to A NEW DREAM - worked for a while anyway. Another was to put an airmatress ofr sleeping bag ont he floor of your room and tell her its OK to come in, but not to wake you up or get in your bed - perhaps a compromise. Hope that helps.

dont know if u believe in god but i found that for me a little bible under there pillow keeps night mares away from mine hope it helps u

L.,
Honestly, I was about to post the same thing. My daughter is five and I can't get her sleeping in her own room. I thought with the second child she would see that the baby is sleeping in her own room, but that didn't help. I have tried everything and I am running out of ideas, if you find anything that works, please message me about it!

I went through this with my oldest son when he was about your daughter's age. I got him this little stuff animal, it is green with spots on it and it has an opening in the back of his head that you can use to be a puppet. He is a monster-eater. To this day he still calls this stuffed animal the monster-eater(he's 15 yrs old!). Let me tell you something about myself so it will explain the second item I bought that weekend. I am a quarter indian and do believe in some of the ways. Dreamcatchers are one of them. I hung the dreamcatcher above my son's bed that weekend, it has hung about that bed and both of my sons have slept in it. My youngest son has never complained of nightmares, he just turned 11. And he should have plenty his father lets him watch all kinds of movies. If you buy a dreamcatcher, explain to your daughter what it is and what it does. You may be surprised what helps a young child sleep.

I had the same problem with my 4year old. He would not even go into another part of the house if we were not in there. It does pass. At night we would stay with him until he fell asleep and when he woke up screaming we were told by the Dr. that it was night terros. Very common but the only thig that would work for us was to turn his light on and make sure he was completely awake. She might not even be awake. We would talk to him and calm him down then take him back to his bed and sit with him again until he fell asleep. This way she always knows you will be there when she needs you but she will always wake up in her bed. The night terrors have stopped now and he still might wake up once a week but the screaming has stopped and he seems to be adjusting. Alos you might try moving her room around. Put her bed in a different place in the room and she will like the new atmosphere and think it is so cool to have a new room.

Try sleeping with her in her bed and gradually cut down on the time. Perhaps she will begin to feel her room is a safe place. I am a Christian and night-time prayers do much to calm fear in a child. But - Peace within a parent's heart is necessary first. Read about this in the book of John in the Holy Bible. God Bless! D. in NC.

I have a 5 yr old daughter who also sleeps with me. Her Dad and I separated when she was just 1, and I've felt she's just felt a bit insecure. She was used to sleeping with us, even though she doesn't have nightmares, I think it made her feel more secure.
She also wants to be near me ie. inside or outside the house like your daughter. She is starting to show signs of growing out of it by herself, even saying she wants to sleep in her bed tonight.. I use incentives like saying "when she sleeps in her room like a big girl I'll buy her a princess alarm clock" and just mentioning how "big" or "grown up" she's getting and mentioning that mos kids sleep in their own bed.

What about putting a sleeping bag on the floor of your room. Maybe the transition was too much or too abrupt for her. If you put the bag on the floor of your room she'll know your close by, but she's not in the same bed with you. Encourage her for being a "big girl." Let her know you love her, snuggle before bed, but also let her know she's working her way to sleeping in her own room. Find a way to make sleeping in her room a privilige and something and she can work towards-positive incentive. Hmmm...

Do you have the ability to change her bedroom up with a brother or sister that has their own room? You could make it really fun for them both (i got have ideas there too). Maybe you could switch rooms with her for just a little while, if your unable to pull off a complete switcheroo.
Just a quick idea :)
J.

My 3 and half year old son was having lots of nightmares a few months ago. My MIL said it might be b/c of pain from a growth spurt and she suggested that I start giving him a chewable calcium tablet twice a day (she's big into vitamins and nutrition). I don't know if the growth spurt caused the dreams or not, but the chewable calcium seemed to work. We use the Shaklee brand, but I don't think the brand really matters. Hope that helps!

HI, don't know if this will help, but we did the transitional thing with our sons. If they wanted to come in our room because they were scared, that was fine, but they had to bring a pillow and blanket. They had to lay down on the fall beside the bed or on a pallet; they could hold our hand, but not get in our bed. It took a couple of weeks, but pretty soon, they were sleeping in their own bed through the night. Hope this helps.