Need Advice Please! - Mechanicsville,VA

A night light really helped my daughter. I have them everywhere and she felt much better. I also put a sound machine in her room on low and that hid any barks, outside noises or baby sister noises that might wake her. It has worked perfectly.

First, S., I feel for you! Does your daughter attend preschool so you can at least get a nap while she's there? If not, can you arrange some play dates so you can nap or at least get some rest time?

As for the waking: It's normal. Any fix will be temporary, so enjoy each night she sleeps well. A lot of posts here talk about kids changing sleep habits, but kids just do this and adults can't necessarily control it. But don't despair....

In this case, your little girl probably is having some stress (though she may not realize it herself) that change is coming in the household. She senses your stress, too. She might need extra cuddling, extra reassurance she's still your special girl, extra time with you at bedtime, etc.

I'd go into her room at bedtime when she is calmed down and relaxed, when she's actually in bed but not asleep, and ask her if she can point to exactly what is scaring her -- sometimes they have trouble articulating this, but it could be that something that's familiar during the day (her jacket hanging on the back of a chair, a stuffed toy in its basket, the curtain, etc.) looks scary or casts a weird shadow at night because of the night-light or hallway light shining on it, etc. My daughter is seven and occasionally still calls me in because something in her room suddenly looks quite different and scary at nighttime. (We had to remove a poster on her door because the glittery eyes of the cat on it were scaring her at night!) See if that kind of thing is the cause and remove it right away, then check with her five minutes later.

Another thing we did for a while when my daughter was 4-5 years old was "dream spray." I put a little water in a clean spray bottle (no former cleaner bottles etc.) and decorated the bottle with stickers of stars, her favorite Pooh characters, etc. Then I made up a little rhyme about how the dream spray banished all bad dreams and scary things and sprayed a tiny amount into the air in her room only once she was in bed. It worked much of the time though not every single night. You could even let your daughter spray the air herself if that works for her, or let her decorate the bottle herself to get her involved.

Also, what does she watch or read or play during the day, especially in the hours leading up to bed? Even if she only is allowed gentle kids' TV shows with no violence or scary stuff, and I'm betting that's the case, still the stimulation of TV before bedtime can make little brains overactive. Look at her pre-bed routine and think about whether it needs to be quieter or even last longer--maybe she needs more time to unwind. My daughter has always needed a long bedtime routine with a lot of reading.

Finally, have you tried playing a quiet music CD to her at bedtime? We had problems with nighttime fears in kindergarten and my daughter's teacher suggested this. We put a CD player in her room and had a special bedtime-only CD of very gentle classical music (no words, no familiar exciting kids' songs, no Barney or Wiggles, just classical music)that only went on when I went out the door. It really helped for a very long time! There are "bedtime music" CDs for kids all over the place. I hope something from this list helps you!

Maybe you can let her lay on a pallet beside your bed on the floor. Ask her what is bothering her. "Monster" spray under the bed, on the window sills and in the closet has worked great around here. Ask her to name her guardian angel so she can feel strong. My bet is this new baby has her quite worried.

My suggestion is not to give in. Put her back to bed. When you give in you are opening a whole can of worms. When she comes in just take her by the hand and put her back in her bed. Don't let her sleep with you no matter how easy it looks. She doesn't see your point where it's easier to take her in your bed. What she's sees is if there isn't anything to be afraid of why is she saving me. My daughter did that too for a while. But after putting her back to bed over and over telling her there wasn't anything to be afraid of and it was bed time. She got the point and your daughter will to. She's either really afraid of the dark and needs to be told a few times there isn't anything to be afraid of or she's pushing to see if you will let her sleep in your bed or let her up at night. Either way I would suggest putting her back to bed. If you let her stay up even 5min. She will see the benefits of getting up.
I don't by the way suggest doing the get rid of monster thing or this will keep them away because the first time they have a bad dream or something happens the proves it doesn't do as you say they won't believe you any more. Be honest. If it's a sound they are afraid of say "That's the wind" or "that is an animal getting in the trash outside"
Next i don't suggest giving them a place in your room to sleep you are once again reinforcing there is something to be afraid of. It will take a long time to get to where they believe there isn't anything to be afraid of because they think you are god and you know all and if you show them there is something to be afraid of than there is in their eyes.
good luck

We had the same situation, and we needed sleep desperately too! We pulled out a sleeping bag every night and told our daughter that it was there if she needed it. However, if she came in during the middle of the night, she was not to wake us, but was just to get into her sleeping bag next to our bed and go back to sleep. She did come in almost every night for about a year, but I am happy to say that she did eventually grow out of the habit and then slept fine in her own bed. I guess she just was scared and needed the comfort of having us close by, yet we were able to get the rest we so needed with a baby on the way! Good luck-it does get better!:)

I am in the same situation but it is my 2 year old. He has decided that he is scared at about 2 every morning and then I also have the frequent need to go potty and I am just uncomfortable, so not much sleep going on.

I don't know how it will work, but I am putting up curtains and making a big deal out of it that if the windows are covered then it is not scary and we talk about the sounds outside also. I also made him take a nap today which he quit doing a few months ago- I napped too... my 4 year old played in his bedroom. But I am hoping the nap will help him get through the night better tonight. The new curtains helped some, we put those up yesterday and the nap is todays part of the trick. Plus I got a little rest too.

