Sleep Help! - Glen Cove,NY

I coslept with my daughter until she was a little over 2. I bought her a twin size mattress/boxspring and put it down on the floor with a bedrail in the same room with me. I layed down with her in her bed every night (still do some nights!). Eventually, I moved the bed into her own room. She is almost 3 1/2 and loves sleeping in her own bed and room! You could have him pick out some fun sheets and get him excited about a "big" bed. Hope this helps. You can also try reading Elizabeth Pantley's book, No Cry Sleep Solution. Best of luck!

The only thing that could possibly work is the one thing you do not want to do. There really is not an easy way to
get him into his crib. Sorry I could not be of any more
help.

Trying to change a 1 1/2 year old's behavior while you have a 2 week old at home seems impossible to me. Poor little guy! Think of it from your son's perpective -- he didn't ask to have a sister or brother! Now, he's got one, AND he/she's getting ALL the attention HE used to have (so cute!! aww!! she burped!! blah blah), AND he's not the baby anymore! NOW HE's getting kicked out of HIS bed (it's really yours, but to a toddler, everything's MINE)??? What's next? Is THE BABY going to sleep in the bed with you now??? "What in the world???" is what your toddler must be thinking! Mommy went away for while, and then came back with a new baby. Don't know where the kid came from but I got here first! I'm not changing a thing!

Think again about what you are trying to accomplish here. I say, make it easy on yourself and your kid. You're still postpartum! You don't deserve this stress. How about getting a co-sleeper or bassinet for the baby, put it next to your bed, and doing all your tasks for baby while in your room with your son is still co-sleeping as before (change baby on the bed, feed in chair in the room, etc)? Even if your son wakes from the commotion, he likely will take this better than being left alone right now. You may want to take this approach for a few weeks, until newborn's older and 1 year old is more used to the baby being around. Then, consider transition to floor using a sleeping bag or toddler/kid air mattress, even maybe using his crib mattress on the floor, and keep in the room but separate from the big bed, if that is what you want to do. When he is 2, he may be able to better accept the idea of sleeping alone.

Don't know what to say really except with a second one of them is bound to cry at some point or throw a fit or get hurt. Please take it easy on yourself. Remember who is the parent. Bless you.

Hi D.
How about mesh guardrails attached to your bed? This way you can get up and take care of the baby and leave your toddler in the bed without worrying?
We use one with our 18 month old and it's great. He sleeps like a rock in our bed.
Eventually, after the newness of the baby has worn off you can get him his own big boy bed. I think right now he probably doesn't want to be a big boy just yet....
C.

You need just go in steps. Get a little toddler bed and put it in your room. let her pick out the sheets and pillows.(If you cannot afford a toddler bed, get a bit comforter and make a little bed on the floor) Make sure you put something from you in that bed. Wether its an old shirt with your smell or something that will make her think of her mommy and daddy. Its low enough that you can sit with her down on the floor near the bed and read to her a bit. The first week or so still expect her to get up out of there and join you guys in bed but slowly she will get use to her bed and will feel comfortable also you are still in the same room so she can see you. Also I agree do not get upset if she wants to join you still some nights and no need to let her sit and cry it out either.

D., I don't know about crying out thing...I mean, I did with my first two boys and the oldest it didn't take long at all. But all my boys slept in our room when they were small, but it came to a po9int when they woke up and saw that mommy and daddy was there, cry and talk until they wake up...that was the impression I got. Then they and their beds, crib, whatever they slept in, got moved into another room, it changed. My third son, crying out only made him throw up. Not every child can do the crying and learn to comfort themselves. Every child is different. My third cried and ended up throwing up. So, it didn't work for him. Another thing, is he ready for a toddler's bed? Maybe that may help. I thought my third son was too young (before turning two) to sleep in the toddler's bed and it turned out that he wasn't. It was awkward for him and I, but that was what he wanted. He wanted the freedom to get in and out of the bed. Cribs confine them and some want to get the freedom asap and others deal with it. You can try having him sleep in a toddler's bed. If not sure, you can have him sleep on mattress by your bed in your room until he seems to be able to do it in another room. You have to try things with him and through this process, you'll learn more about him. Is he a type that wants freedom because he hates the confinement, etc.? Just make sure that he can't hurt himself or climb on things to get to his window, you'll be amazed what they get themselves into and especially if he's climber. I have learned some things if you're interested to know what to watch for. Just personally e-mail me and I'll share it with you what I have learned with my other boys that almost gave me a heart attack.....:)

My two oldest were out of cribs at 18 months. My youngest just got his big boy bed at 2. We have NEVER done the toddler bed route. It's a waste of money in my opinion not to mention, lay the crib/toddler bed mattress on the floor and lay on it. It is NOT comfortable! :)

What we did was get nice twin sized mattresses. I'm not sure where you are but we got a VERY nice set from Taft Furniture just a few weeks ago for $250. *I* fell asleep on it! LOL

Anyhow. We put the boxspring somewhere in storage or something in the beginning and just put the mattress on the floor. This way if they roll, they are only going a few inches. We baby proof their room and at night leave a monitor on as well as put a baby gate at their door. It has worked like a charm for our boys every time. My youngest who turned 2 in August wouldn't sleep through the night for anything. Doing this has given me full nights of sleep again and trust me when I say, my youngest is a DIFFICULT sleeper.