Good luck- Can't wait to read others responces.

L.

S.,

With the new baby coming it is common for the older ones to be anxious and maybe regress a little. Also about this age is when they start to fear monsters in their room. My advice is to talk to her and find out what she is afraid of in her room. If she doesn't have a night light maybe that will help. Or if she needs to have a special friend to sleep with her (ie... a stuffed animal, maybe try going to build a bear so she can make a special friend.) try that. She may be having bad dreams as well. If that the case she will just have to out grow it. I have a 5 year old that has bad dreams, when he was a little younger he had really bad dreams and I would just have to let him come sleep with me. He out grew it and now sleeps all night in his own bed. So just try to talk and find out what the problem is, and it may come down to her sleeping on your floor next to your bed, if you don't want her in your bed, for a while until she is comfortable again.

I hope this helps.
A.

My daughter did the same thing when I was pregnant.....the good thing was that it was just temporary. We just took her back to her bed and explained that there was nothing to be afraid of, that we were just right down the hall and she had all her buddies right there with her....(she sleeps with a lot of animals and a favorite blanket..). It took a week or so, but she got over it. She did it again a couple times after the baby was born too, but I think kids just know when there is a change.... I don't think that letting her sleep with you is a good idea...especially right before the baby is born. Try to keep to your routine the best you can. I know it's hard when all you want is some sleep, but I think that she is old enough to sleep in her own bed and will see that there is nothing to be afraid of--especially if you take her back to her room and tell her and comfort her every time she gets up--she'll get it.

Hi S., Been through this off and on with all 3 of my children. Most recently with my two oldest they have been afraid of the bathroom at night because of a friend's scary stories! Ugh! Find out what your daughter is afraid of during the day. I tell mine that mommy doesn't want to be woken up! (sometimes it works) And this is what my daughter said to me last night - I need to get my Bible and sleep with it so that I won't be scared. Remind her that she is safe, it might help her to see you and Dad together for some mommy and daddy time (10-15 minutes) to know that the family is intact and safe. Be firm, be strong and honestly, I am a little mean....don't send me hate mail,please. Good luck and sweet dreams...J.

This worked for our kids... There was a designated place to sleep(like a sleeping bag) in our rooom. If someone got scared they were allowed to come into our room to sleep but they had to go to their "bed" and be very quiet so that they wouldn't wake us. Didn't work EVERY time but it worked MOST of the time. Good Luck!

S.,
I have used Bach flower remedies with my clients and my own child for years. They are wonderful; as they are safe for babies, pregnant and nursing moms, and pets with no side effects. The remedies that would most help your child would be Mimulus and Aspen. They are for fears of unknown and known things. You can find them at Whole Foods or MOM's. If you would like more info. on how to use these, please feel free to contact me.
L.

This is totally normal behavior esp. with the pregnancy. I suggest that you sleep when and where you can so that may mean when she gets up just letting her come and finish the night with you in your bed or you could go and lay down with her in her bed and sleep until you need to pee again and then you can switch back to your bed. In general I would look at it as review for when the baby comes. You will again need to function in a sleep deprived state for a while. This is just part of our fabulous 24/7 job. It is very demanding and rewarding

We went through this and it was tough. I saw a movie the other day and I am going to use it next time--get a dreamcatcher to hang around where she sleeps and tell her that the dreamcatcher catches the bad dreams and lets the good dreams get through. Then tell her that it is very important that she NOT dream about bunnies (or something else that is harmless and fun), have her repeat over and over, "I will not dream about bunnies, soft fuzzy bunnies, I cannot dream about bunnies." over and over. The idea is that if she tells herself not to dream about it she will, and she in turn won't be dreaming about monsters.

the only thing I wouldn't do is let her sleep in your room. We tried this once and it made it extremely difficult to get her back into her own room. Good luck!

Your daughter is definitely at the age where nightmares happen - a lot! We left a pillow and blanket next to our bed and told both of our girls to come in and sleep if they needed to. They were told not to wake us, and 95 percent of the time they didn't. Both have outgrown this and now stay in their beds all night. Personally, I would not fight it. I felt bad bringing my daughter back to her bed when she was truly scared! It's one thing to constantly be asked for a glass of water or another story before they actually fall asleep, but to not "help" them when they're truly upset is silly. Maybe it's just me - I had AWFUL nightmares as a kid. My mom used to tell me to go get in bed with my big brother. He was almost as comforting as mom, so that worked for me. I guess you can use that one with your second kid!

Find out what your child is afraid of. If it is "the monster under the bed, in the closet, etc" don't just say "there is nothing to be afraid of." Have a "getting rid of the monster session" with your child. Or give her a special "wand" to chase the monster out of the house. If she is afraid of the dark, use a very dim nightlight. If she is afraid of the baby that is coming - maybe her fear is that there is going to be someone else that she has to share you with, Make her feel important. Let her feel your tummy. Arrange with your doctor for her to come to an appt with you to hear the baby's heartbeat. Is she in pre-school? Find out if her fears have something to do with school. Take her someplace special - where the two of you can talk and let her know that you love her no matter what and that you need to know what she is afraid of so you can fix it for her.

She needs to be comforted and returned to her room each time - by your husband. You deserve your sleep!

Hi S.,

This web site may answer your question:

www.medhelp.org/Forums/ChildBehavior/messages/33

Hope this helps. D.