BTW, good for you for not doing the CIO method. We breastfed, co-sleep and will not CIO either. They are not going to be in our beds forever and like I said, I can tell you I have had success with this three times now. You save money by just buying the mattress set right after the crib and they sleep through the night in no time!

My brother and sister in law did this routine with three consectutive children. They got my newphew a cool car toddler bed and put it next to their bed so the baby could sleep with them. Then after he was used to that, moved it into his own room. Then baby#2 got a toddler bed (girl one) next to their bed so baby #3 could sleep with them. It worked great for them. All three are very well adjusted easy going children and have not been harmed at all by not learning to "soothe" themselves to sleep at infancy.

My 14 month old sounds exactly like your 17 month old. We had attempted our own modified version of sleep training. We have decided that for everyone's sanity he sleeps with us every night. I will probably start the toddler bed thing soon as well.

My personal pediatrician trys to convince us to use the CIO method, but a friend who is a pediatrician has two children who due to similar circumstances both by one year old slept on a regular mattress on the floor instead of up on a frame.

Good luck!

Hey D.,
Our littlest one didnt like her crib much either. We ended up turning it into a "big girl" bed with just the rail on the side so she wouldnt fall out.. not sure if she felt claustraphobic or what but it seemed to help.. You may also try the "big Brother" thing too since you have a little one and tell your son he needs to teach the new baby or something.. perhaps that would help. And also if your son will take a nap in his crib during the day when its light out may make it more comfortable and not so scary at night :0) I wish you luck and I hope some of this can help!! oh and Congrats on the new baby;0)

At 17 months, he's running the show and he knows it. I know that you say CIO isn't for you, but have you read the literature? It's not about putting him in the crib and walking away. It's a process and it does work. The process is based on simple behavior modification principles. Essentially, if the behavior (screaming) no longer serves a purpose (getting out of the crib), it will go away. I'm sure he tantrums in the crib- he's figured out that you will come in and get him.

My suggestion is to read the books on Ferberizing b/c it's not as harsh as it may sound. The whole point of it is to teach your child how to soothe themselves. If you continue to do it for him, he will struggle as he gets older in many social situations. If he learns now how to calm himself down, you will not need to intervene as much as he grows. Beyond that, your son will also learn that tantrum behaviors will not result in him getting what he wants, which is a great thing for him to understand.

Read the book and then if you decide it's still not for you, then you can try baby-stepping.

Same thing w/ my oldest daughter. I just made her crib into a toddler bed and stayed w/ her while she feel asleep for a few weeks. Then slowly was able to leave. She hated her crib, she wanted to be a big kid. Our room was down the hall and she would come in our room late at night but eventualy we taught her how we have to sleep in our own bed. It doesn't happen over night, but in time it will get better, and she still comes in once in awhile but when she seems to be sleeping we bring her back to her bed. Good Luck . You'll be glad you took the baby steps to get them in their bed when you finally get a whole nights sleep!!;-) Oh one more thing, reading books in their bed also helps, make it special.

Good for you for cosleeping! My toddler is almost 2, and we are just now working on night weaning and transitioning her to her bed. We have a toddler bed (got it off of Craig's List for $45, so no big expense there--it takes the crib mattress we already had) and placed it at the foot of our bed. I nurse her to sleep, put her in the toddler bed, and when she wakes up during the night I either work on getting her back to sleep in her bed, or if I'm just too tired I bring her in bed with me and she finishes the night there. Eventually, when she's sleepign through the night (not there quite yet), I'll move her bed into her room. My 3 year old was a terrible sleeper and just now started sleeping pretty much through the night, and we did the whole mattress-on-the-floor thing and it was great. No worries about her hurting herself. Good luck, and congratulations on your new baby! Hooray for you, for being sensitive to your child's needs.

My son did well on a twin bed before a year and a half. I did not bother with a toddler bed because of the expense, and just one more step, but that might be an option. I gated off his bedroom and put a cover on his doorknob so I could hear him but he couldn't leave if he woke up. He still ended up in bed with us in the mornings sometimes for a while, but it was easier having him out of a crib. The nicest part of the twin bed was that I could cuddle him in bed (and get in that lovely cat-nap myself!) and then leave him without disturbing him. We used a double rail for a while but he never really rolls much.

It is a little bumpy at first with them close together (ours are 21 months apart) but it will get better. The problem with a sudden change (like letting him cry it out at bedtime) is that it is going to seem like a result of the baby, and you don't want that to frustrate him more. If you are not comfortable with a bed on a frame, you can try a mattress on his floor to get him used to sleeping without rails, but he can't get hurt if he rolls out. Good luck! :)

M.

D.:

While this may not work for everyone, we transitioned our son into his toddler bed at around the same age because I got pregnant with baby #2 and then kept the bed next to ours until he was comfortable enough to make the switch to sharing a room with his little sis. He always hated his crib but LOVES his race car bed and we have no problems keeping him in it and sleeping through the night.

How about a Pak N Play in your room? Sounds like he's having some trouble with the adjustment of the new baby and just wants to be closeby.
My 3rd baby came when my 2nd was 23 months old. He really preferred the Pak N Play so it made it easier to give my 3rd the crib. You could start with the Pak N Play in your room, and gradually move it into his own room?
My 2nd son came when my first was 20 months old. We wanted the crib for #2 so when he was just over 2 we got him a super-cool toddler bed (he was really into firetrucks then). He saw the bed and wanted nothing to do with the crib. Could that work for you? I know that at daycare, kids start to sleep on mats round 1-1/2 so a toddler bed could work theoretically?
Good luck. Hope my experience helped some.

If you do not want to let him cry it out then why don't you just get him a youth bed. Make sure there is nothing in his room he can get hurt if he wanders and put up a gate. Make a big fuss, let him pick out his own bedding and tell him this is his big boy bed. Some kids just do not like their crib and go into toddler beds early. Or you can put the toddler bed next to your bed and tell him this is where he is going to sleep. If you put the baby in the crib and when he sees him he may get jealous and want his crib back. Good old reverse psychology LOL!! I know cry it out is not easy but I did it and it does work, but it is personal choice. I do not know many people who enjoy listening to their kids cry but it depends on how exhausted you are and how desperate you are for sleep. I was one of them so I did it. Good luck with your new baby I hope it all works out for you!!

You defintely have a hot mess there chica. Bottom line is that your toddler needs to learn to self soothe in order to be able to sleep on his own- right now he relies on you for soothing. That's not healthy in general, not just for the sake of sleep habits. I'm not saying it's horrible either, he is after all still a baby, but you should consciosly work on correcting this for sure. So for instance, my toddler takes a pacifier and she has this Ocean Wonders thing that's attached to her crib. She just has to hit this big button and the music comes on and low lights. She loves this and uses it to calm herself down and fall asleep. She also loves her stuffed animals and wants them around her a certain way, curls up a certain way with her blanket and goes to bed easily. Bottom line is that he needs "transitional objects" and self-soothing techniques. Do some more research on it, maybe spent time at a book store flipping through some material on it and you'll get some ideas. What I can tell you is that NOTHING will work unless you commit to it and that there isn't a magic trick in the world that he won't resist- he has learned because you have taught him that "this" is how to go to sleep (with mommy). So to un-learn that will require some crying and resistance and YOU have to be able to wade through it or nothing will work. I'm not a Ferber Method fanatic and don't let my own babies cry cry cry but as a mom you need to learn to decipher some of it and wade through the different kinds of crying and what they mean. Anyway, hope it helps- N.

Hi D.
First Congrats on your very new baby!!!
Hope you are feeling AOK by now and getting back to a new normal routine.
Difficult timing to change a bed routine with the new baby just arriving. Be careful to keep him in the loop of what is happening.
None of my children slept well, but I did find that those silver looking blankets that keep in your body heat helped with some of them. Maybe he could help you put it on the bed special for him. I put it directly on the mattress and then put the boy sheets, not baby sheets any more, over the top to cover it. What I was told when I was a young mother by an experienced mom was that babies don't like the cold of the sheets. Hey some of us don't either. I put a heating pad on one of my children's cribs while I gave them a bottle, threw it off when I went in with my half sleeping baby and laid him where the heat was. It worked great but probably not so well at 1 1/2, as I was not giving bottles then. It stayed warm because of the blanket under holding the heat til the baby's heat heated it. Of course not using heating pad while the child was in the crib that is dangerous, but to simply heat it ahead of time. Perhaps he would like the time you take with him warming it up and talking about it. Wished I had thought of that with the earlier child.
Just a thought!! I am not an expert on getting kids to sleep because none of mine did, but I can tell you that all kids require a different amount of sleep.
God bless you and your family
K.

My son was exactly the same way. He's long since moved on to a regular bed, but looking back, there are a few things I wish I had thought about then that maybe could have helped. 1) trying a different crib mattress. Just as adults can be uncomfortable and unable to sleep on some mattresses, maybe the same could be true for babie(s)? 2) let him spend more time awake and playing in his crib w/ me nearby (folding clothes, reading a book, anything). Then gradually let him get used to being alone in it.

I don't know if these ideas would have helped, but if I had a do-over (or a 2nd child) its what I would do differently this time. Good luck!